Spiritual Experiences of Sundry Believers, Part 2 · Section 21 – Section 30
21. Experiences of T.G.
IT hath pleased the Lord God of his owne free mercies and love in Christ Jesus to protect and keep mee ever since I was borne, from many thousand dangers, and yet I, like an unruly colt have kicked at his fatherly protection, and runne into many grosse and vile sinnes.
The first grosse one was, many kinds of unlawfull gameing, which held mee as a bondslave some thirty years or therabouts, to the great indangering both of my body and soule; but yet it pleased the Lord to look graciously upon mee, and to give me afterwards an hatred against this vice, and withall, he put into my minde a resolution, which I confirmed with a vow as followeth:
That as I loved God, his word or my own soule, I would never play at any game for money so long as I lived.
The Lord was pleased to accept of my good will, and blessed me and mine in my lawfull calling many years, untill at the last, that old Serpent the devill, envying my happy proceedings in this reformation.
He drew me into a liking of Tobacco, and with it into many other sins, which had almost brought me to as bad an end as the first.
But the Lord out of the lowest extremities gives in remedies to his children, and he gave me an hatred against this vice also, and a resolution, Never to take any Tobacco more; and I give God thanks for it, I have kept this vow ever since, which was,
That as I loved Christ Jesus my Saviour, I would never take more Tobacco.
Blessed be the God of my fathers for ever more, Amen.
But yet about two or three yeares afterwards (againe) that old enemy of mankind, Satan, that roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, came again with turnings to destroy me, perswading me, that to drinke with my neighbours, was acceptable to God, (which may be used with restraint of excesse, but) I gave wil the ful reins, which brought me back againe from my former courses, and withall annexing wrath and anger with my house and family, perswading mee, that I must rule in my house, which had almost brought me besides my self, had not God helped, who never fails those whom he loves, and that put their trust in him: for presently upon this extremity, hee sent this remedy.
First, a sight of my sins: secondly, a griefe and sorrow for them: Thirdly, a resolution to leave them: And fourthly, The Lord set mee, and carryed mee through a way to leave them, which was thus.
I began to call to mind what was the greatest thing I loved in this world, and in the world to come, besides those that I named before, which I set opposite to these two monsters: then I vowed before the Lord, desiring his assistance, That as I loved the holy Ghost the comforter, or ever looked to have comfort from the blessed communion of the body and blood of Christ Jesus to clense my sins, so if I did remember or was in perfect sence, I would never drinke above two reasonable glasses, or cups of Wine, or foure cups of Beer in any one place, or at any one time, without any Equivocation, And that when I came at any time into the doores of my house, if there were any controversie between my Mother and my Wife, or between the Servants and them, That then I would with gentle perswasions doe my best indeavor to end the controversie; And this with Gods helpe I would performe.
And I prayed, O Lord my God, blesse my hand and my heart to perform thy will, that when any temptation to gameing or drunkennesse, or lust shall assault mee, either by thought or any other meanes, that then presently I may flye unto thee in the name of Christ Jesus my Saviour.
And I doe still flye unto God, confessing and sorrowing for my sins, desiring the Lord to helpe and assist me to performe and keep all these, and in all things serve God as long as I live.
I cannot be humbled for my sinnes so as I desire, yet I have had much trouble for sin, and have shed teares many a time, and I have been much troubled that my heart cannot be broken enough; Yet I have had many crosses, and I know it is the hand of God, and I desire to lye low before him.
When God first discovered my sins to mee, I was much terrified and feared, as if every bush was a theefe.
But I have found much comfort in that glorious promise, which God made when Adam had sinned, that The seed of the woman should breake the Serpents head, Gen. 3. And also that sweet promise declared by the Lord Jesus, Come unto me all yee that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest, Matth. 11.28. And Peter declareth saying, Repent and be converted, that your sinnes may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord. I have pleaded these and severall other promises with God, and have by faith trusted in God, who bids us to cast our care on him, and he will care for us, 1 Pet. 5.7. And I do beleeve in God, and cast my selfe upon him, knowing all the promises to bee yea, and Amen in Christ.
And I have these effects of Gods gracious spirit, working regeneration in my soule.
