Considerations Concerning Marriage, Part 2
II. The Duties of Mariage.
WHich are.
1 Special, of the one Party to the other.
2 Or common to both, and to be performed by both, joyntly and mutually.
1 1 Special duties of husband to wiſe 6.1. Love.The ſpecial Duties of husband to wife are theſe. 6.
1 A love to her, which ſhould be, pure, chaſte, ſincere, intire, conſtant. The Husband ſhould love his wife.
1 As Chriſt loved his Church, Eph. 5.25.
2 As the man loveth his own body, ver. 28.
3 As he loveth himſelf, his whole ſelf, ver. 33.
As Iſaac loved Rebekah, Gen. 24, 67.
This duty of Love, comprehends all the reſt: becauſe all, whatſoever the Husband ſaith or doth to his wife, ſhould ſpring from Love, and taſte of love. She ſhould be dear to him as himſelf, and lie as a Lamb in his boſom. 2 Sam. 12.Jacob was content to ſerve a double apprentiſhip under a Churliſh Maſter, for Rachel to be his wife, Gen. 29.32.becauſe he loved her more then Leah.
2 2. Tenderneſs.Dutie of the Husband is Tenderneſs and kindneſs, to nouriſh and cheriſh her, as the more tender part of himſelf, as a man doth his own fleſh; yea as Chriſt doth the Church: Eph. 5 29.to ſupply her with Neceſſaries and Conveniences; and ſuffer her to want nothing that is fit for her, and to cover her weakneſſes. Then Husbands muſt not be bitter to their wives nor injurious, nor vexations, not make drudges of them. Col. 3.19.Their Authority ſhould ſavour more of loving reſpect to them then of rigorous power. Husbands ſhould exerciſe ſo ſweet and amiable a Government over their wives, ſo as not onelyonly their bodies, but alſo their wills and hearts may be ſubject unto them. When Husbands cauſe their wives to go to God with tears, to complain of their unkindneſs and harſhneſs to them, God will regard and receive their offerings no more. Mal. 2.13. ver. 14.To this end the Husband ſhould conſider, his wife is his companion and the wife of his Covenant, made of a rib taken out of his ſide, not of a bone taken out of his foot, therefore he muſt not trample upon her; and ſhe is to be in a ſtate but of Collateral ſubjection to him. She is his yokefellow, that ſtands on even ground with him, and draws on the left ſide. He ſhould make her yoke as eaſy as may be; and not ſuffer the heavier end to lie on her Neck, becauſe ſhe is the weaker veſsel.
3 3 Honour 1 Pet. 3.7.Dutie, is due Reſpect and Honour to her, Peter gives 3 reaſons for it.
1. The wife is the weaker veſſel therefore ſhe muſt be carefully and gently handled, as a chryſtal glaſs.
2. The wife is coheir with her Husband of the grace of life, that is of the life of Grace and glory.
For (as one obſerves) ſouls have no Sexes; and as they are in Chriſt they are both equal, male and female are in him all one.
3. That their prayers be not hindred. A Husbands diſreſpect to his wife breeds diſcontent between them, diſtractions in the familie, and interruptions in duties, and a contempt of them both. To which I may adde that of Solomon, Pron. 12.4.A vertuous woman is a crown to her Husband. and if ſhe give him a crown, he may afford to give her honour. A Husband by debaſing and diſgracing his wife, diſhonoureth himſelf.
4. 4. InſtructionDuty of the Husband to the wife, is Inſtruction, Direction, and conſolation, to teach her, counſel her, lead and comfort her, as her head (Eph. 5.23.) and Guide, Prov. 2.17. This is to dwell with her according to knowledg, 1 Pet. 3 7. Hence the wife ſhould learn of her Husbands 1. Cor. 14.34, 35. 1 Tim. 2.11, 12. A Husband may put honour upon his wife by hearkening to her Counſel, and not deſpiſing the ſame: which is his Dutie when ſhe adviſeth and perſwades him to good; or diſſwades him from Evil. This may be a great advantage to him. For God ſometimes gifteth and graceth the wife equally or above the Husband, as he did Abigail above Nabal, for he was a fool. In all that Sarah hath ſaid unto thee hearken unto her voice, ſaid God to Abraham, Gen. 21.12. So did Elkanah to Hannah, 1 Sam. 1 22, 23. and David hearkned to Abigails Advice, before ſhe was his wife; how thankful was he both to God and to her for it, 1 Sam. 25.32. to 35. Manoah did the like to his wife, Judg. 13.22, 23.
5. 5. Adheſion.Duty is cleaving to her, forſaking father and mother, and his deareſt friends for her, and to be glued to her, and to become one with her, Eph. 5.31. One fleſh, to dwell with her, not onelyonly one houſe, but one bed ſhould hold them. And to rejoyce in her, Eccleſ. 9.9. and Prov. 5.18.19. or live joyfully with her, make her his Chepthzibah: and be raviſhed alway with her love.
