Considerations Concerning Marriage, Part 3
III. The Benefits of Mariage.
WHich may be referred to five heads. They are 1. Perſonal 2. Domeſtical 3. Political 4. Eccleſiaſtical 5. Univerſal.
1. 1 Perſonal Benefits.The Perſonal Benefits of Mariage appertaining to the parties themſelves are 4. to wit,
1. Society 2. Sanctity 3. Copartnerſhip 4. furtherance of the myſtical Mariage between Chriſt and the ſoul.
1. 1 Society.Society. God made man a ſociable Creature, in reſpect both of the Conſtitution of his body, and diſpoſition of his minde: and ſaid, Gen. 2.18.19.20.It is not good for man to be alone. Though God made Adam lord over all the Creatures, and brought them to him, to give names to them all, as a ſign of his ſoveraignty and authority over them; yet for all this man was alone; for among all the creatures there was not found a help meet for him or like to him in Nature: a fit and ſutable Companion, that ſhould be alter ego, a ſecond ſelf to him. God ſet all the creatures before him, ere he gave him a wife; that (as ſome think) he ſeeing their ſexes, might deſire to have a help in his kind and nature alſo. God ſaw it was not good for the irrational living creatures to be alone, Gen. 7.2. foreigntherefore he created them male and female, in Heb. cal'd the man and his wife, for the increaſe of their kind (to this end God bid Noah take into the Arke two of every ſort of living things to keep them alive, they ſhall be male and female, Gen. 6.19, 20. and God created them male and female together, but he did not ſo in mankind for Adam was firſt formed, then Eve. Though it be ſaid in Gen. 1.27. that God created them that is Adam and Eve) male and female, yet not together. This is an anticipation. The 27, 28. verſes of Gen. 1. chap. are to be made up with the 17, 18, 19. verſes of the 2. chapter together into one Relation. This was the Cauſe of the Creation of the woman, becauſe Adam was alone (God ſaw Adam Solitary and defective till he had a wife. I will make him, ſaith God, a help commodious for him. God created the woman by deliberate Councel, as before he had done the man, Gen. 1.26, 27. Let us make man in our Image. The creation of the woman was the work of the Trinity as well as of the man. When Adam ſaw no other fit help for him, among all the Creatures, it might make him the more prize a wife: and count it better to loſe a rib then to lack a wife; to want part of himſelf, then not to have a ſecond ſelf. A wiſe was the Complement of all to Adam: and a Recovery of his loſt Rib. If Adam in Innocency, when he was perfect in body and ſoul, and when the whole world was his own, ſtood in need of a wife even for ſociety, to be his Companion, and it was not good for him that was ſo happy to be alone, much leſs for poor ſinful, ſickly miſerable man ſince the fall, what need hath he of a wife, even for Society?
Eccleſ. 4.9, 10.Two are better then one, ſaith the Preacher, that is fully verified in conjugal Society, though this onelyonly is not meant here, but that ſociety in all ſorts of affaires is better than Solitarineſs.
2. Sanctity. 2The Second Benefit of mariage is ſanctity, to prevent ſin, and keep us pure from Pollutions of fleſh and ſpirit.
1. 1 Cor. 7.2.From outward acts of uncleanneſs. To avoid fornication let every man have his owne wife (ſaith Paul) and every woman her own husband.
2 From inward Luſts, Ver. 9.It is better to mary then to burn. Mariage is a meanes to prevent burning in luſt.
Mariage is a preſervation of chaſtity, and prvention of heart adultery which our Saviour makes to be to look on a woman and luſt after her. Math. 5.28.Though mariage was inſtituted before there was ſin, and Adam needed it not as a Remedie againſt Incontinency but upon another account. But ſince the fall it is of neceſſary and ſoveraign uſe, to prevent ſin, and to procure or promote our ſanctincation, that we may poſſeſs our veſſels in holines and Honour, not in the loſt of conpiſcence: Theſ. 4.3.4, 5.This is the will of God.
