A Complete Body of Divinity, Sermons · 176 (Question 64 cont.)
SERMON CLXXVI.
… I Shall begin with that Order which God hath placed between Mankind, that is … Natural, and this is that which is placed … Parents and Children; and this may be … Natural not only becauſe the light of Na…vers the Relative Duties between theſe, ſuch it doth in all the reſt, and they are to be … the Nature or Quality of the Relations; but … becauſe Nature it ſelf hath made this …, and it abides the ſame Immutably in … and Generations of the World: Nor … intervention of any other Occaſional … Relations out off the Obligations the … fined in this. Parents owe it to their … and Children to their Parents, as long … live; and this may be the reaſon why …eſaly mention'd in the Command, rather than any other; it being a Partern for every …, and the nearer reſemblance they have to is them… defireable and laudable; And for … all other Relations of Order, in which … is a Superiority and Inferiority, are ſo fre…ly ſet forth in the word of God, under theſe … we have before obſerved. Now tho' … …nce of Children to their Parents; is only … in the Command, yet becauſe there … …iprocal Duties between them, and the … of God hath laid down thoſe as well as … we may conſider them ſeverally: And … may take a diſtinct account of the Ho… which is due, and the Duties in which it is the expreſſed between theſe. And tho' the … of Duty on one ſide, doth not diſcharge … other, becauſe all Obedience is ultimately to … reſpect to the Authority of God; yet be… there is great influence, by the ſuitable behaviour of one to the other, to draw foth a …c…d due carriage: And becauſe the Su… or Parents are ſuppoſed to have more … in them than their Children, I ſhall … with theſe. Hence,
… PARENTS own an Honour to their Children, and they are to manifeſt it by the diſ…ge of Parental Duties to them. I uſe the … Parents, becauſe the Command ſaith, Thy … and thy Mother; and becauſe Children do …tive from both, as the Common Root or …ck, whereof they are the Bra…ches. And …fore the Natural ground of the Relation, and the Superiority over Children by vertue of the Relation, is in both joyntly. And becauſe they are but One in making the Relation, yet are Two diſtinct Perſons, they are to be particularly referred to in this. For which reaſon the word of God mentions them ſeverally, as in the Command, ſo elſe where frequently. And becauſe Children are too apt to flight their Mothers Authority, this is not put in Conjunction only, but ſometimes mentioned Emphatically, Prov. 6.20. Lev. 19.3. Hence alſo Mothers have charge given them, and are reproved for neglect, and commended for fidelity in this regard, 2 Chr…. 22.3. Prov. 31.1. Now that we may take up a right conception of the Duties here peculiarly concerned, we may begin it at its riſe, and ſo purſue it to the particulars, in the following Conſiderations,
1. THAT the foundation of this Relation, is Natural Generation. For it is by vertue of this that it is brought about, and that which makes theſe to be Father and Mother, and thoſe to be their Children, is becauſe thoſe were begotion and born of theſe; ſo that this Natural Relation eatends no further, or cannot be brought about in any other way; nor is it in the choiſe of Men, on either hand, to put off this Relation each to other, whilſt both the terms of it do exiſt; this therefore is fully expre…t in, Pr…. 23.22, 25.
2. THAT hence there is a p…cali…r Love Naturally deriving from Parents to their Children. There is a love to all Men, which is required of us, and without it we can diſcharge no Duty to them aright; hence it is the Sum of all Obedience. Rom. 13 9, 10. Love is the fuiſilling of the Law. But the Love of Parents to their Children is ſuch as admits not of ſuitable words to expreſs it, it being ſo intenſe and influential: ſo that God himſelf is pleaſed to reſemble His Love to His Children by this, there being no Compariſon that better reſembleth it, Iſal. 103. 13. Iſai. 49.15.
3. THAT from this Generation there flows a Natural right of Government unto Parents over their Children. This very thing gives them a claim to it, according to the Dictates of right reaſon. And on this account the Heathen Moraliſts were wont to place the reverencing of Parents, next to the worſhipping of the Deity in their Natural Theology; accounting theſe two to be the prime and moſt radiant dictates of Mens Conſciences, being written with Sunbeams in their hearts. So that as God challengeth Service from Men by the right of Creation, Pſal. 100.1, 2 Deus. 32.6. In like manner the Duty of Obedience to Parents, is inculcated from their being ſo, Prov. 31.2. Yea God himſelf argueth with His People from this compariſon, Mal. 1.6. A ſon bonoureth his Father, and a ſervant his Maſter; if then I be Father, where is mine bonow?