The wife ſhould be as dear to the Husband as the Hind is to the Hart, as the Doe to the Roe-buck, This will make him drink waters out of his own Ciſterne onelyonly. Not the having of a wife, but to delight in her and lovingly to comport with her, will keep a man chaſte from embracing the boſom of a ſtranger, Prov. 5.19, 20. A man ſhould count all others ſtrange women in compariſon of a wife.
6. 6. ProtectionDuty is protection of his wife from wrongs and dangers, to reſcue her, if in jeopardy (as David did his wiſes, 1 Sam. 30.18.) and to right her, if injured. Abraham was to Sarah for a Covering of the Eyes, that is, Gen. 20.16.her Husband to defend her from injury. Booz was to take Ruth into his protection as the hen her chickens under her wings, ſignifyed by ſpreading his ſkirt over her, Ruth. 3.9. and 2.12. that ſhe might be ſafe under the wings of her huſband. A man giveth Coverture; no action is brought againſt the wife, the man is to anſwer, ſhe goeth Covert baron, as is obſerved. Therefore woman was made of a bone from under the Mans Arme, that he might be a protection and defence to her. The Husband muſt be as a houſe ſide for his wife, as the fruitful vine to ſpread her ſelf on, to ſupport and ſtrengthen her, Pſ. 128.3. and a reſt to give her a ſafe and ſetled abode, Ruth 1.9.
2. 2. Duties of wife to husband. 6.The Duties of the Wife to the Husband are theſe ſix.
1 Submiſion.Firſt, Submiſſion to his Authority, and to his juſt and aequal commands, 1 Peter 3.1.
1. As unto the Lord, Epheſ. 5.22. as having to deal with God, whoſe Ordinance this is, that the wife ſhould live in ſubjection to her own Husband, and that for conſcience ſake: Col. 18.…3This is fit in the Lord.
2. As the Church is ſubject unto Christ, Eph. 5.24. that is freely, willingly, reverently, conſtantly and univerſally in all things.
The Apoſtle giveth four Reaſons of the womans ſubjection to the man, or ſubordination to him, and dependance on him.
1. Becauſe ſhe was made out of man, ſcil. of a rib taken out of his ſide, 1 Cor. 11.8. The man (ſaith Paul) is not of the woman (he was made at firſt of the earth) but the woman was made of man.
2. The woman was made for the man at firſt, not the man for the woman, 1 Cor. 11.9. I will make him (ſaith God) a help meet for him, Gen. 2.18. to ſerve and obey him as her Superior. Hence it is ſaid, that the woman is Vir Occaſionatus: a man occaſionate, a mans Occaſion, or the Occaſion of a man to ſerve as an aid and as a Second to man.
3. The woman was made after the man; for Adam was first formed, then Eve, 1 Tim. 2.13.
4. 1 Tim. 2.14.The woman was firſt in the Tranſgreſſion. She was firſt deceived by the Serpent, then ſhe drew her Husband into the ſame deception; hereby ſhe was the cauſe and beginning of ſin, and ruine to all mankinde: and though ſhe was given to be a help to man, yet ſhe proved at firſt to be a great hurt and hindrance to him. From this priority and cauſality of the woman in ſin, the Apoſtle infers and preſſeth ſubjection and ſilence upon her to the man, and not to uſurp Authority over the man, 1 Tim. 2.11, 12, 14. upon this account ſhe was more ſtraitly ſubjected to her Husband. For this was inflicted as a chaſtiſement for ſin upon the woman, Gen. 3.16.that her deſire ſhould be ſubject to her Husband, & he ſhould ruleover her: which implies, as ſome obſerve, a further Rule then man had over her by Creation; and with more trouble and grief unto woman-kinde: So that the yoke is now become to her more hard and heavy to be borne.
Women may Object,
Object. That was Eves fault to be deceived by the Serpent, and to be firſt in the Tranſgreſſion, not ours.
Anſw. Eves puniſhment is yours, therefore her fault is yours. Her peculiar ſin is the fall (diſtinct from Adams) is juſtly imputed to you, or elſe her particular puniſhment, (diſtinct from Adams) is unjuſtly inflicted upon you. Eves fault is as much yours, as Adams ſin is ours.
This ſubjection of the wife to the husband was the ground of the womans wearing a vail or covering, as a ſign ſhe is under the power and Authority of her Husband, 1 Cor. 11.9, 10. and ſubject to him. Rebekah took a vail and covered her ſelf when ſhe ſaw Iſaac, Gen. 24.65.
Therefore ſhe was made out of the ſide, not of the head, that ſhe might be under him, not above him in place and power, Sarah obeyed Abraham, whoſe daughters all obedient wives are, 1 Pet. 3.6. And the holy women in old Time who truſted in God, were in ſubjection to their own Huſbands, to v. 5. and thoſe wives that are not obedient to their Husbands, are not good, Tit. 2.5. In this ſence (as ſome conceive) the woman is ſaid to be The Glory of the man, 1 Cor. 11.7. ſcil…by her ſubjection, when ſhe obeyes her Husband, as man is the glory of God when he obeyes God. This is the firſt Duty of the wife, Submiſſion, a Comely Leſson for her to learn. Diſobedience in a wife is a fault even in a Queen, much greater in a meaner woman, even among Heathens, much more among Chriſtians that are better taught, as in Queen Vaſhti, Eſther, 1.12.20.
