A Complete Body of Divinity, Sermons · 178 (Question 64 cont.)
SERMON CLXXVIII.
Secondly. WE have Conſidered the Or… of Superiority, which is purely Nar…al, viz. of Parents and Children: … follows that we take an Account of that which is Political: The former is called Natural, becauſe the Relation itſelf is made by Natural … neration; whereas theſe that follow, are not ſo. For tho' the Light of Nature will teach us, that … there are ſuch Relations, there are anſwerable Duties belonging to them; as alſo the neceſſity at leaſt of ſome of them, for the well-being of Mankind; and that therefore the Infinitely wiſe God hath ordained them: Yet the being of theſe Relations between theſe and … Individual Perſons is not Natural, but …, and ariſeth partly from the Governing Providence of God, partly from a mutual … between the Parties themſelves: And … may be diſtributed either into thoſe that … Private, and are called, Oeconomical, … which are more Publick, and are by way of Specialty called Political. A brief Account of … of theſe may ſuffice.
…. THE Oeconomical is that which belongs to the Constitution of Private Families; which are … firſt foundation of Humane Societies, and … of which all other do ariſe; and do neceſſarily re…cire that there be Order in them, without which Mandkind would fall into a Rout. And have are Two Relations to be obſerved, 1. That which is between Husband & Wife. … That which is between the Maſter & Ser…: And theſe may be taken up in Order:
[1.] THE Relation is made between Husband & Wiſe: And I mention this firſt for … Reaſon,
…. BECAUSE this Relation comes n…meſt to that which is Natural. For tho' not Nature, … Conſent, makes theſe Individual … Correlates in this Order; yet the natural …ity of this Relation was founded in the … and End of Man's Creation. Humane Nature was at firſt confined to one Man, and one …, by whom it was to be Propagated and …lyed in it's Individuals, which was the … why God made a diſtinction of Sex be… there: And to prevent Confuſion, God … the Firſt appointed Marriage, as a neceſſ… Medium of it, (plainly intimated in, Gen. ….….) And in this He laid a foundation for … Families, to ſet up each by themſelves; … one Man was to have but one Wife at …, nor would ever have had occaſion for a …, if Man's Apoſtacy had not opened a Door … Mortality to break in upon him; and this … Prophet argues from God's making but One, …. 2.15. So that if this Order be not up…, either Mankind muſt ceaſe, or Mankind … degenerate into the State and Order of …, which is altogether diſagreeable.
1. THESE are the moſt Neceſſary, as well as principal Parts of a Family. I do not ſay, that there can be no Family without theſe, the Death of nine of theſe doth not neceſſarily diſſolve a Family, tho' it doth mutilate it; nor is it compleat where this Relation is not. It was the firſt … of making Families, and had Man conſidered in his Integrity, it would have been neceſſary; whereas, whether the other were … introduced by the Apoſtacy, may afford … of conſideration.
IN the further Proſecution of the Duties be… theſe, we are to take Notice, that of all the Orders which are unequals, theſe do come neareſt to an Equality, and in ſeveral reſpects they ſtand upon even ground. Theſe do make a Pair, which infers ſo far a Parity: They are in the Word of God called T…e-bellows, and ſo are to draw together in the Yoke. Nevertheleſs, God hath alſo made an impurity between them, in the Order preſcribed in him Word, and for that reaſon there is a Subordination, and they are ranked among unequals. And from this we may obſerve ſome Duties that me mutual or common between them, and others that are proper to each.