4. THAT from the conſideration of both theſe joyntly, there ariſeth a double ſort of Duty, which Parents owe to their Children, viz. the Proviſion which they are to make for them, and the Government which they are to exerciſe over them. And to theſe two may all the ſeveral Duties of Parents in that Relation be reduced, of which we may take a brief account:
[1.] IT is the Duty of Parents to make Proviſion for their Co…dren. And for this it is, that God hath put thoſe Natural Affections into them, which may prompt them ſo to do; that they may with more delight, diſcharge the Obligation lying upon them on this Account: And not to do it, is worſe than bruitiſh; hence that Complaint, Lam. 4.3. Even the ſea monſters draw cut the breaſt, they give ſuch to their young ones; the daughter of my people is become cruel, like the oſtriches in the w…lderneſs. And this Care is to be uſed for them, both with reſpect to their Outward and Inward Man: Their Bodies and Seals beling unto this Charge incumbent on them (1.) WITH reſpect to their Bodies on outward Man: And the principal Duties here are,
1. IN their Infancy tenderly to souriſh them, till they are capable of provinding for the …ſelves. Children are in their Minority altogether uncap…ble of looking after themſelves: There are no other ſorts of Creatures equally ſhiftleſs, ſo that they muſt needs periſh without a Compaſſionate looking after; and for this God hath given Parents in Charge to do all the Offices of Love to them: We read, 1 Tim. 5.8. But if any provide not for his own, and ſpecially for thoſe of his won houſe, be hath demed the faith, and is worſe them an infidel. They are to carry them in their Arms, lay them in their Boſom, ſupply them with ſuitable Food and Raiment, watch to defend them from Miſchief; and to take care that they may want nothing for their ſupply of Food or Raiment, according to their Ability; and all this with greateſt tenderneſs; 1 Theſ. 2.7.
2. AS ſoon as may be, to take care for their bringing up, to be fit to Live in the World when Adult Children are not always to hang on their Mothers Breaſts, and be nouriſhed from their Father's Table, but to be uſefull for their Own and the Publick Good; as thoſe who may in time be Parents, and have a like Charge. And it is a great Duty on Parents to ſee that they be fitted for this, that when they come to be for themſelves, they may not be a Burden, but a Bleſſing to the Places they are in. For this reaſon early Endeavours are to be uſed with them: It is a Rule, Prov. 22.6. Train up a child in the way be ſhould go: and when he is old … will not depart from it. And the ſooner this is done, the more likely are they to do it well, and much evil will be prevented. Whatſoever therefore is fit and needful to prepare them for ſome Calling, is firſt and early to be taken care for; and the leaſt that can be is to ſee that they be taught to Read and Wirte, before ſuch Time as they are of Age to be put out to a particular Calling, without which they cannot well engage in any; and when they are ſo prepared, to provide ſome honeſt Occupation for them, which they may be Inſtructed in, that ſo they may have a Calling to Live on, without which none can Live honeſtly: And becauſe there are many Callings of Uſe for Mankind, ſome … Liberal, others more Servile; but all Commendable in themſelves; ſome one is to be choſen for them, which may beſt ſuit to their Ge…, and the Poſt they bear among Men. And … Parents are prudently to obſerve the Inclination of their Children, and conſider their Capacity; yet they ought to have an over-ruling influent in this Affair: However, no Child is to be brought up without ſome Employment, by which he may be Serviceable; for the Law faith 2 Theſ. …. 10. That if any would not work, … ther ſhould be …t.
3. WHILST they are under their Wing, and at their Providing, to allow them according … their Rank & Ability. Theſe Two muſt … gether; for God's Providence is to be obſerved and comported withal: Tho Parents have a right to diſpoſe of, yet Children have a right in their Eſtates, whereof God hath made Parents the Stewards; and their Allowances to … Children, ought to be ordered with Diſe… Now God's Providence hath ſet Men in divers Stations among Men, and hath variouſly di…ributed of the things of this Life: And as it is a Sin and Folly for Men to live above their Ability, whatſoever Place they bear; ſo it is a Duty to bring up Children ſuitably to their Rank, provided they keep within the co… of their Ability; and for this end, they … to keep a due Medium between ſordid Pea… ouſneſs, and profuſe Laviſhneſs: And this … in ſpecially to be uſed by Parents in laying … according to their Ability, for the good E… tion of their Children, that they need not … it, by reaſon of their Covetouſneſs.
