Spiritual Experiences of Sundry Believers, Part 2 · Section 20
20. Experiences of W.F.
I Know we are alwaies in the presence of God, he knoweth the secrets of all hearts, for all things are naked and open to his all seeing eye, and therefore shall beg a beleefe, that what I here give in, is from the sincerity of my heart.
And first, I blesse God, he hath given me a heart to forsake all my former evil waies, & to take up a full resolution to become a new creature; and to joyne my selfe in communion to a select number of the Church militant, the children and family of God: I confesse (if I looke upon my self, and upon my former life and conversation) it hath been as if there were no God in heaven, only in a state of nature, having a form of godlinesse, but denying the power thereof in my life and conversation: But it pleased God of his free grace and rich love in the Lord Jesus to give mee a heart to consider of my condition, and to beget in me a love to the waies of holinesse; and to that end, with earnest and hearty prayer, and with many teares. I besought the Lord, and would not let him go, till I found comfort from him upon my spirit; I saw I could doe nothing as of my selfe, and therefore I made it my study to get an interest in Christ, to be ingrafted into him, For without him I could do nothing. I found many gracious promises, in the word of God, that Hee would not the death of a sinner, that he was stow to wrath, and abundant in mercy and truth, he is gracious and ready to forgive, that Christ dyed for sinners, even when wee were dead in sinnes and trespasses then Christ dyed for us, by grace we are saved, this infinite love melted me into tears, that I rested not, striving with God, untill hee was pleased to assure my heart that all my sins were pardoned in the blood of the Lord Jesus.
And this I found, 1. By the spirit of God rejoycing and refreshing my soule, witnessing unto my spirit that I was the childe of God, and this assures me of my adoption, and imboldens me to call God [father.]
2. Let the world value me at as low a rate as they please, if they say, my wisdome is folly; I can say Christ is my wisdome: I have food to feede on which they know not of, when they shal want their huskes to feed on, I shall finde bread enough in my fathers house, and love enough in my fathers heart to satisfie my eternall soule.
3 I blesse the Lord, I value my union with Christ above ten thousand worlds, & know there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus: I know God hath freely given mee Christ, and with him all things; the world is an addition and over-plus.
4 I rejoyce in my interest in the living God. Our God is a holy God, and therefore Christ by his love constraines the death of sin, and my heart is lifted up to live in the spirit.
5 It is the rejoycing of my heart, that I can behold my self an heire of glory, and co-heire with Christ, and therefore am perswaded neither persecution, shame, reproach, or scorne of the world, or any thing whatsoever, shall be able to separate me from the love of God: and (if my heart deceive me not) I could suffer the losse of all, yea, even of life for Christ and his Gospell.
6 I am perswaded tis not duties, Church-fellowship, Ordinances, or any thing that wee conceive or propose to our selves, which can of themselves give a soule rest, without living upon God in the spirit.
7 Behold (saith the Apostle) what manner of love the father hath bestowed upon us, that we should bee called the sonnes of God; the consideration of this infinite and unspeakable love hath wrought in me a holy jealousie over al my ways, that therfore I have humbly besought the Lord to keep my heart upright, that I might not at any time wittingly or willingly offend so gracious a God, that I might not dare to returne him evill, for all the good he hath done for my poor soule, that no wicked thoughts or corrupt communication should proceed out of my heart or mouth, whereby I should grieve that good spirit of God.
8 And as for things temporal, I confess, I have formerly bin very subject to distrust Gods providence to me, notwithstanding all my life long have I had many signal testimonies of his love and care over me. But now the Lord hath been pleased to give me a heart to rest upon him, and he hath comforted me with this and many other sayings out of his holy word, viz. The Lord is a sun and a shield, the Lord will give grace and glory, and no good thing will he with-hold from them that live uprightly, godlinesse hath the promise of this life, and of that which is to come, I know (saith David) that it shall goe well with them that love the Lord, It is grace in God that dispences all conditions unto me.
9 I have a fountaine can never be drawn dry; that God in all his dispensations to mee is my father, and I stand as a son in his presence, begotten by his own love in Christ.
10 And for all this exceeding kindnesse, I desire to declare my thankfulnesse, by an humble, just, and holy conversation, and by a sweet contentednesse of spirit; he will assuredly lead me by the hand in this my pilgrimage, and journey through the wildernesse of this perishing world; and having Christ I have all, I shall at last appear with him in glory. This life is but a moment, and yet upon this moment depends all eternity of good or evill, the darke clouds wee are under will be blowne over, and Christ the Sun of righteousnesse will break forth in his splendor and glory, and wee with him to all eternity.
11. And now my hearty prayer to God is, that in life and death, I may wholly seeke to advance the glory of God, that I may walke closely with him, and have holy communion with him all my daies, that my life may be a patterne of holinesse unto others, that those those that are without may bee won by our godly conversation; The hope of the righteous is gladnesse.
12 I could wish with Paul (if God saw it good) To be dissolved, and to bee with Christ, which is much better for mee then all I can injoy here.
W. F: Aprill 18. 1652.