2. 2. Reverence. Eph. 5.33.Duty of the wife is Reverence to her husbands perſon, all due reſpect to him, as her head, in word and deed, in geſture and deportment. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him Lord. 1 Pet. 3.6. ſhe is (as one ſaith) crowned and chronicl'd for it. Michal mocked her Husband David, 2 Sam. 6.21, 23.and God ſmote her with barrenneſs for it, ſhe was childleſs to her death. The wiſes reverential reſpect to her husband is an honour to him, and an Ornament to her ſelf.
3. 3. Helpfulnes.Duty is Helpfulneſs to her Husband in every thing, in his body to cheriſh that, in his ſoul to tender that, in his family to order that; in his Eſtate to get, at leaſt to ſave and to diſpoſe that aright. not to ſpend or waſte the ſame; in his calling and affairs to promote them; in his Name and Credit to preſerve that: in his ſecrets to lock them up in her boſom. She ought to be a Help to him in every thing, a hinderance in nothing. Elſe ſhe is a woman, but not a wife, and he that findes her doth not find a good thing, Prov. 18.22. The wife ſhould cheriſh her husband as the better part of her ſelf. For this very end God made her for man, and maried her to man, to be a help meet for him, Gen. 2.18. If ſhe be not a meet help for the man, ſhee will not pleaſe, ſatisfie and give content. A wife is like a garment though the cloath its made of be very good, yet if it do not fit us, it will not pleaſe us, it wil be uneaſy or uncomely we take no delight to wear it: Conveniency cauſeth contentation. If the wife be no meet help ſhaped and cut out as it were of purpoſe for the man to fit and ſute him every way in his diſpoſition converſation, and occaſions ſhe will not ſit cloſe to the man, as a garment doth to the body that fits it, but hang looſe, or be ready to fall off and rather hinder then further him: and not be an Ornament to him. I commend Prov. 31. from 10. to the end, as a Glaſs for all that would be good wives to look and dreſs themſelves in, or as a pattern to imitate, or Rule to walk by every day. A vertuous woman will do her husband good and not evil all the days of her life, &c. approve her ſelf faithful to him in every thing, that his heart may truſt ſafely in her. Pro. 31.11, 12.For Mariage is Conjugium, the fellowſhip of a yoak, wherein the wife muſt bear one end, and draw equally with her husband.
4. 4. Chaſtity Tit. 2.5.Duty is Chaſtity of Converſation (which followes from chaſtity of affection and diſpoſition in the heart) wives muſt abſtain, not onelyonly from all acts, but from all Appearances of lightneſs, wantonneſſe, dalliance or unfaithfulneſs; that their husbands who caſt off ordinances and holy duties, may, by the holy and chaſte converſation of their wives, be gained to the Lord; to have a liking and good opinion of the Goſpel and the wayes of Chriſt in which they walk, 1 Pet. 3.1, 2. This ſhould be the wiſes deſign upon her husband.
5. 5. Fear.Duty is Conjugal feare of offending or diſpleaſing her husband. She that is maried (Saith Paul) careth for the things of the world, how ſhe may pleaſe her husband, 1 Cor. 7.34. Wives ſhould couple chaſtity with fear in their carriage to their husbands, not to croſs, or vex, or greive them.
6. 6 Modeſty.Duty of a wife is modeſty, of Apparel and of behaviour. 1 Of Apparel, 1 of Apparel.not to affect coſtly, gaudy attire, new fangled faſhions, or to go above her rank, or to give way to pride, vanity, exceſs therein: or to account outward adorning, as plaiting of the haire, or wearing of Gold, &c. or decking of the body, her chiefe Ornament, but,
1. A meek and quiet ſpirit (the frame of the hidden man of the heart) which is incorruptible, which is of great price in the ſight of God, 1. Pet. 3.3, 4. and a great Ornament in the ſight of men. For after this manner in the Old Time the holy women who trusted in God and were in ſubjection to their own Husbands adorned themſelves, verſ. 5.
2. 1 Tim. 2.8, 9, 10.And good works. I will, ſaith Paul, that women adorn themſelves in modeſt apparel, with ſhamefaſtneſs and ſobriety, not with broidered hair, or gold, pearls or coſtly aray; But which become women profeſſing Godlineſs, with good works. Both Paul and Peter are to be underſtood in a Comparative ſenſe, that womens adorning ſhould be, not ſo much in outward attire, as in inward vertues, or rather in the latter then in the former. Even Godly women may wear Gold, and jewels, and precious things, and good attire, as Rebekah did the earring and bracelets which Abrahams ſervant put upon her, Gen. 24.30, 47.with theſe limitations.
1. That theſe be ſutable to their rank, place and ſtate, and not coſtly above their ability, and as the moſt wiſe, godly, grave women are habited.
2 That they be without wantonneſs, waſtfulneſs or curious nicer…s, or new fangledneſs for faſhion. God viſi…eth for ſtrange apparel, Zeph. 1.8.
