Spiritual Experiences of Sundry Believers, Part 2 · Section 31 – Section 34
31. Experiences of J. F.
I Have had many turmoilings in the world, but the sence of my naturall condition, and my sins, my offending God is my greatest trouble, the thing I would doe, I doe not; and what I hate, that doe I;) this troubles me, my sins scare me, and my corruptions stagger me; I groane under my spirituall burden, and was not God with me to hold me up, I should sinke under it and never rise againe.
Yet I have comfort in many sweet promises, as that the Lord saith, I will not leave thee, nor forsake thee, when our parents and all leave us, he hath promised, then he will take us up, he hath promised to be a God, to the humble, meeke, and lowly in spirit, and to binde up the broken hearted with his love; This broken heart of mine is not for worldly things, but for sinne, and as the fruits of my faith,
1 I wish that I could love God and Jesus Christ as I should doe.
2 I have a great willingnesse to partake of duties, and finde much of sweetnesse in duties, and am grieved that I cannot profit in them more.
3 I am a poor simple woman, and have nothing in my selfe but do trust in Jesus Christ; I know I can undoe my selfe, but cannot of my selfe doe for my selfe any good, Jesus Christ is all, and above all, and in us all.
4 I do cast my self down at the footstoole of mercy, and all my comfort and hope is in Christ alone.
5 I could be content to give up my selfe and all I have to God, and for the honour of his name.
6 I am weary of sin, and desire to serve God, not only with my lips, but in heart, and in my whole life, and that I may set the law of the Lord alwayes in my sight to love it and obey it.
J. F. June 24. 1652.
32. Experiences of S. P.
I Was called out to be a Souldier, and having had much experience of Gods deliverance from enemies in the high places of the field, it brought me to a consideration of my wayes, and of the evill of sinne, and the danger thereof; and what a sad condition it is to be in the state of sin, and the sence of my sins troubled mee very much both night and day, and it was a great griefe to me to consider, how I had trifled away my time, and neglected the wayes of God, and sinne was a great burden to me, and I was not sensible for the present, how I might get out of that condition.
But I found comfort from the Lord, who refreshed mee with severall promises, Christ saith, Come unto me all yee that are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest, and my yoke is easie, and my burden light, saith he, the consideration wherof hath been of great comfort to me.
And because I cannot come to Christ except the father draw me, therefore Christ hath promised in John, that He that commeth to him, he will in no wise cast out, but will raise him up at the last day; And it is said in the Hebrewes, that walking according to the rule of the Gospell, and being content with what we have, the Lord hath promised, that hee will not leave us nor forsake us, Heb. 13, And the Lord hath said, that hee that hideth his sinne shall not prosper, but hee that confesseth his sinne, and turneth to the Lord shall be saved: And I desire not only to confesse, But
1 With all my heart to turn to the Lord from every sin, and to serve him in every duty. And the Lord doth beseech us, as the Apostle saith, by his free grace to be reconciled, and though the poor creature can do nothing of himself, yet God accepts it, if there be but a real willing mind; and God workes that also in us both to will and to doe, so that all is of the free grace of God, By grace we are saved, and that not of our selves, it is the gift of God, we are all by nature the children of wrath.
2 It must bee by a spirituall eye that we see God, and I hope God will teach mee, and give me faith to see him, and my interest in him, there is a beginning and a growth in grace, as well as in nature.
3 My desire is, with all my heart to seek after the truth that is in Jesus, the truth of the Gospell.
4 I desire in all things to deny my selfe, and that God may be all in all, and above all, over me, and in me.
5 I desire by faith and repentance to mortifie sinne daily in my members, and my sins make me many times to cry out, that if the Lord should enter into judgement with us what could we doe: But the promises and goodnesse of God are my stay and comfort.
S. P, June 27▪ 1652.
33. Experiences of P. P.
I Am a poore ignorant creature, and have so continued a long time, sinne is a burden to me, and I desire to lye low for it; I can doe nothing of my selfe, but I desire to waite upon the Lord, and to follow the rules of the Scripture. I have been in very great streights and tryals by inward temptations, as well as outward afflictions, and Satan hath tempted me to low thoughts of God, and sometimes to despaire, so that I have been sorely perplexed.
But God hath comforted me by severall promises, as that the Lord promiseth to strengthen the weake, the Lord hath also promised, to be found of them that seek him. And Christ saith, Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdome of heaven, and blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted, Matth 5.
And I trust the Lord hath converted me to him: For
1 I love God with all my heart, and it is my whole desire to be drawne nearer and nearer to him, and to lye at the foote of Jesus Christ.
2 I desire in all things to deny my self, that Christ may be all in all▪
3 I have been much comforted, in that though Satan hath often tempted me, yet God hath not suffered him to overthrow me; I have been tempted to make away my selfe by a knife brought to me, and Satan hath appeared in a visible shape to tempt me, and promised me many things; but then the Lord appeared, and said, is there not enough in mee? and so the Lord hath carryed my soule safe through all temptations,
4 I doe much delight in the word, and desire the spirit of the Lord to subdue sin, and mortifie lusts in me.
5 I beleeve in Christ, and through him alone, I hope to find salvation.
P: P: June 27. 1652.
34. Experiences of M. T.
I Have been much troubled for sinne, and have been more sensible of it, since I came to duties with this Church; and I have wept for sinne, and in the society of this Fellowship I have been smitten for sinne, and mourned for it, with great trouble of my spirit.
Nothing one way is greater in mine eyes then sinne, and yet another way nothing is greater in mine eyes then Gods mercy, who hath promised to my comfort, That at what time a sinner doth repent, and turne from his sins, he will receive him to mercy. And he saith, Call upon me in the day of trouble, I will heare thee, and thou shalt glorifie me. And I have found much comfort from God in these promises to my soule; and moreover,
1 I love God above all.
2 I have nothing but that comes from God, whom I desire to serve, that he may have the glory of all I have, and am.
3 I desire to serve the Lord, not for feare of punishment, but out of heavenly love, I would not offend so good a God, and Saviour.
4 I finde comfort from the Scriptures, and in duties.
5 I have had much comfort in God, since I have heard Mr. Walkers Ministry.
6 I hope for salvation only by Jesus Christ.
M. T. July 11. 1652.