(1.) THE Mutual Duties are ſuch as belong to each equally, by vertue of the Covenant Relation they ſtand under: And are more eſpecially ſuch as theſe,
1. CONJUGAL Love. We formerly conſidered, that Love being ſaid to be the ſu… …ling of the Law, it is in that reſpect common to every Relation that is placed between Men. Nevertheleſs this Love is ſpecify'd, according to the Nature of the Order Perſons are in; that therefore which belongs to Married Perſons is Conjugal Love; which is therein diſtinguiſhed from that which is due to any other Relation whatſoever. There is alſo a ſpecial Love, which comprehends the whole Duty of the Husband to his Wife, in all the parts of it; and is put in contradiſtinction to the Submiſſion, which expreſſeth the whole Duty of the Wife, Col. 3.18, 19. But this Conjugal Love is Mutual, and is the proper Cement of this Relation: And it is enforced from that Conjugal Union, by which they become One Fleſh: And tho' this Oneneſs be not Natural, but Voluntary, yet it is the neareſt relative Conjunction in the World, and on that account it requires the intimateſt Affection; and if it be rightly made, it follows from a Preference that theſe have, each of other in their hearts, above all the World, on account of this Relation: For which reaſon it in compared to Love between Chriſt & his Church, Eph. 5 25, &c. Husbands, love your wives, even as Chriſt alſo loved the Church, and gave himſelf for it—. And the true Comfort which is to be hoped for from this Relation, muſt derive from this Love, without which it will prove to be, of all the moſt unhappy.
2. A ſpecial Care and Tenderneſs one of another. And this follows from the Love now mentioned, and is indeed the end and uſe of it: And in this they ought with an holy emulation, to ſtrive which ſhall outſtrip the other. They are to be Helps one to another, and this Helpfulneſs is equally incumbent on them; and there are many things wherein they are to expreſs this Helpfulneſs of theirs, which I ſhall not diſtinctly inſiſt on. There is a ſtudy and care, to pleaſe one the other which belongs to them in common: Hence that in 1 Cor. 7.33, 34. They ſhould, ſo far as may be without ſinning againſt God, endeavour to give each other Content, that they may fortify and preſerve Amity and Sweetneſs in their whole Converſation; remembring that by Marriage they are made inſeparable, and cannot without Sin, at leaſt on one ſide, be put aſunder, or depart one from the other. Hence they ought to ſtudy each others Tempers, and prudently accommodate themſelves thereunto, ſo as not to irritate the Corruption that is in them; to bear with each others Infirmities, Natural or Sinful, conſidering themſelves as the frail Children of fallen Adam; and making the Allowances which they ſtand in need of having made to them: To chuſe the fitteſt Seaſons to Reprove each other, for things which their Love and Duty calls for; and uſe the greateſt meekneſs in the application of them: Such was that of Abigail to her Churliſh Nabal, 1 Sam. 25.36, 37. They ſhould be careful of each others Health: And carry to one another with greateſt Tenderneſs in Time of Sickneſs, expreſſing a very peculiar Compaſſion. They are to be very tender of each others Reputation; not only to bear, but alſo to cover and not diſcover any thing, which may render them a reproach to others; and this either by ſilence when it may be kept ſecret, or by the beſt and moſt candid Interpretation, when it cannot otherwiſe be hidden.
3. A Mutual endeavour to promote each others Eternal Salvation. To do all they can to help one another to Heaven; and in nothing can they equally ſhew their beſt Love. Conſidering they have but a little while to Converſe together in this Life, they ſhould do their utmoſt to be Inſtrumental, that they may meet and dwell together in the Kingdom of Glory, where their Love ſhall be perfect. And for this end, they ſhould be to each others Patterns of Piety, and by their Exemplary Religious Carriages to ſtir up an holy Emulation between them; to call upon and quicken each other to the Fear of God; and freely to communicates their Experiences, and to be much in Secret Prayer to God for one another, That God would Bleſs them indeed, and make them partakers in His Love; and Travail in Birth for their Converſion and Salvation: And all this is intimated in that, 1 Cor. 7.16. For what knoweſt thou, O wife, whether thou ſhalt ſave thy husband? Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou ſhalt ſave thy wife?