1 In that the Lord (blessed be his holy name) hath so settled my heart on himselfe, that I could leave all friends, relations, and all things for God.
2 I finde in my heart a reall affection and love strongly carryed on to all the children of God, and I love to doe good to the people of God.
3 I take much delight to hear the word of God preached, and to partake of duties with the people of God, and communion with God in private duties.
4 I am troubled when my heart is cold in duty, but much comforted, when my heart is inlarged towards God.
5 I beleeve that God will save mee through Christ for ever.
T. G. Aprill 25. 1652.
22. Experiences of E.D.
I Have had much sorrow, and been much troubled for my sins, and often craved pardon of the Lord: I know my self to be by nature a sinner, and so cannot be saved but by Jesus Christ, upon whom alone I depend for all the good I hope for.
It is a great trouble to mee that I cannot serve God as I should doe, and I am troubled in my spirit that I cannot grieve more for sin, then I have done, and I desire a frame of spirit to serve God according to the rule of the Gospell, and that the Lord would be pleased to create in me a cleane heart, and renew a right spirit within me.
But I have found comfort in the Lord through Jesus Christ, by applying of severall promises to my soule, and that as the word of the Lord saith, Psal. 51.17. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God thou wilt not despise. So, Behold the dayes come, saith the Lord, that I will raise unto David a righteous branch, and a King shall reigne and prosper, and shall execute judgement and justice in the earth: in his daies Judah shal be saved, and Israel shall dwel safely, And this is his name whereby he shall be called, the Lord our righteousnesse, Jer. 23.5, 6.
And I have these Experiences of Gods graces wrought in me by his spirit.
1 I love God better then any thing whatsoever.
2 All my joy is in God, and I injoy what I partake of in him.
3 I love to partake of the Ordinances with the Saints.
4 My heart is much drawne forth by prayer to desire the Lord to strengthen me, to profit by hearing the Word, and that the Lord would print that which I doe heare in my heart.
5 In hearing the word and in prayer, I often finde my heart inlarged and much comforted by Gods blessed spirit, revealing Jesus Christ in me.
6 When my heart is dead, I do much desire the Lord to send his holy spirit to quicken me, and I doe often finde a sweet return from God therein.
7 I beleeve God is at peace with me; and that all my sins are pardoned in Christ, on whom alone I depend for salvation.
8 I doe highly value and esteem of the Church and people of God, knowing as David saith, A day in thy Courts (O Lord) is better then a thousand, I had rather be a doore-keeper in the house of my God, then to dwell in the tents of wickednesse, Psal. 84.10.
9 I have really given up my selfe to serve the Lord, desiring his divine grace, that I may doe it in truth and sincerity, for Christ saith, except we be converted and become as little children, we cannot enter into the kingdome of heaven.
E. D: Aprill 25. 1652.
23 Experiences of W.W.
HAving from my youth upward tasted of the gracious dealings of God towards me, in his manifold deliverances of me from many eminent dangers both of soule and body; wherin the great tempter of mankind went about by his subtilties to destroy me, not being only content, as a malitious enemy, to draw me (by sin) into his deluding paths, the end whereof is nought but bitterness, and death for ever.
I say, hee had no sooner performed this his work, but finding, as it were, an inclination in me, wrought upon my heart by the spirit of God, to return out of the shadow of death, and those abominable waies wherein he had led me: He then immediately, like a sharpe accuser, steps in upon my poor drooping soule, laying in her sight the wrath of God in his justice for sin, and with that testimony which the spirit declares in the 18 of Ezekiel, Surely, the soule that sinneth it shal dye, with many more judgements and terrours for sin, being in my spirit (for some time) very much dejected and brought low, laden with mine iniquities and over-pressed with my sins, I cryed unto the Lord and he heard me in his most holy place, and was pleased in his most righteous love, to breake in upon my poor soule, even in these words of comfort; Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavie laden, and I will refresh you: and Ezek. 18.21. But if the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and doe that which is lawfull, he shall surely live. Upon consideration of these and some other Gospell-consolations, the Lord was pleased to give unto me a hungring and a thirsting after the meat that never perisheth; having that testimony of God within me, that I could owne the Lord Jesus Christ as my Saviour, taking up those words of the Apostle, Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, whereof I am the greatest. And hereby finde we the love of God to us, because he laid down his life for us. And my desire is, that since the Lord hath dealt so graciously with me, as not only to give me a sight of my sins, but a sence of my sinnes, in humility I doe humbly implore his ayde, in the carrying out of my spirit to love him above all; and having this, I hope for blessed opportunities in the being planted with a people, whose hearts are towards God in a righteous way: my prayers shall be, That the strong may be indued with those graces to beare with the infirmities of the weake, building each other up in the most holy Faith of the Lord Jesus, and shall conclude with that of the Prophet Daniel, O Lord doe good to Sion, build up the walls of Jerusalem.
