Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 4 · Section 74
§. 74. Of husbands louing their wiues *Treat. 3. §. 59.as themſelues.
To the example of Chriſt the Apoſtle annexeth the pat…ne of ones ſelfe, in theſe words: So ought men to louelove their Eph. 5. 28.…es as their owne bodies.
Queſt. Is not the former patterne ſufficient? Is this latter more excellent, or more perfect?
Anſw. Chriſts example is a full, compleat, perfect, and To Chriſts example, the patterne of ones ſelfe is added.eueryevery way ſufficient patterne; farre more excellent then this of a mans ſelfe: this is not annexed to adde any thing to that, or in regard of the excellency hereof, but only in regard of our dulneſſe, to make the point ſomewhat more plaine and perſpicuous. 1. Becauſe it is more ſenſible.For this patterne is more ſenſible and better diſcerned. EueryEvery one knoweth how he loueth his owne body: but few or none know how Chriſt loueth his Church. Beſides, 2. Becauſe it is more imitable.that example of Chriſt may ſeeme too high and excellent for any to attaine vntounto, euen inimitable; therefore to ſhew that he requireth no more then a man may performe, if he will ſet himſelfe with care and conſcience to doe his duty, he addeth the patterne of ones ſelfe; that which one doth to his body, if he will, he may doe to his wife.
No direction can be taken from this latter patterne, but The patterne of louing ones ſelfe ſetteth forth the ſame things that Chriſts louelove doth.might be referred to the former, as moſt of the former (though in a farre meaner manner) may be referred to the latter. For the louelove which a man beareth to himſelfe is true, and intire without all diſſimulation: the moſt diſſembling wretch in the world (who in his dealings with other men doth nothing vprightly) nor will nor can diſſemble with himſelfe; though other men ſhall neuer know the depth of his heart, yet the ſpirit 1 Cor. 2. 11.which is in him, euen himſelfe, knoweth it: ſo as this patterne alſo preſſeth truth and ſincerity on husbands in their affection towards their wiues: of all other they may not diſſemble and deale doubly with them; but let them know the intireneſſe of their affection towards them: and ſee they neither faune o… them, nor flatter them. They which pretend great louelove to their wiues in ſhew only, offend againſt nature it ſelfe. As the foreſaid louelove of a mans owne ſelfe is for manner intire and true, ſo alſo free not forced: and for meaſure as great as poſſibly i… can be, and for continuance, conſtant, and ſo like to Chriſt louelove. But there are two points eſpecially to be conſidered in the louelove of ones ſelfe which aboue others are moſt ſenſibly diſcerned Man is tender towards himſelfe.in this patterne. 1. Tenderneſſe. 2. Cheerefulneſſe.
No other man will or can ſo tenderly handle a mans hand arme, legge or any other part of his body, as himſelfe: he is very ſenſible of his owne ſmart.
The metaphors which the Apoſtle vſeth in theſe words, He nouriſheth and cheriſheth it, doe liuely ſet forth this tenderneſſe: Eph. 5. 29.for they are taken from fowles and birds which very charily, and tenderly houer ouer their young ones, couering them all ouer with their wings and feathers, but ſo bearing vp their bodies as no weight lieth vponupon them.
Thus ought husbands with all tenderneſſe, and mildneſſe Husbands muſt deale tenderly with their wiues.to deale with their wiues, as we hauehave before noted in many particulars: only this example of a mans ſelfe I thought good to ſet before husbands, as a liuely patterne wherein they might behold a preſident without exception, going before them, and whereby they might receiue excellent direction for the better performing of the particulars before noted.
Againe, no friend, no parent, no other party will or can ſo Man is cheerefull in doing himſelfe good.willingly and cheerefully doe any kindneſſe for one, as a man for himſelfe. This among other is one eſpeciall point which the law aimeth at, when it enioynes a man to louelove his neighbour Leu. 19. 18.as himſelfe, namely, as willingly and readily as himſelfe. Whatſoeuer a man doth for himſelfe he doth much more cheerefully then for another. There needeth no other proofe then experience. Let men take notice of their owne minde and diſpoſition when they doe things for themſelues, and this will be as cleere as the light when the Sunne ſhineth forth at …oone day.
Such an affection ought husbands to hauehave to their wiues: Husbands muſt be cheerefull in ſeeking their wiues good.they ought more willingly and cheerefully to doe any thing …or their wiues then for parents, children, friends or any other. Though this cheerefulneſſe be an inward diſpoſition of the …eart, yet may it be manifeſted by a mans forwardneſſe and …adineſſe to doe his wife good: when his wife ſhall no ſooner deſire a kindneſſe, then he will be ready to grant it: as …ooz ſaith to Ruth, I will doe to thee all that thou requireſt; yea, Ruth 3. 11.by any meanes he may know that this or that will be be…oofull to her, though ſhe deſire it not, yet to effect it for her: which was the minde of the ſaid Booz to Ruth, as the hiſtory … many particulars ſheweth.
Contrary is the diſpoſition of thoſe husbands who ſo grudgingly, repiningly, and diſcontentedly doe thoſe things which they doe in their wiues behalfe, as their wiues had rather they were not done at all. The manner of doing them cauſeth more griefe to tender hearted wiues, then the things themſelues can doe good.
Hitherto of the manner which husbands ought to obſerue in performing their duties. The reaſons to inforce the ſame remaine to be handled.