4. A joint Interest in governing the reſt of their Family. If God in his Providence hath beſtowed on them Children or Servants, they have each of them a ſhare in the government of them; tho' there is an inequality in the degree of this Authority, and the Husband is to be acknowledged to hold a Superiority, which the Wife is practically to allow; yet in reſpect of all others in the Oeconomical Society, ſhe is inveſted with an Authority over them by God; and her Husband is to allow it to her, and the others are to carry it to her as ſuch: Touching Children, the letter of the Command expreſſeth it; and it is urged elſewhere with Emphaſis, as we formerly obſerved: And as to Servants, the Metaphorical and Synecdochical uſage of the words Father and Mother, heretofore obſerved, implys it; for tho' the Husband be the Head of the Wife, yet ſhe is an Head of the Family.
(2.) LET us proceed to the Duties which are Proper to each of theſe Correlates, or belong to the Husband as he is Superiour, and the Wife as Inferiour. That there is ſuch an inequality fixed by the Divine Precept, … Word of God abundantly teſtifies; how … this is augmented by the Apoſtacy, (as is intimated in Gen. 3.16. And thy deſire ſhall is to thy husband, and be ſhall rule over thee, … ſhall not now enquire; only obſerve, … is become more grievous by reaſon of the Sinful Frame befallen both, which makes … one Imhperious, and the other Impatient of … ving any reſtraint: Nevertheleſs, this Order was placed from the Creation; and appointed by the Law of ſpecial Government, and tha… fore the Apoſtle argues it from Reaſon fetch'd from the Order of Creation, as well as the Apoſtacy, 1 Tim. 2.13, 14. For Adam … firſt formed then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, was in the tranſgreſſion. And we are acquainted, that the Reaſon of the Woman's Creation was the ſupply of Man's Need and Comfort, Gen. 2.1…. So that altho' it be Arbitrary, whether this Woman will accept of this Man for her Husband; yet in caſe ſhe doth ſo, ſhe in ſo doing takes him in that Relation which carries ſuch a Superiority in it, and conſequently engaged herſelf to carry it to him as ſo: For this belongs to the Terms of the Marriage Covenant Let us then take an Account of theſe ſeverally.
1. THE Husband's Duty as Superior, … in Scripture called Love, by way of emi… and ſpecialty; and therefore the Precept … on them, is every where expreſſed by … Term; as Eph 5.25. Col. 3.19. and elſewhere. And for the intenſeneſs of it, it is reſemble to the Love of Chriſt to his Church; and … is unqueſtionable, that the Spirit of God … this word to intimate that he ought to menage all his Authority in all reſpects, ſo as … expreſs the entireneſs of his Love to her, … not under pretence of Authority, to … that ſhe is the neareſt Companion that he … in the World, and is his ſecond Self; ſo the Apoſtle argues, Eph. 5.28, 29. So ought … love their wives as their own bodies: be … loveth his wife loveth himſelf. For no man… yet hated his own fleſh; but nouriſheth and … riſheth it, even as the Lord the church. And tho' if the Wife finds her Husband not ſo Kind, as ſhe would Rationally expect, ſhe ought to acknowledge it a fruit of the Apoſtacy, and bear it as a Conſequent of Sin, yet this is no excuſe to him. Now from hence there are theſe Duties more eſpecially belonging to the Husband,
1. HE ought to ſhew a ſingular Tenderneſs, conſidering her as the weaker Veſſel. Thus be is directed, 1 Pet. 3.7. Women are uſually attended with more bodily Infirmities than Man; and peculiarly in breeding, bearing and nurſing Children, which draw forth not a little of their ſinful Impatience; and a great deal of bearing and forbearing is neceſſary to be uſed on the Husband's part; and the rather, becauſe they may read their own Sin in it, and …ght to adore the Sovereig…y of God in making this difference; and to acknowledge themſ…ves to be Inſtrumental, in much of the Trial which they meet with.
