Tears of Repentance, Confession 6
The next which was called forth was Monequaſſun, who is our School-maſter; whoſe former Confeſſion, read before the Elders, was as followeth.
I Confeſs my ſorrow for all my ſins againſt God, and before men: When I firſt heard inſtruction, I beleeved not, but laughed at it, and ſcorned praying to God; afterward, when we were taught at Cohannet (that is the place where he lived) I ſtill hated praying, and I did think of running away, becauſe I cared not for praying to God; but afterwards, becauſe I loved to dwell at that place, I would not leave the place, and therefore I thought I will pray to God, becauſe I would ſtill ſtay at that place, therefore I prayed not for the love of God, but for love of the place I lived in; after that I deſired a little to learn the Catechiſme on the Lecture daies, and I did learn the ten Commandements, and after that, all the points in the Catechiſme; yet afterwards I caſt them all away again, then was my heart filled with folly, and my ſins great ſins; afterwards by hearing, I began to fear, becauſe of my many ſins, leſt the wiſe men ſhould come to know them, and puniſh me for them; and then again I thought of running away becauſe of my many ſins: But after that I thought I would pray rightly to God, and caſt away my ſins; then I ſaw my hypocricy, becauſe I did ask ſome queſtions, but did not do that which I knew: afterward I conſidered of my queſtion, and thought I would pray to God, and would consider of ſome other Queſtion, and I asked this, Queſtion, How ſhould I get Wiſdom? and the Anſwer to it did a little turn my heart from sin, to ſeek after God; and I then considered that the Word of God was good; then I prayed to God becauſe of the Word of God. The next Lecture day you taught that word of God, If any man lack Wiſdom, let him ask it of God, who giveth freely to them that ask him, and upbraideth no man, James, 1. 5. Then again a little my heart was turned after God, the Word alſo ſaid, Repent, mourn, and beleeve in Jeſus Chriſt: this alſo helped me on. Then you taught, That he that beleeveth not Chriſt, and repenteth not of ſin, they are fooliſh and wicked; and becauſe they beleeve not, they ſhall periſh: then I thought my ſelf a fool, becauſe I beleeved not Chriſt, but ſinned every day, and after I heard the Word, I greatly broke the Word. But afterward I heard this promiſe of God, Who ever repenteth and beleeveth in Chriſt, God will forgive him all his ſins, he ſhall not periſh; then I thought, that as yet, I do not repent, and beleeve in Chriſt: then I prayed to God, becauſe of this his Promiſe; and then I prayed to God, for God and for Chriſt his ſake: after that again I did a little break the Word of Chriſt. And then I heard ſome other words of God, which ſhewed me my ſins, and my breakings of Gods word; and ſometimes I thought God and Chriſt would forgive me, becauſe of the promiſe to them that beleeve in Chriſt, and repent of ſin, I thought I did that which God ſpake in the Promiſe. Then being called to confeſs, to prepare to make a Church at Natick, I loved Cohannet; but after hearing this inſtruction, That we ſhould not only be Hearers, but Doers of the Word, then my heart did fear. And afterward hearing that in Matthew, Chriſt ſaw two brethren mending their Nets, he ſaid, Follow me and I will make you Fiſhers of men, preſently they followed Chriſt; and when I heard this, I feared, becauſe I was not willing to follow Chriſt to Natick; they followed Chriſt at his Word, but I did not, for now Chriſt ſaith to us, follow Me: then I was much troubled, and conſidered of this Word of God. Afterward I heard another word, the blind men cryed after Chriſt and ſaid, Have mercy on us thou Son of David, but after they came to Chriſt, he called them, and asked them, What ſhall I do for you? they ſaid, Lord open our eyes; then Chriſt had pity on them, and opened their eyes, and they followed Chriſt; when I heard this, my heart was troubled, then I prayed to God and Chriſt, to open mine eyes, and if Chriſt open my eyes, then I ſhall rejoyce to follow Chriſt: then I