3 Without pride, Vanity or Exceſs, or thinking better of themſelves for them.
4 So that they place their chiefeſt fineneſs in their inward adornings rather then outward, more in their Graces and good works then in their Garments; and indeavour by the outward ornament of their bodies to ſet forth the inward beauty of their ſoules.
2 2 Of behaviour. Tit: 2, 3.Alſo modeſty of behaviour, to expreſs the inward holineſs of their hearts in ſober deportment, in countenance, geſture and ſpeech; to open their mouths with diſcretion, Prov. 31.26. Prov. 7.11, 12 and 9.13.and bridle their tongues, and not be as the harlot babling and clamorous, who is as extravagant in her Tongue as in her feet. Good wives ſhould account meekneſs of ſpirit their chief ornament, and take heed they be not either
1 Proud, or imperious in their ſpirits, ſpeeches, looks, Carriage:
2 Or unquiet, turbulent, impatient, alway brawling or chiding. Such wives are neither credit nor comfort to their huſbands, but a continual vexation: Thorns in their ſides, and pricks in their eyes. The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping, 19. Prov. 13. and 27.15. Like rain that falls into all the rooms of a houſe, which is very tedious and irkſome. Prov. 21.9.25.21.It is better to Aw… in the Corner of a houſe-top, then with a …rawling woman in a wide houſe.
Thus much concerning the particular duties of Husband to wife, and of the wife to her Husband.
2. Duties common to both. 7.2. Now follow the Duties Common to both husband and wife; and to be performed by both, or Exerciſed to, or with, or for both, which are equally reciprocal and of like Obligation. Theſe are ſeven.
1 Prayer.1. Prayer to God, frequent and fervent, both joyntly and ſeverally, for all mariage Graces and mariage Comforts. Eſpecially,
1. For ſutableneſſe of Diſpoſition; that God would faſhion your hearts alike.
2. For wiſdom to carry with moſt beauty, amiableneſs and ſw…tneſs, for the benefit, and advantage, comfort and encouragement one of another.
3 For Gods preſence with you in it, and for Gods bleſſing upon it, and that God would build you a houſe, (Pſalm. 127.) by giving you hopeful children, faithful ſervants, bleſſed goods. Let Husband and wife intereſt God much in their Mariage by prayer.
Reaſ. 1 Becauſe a Conjugal condition can be no more comfortable or ſatisfactory to us, then God maketh it. It will be an empty thing if God do not fill it, and bitter if God do not ſweeten it. It is not the having of a Husband or a Wife, but of God in them or with them, that giveth content, comfort and ſatisfaction. We ought in all our wayes to acknowledge God, eſpecially in Mariage, which is one of the chief of our wayes, and a great Turn of our lives which concerns the future Comfort thereof.
2 Becauſe mercies got with prayer, are got with a bleſſing, and prove the ſweeteſt mercies of all. Prayer ſanctifies Mariage, 1 Tim 4.3, 4. and makes the acts of it holy in manner, and happy in end.
2. 2 Love, Tit. 2.4.Common duty is Conjugal love which is not proper to the Husband alone, but ſhould be mutual and reciprocal between them both; To this end husband and wife ought to love one another.
1 Chiefly for the grace of God the one ſeeth in the other: that being unchangeable, their love will be conſtant. When Religion tieth the knot of affection between them, it holds faſt till death. But when they love one another chiefly for other reſpects, as beauty, wealth, or fulfilling the deſires of the fleſh, &c. when theſe are ſatisfied or fail, love will cool.
2. Really at their hearts, or in ſincerity. For to diſſemble affections, and Counterfeit love and kindneſs, will deprive them of the comfort and ſweetneſſe of mariage, and make it in Time a burden and bitterneſs to them. Sincere love knits their hearts as m…n joynes their hands together; Elſe they will not cleave, but ſit looſe; and be ready to leave one another.
4. Grounds of mutual love.But there be four ſpecial Grounds of mutual love and deareneſs between Husband and wife, ſcil. Donation, Propriety, Union and Neceſſity.
1. Donation They are ſpecial gifts beſtowed by God, the one upon the other, 1 Donation, Prov. 18.22. and 19.14.which ſhould be a precious Endearment of one to other, Thus they ſhould look at themſelves. This is the woman God hath given to me to be a meet help for me, above al the women in the world. So this is that man God hath fited for me and given to me for a head and Guide above all other men in the world.
2. 2 ProprietyPropriety, or the Mutual Intereſt they have by matrimony, one in another. They are one anothers Owne, properly and peculiarly; ſo as they are no bodies elſe; and ſo as no perſon or thing in the world is their own; for they are maried, One to another; ſo are they to no body, to nothing beſides. The Apoſtle aſſerts this matrimonial intereſt in the 1. of Cor. 7.2. Let every man have his own wife; and every woman have her own husband. The wiſe hath not power of her own body but her husband nor the Husband hath power of his owne body but the wife, ſo as not to account their own bodyes to be at their own diſpoſal, The wife is the Husband, only one, and he is hers.
