Spiritual Experiences of Sundry Believers, Part 2 · Section 37 – Section 38
37. Experiences of J. H.
THat about foure and thirty years agoe I had some yernings after the truths of Jesus Christ, and I being in the Country, and hearing of Mr. Young a Minister at Cathey in Leicestershire, and hearing him preach twice a day, the word wrought so on my heart, that I took great delight to heare him; but being jeered by the people for a Puritan, I did leave off hearing for a time.
And I living in the Towne neare Mr. Young, sometime as I went abroad I did meet him, and Mr. Young would aske me whether I did know Jesus Christ or not, and what I did thinke him to be, I told him that I had read in the Scriptures, and they held him out to be the Sonne of God, and that he came to seeke and to save that which was lost: Then said Mr. Young unto mee, why doe you draw backe in not coming to heare the word; I told him, it was because of the deridings of the people; I but said Master Young, you must persevere, and that was to hold on in a continuance, and he opening some Scriptures, as that of the Hebrewes, that being once enlightned and tasted of the good word, and of the powers of the world to come, if that soule should fall away, then there would be nothing but a fearfull looking for of the fiery indignation of God. And this did much trouble me, that I was very fearfull to be damned.
Then Mr. Young did open that Scripture in 1 Thess. 1.4, 5. (You say that you know Jesus Christ to be your Saviour, therefore take heed, for Jesus Christ shall appeare in flaming fire, against all those that know him not, nor obey not his Gospell;) This put mee in a great fear and horror, worse then before. Then I did intreate Mr. Young to tell me, what the Gospell was, and he bad me to read in the first of Matthew, and there it was this, that The Gospel was that glad tidings to the shepherds, that it was the good will of God to send Jesus Christ to save sinners, wherof, I did confesse with the Apostle Paul, that I was chief.
Then Mr. Young at his parting with me, did give me these Instructions, That I should bee very carefull of what company I did goe into, and that I should alwayes remember my Creator in the dayes of my youth, and this was very fresh in my memory, and did strengthen me very much against the temptations of Satan, and kept me from frequenting those companions that I did formerly use; and if that at any time, I should meet with their Company, and heare their idle words, then this Scripture did often come into my mind, Remember thy Creator in the dayes of thy youth, and this did very much cheare my spirits, and did carry me along for many yeares, untill it pleased God to bring me to London, and comming to Black-Fryers under the Ministry of Doctor Gouge, I was very much built up for two years together.
And then comming to live at Westminster, I did profit but little againe, untill it pleased God to send Mr. Marshall and hearing of him speaking out of the fourteenth of Jeremiah, of the famine being in the outward man, but this was the famine of the Word of God at Westminster, which made me to be very attentive to the Doctrine that Master Marshall did hold forth, and he complaining what a barren place Westminster had been, and now he did hope that the Word of God would take effect in the hearts of some of his Hearers, and truly so it did on my heart, for I was a constant hearer of him, and then going to a friends family, I did heare them repeat the Notes that they had taken from Master Marshall, and since I did continue with that Company of Godly people, and I could have been content to have been joyned to them, but that they did want the use of the Ordinances, and having no Pastor I could not look upon them as a Church, but as a gathered People to seeke the Lord, and this was my judgement; therefore now it is the desire of my soule to have the fellowship with the Father and the Sonne, that my soule may thrive in Grace, and in the knowledge of that great love of God, that God, that so loved the world, that he gave his Sonne to dye to save such as I am, and that whosoever doth come to him should not perish, but have eternall life; and now it is the desire of my soule to be joyned unto this Body to seeke the Lord, and to walk in a more close way then heretofore I have done, for as the Apostle saith, as he that is joyned unto the Lord is one Spirit, so he that is joyned unto a Church is one Body, whereof Christ is the Head.
I. H. August 1. 1652.
38. Experiences of I. H.
ABout twenty years agoe I dwelt in Black Friers, and using to heare the Word opened by Doctor Gouge, though it was but seldome, by reason that I was a servant, yet the Word wrought so much upon my soule, that I saw my condition under sinne was very sad, and I knew not what to doe to be delivered, but that I heard much of the mercies of God unto poore sinners, and that without I might partake of some drops of this love of God, my soule was undone; then my soules desire and labour was, how to finde out a way to come closer unto the service of God; then I said, that I blessed God that he had given me a sight of my undone estate, and I did earnestly desire both in publicke and private to use my endeavours to seeke the Lord by prayer, for my sinne was a great burden unto me, and Satan did often tempt me unto sinne; but by the goodnesse of God I did begge, and intreat the Lord to keepe me, and not to leave me to my selfe, nor to Satans temptations, but by hearing of the Promises read, and held forth, I was comforted; as in that of the Hebrews, God said, that he would never leave mee, nor forsake me; and that Christ saith, All ye that are weary and heavie laden with sinne, come unto me and I will give rest unto your soules. Many troubles I have had in my spirit, but I praise God that still he gave me an heart to pray, & that he would give me the assistance of his holy Spirit, to keep me in all his wayes, for I did finde that my sinnes were a great burden unto me, and then it pleased the Lord to give me still in some comfort in this, that I had great hopes his loving kindnesse should not be taken from me, and indeed I had many refreshments from the Spirit of God, which did carry me many times chearfully in the hearing of the Word, and I am still troubled in my spirit, that I cannot pray unto God as I ought to doe, but my desires are to doe better then I doe; I have been often amongst godly people, and I have had an earnest desire that the Lord would make my way to be joyned unto Mr. Walkers Fellowship. 2. Because I have found much comfort under his Ministry, and now I doe humbly pray, That I may be admitted into this Society, and to walk with this People, thus joyned together in the feare of the Lord.
I: H: August 1. 1652.