2. He ought carefully to maintain her It … Authority in the Family. He is ſo give her …our, 1 Pet. 3.7. And indeed, He doth but …elt his own Honour in ſo doing; for her …it redounds to him: And particularly to … that her Place be maintained in the Family, and that both Children and Servants pay her the due reſpects, who are too apt to deſp…ſe her, and will trample on her Authority, if they ſee …ſelves countenanced by him. How tender was Ab…ab… of Sarabs Authority, when deſpised by Hegar, Gen 16.5, 6. He ought to be … peculiarly ſevere in bearing teſtimony agood Contempt ſhewn to his Wife, becauſe … wrong belongs to hims to right.
3. In …, HE ought to carry himſelf to her, … in all things … approve her ſe…f worth, to be …. The Spirit of God by the Apoſtle, … this title upon him, Eph. 5.23. The H…ſ… is the head of the wife, even as Chriſt is the … of the Church: and the Saviour of the body. And this Compariſon affords matter of ſuitable Intruction to the Man, how he ought to carry himſelf in his Place. The word Head, is not …ly uſed as a Note of Superiority, as it is very …tly in the Book of God; but being a comp…ſon taken from a thing Natural, it carrys … Inſtruction about the Nature of this Supe…ty, and Way in which it is to be uſed, by all Perſons to whom it is attributed: And there are more eſpecially theſe Three Things p…d at in it;
1. TO ſhew a ſingular Wiſdom & Knowledge i… his whole Conduct. It is true. There is Duty … the Correlate, ariſing from the Relation it…elf, which obligeth the Conſcience, tho' the Subject of it be defective in the diſcharge of the D…es ariſing from it: Hence that in, 1 Pet. 2.…8. Servants, be ſubject to your masters with …, not only to the good and gentle, but alſo it the froward. The reaſon whereof is of equal … in other Orders, becauſe it intends the Connection which God hath made in the Precept, between the Relation and the Duties; and both the Relate and Correlate, are accountable to God for their demeanure; but ſtill the Duty abides on Men in every Relation, to carry themſelves worthy of it, and that is by ac…nting themſelves with the Duties of the Relation, and practiſing a careful Conformity thereunto. Now it is the Prerogative of the Head, is the Body Natural, to be the Seat of the Underſtanding, which it is to employ and apply for the right Conducting of the whole Body. And if the Huſband would maintain his Supe…arity, he ought to ſtudy to excel in Wiſdom and …dence: and how ſhall he be a leader to his … in ways of Diſcretion or Piety, if he death not excel in theſe Gifts? It is their Duty, 1 Pet. 3.7. To dwell with them according to Knowledge. But how ſhall they do this, if they have it not? He ought therefore to do as the Good Men is Characterized. Pſal. 112.…. To ga…de his af…airs with d…ction.
2. TO uſe ſ…gular …ere. … providing things meet for her. Tho' the Head be principal part of the Natural Body, yet it is a Conſtituent part of the Body, and hath therefore a Syn …athy with it, and cannot but be careful for it; and its great Contrivance is for the Comfort of it, and keeping off of Injuries from it. As therefore it belongs to the Man to lay out his Providence, and Endeavours for the good of his whole Family ſo more particularly …eminently for his Wife, who is more cloſely united to him, by ſpecial Bonds of Propinquity than any other Member of it: Hence that, Epa. 5.20. for no man ever yet bated his own fl…ſh: …ut near ſ…eth and …beriſheth it. He ſhould therefore always be contriving and laying himſelf out for her Comfort, that ſhe may not wa…tany thing that is needful for it, that comes within his Ability to do for her.