3. 3 Copartnerſhip.Benefit is Copartnerſhip in all conditions better and worſe: As yoke fellows to take part and ſhare equally together therein.
1. To be a ſolace and comfort one to other in adverſity, as in ſickneſs, poverty, diſgrace. What a great comfort is a loving tender husband to his dear wife in her ſickneſs? and ſhe the like to him in his. Prov. 17.17,As a brother is born for adverſity: ſo many couples finde cauſe to ſay, that they were maried together for a time of adverſity: and that God brought them together to be mutual helps, and comforts at ſuch a time as this; Judg. 13.22, 23.as he did Eſther to the kingdom, Eſther. 4.14. how did Mancahs wife comfort him, when he was plunged deep into fear of death?
2. To be companions in joy; the delight one of another in proſperity; the deſire of the eyes, as Ez…kiels wife was, Ezech. 24.16. Eccleſ. 9.9.and the joy of the heart; to live joyfully and comfortably together, as Abraham and Sarah, Gen. 26.8.Iſaac and Rebekah did. Ab…melech looking out through a window, ſaw Iſaac, ſporting (or laughing and rejoycing) with his wife. Which implies ſome pleaſing familiarity, or ſign of love and delight between them: Husband and wife are glaſſes to look one anothers face in: and echoes of delight, refreſhments and reflections or repercuſſions of pleaſure and joy the one to the other; and mutual chearings each of other.
4 4 Furtherance of the Myſtical Mariage.Benefit of Mariage is, the Furtherance of the Myſtical Mariage between Chriſt and the Soul. Both Husband and wife ſhould improve their conjugal Relation and fellowſhip together to promote the Communion of their ſouls with Chriſt, as the Spiritual huband thereof. To this end we ſhould do three things.
1. 1. To look at Chriſt as our Huſband. Hoſeah. 2.19 20.To look at Jeſus Chriſt our Maker and Redeemer as our Husband (Iſa. 54.5) as maried to us, Jer. 3.14. and at our ſelves as betrothed to him, in righteouſneſs and loving kindneſs, mercy and faithfulneſs.
2 2 To expect the love of a Husband from him.To expect all that love, kindneſs, tenderneſs, Comfort, nouriſhings and cheriſhings from Chriſt ſpiritually (Eph. 5.29.) which the wife looks to receive from her Husband corporally. As the ſpouſe doth in the Canticles: the kiſſes of his mouth, Cant. 1.2. the Embraces of his arms, cap. 2.6. the refreſhments of his preſence, to ſit under his ſhadow with great delights. Cant. 2, 3.Cordials and Refocillations to ſupport and comfort the Soul in his abſence: this is to be ſtaid with flagons, and comforted with apples, verſe 5. Alſo the diſcovery of Chriſt to the ſoul, for he hath promiſed, I will manifeſt my ſelf to you, John 14.21. Will not the husband let his wife behold his face? and the ſence of his love ſhed abroad in the heart, Rom. 5.5. Oh that is better then wine, Cant. 1.2. The Communication of the ſeed of Grace, this is the benevolence which Chriſt as a Husband renders to our ſouls, 1 Cor. 7.3.to make them fruitful in good works. We are maried unto Jeſus Chriſt (ſaith Paul) that we ſhould bring forth fruit unto God; Hence the ſpouſe ſaith, Rom. 7.4. Cant. 1.16. Col. 1.10.Our bed is green. This denotes the fruitfulneſs and flouriſhing of the ſoul in every good work, by the ſpiritual Communion or heavenly Conjunction of Chriſt with the ſoul.