W. W. April 25. 1652.
24. Experiences of A.F.
THe thought of my sins hath much troubled my Conscience, especially some particular actions which God discovered to me, upon the losse of severall near relations, that God tooke away from me by death; and I mourned above seven yeares under great terrour of spirit for my sins, and was in danger to have despaired, had I not received comfort from God, in partaking of duties with the people of God.
And therein God comforted me with severall Promises, which he delivered to me out of his holy Word, who saith; Though your sins be red like scarlet, yet shall they be as white as snow; and though they be as crimson, yet shall they be as wooll, if ye be willing and obedient. And the Lord saith in another place, I will remember your sinnes and your iniquities no more. And againe, I will love you freely for mine owne names sake. And the Lord Jesus saith, that he is our Portion, our Interest, and our Advocate, if wee beleeve.
And I hope I have an interest by faith in Christ; for,
1 I have an higher esteeme of God, and the graces of his Spirit, then of all things; all the world is nothing to me in comparison of God.
2 I love Gods Ordinances, and desire nothing more then the Word, and to partake of the Spirit of Christ in the Ordinances.
3 I finde much comfort from the Word, and inlargement of heart by the Spirit of Grace, refreshing my soule in duties.
4 I love the people of God.
5 I rejoyce in the fellowship and society of the godly.
6 I hate the wayes of evill men, and it troubles me to the soule, when I see God dishonoured.
7 I trust for Salvation in Christ, and in him alone.
8 I doe beleeve, That God is reconciled to me through Christ.
9 I am troubled when Satan puts evill thoughts before me, and in calling upon God, I find help and strength therein.
10 My chiefest comfort is in my communion with, and interest in God.
A. F. May 2. 1652.
25. Experiences of G. R.
THe Lord hath wrought sore upon my heart, and I have been brought nigh to despair, for some things that have sorely troubled my conscience; I have wept, and been in a great agony, and did lye so dejected about halfe a yeare.
But then, and since I have found comfort from severall promises, which have eased my soule by degrees, the Lord saith, Isa. 1.18, 19. Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord, though your sinnes be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall bee as wooll, if ye be willing and obedient. And the Lord saith elsewhere, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
And as a testimony of my interest in God, through Christ, I have these effects of my conversion:
1 That the Lord hath set it upon my heart, to love God above all things.
2 I desire to serve him according to the rule of his Word.
3 I love him because he loved me, and gave his Son, who shed his bloud for me; and because of his glory and holinesse.
4 I desire from my heart to partake of duties with the people of God, and finde great joy and comfort in my heart in duties, and therefore doe desire more and more thereof.
5 I desire to be in fellowship with the Saints, not for any by-ends, but for Gods glory.
6 I beleeve that through Christ all my sinnes are done away, and God is at peace with me; and I hope, that should I presently dye, I should be happy, and my soule be received into blisse with my God, in Christ Jesus my alone Saviour.
G. R. May 16. 1652.
26 Experiences of I.G.
I Have been troubled at the consideration of that place of Scripture, The wages of sinne is death. Rom. 6. last, I then began to be very sensible of my sinfull estate, and I thought that if I was not helped out of that condition, that I must be damned unto all eternity.
I also thought of that place where it is written, To be carnally minded is death, Rom. 8. and about two yeares since (for the space of about a quarter of a yeare) I was so troubled in my soule, that sometimes I could not rest upon my bed, and thought, that where I was, the Devill was with me, and when I did seek to fly to God, I found a temptation of great resistance to hinder me.