3. TO lead and guide her with P…eus Counſel, and a Godly Examp…e. He ought to uſe his Saperiority, as with tendemeſs, ſo with greateſt Reaſon. The Head is to guide the Body, and order it's Affairs, as it is it's own body; and as the Husband hath a Duty of Conducting his Wife, ſo he ought to do it, with that which may command her, as ſhe is a Cauſe by Counſel, wherein there is a manifeſt difference between the thing uſed in the Compariſon, and the Subject to which it is applied. We find ſuch a Title put on the Husband, Prov. 2.17. The guide of her youth: which implies a power of direction. Nevertheleſs, He muſt rememeber, that it is for God, and for his Glory that he ought to do it; and for that reaſon he is to require nothing of her, but what is agreeable to the revealed Will of God: As he is her Head, he ought to be able to back his Counſels with the Word of God: and lay before her a ſufficient Conviction of her Duty, to comply with him therein; for he hath no Authority of Compulſion; tho' there are ways in which he may lawfully let her ſee his diſlike of her refuſing to comply with his juſt demands of her: And to give force to theſe, he ought to go before her in Exemplary Love and Godlineſs; and let her ſee, that he requires nothing of her, but what he is willing and ready to do, ſo far as it belongs to hims in his Order and Relation. Thus in general we have the Huſband's Duty. And as to particulars, I refer you to ſuch as handle the ſeveral Caſes depending.
2. THE Duty of the Wife, as ſhe is Inferiour, is frequently in Scripture called Submiſſion: See Eph 5.22. C…l. 3.18. The word uſed there is a general word, and ſignifies to be ordered under another, or to keep Order, being a Metaphor from a Band of Souldiers, or an Army; and comprehends under it the Duty of Inferiours, in every Rank and Order which God hath placed them in; and is therefore applied to Children in reſpect of their Parents; the Wife in regard of her Huſband, Servants in reſpect of their Maſters, and Young Perſons with regard of ſuch as are Aged, 1 Pet. 5.5. And hence the Submiſſion here required, is not to be meaſured by the Notation or import of the Word it ſelf, but by the Quality of the Relation to which it is applied. It is therefore to be in general obſerved, that this Submiſſion is not the ſame with the Subjection required of Children to their Parents, or the Obedience due from Servants to their Maſters. But as there is ſuch a ſubordination intended in it, as requires the Wife to teſtify her Acknowledgment of her Huſband's Superiority, ſo it is ſuch as is to be man…ged ſo by the Huſband, as that his Wife may take delight in it, and not account it a Slavery, but a Liberty and Priviledge, and the Wife ought to carry it ſo to her Huſband, as he may take Content in her: And whatſoever is contrary to this, and is rendred grievous to either Party, deriveth not from the Precept, but from the Corruption there is in the Hearts of Men. Accordingly, the ſpecial Duties incumbent on Wives in this Relation, are ſuch as theſe: (For I here meddle not with thoſe that belong to them under the Seventh Commmand, but refer them thither.)
1. SHE ought to entertain in her Heart, a reverend Reſpect for her Husband. This muſt be the root and ſpring of all that Subjection which ſhe pays to him, elſe ſhe will either not pay it, or do it hypocritically. This therefore is required as a thing carefully to be looked af… Eph. 5.33. Let the wife ſee that ſhe Revere… her Husband. Therefore the word firſtly ſignitys to Fear, and is of an Active ſignification: ſometimes is uſed for that Horror which ſiezeth a Perſon upon the apprehenſion of ſome great Danger Threatning: But for the moſt part it is improved in the New-Teſtament, to expreſs the Reverence which an Inſeriour conceiveth for a Superiour, on account of that Superiority, and is applicable to all the Relations of this kind: It is not a ſlaviſh Fear, which is nouriſhed with hatred or averſion; but a noble and generous Fear, which proceeds from Love. The Wife ought to have ſuch an Honourable reſpect for her Huſband, as ſhould make her to be very careful that ſhe ofter nothing to him, that ſhould juſtly offend him; but count it her Conjugal Happineſs to enjoy his kind and tender reſpects for her: And this ſhe ought to maintain by a due conſideration of the Duty of the Relation: Tho' the obſervation of his worth and good demeanure is a good help to fortify it, and the conſideration that the Happineſs of the Married Eſtate hath a main dependance on the good Correſpondence between them.
