Tears of Repentance, Confession 9
Ponampam, His Second Confeſſion was as followeth:
WHen I prayed not unto God I ever sinned every day: but when Noonanetam Indians firſt prayed, I heard of it, and three nights I conſidered whether I ſhould pray or no, but I found not how to pray unto God, but how not to pray: but then I heard Gods free mercy in his word, call all to pray, from the riſing of the Sun to the going down thereof; yet preſently I loſt that word, and ſinned again, and committed many ſins. Then Gods free mercy ſhewed me in the Catechiſm, That God made all the World, yet my heart did not beleeve, becauſe I knew I ſprung from my Father and Mother: I did alwaies act many ſins, becauſe I was born in ſin, and in vain I heard Gods word. Then I heard Gods Word, That Chriſt was made man, yet I did but hear it, though I thought it might be true: I thought I would caſt off all sin, but then I found that I loved them very much. I heard Gods promiſe to Abraham, To increaſe his Children as the Stars for number, but I beleeved not, becauſe he had but one Son: and thus I caſt off the word, and committed sins. I heard alſo from the word, That all men are not alike to God, ſome are firſt to God, [or preferred before other;] but I did not beleeve it becauſe all men die alike; therefore they are not the Sons of God, and God is not their Father: So ſtill I beleeved not the Word, but broke Gods Word dayly, and in vain I heard Gods Word. Afterward I heard that Word of God to Moſes, I'le be with thy mouth, for who maketh the ſeeing Eye, or hearing Ear, is it not I? ſaith the Lord: then I underſtood a little of God, and of his Word; but ſtill I acted much ſin. Afterward I heard that Word of Free-Grace, Repent, and beleeve the Goſpel, and who ever beleeve ſhall be ſaved; then my heart beleeved, then I ſaw I had prayed but afore man, & ſo was my hearing, or any other duty; and I ſaw other of my ſins againſt God; and then I ſaw that my heart did not beleev as it ſhould, & I deſired to be open in my doings; I ſaw I brake every command of God: yet preſently I loſt this, and the Word of Chriſt was of little worth unto me; and I ſaw I loved ſin very much. Then again I heard that word, That all ſhall pray from the riſing to the ſitting Sun; then I thought I will pray to God, and yet only my tongue prayed. Then again I heard the Catechiſm, That God made Adam and Eve, and al the world, and a little I beleeved that word. Afterward I heard another word, That they are Baſtards, not Sons, whom God afflicts not: I did a little think this to be a truth, and then I prayed more unto God, and yet I ſaw I feared man more than God: but notwithſtanding, I have prayed unto God from that day unto this day; yet I ſee I ſin every day. When I heard that Word that God ſpake to Moſes in the Mount by a Trumpet, and ſaid, Thou ſhalt not have any other God, thou ſhalt not luſt, nor lye, nor kill, &c. I ſaw all theſe I had broken; I heard the Word, but ſinned in what I heard: I heard that my heart muſt break and melt for ſin, and beleeve in Chriſt, and that we ſhould try our hearts if it be ſo; yet I could try but little, nor find but little, but ſtill I ſinned much. I heard that Word, That they which caſt off God, God will caſt off them; and I feared leſt God ſhould caſt me away, becauſe of my ſins: I was aſhamed of my ſins, and my heart melted, and I thought I wil give my ſelf to God, and to Chriſt, and do what he will for ever; and becauſe of this promiſe of pardon to al that repent and beleeve, my heart deſireth to pray to God as long as I live.