Spiritual Experiences of Sundry Believers, Part 2 · Section 36
36. Experiences of T. M.
ABout the fourteenth yeare of my age I was put out to be an Apprentice, but was placed with a Master in whom I saw little of God, his wayes were contrary to the wayes of God, which was a great trouble to my spirit; and the more, because some rude people would drinke, sweare, and be very deboyst with him.
About three or foure yeares after, there grew great Disputes amongst some persons about Episcopacy, Presbytery, Independency, and the like, which made me question with my owne thoughts, which was the true way to worship God.
I applied my selfe to Mr. Till the Minister, and others, but was not satisfied, but after great perplexity of spirit, I meditated with my selfe, and wondred what would be the end of my troubles, for they had been many, especially temptations to despaire of salvation.
But afterwards being returned backe from my Master to my fathers house, lying downe once upon a bench I fell asleep, and dreamed that I was in a green Meddow, where I saw various formes of Creatures, some furious and fell, others very pleasing, yet all of them seemed monstrous, and changed their shapes often.
And beholding my selfe alone in the middest of them, I was grievously troubled, and then there appeared a great red Dragon; before it came at me, there appeared a little Childe, and it was put into my armes, which was so beautifull and comly that I admired it, and for the present was so taken with beholding it, that it put the feare of the Dragon for the present out of my minde.
But the Dragon afterwards drew neere, and sorely affrighted me, but both my selfe and the childe were taken away, and carried up an high hill, and the Dragon pursued us; and being often ready to fall in running up the hill, I feared that the Dragon would catch me, but my strength being come to me, I got up to the top of the hill, and the Dragon made up the hill after me.
When I was got to the top of the hill there appeared a brightnesse from Heaven, which gushed forth like a flash of Lightning, and split the Dragon in peeces, at which I rejoyced exceedingly.
Then the Childe was put into my armes againe, and I asked it what was its name; it said, Emanuel; I asked it, who was its father; it said, I am; I asked, who was its Mother; it said, Eternity; I asked, from whence he came, he said, from my Father out of Heaven; I asked to whom he came, and what was his errant here; he said, to save that which was lost, and returne againe; I asked him, if he would dwell with me while he stayed, hee said, he could not be detained according to that frame and figure he was in, but after death he would dwell with me in another frame; the thought of death grieved me, but the childe bid me not to weepe at it, for in this world, that which is beauty must be destroyed, & that which is contemptible must be exalted.
I saw my selfe very contemptible, and poore, and troubled, and in these thoughts the childe was taken away from me.
Then my father coming into the room made a noyse, whereat I awaked. I was after this much Distracted, and troubled in my thoughts, and so perplexed that I knew not what to doe, and the more, by seeking to understand what I had seen; and the rather, because I knew not how to be satisfied, in some doubts that lay very sad and heavie upon my soule.
But I have since found much comfort out of Gods Word, where Christ saith, Come unto me all yee that are weary and heavie laden, and I will give you rest. And the Lord saith, I have called thee by name. And againe, he saith in another place, I will beare in thee a poore and afflicted people, and they shall serve me. And in Esay hee saith, I will gather my Lambs with my armes, and gently lead those that are with young. And he hath promised, That he will never lay more upon his people then he will inable them to beare. And I have these effects of my faith;
1 My heart is led out to love God, who is eternall, and invisible, and incomprehensible, I love him in all his dispensations towards me, and in the meanest Creature, though never so despised; I desire to owne God where ever I see him.
2 I finde my heart very full in duty, yet I have been sometimes troubled by some cholericke distempers that have transported me in some disputes which I am very sorry for, and resolve to leave.
3 I love the Lord, who hath heard my prayer, and now at last satisfied me in every scruple of my conscience.
4 My desire is, to walke in fellowship with the Saints, desiring to be a Member of this Church, resolving through Gods assistance to submit to the discipline of this Church, according to the rule of the Gospell.
T. M. July 25 1652.