Death, To the reader – Confession
Reader;
THis Serves only to draw the Curtain, that thou mayſt behold a Tragick Scene, ſtrangly changed into a Theater of Mercy, a Pillar of Salt Transformed into a Monument of Free Grace; a poor Wretch, entring into Priſon a Bloody Malefactor, her Conſcience laden with Sins of a Scarlet Die, but there by the Gracious and Powerful, but various workings: firſt of the Spirit of Bondage, then of Adoption; the ſpace of Eight Months ſhe came forth, Sprinkled, Cleanſed, Comforted, a Candidate of Heaven.
Whilſt ſhe was under Confinement, after ſhe had conceived in her ſelf good Hope of finding Mercy with God, through Chriſt, ſhe was ready to give a reaſon of her hope, to ſuch as were Serious and Pious, with Meekneſs, and much affection. And truly the Reaſons and Grounds ſhe went upon were Scriptural, and ſo able to bear the weight ſhe put upon them; (which Hope the reſult of her Faith) kept her Company to the laſt, and failed her not, when ſhe had moſt need of it. When ſhe walked the dolorous way to the place of her Execution and approaching near to it, after a little Reluctancy of the Fleſh, as ſoon as ſhe aſcended to behold the fatal Tree, her Faith, and courage revived, and ſhe lift up her Feet, and Marched on with a… Erected, and Radian… Countenance, as unconcerned with the buſineſs of Death, at once out doing all the old Rom…n Maſculine bravery, and ſhewing what Grace can do, in, and for the Weaker Sex; and this in Preſence of a Multitude of Spectators, of whom this Relator was One, and an Admiring Obſerver: All which is to be Aſcribed, Firſtly, To the Infinitely Rich, and Free Grace of God; but Ministerially, and Inſtrumentally to the Labours, Prayers and Endeavours of the Reverend Elders of the Church of Ipſwich, and many other good Chriſtians there; after her Apprehenſion in Newbury where the Fact was Committed.
She was Conveyed, (and it was happy for her) that ſhe was Conveyed to the Priſon in Ipſwich; where are to be found, [A Nation] Pardon the Expreſſion, Of Sound, Serious and Praying Chriſtians, who made Inceſſant Prayers to Heaven in her behalf, Praying not only for her, but with her, in their own Houſes, joyning & turning their Private Meetings into whole days of Faſting and Prayer; and continuing till the Stars appearing: Yea, by Turns in the Priſon alſo. So turning a Den of Theives, (to uſe Dr. Wilds words) into a Houſe of Prayer; and had there been ſome Thief there, (for I know not who was there) he might Perhaps, with her, been ſharer of the benefit. Their Worthy Paſtor alſo, took conſtant & unwearied pains, Plying the Oar, To waft over her Soul to Heaven; and ſaw the fruit of all his Labours, and Travels with her, through the Bleſſing of God, Namely a gr…at & gracious change wrought in her, which ſhe Humbly, Affectionately, and Thankfully acknowledged.
And now, Let the Great God of Heaven, have all the Praiſe & Glory of this Action: And let that unhappy Tree; indeed happy in this, that the firſt that Suffered on it, was (we trust) Fruit Conſecrated: But if it be the Will of God, that there may never be Occaſion again to make uſe of it to ſuch Fatal purpoſes, but only ſtand as a Bu…y, or Seamark, to point out the Rocks and Shelves, where ſhe Shipwrackt her honour; and that all others may HEAR & FEAR, &c. Which is the Deſire and Prayer of,
Your Servant in the Lord, SAMUEL BELCHER.
THE Declaration & Confeſſion OF Eſther Rodgers, Of Kittery in the Province of Main, in New England, Single woman.
I was born at Kittery ſometime in May, 1680. At the Age of Thirteen came to live as an Apprentice to Mr. Joſeph Woodbridge of Newbury. Had little or no thoughts of God or Religion, though Living in a Religious Family; was taught to Read, Learned Mr. Cottons Catechiſm, and had frequent opportunities of going to Publick Meetings; but was a careleſs Obſerver of Sabbaths, and Hearer of Sermons; no Word that ever I heard or read making any Impreſſion upon my Heart, (as I Remember) Neither did I at all give my ſelf to Secret Prayer, or any other Duty that concerned the Salvation of my Soul. And becauſe I thus neglected God, refuſed his Counſil, and would not walk in his Ways, therefore he juſtly gave me up to my own hearts Luſts, and ways of Wickedneſs.
About the Age of Seventeen, I was left to fall into that foul Sin of Uncleanneſs, ſuffering my ſelf to be defiled by a Negro Lad living in the ſame Houſe. After I perceived that I was wi…h Child, I meditated how to prevent coming to Publick Shame; Satan preſently ſetting in with his Temptation, I ſoon complyed and reſolved to Murder the Child, if ever I ſhould have one born alive: and continued in my wicked purpoſe all along, till I had the fatal Opportunity of putting it into Execution. Being delivered of a Living Child, I uſed means preſently to ſtop the breath of it, and kept it hid in an upper Room, till the Darkneſs of the Night following, gave advantage for a Private Burial in the Garden.
All this was done in Secret, no …erſon living whatſoever, no not ſo much as the Father of the Child himſelf was privy to my diſpoſal of it, or knew that I ever had ſuch a Child.
Afterwards reflecting on what I had done, was followed with ſome Awakening, Frights and Convictions during my abode at Mr. Woodbridges, which was about half a year. Yet, never making any ſerious Addreſs to God for pardon of theſe my great and hainous Sins. But thence I went to Piſcatequa, where I lived in a publick Houſe, and ſoon got over and rid of all my Fears, and even all thoughts thereof, giving my ſelf up to other wicked Company and ways of Evil.
About a year after, I returned to Newbury to Mr. Joſeph Woodbridges again, where my former Sins came freſh to Remembrance, and troubled me a while; which together with other reaſons, occaſioned my Removal to another place in the Town. But there alſo I took all Opportunities to follow my old Trade of running out a Nights, or entertaining my Sinful Companions in a back part of the Houſe. And there I fell into the like horrible Pit (as before) viz. of Carnal Pollution with the Negro man belonging to that Houſe. And being with Child again, I was in as great concern to know how to hide this as the former. Yet did not ſo ſoon reſolve the Murdering of it, but was continually hurried in my thoughts, and undetermined till the laſt hour. I went forth to be delivered in the Field, and dropping my Child by the ſide of a little Pond, (whether alive, or ſtill Born I cannot tell) I covered it over with Dirt and Snow, and ſpeedily returned home again. B…t being Suſpected and Examined, about having had a Child ſince my going out, made little or no anſwer (that I remember) till the next Morning The Child being found by ſome Neighbours was brought in, & laid before my Face, to my horrible Shame & Terror; under which Confuſion I remained during my Confinement at Newbury, being about one Month, Thinking only of the puniſhment I was like to ſuffer, without any true concernedneſs as to my Sins againſt God, or the State of my Immortal Soul; till ſome time after I came into Ipſwich Priſon; when and where it pleaſed the Great and Gracious God to work upon my heart, as in the following Relation I have given account of.