Spiritual Experiences of Sundry Believers, Part 2 · Section 14 – Section 19
14. Experiences of A.H.
ABout eight yeares since I was convinced of the sinfulnesse of sin, and of it in my selfe; and I was thereby much troubled in soule to see my estates therein, which did seem very blacke and dolorous, to the terrour of my conscience, and yet I used the meanes, and frequently heard the word preached, but did not grow nor profit thereby; which caused me to walk very sadly for many years together, And Satan was so busie with me, that when I have gone into any roome alone, he hath so tempted me, that I have had it often in my mind to make my selfe away; But then hath that promise, and sweet saying, come into my mind, which Paul saith to the Church of Corinth, There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man, but God is faithfull who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also, make a way to escape, that yee may be able to bear it, 1 Cor. 10.13.
And (through mercy) I went on using the meanes, though very heavy and sad, so that about four yeares since, being much perplexed in my spirit, and my condition being wavering, and not knowing what to do; I was at that time in a great feare of falling into a sin, which I then prayed against, and sought to God with many teares to preserve and deliver me from: And one night (in my sleep) being in a great perplexity of spirit, me thought I heard, as it were, a voyce that said unto me, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
And yet to my great shame, and sorrow, I fell into that sinne which I so much feared, which caused me afterwards to lye under so great horrour of conscience, that I could not rest night nor day, my load being greater, and more pressing on my spirit then before, so that I could have no rest for a long time after.
Yet at the last I found comfort from divers promises, as that Christ saith, Daughter, be of good comfort, thy faith hath made the whole, Mat. 9.22. And Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sicke of the Palsie, son, be of good cheare, thy sins be forgiven thee, Mat. 9.2. And he saith, I will have mercy and not sacrifice, for I am not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance, Mat. 9.13.
I know I am a sinner, a great sinner, that there is no salvation to be had, but in Christ alone, and though I have had many doubts, yet I have hope in Gods mercies.
And I have these Evidences of my regeneration, and testimonies that God is at peace with me through Christ Jesus.
1 In that the Lord hath hitherto supported mee to beare all my so many, and so great troubles.
2 What ever troubles I have met withall, yet now after all I find peace in God, and in him alone.
3 I finde my heart really to desire to love God above all, and am jealous over my selfe, least my child, or any worldly thing should withdraw my love from my God, to love something else too much, and him too little.
4 I finde that the Lord hath wrought in my heart a great desire of affections to duties, and am much troubled for my deadnesse and dulnesse, which I finde to be a great burden to me.
5 I desire that the Lord would search, and reforme, and purge, the bottome of my heart, and am glad when I find any truth of God piercing to my soule; I have found my heart too often deceitfull, and doe therefore desire, that every truth of God may discover it, and conforme me to his will.
6 I do beleeve that Christ dyed for my sins, and do trust that hee will be my Saviour for ever.
7 I admire free grace, that God should snatch mee as a brand out of the fire of hel.
8 It is my soules desire to walk with those, who walk most close to the rule of the Gospel, least I should be drawne into errours.
A: H: March 28. 1652.
15 Experiences of F.D.
I Have beene often smitten with sorrow for my sins, and am troubled that I cannot serve God as I should, I have no hope of salvation, but onelyonly in Jesus Christ, whom I long for, knowing that I cannot be saved without him.
And I have found comfort from the promises in Gods word; The Lord saith, If the wicked turne from his wickednesse, and do that which is lawfull and right, hee shall live thereby, Ezek. 33.19. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon, Isay 59.7. And Christ saith in the Gospell, Come unto me all yee that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest, Mat. 11.28.
And I have these Experiences of Gods grace and workings in me, by his holy and blessed spirit.
1 God hath given mee an heart to desire God to forgive me my sins.
2 I desire God above all things, and to injoy God what ever becomes of the world.
3 I finde a trouble of spirit, that I cannot serve God better then I doe; And I desire the Lord so to dispose of me, that I may (in his strength and power) cast off all things that hinder my communion with him.
