Christian Directions, Chapter 24
CHAP. XXIV.
Of Husbands Duties to their Wives.
HAving shewed the Common-mutual duties appertaining both to the Husband and the Wife, I come now to the special and particular duties belonging to each of them severally.
And first of the duties of the Husband, all which may bee comprized under this one word LOVE; Ephes. 5. 25, 33.for wee finde that often expresly set down and mentioned as the chief duty of the Husband.Col▪ 3. 19.
For the more profitable pressing whereof, I shall shew
1 The manner how it ought to be performed.
2 The particulars in which it ought to expressed.
I. For the manner, the Apostle St. Paul setteth it down in two phrases.
1 As Christ loved his Church, Husbands love your Wives, even as Christ loved his Church, and gave himself for it. foreign.The note of comparison, EVEN AS, requireth not an equality, as if it were possible for an Husband to love his Wife as much as Christ loved his Church; but it notes a similitude and likeness, and implieth two things.
1 That you must indeavour to come as near Christ herein as you can, never thinking you have loved enough, because you can never love so much as Christ did.
2 That though your love in quantity cannot be equal to Christs, yet in quality and condition it ought to be like his, viz. True, Free, and Constant.
1 As Christs love to his Church was a true, Ephes. 5. 25.real love, which hee expressed, by giving himself for her: So should the Husbands love to his Wife be a true, and real love, not loving her in word onelyonly, but in deed also, manifesting his love by some real expressions thereof.
2 As Christs love to his Church was a free love, for his love arose wholly and only from himself, there being nothing in the Church to move him to love her: So should the Husbands love to his Wife be a free love, loving her, though there were nothing in her to draw his love, but onelyonly that shee is his wife.
3 As Christs love to his Church is a constant and continued love, for whom hee once loveth, John 13. 1.hee love…h to the end: So should the Husbands love to his Wife be a constant and continued love, no… onelyonly by fits, for a while, but constantly till death.
2 The Husband ought to l…ve his wife as his own body; as the Apostle St. Paul speaketh,Ephes.. 5. 28. So ought men to love their Wives, as their own bodies. Though the former comparison, taken from Christs Example, be the more excellent, laying fort… a more p…rfect pa…tern, yet this other taken from a mans body, is more sensible, and better discerned of man. For every man knoweth how hee loveth his own body, viz. with all tenderness and compassion; fit…y therefore is it added by the Apostle. And it is to be taken both as a Motive to stir up the Husband to love his Wife, because shee is as nearly joyned to him▪ as his body; and also as a Pattern, to shew him how hee should love his Wife, even as hee doth his body, truly and tenderly, as the Apostle in the following verses more fully expresseth it;Vers. 29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it.
II. The particulars in which an Husband ought to express his love to his Wife, are these, and such like.
1 By honouring her as his companion and yo…k-fellow, 1 Pet. 3. 7.which the Apostle Peter expresseth; for speaking of the Husbands duties, he reckoneth this, of giving honour to the Wife. Gen. 2. 18.The title given to the Wife by God himself, An help meet for her Husband, implieth a kinde of fellowship with him.Gen. 2. 25. And also the place whence the woman was taken, viz. his side, where his heart lay, implieth as much; for shee is as the heart in the body, far more excellent than any other member under the head, and almost equal to the head. It is observable, that when the woman was made, shee was not taken out of the mans head, because shee was not to rule over him; nor out of his feet, because shee was not to be subject to him as a slave, or servant; but out of his side, that hee might take her as his yoak-fellow and companion, which hee ought to do, considering they are joynt-partakers of many special prerogatives which are common to both, being Ioynt-Parents of the same children,foreign. Ioynt-Governours of the same houshold, Ioynt-Partakers of the same goods (in regard of the use of them) and Ioynt-Heirs of the grace of life, as the Apostle Peter speaketh.1 Pet. 3. 7.
