Heaven Upon Earth, Declaration 25
XXV. Experiences of M. M.
I Have many times had a deſire to hear the Word of God, when imployed about my Calling; But I then thought to my ſelf, that I had no body to provide for me, but if God would beſtow on me ſo much of theſe outward things, as upon others in the World, then I would ſpend more time in hearing, praying, and reading the Word. And accordingly, as theſe outward things have ebbed or flowed, ſo hath my joy been leſs or more. But now God hath given me a ſight of my ſins, and why I had formerly no comfort, it was becauſe I had not faith in my heart. Before God wrought that in me, inſtead of making uſe of thoſe comforts which the Word holds forth, I ſpent my time in miſtruſting Gods providence, who therefore juſtly during that time, held the ſence of his ſpiritual conſolations from me. Sometimes I was in deſpair (ſo low) that I could not apprehend any thing to be my portion but Hell. Every thing that fell not out according to my mind, I thought was a Judgment from God upon me. Yet I afterwards got comfort by theſe inviting promiſes, Iſa. 55.1. Ho! every one that thirſteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money, come ye, buy, and eat, yea, come buy wine and milk without money, and without price. And Ezek. 33.11. As I live, ſaith the Lord God, I have no pleaſure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live: Turn ye, turn ye from you evil ways, for why will ye die, & houſe of Iſrael?
I had ſome comfort from theſe promiſes, but no aſſurance, my thoughts were various, and tho' between hope and deſpair, yet I reſolved to go to God, knowing that he is unchangeable, and that whom he loves, he loves to the end, and that if a ſinner doth repent and turn to him, he will blot all his ſins and iniquities out of his remembrance. And it pleaſed God to bring this promiſe into my mind, and to help me by faith to lay hold on it, and apply it to my ſelf, Ezek. 18.21,22. If the wicked will turn from all his ſins that he hath committed, and keep all my ſtatutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he ſhall ſurely live, he ſhall not …ye: All his tranſgreſſions that he hath committed, they ſhall not be mentioned unto him; in his righteouſneſs that he hath done he ſhall live. And Chriſt ſaith, Job. 3.16. God ſo loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoſoever believeth in him ſhould not periſh, but have everlaſting life. And this is life eternal, to know God, and Jeſus Chriſt whom he hath ſent.
I bleſs God he hath made me now to believe, not only in word, but to labour to bring forth the fruits thereof in a godly life and converſation. 2. I cannot but admire the free love of God to me, that though I have given ear formerly to the Devil, and to the world, and to my own wicked heart; yet God hath been thus pleaſed now to call me out of darkneſs into his moſt marvellous light. 3. God hath been pleaſed to give me faith to believe, that though ſin hath abounded in me, yet grace ſhall now much more abound, This makes me to ſee the free love of God without any deſert in the creature. 4. I have formerly gone about to limit God, and to be upon tearms with him, that if he would give me ſo much of theſe worldly things as I thought needful, then I would ſpend more time in thoſe duties which he hath commanded me. But this is contrary to the Word of God, which teacheth me now, Firſt, to ſeek the Kingdom of God, and the righteouſneſs thereof, knowing that all other things ſhall be added to me that I want. 5. And now bleſſed be God, he hath made me to believe this, and all other promiſes, ſo that I can by faith call God my Father, who hath promiſed me that All things ſhall work together for good to me, becauſe I love him. 6. I have found ſomething from God, of hope of mercy, ſince I was a faithful hearer of the word; though the Devil did before tempt me with objections to drive me to deſpair for ſin. 7. I am now, I praiſe my God, comforted, in believing that God will not mention my ſins againſt me, Chriſt dyed for ſinners, and the ungodly; and I know that although I have been a great ſinner, yet this hinders me not from laying hold on the promiſes. 8. I do believe, that the Life I now live, I live by the faith of the Son of God; I ſee by faith, that Chriſt hath ſatisfied Gods juſtice for my ſins in particular, and hath bid me to reckon my ſelf in him. 9. Now being ſpiritually marryed to Chriſt, all the priviledges of Saints and believers belong to me. And I can ſay, All is mine, and I am Chriſts, and Chriſt is Gods; Who ſhall lay any thing to the charge of Gods Elect? It is God that hath juſtified me, Who is he that ſhall condemn me? being now juſtified by Faith in Chriſt, I have peace with God▪ 10. I know when this earthly Tabernacle is diſſolved, I ſhall have an abiding not made with hands, but eternal in the Heavens; for Chriſt ſaith, I am gone to prepare a place for you, that is, for me, and all Believers. 10. All the promiſes of God in Chriſt, are ſpoken to believers, and by faith I believe they are made to me, and becauſe he lives, I ſhall live alſo; Now Chriſt hath made me free, I am free indeed. 11. Chriſt hath done all for me, only bids me to believe, which faith by his Spirit he hath wrought in me. 12. I have formerly been ſtirred up to hear, pray, and read upon felfiſh conſideration of fear, that otherwiſe I ſhould go to Hell. And I am aſhamed to think how I have choſen rather to believe what the Devil hath ſaid, than what God hath ſaid. But bleſſed be the Lord, I now ſee it is free love that he forgiveth iniquity, tranſgreſſions, and ſins, only becauſe mercy pleaſeth him; all that I can do cannot. 13. I am guilty before Gods juſtice in my ſelf, both by original ſin which came by the fall of Adam, and much more by thoſe many actual ſins, which I have perſonally committed, but I am juſtified by Chriſt. 14. I deſire to ſhew my dutiful love in obedience to my Fathers commands, and my affections according to the rule of the Goſpel to Chriſt my Husband, with whom I am ſpiritually marryed. 15. The Lord ſaith, Come out from amongſt them all ye my people; and be ye ſeparated, and touch no unclean thing, and I will be your God, and ye ſhall be my people. And if I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear my prayers. I take God to witneſs, who knows the ſecrets of all hearts, that I deſire to joyn in duties, not to the end that others ſhould have a good opinion of me: I know I muſt leave all worldly relations, how ſoon I know not; but herein, I ſhall have peace, that I do as my Father hath commanded me; and I rejoyce in Chriſt Jeſus, putting no confidence in the fleſh, but only in the merits of my Saviour.
M. M.