4 I have often called to mind a covenant made with God in my sicknesse (upon deliverance) to walke more near to God then before, and I do often call upon the Lord to assist me, and lead me, and guide mee by his spirit.
5 I have often had much comfort in contemplation with God.
6 I doe rest on Gods mercy for salvation by Christ.
F. D: March 28. 1652.
16 Experiences of H. W.
HAving formerly given my Experience to that Church, from which I am by consent transmitted to you; I shall only adde this; that I am a sinner, I have been much troubled in spirit for my sinnes, and I have much wrastled against sinne; I have had many slips, and failings; yea, and sometimes in some measure backslidings; I have been often troubled at the deadnesse of my heart, and my too much neglect of that obedience I owe to God; and my not walking so close to the rule of the Gospell, as I have often promised.
My sins have at sometimes caused teares, and at other times sorrow for want of tears.
I am very sensible that I have beene the greater sinner, because I have mis-improved so many precious mercies, as I have done; And this hath been very tiresome to my troubled spirit, that I, whom divine providence hath done so much for, discovered so much too, and hath so much inlightned, should bee so unfruitfull.
But the comfortable promises of God in his holy Word, have been cordialls to my drooping soule, for the Lord saith, A new heart also will I give you; and a new spirit will I put within you; and I wil take away the stony heart out of your flesh, & I wil give you an heart of flesh; & I wil put my spirit within you, and cause you to walke in my statutes, and yee shall keep my judgements and do them, Ezek. 36.26, 27. also God saith, I will cleanse them from all their iniquitie whereby they have sinned against me; and I will pardon all their iniquities, whereby they have sinned against me, and whereby they have transgressed against me. And it shal be to me a name of joy, a praise, & an honour before all the nations of the earth, which shall heare all the good that I doe to them, Jerem. 33.8, 9. And, The Lord hath spoken it, and it shall be said in that day, to, this is our God, we have waited for him, and he will save us; this is the Lord and we have waited for him, we will be glad, and rejoyce in his salvation. Isa. 25.8, 9. And the Lord Jesus Christ cryeth saying, Behold I stand at the doore and knocke, if any man open to me, I will come in to him, and sup with him, and he with mee, Rev. 3.20.
And as the fruits of my faith, I blesse God (though I have many failings, yet)
1 My desire is, that so far as is possible, I may not sin.
2 God hath the chief seat in my heart.
3 My affections are great to duties, and chiefly to be spiritual in duties, whereby the life of my faith appeareth the more cleare.
5 It is as meate and drinke to my soule to doe the will of my father which is in heaven.
5 All my hope of salvation is in free grace by faith, in God alone through Jesus Christ.
6 I delight to do all the good l can to the people of God, and in things that tend to the glory of God.
7 My greatest trouble is for sin, and my greatest comfort is in my interest in God.
H. W. Aprill 11. 1652.
17. Experiences of M. W.
I Have been much humbled for sin, ready to despair, and therin I had many temptations, and great troubles of spirit for those temptations, and many doubtings, wrastlings, and conflicts; l put up many prayers, and shed many tears, before I could find comfort; But through Gods mercy, I found a settled peace from his blessed spirit in his time, which is alwayes best.
These promises did give mee much comfort, That, the Lord said to Paul, My grace is sufficient for thee, The Lord saith, He will not breake the bruised reed, nor quench the smoaking flax: Also, that he that indureth to the end shall receive a crown of life; and Christ saith, Matth. 5. Blessed are they that mourne, for they shall be comforted. Though I did then mourne, yet the Lord gave me faith to beleeve that I should be comforted; and I was comforted, I blesse God, in so much that the Lord hath discovered himselfe so fully to me, that I have much peace in my soule; that I have said in mine heart, with good Simeon, Lord now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, for mine eyes have seen thy salvation.