2 By delighting in her. This the Wise-man commendeth, in Prov. 5. 19. Let her be as the loving Hind, and pleasant Roe, let her breasts satisfie thee at all times, and bee thou ravisht alwaies with her love, that is, be thou enamoured with her, even to delight. Mark how the Lord termeth the Wife of Ezekiel, Ezek. 24. 16.The desire, or delight of his eyes, because hee delighted in her, and shee was exceeding dear unto him. And truly, if a man exceed not the bounds of civility and sobriety, his affection towards his Wife cannot be too great. Hiply thy Wife is not so beautiful, nor so delightful in her self, as some other women are. Yet as Parents love and delight in their children, not so much because they are comely, witty, or the like, but because they are their children; So thou oughtest to delight in thy Wife, not so much because she is beautiful, wise, or the like; but because shee is thy Wife, even the Wife which the Lord hath allotted unto thee, beleeving her to be the fittest Wife for thee, with whom thou oughtest to rest satisfied.
3 By treating her mildly. The Husband must shew himself milde and gentle in all things towards his Wife. This mildness is urged by the Apostle under the contrary Vice, Bitterness; for saith hee,Col. 3. 19. Husbands love your Wives, and bee not bitter against them. Where bitterness is opposed to mildness, gentleness, familiarity, and the like. So that both the speech and carriage of the Husband towards his Wife, must bee with much mildness and gentleness; If hee instruct her, it must be with all meekness and mildness; If hee command any thing to be done, it should be by way of entreating; hee should not bee too peremptory in commanding; If hee reprove her,Gal. 6. 1. it must be with all mildness and meekness that may be. If a Brother is to bee restored with a spirit of meekness, as the Apostle speaketh, how much more a Wife? For this end a Husband must observe both his own present temper, and his Wives, and forbear to reprove when himself or his Wife is in passion; for while himself is in passion, hee is unfit to reprove, because passion is apt to blind reason, so as it knoweth not how to keep any mean or measure. And if shee be in passion, she is unfit to be reproved, because passion so fills the heart, that it's not capable of any good advice. And as an Husband in reproving his Wife should observe a fit time, so likewise a fit place, forbearing to doe it openly, before Children or Servants, but privately between her and himself; for her honour and credit is to be maintained before Children and Servants, as much as may be, because she is a Joynt-governour with him over them; now for her to be checked and controlled before them, will make them despise her. Herein therefore great wisdome is to bee observed.
Qu. Whether an Husband may lawfully strike, or beat his Wife?
Ans. Though the Husband hath some authority over his Wife, yet it doth not appear that he hath any power or liberty thereupon to beat her.
1 For first, we find it neither commanded, nor commended to us in the Scriptures, there being neither precept, nor president for the same.
2 What fruit can be expected from an Husbands beating of his Wife? but a return of blowes, and scratches, to the utmost of her strength. For this is most certain, that if a man who hath no authority over another, strike him, hee will turn against him, and doe him all the mischief that he can. Now therefore there being no ground to perswade Wives, that their Husbands have such authority over them, as to strike them for their faults; what hope is there that they will patiently bear it, and be bettered by it? or rather, is it not more likely that they will not only rise against them, but if they can, over-master their Husbands, and ever after cast off all subjection to them?
3 The near conjunction and communion that is between man and wife, will not stand with such base and servile dealing, that the Husband should beat and strike his Wife. This is the next way to have her despised of Children and Servants, and so deprive her of all government.
4 Another particular wherein an Husband ought to express his love to his VVife,1 Pet. 3. 7 is, By a diligent endeavouring of her spiritual good. Hence the Husband is commanded to dwell with his Wife as a man of knowledge; i. e. able and willing to instruct her in the knowledge of the truth;1 Cor. 14. 35. wherefore else is shee to ask him at-home? And how otherwise shall he be the guide of her youth? Prov. 2. 17if he be not able and willing to guide her feet in the way of peace. Luke 1. 79But of this I spake in the Common mutual Duties of Husband and Wife, set down in the fore-going Chapter.