They ſhould be mutual darlings one to another, becauſe they are mutual Proprietors one of another: by ſelf reſignation of each to other they give themſelves mutual power one over another. Now every one loveth his own beſt, non quia pulchrum, ſed quia Suum, his own Children, his own goods, his own houſe &c. for propriety more then for beauty; beauſe they are his own. Shall a man love any thing that is his own but his wife? or better then his wife? or ſhall a wife love any thing that is her own but her husband? or better then her husband? or ſhall a man love other mens wives, or a woman love other womens husbands better then their own? Peculiarity of Intereſt is a Ground of Speciality of love.
3. 3 Union.Ground of ſpecial love between them is union. The Conjunction Husband and wiſe have one with another. They two are in many reſpects as one perſon: and ſo one together, as they are not (or ſhould not be) with any one beſides in all the world, to wit one fleſh, Gen. 2.24. as it were incarnated one to another: Adam acknowledged this, when God had made the woman for him and brought (or maried) her to him, he ſaid, This is now bone of my bone, and fleſh of my fleſh, to ſhew his Thankfulnes to God and love to his wife, Gen. 2.23.as wondering at Gods goodneſs to him therein. Mariage is a moral conjunction of two perſons, ſo as Man and wife are in Law one fleſh by Gods Ordinance. It is the ſtricteſt bond of any relation, and therfore a fellowſhip of the deareſt amitie, nearer then that between Parents and Children. Though children have their fleſh and bone from their Parents, yet they are not one fleſh with their Parents. Therefore ſhall a man leave his father, and mother and ſhall cleave unto his wiſe, This, Gen. 2.24.was the ſanction of mariage. All Society muſt be left, that this between man and wife may be kept. This is Pauls rule: Let not the wiſe depart from her husband, 1 Cor. 7.0.11. …ach. 2, 16.and Let not the Husband put away his wife, for God hates putting away. The wife muſt be an individual companion of life. The ſaying of the Philoſopher, that perfect friendſhip is onelyonly between two, is moſt true, in this caſe, between man and wife, becauſe they two are by mariage made one.
4 Neceſſity.The 4 Ground of ſpiritual love between them is, Neceſſity of the one for the other, even for their being, as well as for their walking. In both theſe reſpects we may underſtand that of the Apoſtle, 1 Cor. 11.11.Neither is the man without the woman; neither, is the woman without the man in the Lord. The man is not without the woman (nor can be) becauſe man now is conceived and born of a woman. The woman is not without the man; Job. 14.1.becauſe ſhe is now begotten of man, ſo that they are mutual Cauſes the one of the other. The woman hath her Generation frō the man, the man hath his conception and birth from the woman. They cannot be, much leſs be well, the one without the other. The Husband ſhould look at his wife, as Cauſa ſine qua non, a help he cannot well be without, for God ſaid, It is not good that man ſhould be alone; and the woman ſhould look at her husband, under the ſame notion. It is not good for the woman to be alone. Therefore the husband ſhould not inſult over his wife, becauſe o… his ſuperiority over her, nor the wife be diſcouraged becauſe of her inferiority or ſubjection to him; becauſe they have need the one of the other; as fellowes to bear and draw in one yoke together. Now mutual Neceſſity ſhould breed mutual love between them. What is ſo dear unto the wife as the childe of her Womb? Iſa. 49 15. yet the husband ſhould be dearer to her, as E…kanah ſaid to Hannah, 1 Sam. 1.8.Am not I better to thee then ten ſons?
3 3 Common du… is Communion.Common duties between Husband and wife is communion (which flowes from the union of their Perſons by mariage, for union is the ground of Communion) or communication, of their bodies, ſouls, goods and reſpects.
1. 1 Of bodies.Of their bodies, by mutual benevolence performed by the one to the other, 1. Gor. 7.3.4.
2 By cohabitation (1 Pet. 3.7) or dwelling together, unleſs it be for a time, and upon neceſſary Occaſions: 3. by conjugal fidelity, reſerving themſelves intirely and peculiarly proper, the one for the other, as Chriſt and his Church doth, Hoſea. 3.3.
2 2 Of ſouls.Of their ſouls, for the ſpiritual good of both. The heart, as well as the body ſhould be common between Husband and wife. One ſaith, that both the body and the ſoul are united together in Mariage. Conjugal love will make hearts advance together as well as bodies; as amical love doth friends. The Soul of Jonathan was knit with the Soul of David, and Jonathan loved him, as his own ſoul, 1 Sam. 18.1. as luſtful love makes the ſouls of unclean perſons to cleave together, as well as their bodies, as Shechems ſoul clave to Dinah Jacobs daughter, whom he defiled, Gen. 34.3. 1 Kings 11.3.and Solomon clave unto many ſtrange women in love. But I ſhall ſpeak more of this Soul communion between maried perſons in the fourth common duty.
3 3. Of Gods.Of their Goods and Eſtates, labours and indeavours; a joynt fruition thereof for mutual benefit and Comfort.
4 4. Of reſpects to their kindred.Alſo there ſhould be a communion of due reſpect and loving kindneſs, to the kindred and friends that pertain to either partie. The Husband and Wife lie as cornerſtones in the wall, to joyn ſeveral alliances and kindreds together; and ought to carry very reſpectfully to their Affinity contracted by Mariage. Eſau's wives offended greatly in grieving the hearts of their Husbands parents, Gen. 26.35.