4. THE allowing of them a ſuitable Portion of their Estates. It is the Duty of Parents … lay up for their Children, 1 Cor. 12.14. And tho' God orders this as He pleaſeth, and it is the Duty of Parents, to take care that they lay up nothing for their Poſterity, but what is honeſtly gotten, left they provide a Curſe for them, and not a Bleſſing. Nevertheleſs, Parents ought by Frugality and Prudence, to lay by a Part of what they Gain, for their Children; and diſtribute it to them according as there is Occaſion: More particularly, when they diſpoſe them in Marriage, that they may have ſomething to begin upon: And when they come to D…, by diſpoſing by Will, 2 due Proportion to every one of them, who have not before had it ſet of to them; nor ought they to ſhew Partiality, much leſs to Diſinherit any, upon any light occaſion.
(2.) WITH reſpect to their Souls or inward Man. And this ſhould be the main Care, … the other ought not to be neglected; not can their Love be regular, if they take up with the Former, and neglect This. And the Things that are mainly here to be obſerved are,
1. TO take care that they be Baptized in their Infaney. Baptiſm is a Seal of Initiation in the Covenant of Grace, and tho' it be an External Seal, and the Efficacy of it d…p…nds upon the free Grace of God; yet it is the Duty of Parents to ſeek this for their Children, becauſe God hath required it; and hereby they are openly …ted to God, and brought under the Duties … Priviledges of the New-Covenant: We are … that Baptiſm comes in the room of Cir…ſion, Col. 2.11, 12. In whom alſo ye are …ſed with the circumciſion made without …, in putting off the body of the ſins of the … by the circumciſion of Chriſt: B…ried with … baptiſ…, wherein alſo you are riſen with … …rough the faith of the operation of God, … raiſed him from the d…d. And we find … God's injunction was for th…, in Gen. …. And the uncircumciſed man child whoſe … his fore-ſkin is not circumciſed, that ſoul … out off from his people: …e hath broken ….
… be early inſtructing them in the ways … and counſelling them about the Affairs … Souls. And in nothing can they more … true Love to them; and all their … their Outward Man is little in com… of this, and inſignificant without it; ſo … that, Matth. 16.26. For what is a man … if he ſhall gain the whoſe world, and loſe … ſoul? or what ſhall a man give in ex… … his ſoul? Children are born with… … of the knowledge of the true Reli… them; yea filled with corrupt Princi… …rror, Ignocance, and Enmity: Parents … ought to begin betimes to inſtill into … knowledge of the Truths of the word …, and tell them their natural miſerable … and uſe earneſt …deavours to perſwade … ſeek God early, that if poſſible they … Converted to God in their Infancy: …, 2 Tim. 3.15. And that from a child … known the holy ſcriptural, which are able … thee wiſe unto ſalvation. And doubt… was by the careful Inſtruction of his …: Hence that, Chap. 1.5. When I call … …brance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, … firſt in thy grandmother Lois, and …ther En…ice; and I am perſuaded that in …. And herein Parents ought to ſuit … Inſtructions to the Capacity of their Chil…, 1 Cor. 3.1, 2. And this is to be done … ſuitable Occaſions; ſee, Prov. 4. begin. …AREFULLY. to ſet before them a good …, both in Words & Carriages. Exam… have a gre… influence upon Men, eſpeci… of ſuch whom they have a particular reſpect … And Children in their Minority, ordina… obſerve none more than their Parents, and … …ily learn of their ways: And tho' it is …, that they will more readily learn Sin than …, it being that which the Corrupt Na… by…ſſeth them to … yet God ordinarly bleſ… this cautiouſneſs to good Effect; and Pa… will have Peace in this at laſt, whatſoever the ovent be.
4. To be ever Commending them to God, by …ſſant and importunate Prayer. This ſhould … all their other Endeavours with and for …, inaſmuch as the Succeſs entirely depends … the Bleſſing of God for them, which they …ught thus to commend to him: They ſhould Pray with them on this account; and endeavour to let them ſee how deeply their Souls are concerned for them, as well as thus ſet them a good Pattern of Prayer, … in their ſecret Applications to Heaven, to carry them to God, and with greateſt wreſtlings to ſtrive for a Bleſſing on the…; to be often Praying for every one of them, and ſaying to God as Abraba…, Gen. 17.18. O that Iſb…l might live before thee! And ſuch ought to be their ſollicitude on this act…, that whatſoever ſlip their mind in particular, yet this may be never forgotten that God would Bleſs their Children, and derive the Everlaſting Bleſſings of the Covenant to them, according to the Pr…tiſs, Pſal. 103.17, 18. But the mercy of the Lord is from everlaſting to everlaſting upon them that fear him; and his righteouſneſs unto childrens children: To ſuch us keep his covenant; and to theſe that remember his commandments to do them.