2. TO ſtudy & uſe all lauful ways to oblige him. To do any thing Sinful for this, is too much, and will diſpleaſe God, whom we ought to Reverence more than any Creature whatſoever. But there is an Art or Cunning which is Commendable, viz. To acquaint our ſelves with the Tempers or Diſpoſition or Inclination of one whom we have a peculiar reſpect for, and wifely to accommodate our ſelves to it; than which there can be nothing in Ordinary Converſation more obliging: And this is proper in the Caſe before us; this muſt not be to nouriſh any wicked way in them, which is another thing.
2. TO …e…ken wh…m, in his lawful Counſe… and Demants. It is true, as was formerly obſerved, if a Superiour adviſe, or Command … that is Subject to him, any thing which is contrary to the revealed Will of God, he is to … fuſe to do it, obſerving a ſuitable decorum in the manner if the refuſal; and the reaſon i…, becauſe God is Superiour to both, and a… the Duties of all Relations are preſeribed and … ded by his Command: But in other things there is a Duty of Compliance; though a Wi…e certainly hath greater liberty of debating the Prudence of the thing: However, both reſpect and common Intereſt oblige her carefully … Conſult him in every matter of weight; to take his Direction in things of Common concern between them; and in things indifferent to clauſe rather to gratify his Demands, than pleaſe her own Humours; and to be ſure to do no unneceſſary thing, which ſhe knows will offer Provocation to him.
4. TO take delight in his Honour, as her own & uſe means to uphold is. The Huſbands Honour is her Credit, and ſhe then Honours her ſelf, when ſhe moſt Credits him: It is therefore one piece of the Commendation of the Vertuons Woman, Pro. 31 23. Her husband is known in the gates, when be ſitteth among the eiders of the land. She ought therefore to carry it in all things among Men, ſo as that Men may not … her fooliſh Behaviour, reflect on her Huſband; as they will certainly do, it ſhe be guilty on that Account. Nor ought ſhe to indulge any thing to his diſrepute; but if ſhe knows any thing that would be ſo, to uſe all Means that it may … take the Air
5. TO reſt ſatisfyed with, and take Co… in his Condition. This Union was made upon Choice; and if ſhe engaged in it deliberately, ſhe knew his Condition in this World, and ought to be willing to be content with the Providence of God in all the Changes that may come over it. A Friend is born for the Day of Adverſity; much more then, ſuch a Friend as this: If therefore Providence frown on him, her Duty is to bear with him, and uſe endeavours by Cheerfulneſs and Counſels to Encourage him; and whereſoever God ſhall call him to have his Lot, to be a cheerful Companion to him, and Comfort, &c.
6. TO uſe Fidelity and Frugality, in managing the outward Concerns of the Family. It belongs to the Character of a Vertuous Woman, Prov. 31.11. The heart of her husband doth ſafely truſt in her, ſo that be ſhall have no need of ſpoil. She ought therefore to have an inſpection over the Houſhold Affairs, to ſee that nothing be waſted, or prodigally ſpent; that all have what is ſuitable in due ſeaſon; that her Deeds of Charity be meaſured ſuitably; and nothing of any great moment diſpoſed of, without his Knowledge and Approbation: And this belongs not only to ſuch as are Por, but to every Woman that will take this Relation upon her, let her be never ſo Noble: For doubtleſs, this Paragraph in the Chapter, contains a Deſcription of one that is ſit to make a Wife for a Prince.
USE. WE may learn from the Premiſes, … Rule for the making of Happy Families. In ſuch as ſtand in this Relation one to another, ſtudy and practice more theſe Duties, and … your to out-do each other in that Conjugal love, and the regular expreſſions of it; and … upon God for his Grace to help them in ſo …. This is the way to have Piety, & Peace … Proſperity to dwell under ſuch a Roof: For … God will command the Bleſſing, And it … do meet at any time with a Croſs in this …tion, let them examine themſelves whether …hath not been ſome notable Defect in theſe …ds, and be humbled before. God for it. The will be the way to recover His Favour, … five together as the fellow-Heirs of Eteral …
[JULY 27. 1703.]