4. 4. Furtherance of the ſalvation one of another.Common duty is to further the ſalvation, and ſoul good one of another, as given of God, to that end. Husband and Wife ſhould labour to gain one another to Chriſt and help one another to Heaven What knoweſt thou, O wife, ſaith Paul, but thou mayeſt be a means to ſave thy Husband, and wh…t knoweſt thou, O man, but thou mayest ſave thy wife. However this ought to be the Serious indeavors of both. If thou know not whether thou ſhalt, yet try whether thou canſt.
To this end Extend your deſires and labours in three particulars.
1 To heal infirmities the one ſeeth in the other, as pride, paſſion, diſcontent, folly, vanity, exceſs, or the like. Take the fitteſt Time, when the parties may beſt be wrought upon, it is apteſt to take Impreſſions; or is in a tractable ductile frame: and chuſe the beſt manner, to doe it in a taking efficacious way. Beg wiſedom of God for it, rightly to obſerve what is amiſſe in a yoke-fellow, to heal it, or to cover it. Happy is that couple, whom God makes Heaven, of Spiritual Infirmities (or Spiritual Phyſitians) one to another. The wife ſhould be a ſecond Conſcience to her Husband, a boſome Monitor, to tell him privately of his faults, to amend them.
2 To increaſe Graces mutually, and to incourage one another to the Exerciſe of them, as, of faith, love, patience, of prudence, piety, charity, ſobriety and the like.
3 To Excite and Encourage unto duties, and to provoke one another unto good works, and to quicken and ſharpen, or edge themſelves thereunto, to take off dulneſs and averſneſs the one from the other. Yoke fellows ſhould draw on one another, to God and good, and towards Heaven, to publick ordinances, and private exerciſes, and to the Communion of Saints. They ſhould be goads and ſpurs each to other, and worſhip God together as Companions in his ſervice; and fellow travellers walking hand in hand together to the kingdom of glory. That they may be like Zacharias and Elizabeth, both righteous, walking in all the Commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameleſs, Luc. 1.6. like Abraham and Sara both believers: like Elkanah and Hannah, 1 Sam. 1.both true worſhipers of God, like Aquila and Priſcilla, both helpers in the work of Chriſt, Rom. 16.3, 4. Now, if either father or mother believe the children are holy federally, 1 Cor. 7.14. and many promiſes are made to them, eſpecially if both the Parents be ſaints and believers, God bleſſeth ſuch with pious and proſperous children, which are double bleſſings, as he did Abraham and Sarah with an Iſaac; Elkanah and Hannah with a Samuel, Zacharias and Elizabeth with a John; Manoah and his wife with a Sampſon. Such Godly compeers make maria…e it ſelf honourable; and they will live and die with Glory.
5 Patience.The fifth Common duty is Patience, Huſband and Wife ſhould not onelyonly labour to heal (of which before) but (if they cannot) yet to bear with infirmities, one in another. Remember this Rule, never to be angry both at once, but the one ſhould bear with the others frowardneſs and Paſſion; and for a time give way to it. This is the way, to overcome and quench paſſion in a yoke-fellow, and to make them afterwards love one another better, when the one by yeelding a little hath conquered the other; whereas to be both angry at once, is to add fewel to the fire, and to make the ſlame of Contention between them very great, this will diſſolve the glue of affecton that made them cleave together, and ſeparate them, and make of one, two. Patience is neceſſary to prevent breaches and preſerve Conjugal Amity and familiarity between maried Couples; and to poſſeſs themſelves and one another. It was the ſpeech of a godly man, I count it a neceſſary Qualification in one whom I may match my ſelf unto, to have no predominant humor in her, which I cannot bear; but to be able to bear any Infirmity of mine. Another Reverend man (as is reported) ſeeing a very cholerick couple live very lovingly and quietly together as Husband and wife; asked them how they could ſo ſweetly agree and conſort together: to whom the man anſwered, when my wifes fit is upon her, I yeeld to her, as Abraham did to Sarah; and when my fit is upon me ſhe yeelds to me, and ſo we never ſtrive together, but aſſunder. This mutual forbearance each of other will beget contention with their Coujugal Condition; and further their endeavours to ſute their minde to their Choice, and to be well pleaſed one in another after Mariage, Mal. 15.though before mariage they might have fitted their Choice to their minde. That Mariage hath a great bleſſing in it, wherein the greateſt Contention between Man and Wife, is who ſhould love each other moſt, and pleaſe one another beſt.
6. Procreatiō of Children.6. The ſixth Common duty, Procreation of children, I will, ſaith Paul that the younger women mary and bear children. 1 Tim. 5.14. eſpecially to ſeek a godly ſeed. To this end Husband and wife ſhould wreſt by prayer with God, not onelyonly to bleſs them with the fruit of the womb, but with ſuch a ſeed as ſhall be bleſſed, is not onelyonly to give them children, but children of promiſe as well as of providence; ſuch as he will make his children by grace, as well as their children by nature, heirs of God and coheirs with Chriſt.