3. 3. To perform our duty to him.To expreſs and perform all that duty ſpiritually to Chriſt, which the wife doth corporally to her husband, as ſubjection, obedience love, loyalty, chaſtity, ſerviceableneſs. To reſerve our hearts wholly, ſolely, intirely for him (as his bed to lie in, his Throne to rule in; now the husbands bed and the Kings throne admit no Corrivals) to be for him and not for another (Hoſea, 3.3.) to tarry many dayes for his gracious Return and manifeſtation of himſelf to our ſouls, after his departures and Occultations of himſelf (in our apprehenſions) from us: to embrace and imboſom Chriſt, and lay him between our breasts, Micah. 7 19, Cant. 1 13.as a bundle of mirrhe, or perfumed bags. To ſubject our deſires to him, and ſubmit our wills to his, that his will may be ours, and there may be but one will between Chriſt and our ſoules: to refer our ſelves wholly to be at his command and diſpoſe. To open our hearts unto him, inviting and intreating him earneſtly to come in, and not onelyonly to ſup and lodge in them, but to make his abode in and with our ſouls. I opened to my beloved, ſaith the ſpouſe, Cant. 5.5. To be ſick of love for Chriſt, as the ſpouſe was, Cant. 5.8. ſick with grief for his abſence, and with deſires of his preſence, and to ſeek him up and down, as the ſpouſe did, Cant. 3.1, 2, 3. by night on our bed (in private inquiries, breathings and reſtleſs deſires and purſuits after him) and in the ſtreetes and broad wayes of the ordinances and communion of ſaints, and not to give over till we find him, and having found him to hold him faſt and not let him go to joyn ou…ſelves, 1. Chriſt, by faith and love to be one ſpirit with him (he that is joyned to the Lord is one ſpirit, ſaith Paul, 1 Cor. 6, 17, as Husband and wife are one fleſh.
To leave father and mother, yea wife and children, houſe, goods, land, all we have, whatſoever is near or dear to us for Chriſts ſake, to follow Chriſt, and to go to Chriſt, which is beſt of all for us.Phil. 1.23.
This is the Law of the Churches mariage with Chriſt, Pſal. 45.10.Hearken O daughter, forget thine owne people and thy fathers houſe. He that loveth father or mother, ſon, or daughter &c. more then me, ſaith Christ, is not worthy of me, Math, 10.37. to have me to be the Husband of his ſoul. Luk. 14.26.Chriſt requires we ſhould leave all to cleave to him.
The Ap…ſtle in Epheſ. 5. deſcribes the Union and amity of Chriſt and the ſpouſe by the ſameneſs of fleſh, which Mariage cauſeth between Husband and wife: and reacheth maried perſons their duties, by the communion of Chriſt and the Church: and the ſouls duty to Chriſt by the wives duty to her Husband. This is to ſpiritualize mariage; and to improve it to a high, holy and heavenly uſe, the benefit whereof w…l extend to the days of Eternity.
What Expreſſion of Conjugal, love is there between man and wife, which carieth not a reſemblance of ſome ſpiritual intercourſe between Chriſt and the ſoul?
2. Benefit of mariage is Domeſtical, the building of families and kindreds, 2 Domeſtical Benefits of Mariage. Ruth, 4.11.and the multiplication of them. Women are Builders hereof as well as men; Rachel and Leah did build the houſe of Iſrael. Indeed mariage is the fountain of all humane ſocieties.
3. Benefit is Political. 3 Political.Mariage laies the foundation of cities, countreys, nations: of Lawes and civil goverment: of Common-wealths and Kingdoms: all theſe are ſuperſtructures upon Mariage. alſo it furniſheth the ſame, with uſeful and ſerviceable inſtruments. That Mariage upholds the fabrick of the republick; the continuation and ſucceſſion thereof. Hence it is cald the Seminary of the Common wealth.
4. 4 Eccleſiaſtical.Benefit of Mariage is Eccleſiaſtical: the Propagation of the Church of God, and of the tr…e religion, to repleniſh it with members, as it furniſhed Chriſt the head of it and Saviour of the world with a body on earth, (for he was conceived and born of a woman, that was begotten in wedlock.)
Mariage afforded fleſh unto the Meſſiah, and provides materials for Gods Church, both ſtones and pillars, and helps to fill heaven with heirs, therefore Mariage is called the Seed plot and Nurſery of the church.