conſidered of both theſe Scriptures, and I a little ſaw that I muſt follow Chriſt. And now my heart deſireth to make confeſſion of what I know of God, and of my ſelf, and of Chriſt: I beleeve that there is only one God, and that he made and ruleth all the World, and that he the Lord, giveth us al good things: I know that God giveth every day all good mercies, life, and health, and all; I have not one good thing, but God it is that giveth it me, I beleeve that God at firſt made man like God, holy, wiſe, righteous; but the firſt man ſinned, for God promiſed him, If thou do my Commandements, thou ſhalt live, and thy children; but if thou ſin, thou ſhalt die, thou and thy children; this Covenant God made with the firſt man. But the firſt man did not do the Commandements of God, he did break Gods Word, he beleeved Satan; and now I am full of ſin, becauſe the firſt man brought ſin; dayly I am full of ſin in my heart: I do not dayly rejoyce in Repentance, becauſe Satan worketh dayly in my heart, and oppoſeth Repentance, and all good Works; day and night my heart is full of ſin. I beleeve that Jeſus Chriſt was born of the Virgin Mary; God promiſed her ſhe ſhould bear a Son, and his Name ſhould be JESUS, becauſe he ſhall deliver his people from their ſins: And when Chriſt came to preach, he ſaid, Repent, becauſe the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand; again Chriſt taught, Except ye repent and become as a little child, ye ſhall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven; therefore humble your ſelves like one of theſe little children, and great ſhall be your Kingdom in Heaven. Again Chriſt ſaid, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden with ſin, and I will give you reſt: take up my Croſs, and Yoak, learn of me, for I am meek, and ye ſhall find reſt to your ſouls, for my yoak is eaſie, and burden light: theſe are the Words of Chriſt, and I know Chriſt he is good, but my works are evil: Chriſt his words are good, but I am not humble; but if we be humble and beleeving in Chriſt, he pardons all our ſins. I now deſire to beleeve in Jeſus Chriſt, becauſe of the word of Chriſt, that I may be converted and become as a little Child. I confeſs my ſins before God, and before Jeſus Chriſt this day; now I deſire all my ſins may be pardoned; I now desire repentance in my heart, and ever to beleeve in Chriſt; now I lift up my heart to Chriſt, and truſt him with it, becauſe I beleeve Chriſt died for us, for all our ſins, and deſerved for us eternal life in Heaven, and deſerved pardon for all our ſins. And now I give my ſoul to Chriſt becauſe he hath redeemed: I do greatly love, and like repentance in my heart, and I love to beleeve in Jeſus Chriſt, and my heart is broken by repentance: al theſe things I do like wel of, that they may be in my heart, but becauſe Chriſt hath all theſe to give, I ask them of him that he may give me repentance, and faith in Chriſt, and therefore I pray and beſeech Chriſt dayly for repentance and faith; and other good waies I beg of Chriſt dayly to give me: and I pray to Chriſt for al theſe gifts and graces to put them in my heart: and now I greatly thank Chriſt for all theſe good gifts which he hath given me. I know not any thing, nor can do any thing that is a good work: even my heart is dark dayly in what I ſhould do, and my ſoul dyeth becauſe of my ſins, and therefore I give my ſoul to Chriſt, becauſe I know my ſoul is dead in ſin, and dayly doth commit ſin; in my heart I ſin, and all the members of my body are ſinful. I beleeve Jeſus Chriſt is aſcended to Heaven through the clouds, and he will come again from Heaven: Many ſaw Chriſt go up to Heaven, and the Angels ſaid, even ſo he will come again to judg all the world; and therefore I beleeve Gods promiſe, That all men ſhall riſe again when Chriſt cometh again, then all ſhall riſe, and all their ſouls comes again becauſe Chriſt is truſted with them, and keeps their ſouls, therefore I desire my ſins may be pardoned; and I beleeve in Chriſt; and ever ſo long as I live, I will pray to God, and do all the good waies he commandeth.