[2.] It is the Duty of Parents to exerciſe … Parental Government over their Children: That God hath committed ſuch a Government to them, and requires it of their; the Scripture abundantly teſtiſ…es: Nay, the very Light of Nature diſcovers it, and their Neceſſity caſte for it: And this is diſtinct both from Civil and Eccleſiaſtical Government, tho' there be a reſemblance between them. That this Government is not Deſpotical or Arbitrary is certain; for tho' they are more leſt at liberty to exerciſe their Prudence i… the Adramiſtration of it; yet there are Limits ſet to it in the wood of God, and Rules laid down, which preſcribe the Doctor of it, in … Compaſt whereof they are to contain themſelves. And here let us obſerve, that this Government peculiarly reſpects their Non-age, or the time wherein they are not come to govern themſelves, and ſet up Families of their own, tho' th…n alſo they are to exerciſe a ſuitable Parental Authority in ſome Caſe…; And here two general Rudes may be offered,
(1.) THEY ought to maintain their Authority, by avoiding the en…treams of Rigour & Indulgence. As Children are not for be treated either a… Brutes or Slaves, ſo neither with over fondneſs, and letting them enjoy their Wills in every thing: hence that Rule given Eph. 6.4. Father… provoke not your Children to …. They are ſo to Love them, … to let them know their Place; and ſo alſo to Ra… them, as to let them know their Paternal Affection to them. They m…ſt be neither … Familiar with them, leſt they deſpiſe their Authority, and wreſt … from them; nor too much Eſtrange themſelves from them, leſt they be diſcouraged; and think themſelves Diſregarded: And great Diſcretion … here to be uſed, according to th…s divers Tempers and Diſpoſitions.
(2.) THEY ought … their … ment according to the Age and Capacity of their Children. There in a Childiſh Age, in which they are not arrived at the uſe of their Reaſon with Diſcretion, which afterwards they arrive to, and they are to be Governed accordingly: This is plainly intimated in Gal. 4. beg. And indeed they will never be ſo fit to Govern their Children, if they be not taught to obey their Parents. There is Inſtruction which is accommodated to their rational Powers, and Correction which is to be applied to their Senſes; and there is great Prudence here to be us'd. Correction is never to be adminiſtred without Inſtruction, for then it will likely loſe the End of it. Hence the Hebrew and Greek Language have one and the ſame Word for both, both being deſigned for Reformation. Correction is not ordinarily to be uſed, when Conviction by reproof, will as well obtain the End. Horſes, Aſles, and Pools, are the proper ſubjects of ſuch Diſcipline, Prov. 26.3. Though in ſome Notorious faults it is to be applied, for the warning of other Children to take heed to themſelves. Inſtruction is oftner to be applied than Correction. It muſt not be always a Word and a Blow: Nor may Correction be adminiſtred in a Paſſion, but with a …n Meek and Sedate Spirit, that they may be made to read Love in it, and know that it is done for their good, and upon neceſſity. As therefore they grow up to a Capacity, they are to be treated more with reaſon, unleſs they remain fools and incorrigible, without Severity.
NOW the things in which Parents are more particularly; to exerciſe their Authority over their Children, whilſt they are under their Watch, are ſuch as theſe,
1. THEY are to regulate them in their Works and Recreations. They are to be fitted for, and brought up to ſome-Calling, that they may be uſeful in their Generation; and yet there are Recreations, to be allowed them for Diverſions. Hence that is promiſed as a bleſſing, Zech. 8.5. And the ſtreets of the city ſhall be full of boys and girls playing in the ſtreets thereof. But Children have no deſcretion to order themſelves in this regard, and therefore are to have their Parents order in it; and that there are ſo many Children brought up in Idleneſs, and ſpend their whole time in Play, is the Parents fault, and a neglect of the Authority which God hath veſted them withal. They are to ſet them their buſineſs, and ſee that they attend it; whether in attending Schools for their Inſtruction, or applying themſelves to labour, when fit for in; or in putting them out to ſuch Callings, as they judge moſt convenient for them; this is implied in, Prov. 23.6.