5. Benefit of Mariage is univerſal, 5 Univerſal.the preſervation and increaſe of mankind, this was the end of Adam and …ves creation and Mariage before the fall; and this was Gods benediction upon them. Be fruitful and multiply and repleniſh the earth, Gen. 1.28.Were it not for mariage; the world would come to an end. Hence mariage is called, the pillar of the world under God; the right hand of providence.
Ʋſe. 1 Thankfulnes to GodƲſe. 1. This ſhould teach us thankfulneſs to God.
1. For providing ſo comfortable, uſeful and beneficial a Relation or condition for us, as mariage is. It is a great bundle of Benefits; How many both private and publick are bound up together in it as in one volume?
2. For all the benefit, help and comfort God hath given us particularly in our Mariage, in and by our yoake fellowes. What ſhall I render to the Lord, may the Husband ſay, for giving me ſuch a meet and ſutable help, as I think there is None ſuch for me: may the wife ſay, for giving me ſo great a bleſſing in a wiſe, loving, tender Husband; may both Husband and wife ſay, for bleſſing us with the fruit of the wombe, and giving us hopefull tractable children.
Ʋſe 2. Improve marage.Ʋſe. 2. This ſhould teach us to improve Mariage for all thoſe ends, for which God appointed it, as
1. For Gods glory as well as for our Comfort.
2. For our ſelves; the good of our ſouls as of our bodies; in ſpirituals as well as in temporals: and for Heaven as well as for earth.
3. For others, not onelyonly to build families, but godly families, ſuch as may know, fear & ſerve God: and may breed and ſend forth uſeful perſons (children or ſervants) ſuch as may do ſervice in Church or common wealth, or up religious families abroad. This is an honour and comfort to a maried couple, that out of their houſe as a ſtock or root, many godly families have ſprung and grown, as ſwarms out of a hive, when it is full: that their children being diſpoſed of in theworld, have built ſome; and their ſervants, being maried from them have built other families; and all fearing and worſhipping God.
Ʋſe. 3. reprovs them that mary for low ends.Ʋſe. 3. Reproves them that mary for poor low ends, as onelyonly or chiefly,
1. For Carnal ends to ſatisfie the luſts and deſires of the fleſh.
2. Or for worldly ends, to get wealth or preferment, to heighten, greaten, or raiſe themſelves ſome way in the world thereby. Such mary the portion or Eſtate, rather then the Perſon (whether it be man or woman) and may come to have ſorrow enough therewith; and to buy gold too dear. By Gods juſt judgement ſuch perſons enjoy few of the benefits of Mariage.
1. Little ſociety together; when they have obtained their ends, and ſatisfied their luſts, they care little, one for another; and are ready to part bed, if not houſes.
2. Leſs ſanctity thereby. For their eyes are as full of adultery, and their hearts of unclean affections or luſtings after others men or women, as if they were not maried.
3. No advantage at all doe they got to their Souls by their mariage, or ſpiritual befit, no help heaven-ward, but rather a hindrance.
4. They deſire children, but do not think or care whether they be Godly or no; and they prove many times accordingly.
5. They build up families, but without a dram of religion or piety in them, ſcarce Civility or common honeſty.
6. They ſeek great things in the world for their children, but do not indeavour, intend or deſire, they ſhould be uſeful Inſtruments in Church or Comonwealth and they often ſpend prodigally, what their parents got painfully.
7. They take little or no delight one in another, and have little comfort togethes: it may be much grief: being thorns in the ſides and pricks in the eyes, and provocations, the one to the other.
8. As for the myſtical mariage between Chriſt and Soul, they know not what it means: it is a paradox to them, as Regeneration was to Nicodemus.
How many Husbands and wives have no more benefit by mariage, then the Pagans that knew not God, yea then the beaſts have, to ſatisfie their luſts, which God created male and female as well as them.
Now I come to the fourth thing conſiderable in mariage.