God at the firſt made onelyonly one woman for one man, though he being the God of the ſpirit of all fleſh, had power to have made more: but he did Conjoyn one woman onelyonly to that one man (and ſtill continueth his ordinance, of the ſame ſingle Copulation) that he might ſeek a ſeed of God: that is, a religious and holy poſterity, ſuch as might worſhip him, the onelyonly true God, and propagate his Church. This is a proper and principal end of Mariage, to wit the procreation of children, …or the propagation of Gods worſhip and of his Church (of which I ſhall ſpeak again afterwards) yea this was the end of it, Even in mans Innocency; when he was without ſin. Hence amongſt Gods people virginity was a grief, as in the Caſe of Jephtahs daughter, Judg 11.37, 40. and barrenneſs was accounted a ſhame and reproach, 1 Sam. 5.6, 7.as Elizabeths ſpeech implies, Luc. 1.25. Hannah had experience hereof, upon this Account, becauſe they could not increaſe the Church of God. For which end, Paul bids the younger women mary.
Tim. 2 14.Whereas an ungodly ſeed ſerves to increaſe the Synagogue of Satan, Idolatry and profaneneſs: and cauſe exceeding grief and troubles to their godly Parents.
And as it ſhould be their earneſt deſire to bring forth a godly ſeed; ſo ſhould it be their care to bring th…m up for God, in the Diſcipline and nurture of the Lord, Epheſ 6.7.in the fear and knowledge of God, and in his worſhip, loving their ſouls better then their bodies. Auguſtin praiſed his mother, that ſhe travelled in greater pain for his Soul, then ſhe did in bringing forth his bodie. Solomons Mother taught him a Propheſie, that is, leſſons of chaſtity, and temperance, and the properties of a good wife, Prov. 31. His father David compoſed a Pſalm for his inſtruction, Pſal. 72. Timotheus mother taught him the ſcriptures from his Infancy, 2 Tim. 1.5 3.15.
7 to build a godly family7. Common dutie is to build a godly family; not onelyonly by the procreation and religious Education of children (which is a pillar of the houſe) but by a wiſe and godly Goverment and ordering of the houſe, in which the wife ought to act her part. I will, ſaith Paul, that the younger women mary, and bear children, and guide the houſe (that is domeſtick affairs). foreign1 Tim. 5.14. domi-portae.To this end they ought to be diſcreet, that is prudent and circumſpect, and keepers at home, Titus 2.5. houſewives, to carry their houſes (as it were) on their backs, as ſnails do. The Harlot doth not ſo. Prov. 7.11.12.Her feet abide not in her houſe, now ſhe is without, now in the ſtreet. But Abraham, when he was askt, where is Sarah thy wife? he ſaid, Gen. 18, 9.behold ſhe is in the Tent. To this end Husband and wife ſhould put forth joynt endeavours in five particulars.
1. 5 Things are requiſite hereto. 1 Family duties. Jer. 10.25.To performe holy duties in their houſes conſtantly, of reading the Scriptures and of prayer, Evening and Morning. For without prayer, they and their Familie lies open to Gods wrath and judgments. Let them pray with their family in the morning, becauſe ſome of them may fall ſick, and die before night; and pray in the Evening alſo, to commit themſelves and their houſe to Gods ſafe keeping from all peril and danger, for they know not what a Night may bring forth, or day either, and if evils befal them, their hearts will ſmite them for neglect of this neceſſary duty of prayer in their families. Alſo to Catechize repeat ſermons, and teach all in their houſe their duties, and to ſeek the ſouls good of their ſervants as well as of their children, and as well as to expect the ſervice of their bodies, and to charge them all to walk in Gods ways, as Abraham did his children and houſehould, after him. Gen 18.19. Prov. 4.1. to 5. 1. Chron. 28.9.and as David charged his ſon Solomon in his life, and at his death 1 Kin. 2.1.2. This is the mothers duty alſo, to teach and command her children their duties. My ſon, ſaith Solomen, Prov. 1.8. and 6.20.keep thy fathers Commandment, and forſake not the Law of thy mother.
Joſh. 24.15.The maſter of the houſe ſhould reſolve with Joſhua, I and my houſe will ſerve the Lord, every day together (what ever other familes do) we will pray and read Gods word, that is, perform holy duties together, for the Glory of God and the good of all our ſouls, as well as eat, drink talk and ſleep together; and with David, Pſ. 101.2.I will walk in the mideſt of my houſe with a perfect heart.
Eſther 4.16.The wife alſo ſhould be a help to her Husband in family duties, and no hinderance therein. Queen Eſther and her Maides will faſt and pray: For if the wife ſhould draw back from holy duties and be a diſcouragement to him therein, the ſoul of her husband (if he be godly) can take no pleaſure in her. She is in a poſture tending to perdition, Hebr. 10.38.39.