And as a further manifestation of the workings of God by his grace in me, I blesse God I can truly say,
1 I doe love God above all things.
2 I desire to deny my selfe in all things below and without Christ.
3 I desire to be wholly taken up with the love of Christ, and enjoy as full a communion with him as possibly I may.
4 My love to Gods people is in an especiall manner.
5 I desire to doe my duty both to God, and to all with a good conscience, that my heart may never reproach mee as long as I live.
6 I have great affections to holy duties, and (I blesse God) finde much comfort in them.
7 My hope is in Jesus Christ, and in him alone for salvation.
M.W. Aprill 11. 1652.
18. Experiences of J.H.
I Am very unworthy that Almighty God should deale so bountifully and graciously with me as he hath done: my sence of sin hath brought me so low, that I have thought it almost impossible for God to save mee, which wrought a great trouble and fear upon my spirit, and brought me to a very low, and begging condition; and I besought the Lord for grace, and for his holy spirit, to inable me to keep his commandements, I had an aking heart for my sins, which drew some teares from mine eyes, and the trouble hereof lay very heavy upon me, and raised great doubtings in mee for about a quarter of a yeare; and I finde some part of that trouble yet remaining upon mee.
But I have had comfort from severall promises out of Gods Word; as that, where Christ saith, He that commeth to me I will in no wise cast out; And he also saith, verily, verily, I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and beleeveth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation, but is passed from death unto life, John 5.24. And it is said in the Revelations, The spirit and the Bride say, come, and let him that heareth say come, and let him that is a thirst come; and whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely, Apoc. 22.17. From these and many other promises, I have found much comfort.
And I have these evidences of my interest in Christ, as fruits of that faith which I have received touching my interest in these promises, and in Christ my Saviour, in whom all the promises are yea, and amen.
1 God is in my love higher then all, not only because he saveth, but because he is gracious, and undefiled, and his wayes and word is holy.
2 I have also this testimony, that I doe love God, because I love the brethren, the children of God.
3 I looke upon all comforts as flowing from Christ, and desire to partake of them as mercies from him.
4 I account holy duties so good to me, that my heart desires to heare all good doctrine; and I finde my heart many times much ravished, when I heare of good things touching God, that I sometimes weepe for joy.
5 The hope of my salvation is in Christ.
6 I do beleeve and hope that God through Christ is reconciled to me, and at peace with me, through his free grace and mercy in Christ Jesus my Saviour.
J. H, Aprill 18: 1652.
19. Experiences of H.N.
I Was for a time in a very sad and wildernes condition upon hearing of that place of Scripture 2 Thes. 2.12. That they all might bee damned who beleeved not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousnesse, This so wrought upon me, that I was much, and sore troubled in my spirit.
Yet at last the Lord made me to leave my old companions, and gameing on the Lords day, and other follyes, and God drew forth my heart to long after Christ.
And I found comfort from the promises of the Gospell; It is said, God filleth the hungry with good things; and nothing in mine eyes was comparatively to God and his grace, and I had comfort in that sweet text, where it is said in Esay, O thou hope of Israel, and the Saviour thereof in the time of trouble. And that, where it is said, God so loved the world, that he gave his onelyonly begotten Son, that whosoever beleeveth in him should not perish but have everlasting life, John 3.16.
Then God gave me an heart to joyne to the society of godly people, and I found much comfort and a great deale of experience, passing many troubles in the Bishops Court in Wells, but the Lord appeared to my great comfort.
And as a further testimony of my hope in God.
1 God inclines my heart so to love him, and my Saviour Jesus Christ, that I desire rather to dye, then to live to dishonour God.
2 I have great affections to the people of God, and to doe good for them.
3 I find my heart so affected to depend only upon God, that I know whom I have trusted.
4 I have sometimes much comfort in ordinances in publique and in private, many ravishments with God, and have received many returns of prayer.
5 I have sweet hopes of salvation in Christ, and in him alone, and all is nothing to me below Jesus Christ.
H. N. Aprill 18. 1652.