But I after (through the goodnesse of God) found comfort in severall Promises; as first, that the Lord saith, I will take away your stony hearts, and give you an heart of flesh; and in this I had very much comfort, yet I was tempted to lye in an unbeleeving condition, touching this promise, as to thinke that it was not the Word of God, but my owne word: but the Lord then gave in to me, that which he saith in Ezek. 16. I said unto thee when thou wast in thy bloud, live.
I thought I was in a banisht condition, and that God had hidden his face from me, by reason of sinne, but I finde comfort in that promise, where God saith in Esay, Though a woman forget her sucking childe, yet will not I forget thee.
And as a further testimony of my faith in the Promises, as the effect of my communion with God, I can say (I blesse God) from my heart;
1▪ That the Lord is the chiefest of ten thousand, the only object of my love, because hee hath so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Sonne, that whosoever beleeveth should not perish, but have everlasting life.
2 I love the Lord for his great wisdome, and glorious holinesse.
3 I am much affected to holy duties, and communion with the people of God.
4 I find comfort in the breathings of Gods Spirit in duties.
5 I finde the testimony of Gods Spirit in my heart, that he will save me through Christ.
I. G. May 23. 1652.
27. Experiences of A. G.
I Have found sinne a great burden to me, and the weight of it hath troubled me a great while, and I have had many trials and troubles upon me; sometimes I have wept, and at other times I have been troubled that I could not weep, and I have had a long and great sorrow for my sins, and the sence of them hath so smitten my Conscience, that sometimes I have been very fearefull that I could not bee saved.
But I have found much comfort and my spirit much setled from divers promises; as that the Lord saith, Thougb your sins be as scarlet, I will make them as duplicate page duplicate page white as snow, and though they be as crimson, I will make them as wool, if yee be willing and obedient, Isay 1. Also the Lord saith, Though a woman forget her childe borne of her body, yet will not I forget you, and they that beleeve in Jesus Christ shal be saved, John 3.
And I find this fruit of my regeneration.
1 That my love is more fixed to God then any thing, and above all things.
2 I desire to partake of duties for the spirituall sweetnesse I find in them.
3 I love to be in the company of the people of God.
4 I finde many refreshments in hearing the Word preached.
5 I have content in God, and peace with him, which is sweeter then any thing in the world.
6 I desire to live above the world, and though I cannot as I should, yet I doe beleeve that Christ is my righteousnesse, and hath made up what is wanting in me for me.
7 I do beleeve that God is reconciled to me in Christ, and for his sake will pardon all my sins, and save my soule.
A: H: May 23. 1652.
28. Experiences of A.G.
THe sence of my naturall condition hath been a great trouble to me, and my sins are every day more and more grievous to my soule; while sin was pleasant, I was quiet; but since it came to bee a trouble to me, I cannot rest without helpe therein.
I am so troubled herein, that sometimes when I go to bed, it so grieveth me that I know not what to do;
I have been sometime heartily sorry, that I could not be brought to weep, insomuch that sometimes my heart hath been ready to breake, from the consideration of my deadnesse and dulnesse to God, through the hardnesse of my heart.
But I have been comforted out of Gods Word, who hath promised, That if a sinner turne from his sins, and repent from the bottome of his heart, he will blot them out of his remembrance: Christ saith also, Come unto me, all yee that are weary and heavy laden, and I will ease you; And the Lord saith, That whensoever two or three are gathered together in his name, there he will be in the middest of them.
And as a testimony of my experiences of Gods love, and my interest in Christ by regeneration I praise God I can say without dissembling, or halting,
1 That I value▪ not the world, nor any thing therein, in comparison of God, and had rather be without all then without God; and I desire only such enjoyments of the world as may help me, and not hinder me in my service to God.
2 My desire is so to follow God, and his Word, and to have communion with the people of God, that I may thereby walke the more close to God.
3 I desire exceedingly to have my faith strengthened by the Spirit of God, to rest upon him, and to serve him, and to use all meanes to be taught, and to practise the things of God.
4 Whatver I strive for in the world, I doe in a more especiall manner seeke to get to heaven, and to be with God.
5 I have much comfort in prayer, in pouring out my soule to God.
6 I would part with Iife, or any thing for God, who hath done so great things for me.
7 I love God for his purity, and holinesse, and his commands are pure, holy, and desirable to me, because of that beauty and comlinesse which in my judgement I see, and by experience finde in them.