Mr. Abbot.I have read a ſad ſtory reported by a Reverend Miniſter upon his own knewledge, of an honeſt Chriſtian that had a wife, world ly and diſtruſtful: and he being much in Godly Excerciſe, Morning and Evening in his family, She would diſturb him, and goe about ratling her keyes, or making ſome other noiſe, to hinder him, pretending that his Time ſpent that way, might be imployed, in getting of mony for his family. This woman was given over by God to the Devils Temptations ſo far, that ſhe thruſt a knife into the pit of her ſtomack, and killed her ſelf, yet before ſhe died, ſhe confeſſed thus much to that Miniſter, and craved Gods pardon as well as ſhe could. Had it not been better, that ſhe had borne her husband company in holy duties, and ſo gone hand in hand to heaven together?
Further ſet up Gods word to be the Law of your houſe, to order your family and all the affaires of it according to the Rule of it. For Gods word moulds and ſhapes every perſon in it for his Imployment, and directs and keeps them in their ſeveral rankes, Places, and duties. This is the way to have a Church in your houſe, Rom. 16.5.as Aquila and Priſcilla had.
2. 2 Chuſe good ſervants.To chuſe good ſervants: ſuch as know and fear God, or as appear tractable and hopeful to be inſtructed, and wrought upon. Set David before you as a pattern herein, Pſal. 101.6, 7. Suffer no diſordered ſwearing ranting perſons to come into your houſe or to tarry in your ſight, ſuch as will bring ſin and a curſe along with them. Covet earneſtly to have a choyce pickt family, Acts 10.2ſuch as Cornelius had, who feared God and all his houſe.
3. 3 Exclude ſin.To ſhut ſin out of doores, as exceſſive drinking, gaming, ſwearing, lying, pride, contentions, Job 11.14. ch. 22.23.vanities.
Follow the Councel which Jobs friends gave him, as Zophar, Let not wickedneſſe dwel in your Tabernacle, and Eliphaz, Put iniquity far from your Tabernacle, then you ſhall know that your Tabernacle ſhall be in peace. Chap. ….24.God will keep houſe for you, when you are from home, as Bildad, Job. 8.6.If you be pure and upright God will make the Habitation of your righteouſneſs proſperous. Let it be your care to make it righteous; and God will make it proſperous.
4 Look well to the wayes of your houſhold, 4 Overſee the family.to prevent or ſupreſs ſin and to ſtop the beginnings thereof, to cheriſh & incourage good in all that live with you, to reduce thoſe that go aſtray in opinion or in converſation. This is the duty of the wife as well as of the Husband. Prov. 31.27. 1 Sam. 3.13, 14.The vertuous woman looketh well to the wayes of her houſhold; Becauſe Elies ſonnes made themſelves vile, and he reſtrained them not, God judged his houſe for ever.
5. 5. To Sanctify the ſabbath.To keep holy the Sabbath day, not onelyonly you, but all within your houſe? the charge whereof lyeth mainly on the maſter of the houſe, and next upon the miſtreſs, Exod. 20.9, 10.
This Godly Covenant of your houſhold will draw down Gods protection, and bleſſing upon your habitation, relations, and upon all your affairs.
The uſe hereof is to exhort all Marying and married perſons.
1 To learn theſe mariage duties, both ſpecial and Common. Ʋſe 1. Learn theſe mariage duties.For any to mary before they know their dutie, or how to carry therein, is like ſetting up, before one hath learnt the trade: or like anſwering a Matter, before one hears it, which is folly and ſhame unto him, Prov. 18.13.
2 Ʋſe. 2. perform them.To perform theſe duties of mariage car…full, and conſtantly, I commend unto you four Motives or inducements hereunto.4 Motives.
1. 1 Duties of Mariage a…e matters of Religion.Though Mariage in it ſelf be but a civil matter, y…t the duties of Mariage are Matters of Religion, o… conſcience and obedience to the goſ…el, …ing fully preſcribed and injoyned … And Chriſt will one day come in ſlaming …ire to ta… …vengeance on them that ob… not the Goſpel, in the precepts of it. 2 Theſ 1.8.
2 2 To do the dutie. This to get the Comfort thereof.In the diligent and Conſcionable performance of the dutie of mariage, you may expect the comforts, benefits and bleſſings of mariage. A wife may draw forth the love and kindeneſs of a husband, and a Husband may extract the helpfulneſs and comfort of a wife, by the religious doing of their duties the one to the other. For man or woman to expect the Comfort of a Relation, and to neglect the duty thereof, is to tempt God; Math. 25.24.and to act the part of a hard man, who looks to reap where he hath not ſowen, and to gather where he hath not ſtrowed.
3. 3 The mariage covenant.Motive. The ſolemn league and covenant you enter into mutually at Mariage (whereof God himſelf is a witneſs, Malac. 2.14. both of your making it, and your breaking it or keeping it; Hence it is called the Covenant of God; this ingageeth and obligeth you ſtrongely to all Matrimonial duties. Prov. 2.17.Covenant breakers (even in wedlock) God will judge.
4. 4 This will be a good example.The good Carriage of Husband and wife each to other, according to the Goſpel, will be a good example or patern to all other Relations in the family, to ſet them a copy; or teach them how to carry therein, and to put them in order. Without this all would be out of frame; the children unruly, and diſobedient, and the ſervants unfaithful and diſorderly.
So much of the Duties of Mariage.
Now followes the third thing conſiderable in mariage.