2. THEY ought to compell them to keep Family Order. There muſt be Orders in every Family, where there are Parents and Children, elſe God will be diſhonoured by them: and no Child in a Family, of what Age ſoever, is to think himſelf diſcharged from them. One ſuch Perſon in a Family, will put all into about … themſelves ought therefore to be exemplary to their Children in this, elſe they will teach them diſorder. There are ſeaſons for the Worſhip of God, ſeaſons for Meats, ſeaſons for Natural Reſt, and preparing themſelves for it. And Parents ought not to indulge their Children in a practical neglect of theſe; but to appoint the Ordinary ſeaſons for theſe things, and uſe their Authority over their Children for complying there-with-all.
3. THEY ought to exerciſe Authority … them, in regard to their Company. As M…s Nature enclines him to be Sociable, ſo the Connate Corruption in fallen Man, diſpoſeth him to evil Society; and Children, early diſcover the Naughtineſs of their hearts in this regard, by aſſociating themſelves, with ſuch as are …, and are apt, very uneaſily to ſubmit themſelves to be under reſtraint in this regard: But as Parents have an Authority, ſo in nothing can th… more expreſs their Love to their Children, … in uſing it to lay a reſtraint upon them. We read, Prov. 13.20. He that walketh with wiſe men, ſhall be wiſe: but a companion of f…ds ſhall be destroyed. How watchful therefore …ght they to be in this regard? Hence the … Charge given to a Son, Prov. 1.10. My ſe…, … ſinners entice thee, conſent thou not. And 23.19, 20. Hear thou, my ſon, and be wiſe, and g…de thine heart in the way. Be not amongſt ration caters of fleſh. And as theſe Inſtructions are given with Authority, ſo that Authority is to be uſed in Proſecution of them.
4. THEY ſhould alſo govern them in their Attendance upon the Publi…k Ordinances of Worſhip. As their principal Care ought to be … their Souls; ſo, becauſe God hath ordained the Ordinances of His Houſe, to be the ord… Means of Salvation, it is their Duty to Com… them, and ſee that they are Obeyed in this … ter. Hence that, Gen. 18.19. For I know … that he will command his Children and his … hold after him, and they ſhall keep the way of the Lord. And here, as they are to ſee that … do attend, and not keep from the Ordinances, (for which reaſon, it is moſt convenient, but they frequent the ſame Aſſembly with … Parents, eſpecially till they come to be a… Deſcretion to make a wiſe Choiſe for themſel…,) ſo they ought carefully to reſtain them, … ſuch Aſſemblies, where Heretical Doctrines are taught, of Superſtitious Worſhip is prac…, that ſo they may not imbibe thoſe … in their Youth, which will be hard to e…a… afterwards.
5. THEY ought to exerciſe a prudent Authority in the diſpoſal of them in Marriage. This is the moſt Momentous Change, that … Perſons in their whole Lives: And t… … rents have right in the Ordering of it, the … Moral Heathen were perſwaded, by the … of Nature. The care of Abraham, and of … and Rebecca upon this account, are commended to us in the Word of God, for our Imitation: And tho' neither Reaſon nor Religion' … Parents to put a force on their Children … matter, inaſmuch as they cannot put … Affection into their Children, without wi… that Relation will not be an Happineſs, but a Miſery; yet their Advice and Direction is to be uſed, and their Conſent is to be had ordinarily, except by their fordid and brutiſh Carriage, they neceſſitate their Children to ſeek redreſs from higher Powers. And more peculiarly are …ey to exert this Authority in forbidding, and as much as in them lies preventing, their being unequally yoked with Perſons that are of another Religion. There were therefore a Moral Reaſon in that Law given by Moſes, Deut. 7.3, 4. …nber ſhall th…s make Marri…ges with them; by Daughter th… ſhall not give unto his Son, …r his Daughter ſhall th… take unto thy Son. For they will turn away thy Son from following …, that they may ſerve other gods: ſo will the …ger of the Lord be kindled againſt you, and de…oy thee ſoulden y…. And toone of the fore-cited …, may be reduced, whatever particular Per… are given in the word of God, on this ac….
USE. AND to quicken Parerts to theſe Du…, Let us conſider that God requires it of our hands, and will call us to an account for the Children ſo put under our Charge: Their well…g in this World, and another, hath no tittle …ern in it: and our own Comfort or Sorrow in th…. God is wont ordinarily to bleſs faith…neſs in this regard with good ſucceſs, and we …y hope to live in them honourably when we are gree, and to meet them again with Joy, in the Great Day.
[JUNE, 1. 1703.]