8 I hate all sin for the evill thereof, the thought thereof is hatefull to me.
9 And I doe beleeve, that though in my selfe I am a great sinner, and deserve nothing but damnation, yet that God will save me, of his rich mercy and goodnesse, through Christ Jesus.
A. T. May 23. 1652.
29. Experiences of S. P.
THe bitternesse of the wrath of God for sinne is very sharpe unto me, and I do behold, as in a glasse, the odiousnesse of sinne in my Conscience, I was not once sensible of the sinfulnesse of sin for twenty foure yeares space, but walked loose, like a wilde Heifer; but in the yeare of our Lord, 1642. I was by a Sermon preached by Master Hall, then one of the Assembly, as I take it, when he was at Norwich, I was brought to such a feeling of sin, that it wrought great sorrow, and I saw my selfe to be a vilde wretch, and undone without Christ, whom I could not finde, except I returned to the Lord, and that I had nothing but Christ to depend on for Salvation.
And I found comfort in some promises that the Lord put into my mind out of his holy Word, as Heb. 13.5. Be content with those things which yee have, for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. And Heb. 10.23. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering, for he is faithfull that promised.
And in the Psalmes David saith, Trust in the Lord, be strong and he shall comfort thine heart, and trust in him. And it is said, The mighty God casteth away none that is mighty and valiant of courage.
And the Lord hath so wrought by faith upon my heart, that
1 All my delight and glory is wrapt up in the love of God, through Christ.
2 All the world, and all afflictions, cannot, I hope, beat my heart off from God.
3 I enjoy an heaven upon earth in the enjoyment of God, in the graces and life of his Spirit.
4 I have passed many trials, but God hath kept me up.
5 I doe thirstingly, and joyfully, with a longing desire▪ thirst after duties in publick and in private, and am much troubled when I faile in any.
6 In duties I desire, that God would come in by his Spirit, knowing that I cannot hear savingly except the Lord open my heart, nor aske any thing of God by prayer, except he speaks in me by his Spirit.
7 I have found such comfort in duties, as are to me tokens, and pillars to my faith.
8 I have found miraculous returnes of prayer.
9 I have taken much comfort in the remembrance of those wonderfull things the Lord hath wrought for me.
10 The Lord alone is my stay.
11 I finde assurance of the love of God to me, testified by his Spirit in me.
S. P June 9. 1652.
30. Experiences of E. L.
I Had for a time profited but little under the meanes, and was very dead under the Word, and the Lord hath given me a sight and sence of my dulnesse, and of my sinnes, and throwne me very low under the sight thereof; I have been so troubled for my sins, that I feared I was not converted to God, in that I did follow the hearing of the Word, and profited so little; and the sence I have had of the greatnesse of my sins, hath caused me to poure out many a teare to God, by humble and hearty repentance, but in all this I have had hope, that God would come in by his grace in his owne time to save mee.
And my heart hath been much refreshed from the Promises that God hath revealed to me out of his holy Word, where Christ saith, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee; and, whosoever cometh to me (saith Christ) I will in no wise cast out. Also he calleth, Come unto me all yee that are weary, and heavie laden, and I will ease you.
And I have found much experience of Gods love to me, and his grace wrought in me to aise me up, when I was lowest cast downe, and I have great testimonies thereof.
I My union with God in Christ is so firme, that I hope there is nothing will be able to separate me from the love of God.
2 My confidence is in the Lord, whom I love above all.
3 I have a great desire after the Word, and Ordinances, and with great joy I doe embrace the Word.
4 I have a great affection to be among the people of God in duties.
5 I finde great comfort and refreshment in the hearing of the Word of God, and the Lord Jesus Christ set forth in his glory; the joy of my heart therein I cannot expresse.
6 I doe beleeve, That the Lord Jesus Christ hath shed his bloud for me, and wil save me at the last Day; he saveth all those that trust in him, and I doubt not but I shall be saved by him, for I doe trust, and relye for Salvation upon him, and him alone.
E. L: June 20. 1652.