Letters in Two Parts, Part 1 · LETTER 121
To ROBERT GORDON of Knokbrex. (121)
My very dear Brother.
GRace, mercy & peace be unto you: I thought to have answered your two letters upon this occasion; though I cannot say all that I would. Your timeous word [not to delight in the cross, but in him who sweetneth it] came to me in due time: I finde the consolations & off-fallings that follow the cross of Christ so sweet, that I almost forget my self: my desire & purpose is, when Christ's honey combs drop, neither to refuse to receive & feed upon his comforts, nor yet to make joy, my bastard-god, or my new found heaven: But what shall I say? Christ very often in his sweet comforts cometh unsent for, & it were a sin to close the door upon him: It is not unlawfull to love & delight in Christ's apples, when I am not dottingly wooing, nor eagerly begging kisses: but when they come clean from the timber [like kindness it self that cometh of it's own accord] then I cannot but laugh upon him, who laugheth upon me: If joy & comforts came single & alone, without Christ himself, I think I would send them back again the gate they came, and not make them welcome; But when the King's train cometh, and the King in the midst of the company, O how am I overjoyed with floods of love! I fear not that too great speats, of love wash away the growing corn, & loose my plants at the roots: Christ doeth no skaith where he cometh; but certainly I would wish such spirituall wisdom as to love the bridegroom better then his gifts, his propines, or drink-money. I would be further in upon Christ then at his joyes; they but stand in the utter side of Christ: I would wish to be in as a seal on his heart, in where his love & mercy lodgeth, beside his heart. My welbeloved hath ravished me; but it is done with consent of parties, & it is allowable enough: But my dear Brother, ere I part with this subject, I must tell you, [that ye may lift up my King in praises with me] Christ hath been keeping something these fourteen years for me, that I have now gotten in my heavy dayes, that I am in for his name sake; even an opened coffer of perfumed comforts & fresh joyes coming new, & green, & powerfull from the fairest, fairest face of Christ my Lord. Let the sowre law, let crosses, let hell be cryed down: Love, love hath shamed me from my old wayes. Whether I have a race to run or some work adoe, I see not; but I think, Christ seemeth to leave heaven [to say so] & his court, & come down to laugh & play & sport with a daft bairn. I am not this plain with many I write to: It is possible I be misconstructed & deemed to seek a name; but my witness above knoweth, I seek to have a good name raised upon Christ. I observe it to be our folly, to seek little from Christ; because our four-hours may not be our supper: nor our propine sent by the Bridegroom our tocher-good; nor our earnest our principal summe: But I trow few of us know how much may be had of Christ for a four-hours & a propine & earnest: We are like the young heir who knoweth not the whole bounds of his own Lordship. Certainly it is more then my part to say, O sweetest Lord Iesus, what ho… beit I were split & broken in five thousand sheards or bits of clay, so being every sheard …ad a heart to love thee, & every one as many tongues as there are stars in heaven to sing praises to thee, before man & angel for evermore? Therefore if my sufferings cry goodness, & praise, & honour upon Christ, my stipend is well payed. Each one knoweth not what a life Christ's love is: Scar not at suffering for Christ, for Christ hath a chair & a cushion & sweet peace for a sufferer: Christ's trencher from the first mess of the high-table is for a sinfull witness. O then Brother, who but Christ! Who but Christ? Hold your tongue of lovers where he cometh out! O all flesh, O dust & ashes, O Angels, O glorified spirits, O all the shields of the world, be silent before him, come hither & behold our Bridegroom, stand still & wonder for evermore at him! Why cease we to love & wonder, to kiss & adore him? It is a hard matter that dayes lie betwixt me & him & hold us asunder. O how long, how long! O how many miles are there to my Bridegroom's dwelling house! It is a pain to frist Christ's love any longer: But it may be a drunken man lose his feet & miss a step. Ye write to me, hall bi…ks are slippery: I doe not think my dâting world will still last, & that feasts will be my ordinary food: I would have humlity, patience & faith, to set down both my feet when I come to the north-side of the cold & thorny hill. It is ill my common to be swier to goe an errand for Christ, & to take the wind upon my face for him. Lord, let me never be a false witness to deny that I saw Christ take the pen in his hand & subscribe my writes. My Dear Brother, ye complain to me ye cannot hold sight of me; but were I a footman I should goe at leisure, but sometimes the King taketh me into his coach, & draweth me; & then I ontrun myself; but alas I am still a forlorn transgressour: O how unthankfull! I will not put you off your sense of deadness, but let me say this, who gave you Proctor-fee, to speak for the law, that can speak for it self, better then ye can doe? I would not have you to bring your dittay in your own bosom with you to Christ: Let the old man & the new man be summoned before Christ's white throne, & let them be confronted before Christ, & let each one of them speak for themselves: I hope howbeit the new man complain of his lying among the pots, which maketh the beleever look black; yet he can say also, I am comely as the tents of Kedar: Ye shall not have my advice not to bemoan your deadness: but I finde by some experience [which ye knew before I knew Christ] it suiteth not a ransomed man of Christ's buying, to goe & plea for the sowre law, our old forecaste… husband; for we are now not under the law [as a covenant] but under grace: Ye are in no man's common but Christ's: I know he bemoaneth you more then ye doe your self: I say this, because I am wearied of complaining. I thought it had been humility to imagine that Christ was angry with me, both because of my dumb sabbaths & my hard heart, but I feel now nothing but aking wounds: my grief whether I will or not swelleth upon me: But let us die in Grace's hall-floor pleading before Christ: I deny nothing that the Mediator will challenge me of; but I turn it all back upon himself: Let him look his own old counts if he be angry, for he will get no more of me: when Christ saith I want Repentance: I meet him with this, True Lord; but thou art made a King & Prince to give me Repentance Act. 5… 31. When Christ bindeth a challenge upon us, we must binde a promise back upon him: Be woe & lay your self in the dust before God [which is suitable] but withall let Christ take payment in his own hand, & pay himself, off the first end of his own merits; else he will come behinde for any thing we can doe. I am every way in your case, as hard hearted & dead as any man; but yet I speak to Christ through my sleep: Let us then proclaim a free market for Christ & swear our selves bare, & desire, & cry on him to come without money & buy us, & take us home to our ransom-payer's fireside, & let us be Christ's free-boarders: because we dow not pay the old, we may not refuse to take on Christ's new debt of mercy: Let us doe our best, Christ will still be behinde with us, & many terms will run together: For my part let me stand for evermore in his book for a forlorn Dyvour: I must desire to be this far in his common of new, as to desire to kiss his feet: I know not how to win to a heartsom fill & feast of Christ's love; for I dow neither buy, nor beg, nor borrow: & yet I cannot want it: I dow not want it. O if I could praise him! yea I would rest content with a heart submissive & dying of love for him; & howbeit I won never personally in at heaven's gates; O would to God I could send in my praises to my incomparable welbeloved, or cast my love-songs of that matchless Lord Jesus over the walls, that they might light in his lap before men & Angels! Now, grace, grace be with you. Remember my love to your wife & daughter & brother Iohn.
Aberd. June. 11. 1638. Yours in his sweet Lord Iesus. S. R.