Exhortation to the Ministers of Gods Word, Text 2 (1 of 3)
1. The dutie of the Husba… towards his Wife.
THis dutie consisteth s… in these three points.
First, that hee liue wi… wife discreetly, according knowledge.
Secondly, that hee… bitter, fierce, and cruell vntounto her.
Thirdly, that hee louelove, cherish, and… his wife, euen as his owne bodie, and as… loued the Church, and gaue himselfe f… sanctifie it.
But before wee shall speake of these… points, we will a little touch the origin… beginning of holy Wedlocke: what it is,… where, how, and of whom it was institu… ordained.
Wedlocke or Matrimonie, is a lawfull… What Wedlocke is.and vntounto God an acceptable aMat. 19. 5. 6.yoking a… ning together of bGen. 1. 27. 1. Cor. 6. 16. Ephes. 5. 31. Pro. 5. 18. 19. 20.one man, and one w… with the good consent of them both: to t… that they may dwell together in friendsh… honestie, one helping and comforting the… eschewing whoredome, and all vnclea… bringing vp their children in the feare of God: or it is a coupling together of two persons into one flesh, according vntounto the ordinance of God; not to be broken but so to continue during the life of either of them, Gen. 2. 24. Malach. 2. 14. Rom. 7. 3.
By yoking, ioyning, or coupling, is meant, Yoking and dwelling together what it is.not onelyonly outward dwelling together of the maried folkes, as to be ordinarily in a dwelling place for the better performance of mutual duties each to other, Mat. 1. 18. 1. Cor. 7. 10, 12. 13. 1. Pet, 3. 7. Ruth 4. 11. 12. but also an vniforme agreement of mind, and a common par…icipation of body and goods; for as much as …he Lord saith, that they two shall be one flesh, that …s, one body. This is to be remembred, that Gen. 51. 2, 24.Matrimonie or Wedlocke must not onelyonly be a …oupling together, but also it must be such a …oupling together as commeth of God, and …s not contrary to his word and will. For there …e some mariages made, whom God coupleth …ot together, but carnall lust, beautie, riches, …oods, and lands, flatterie, and friendship. In …uch mariages God is not thought vponupon, and …herefore they sin the more against him. These …nd such like mariages be disliked & condem…ed in the Scripture, Gene. 6. 12, &c. Matt. 24, …8, 39. God himselfe did appoint and ordaine …atrimonie in Paradice, so that hee is the au…hor of the same, Gen. 2. 20. Yea and our Sa…iour Christ himselfe (who was the very natural sonne of God) being borne in wedlocke though of a pure Virgin) did honor and… mend Matrimonie, while he did vouchs… shew his first miracle (Ioh. 2. 1.) at a ma… whereby he did declare, that the Lord is… make the bitternes of mariage sweet, a… scarcitie thereof to abound with plentie,… the Apostle giueth this excellent title to… age, saying, that it is *Mariage honourable. 1. First, for the Authour, which is God. 2. For the time which was during the state of Adams innocencie. 3. For the place, which was paradice. … Gen. 2. 24. Matth. 19. 5. Marke 10 7. 1. Cor. 6. 16. Ephes. 5. 31.Honourable am… Hebr. 13. 4. that is, among all estates,… nations. Matrimonie then being an indiff… bond and knot whereby the husband a… are fastened together by the ordinance of… is e farre straighter then any other coni… in the societie of mankind. Insomuch… a lesse offence for a man to f forsake fath… mother, and to leaue them succourles… notwithstanding ought by Gods comm… ment to be honoured) then it is for him… the like toward his lawfull maried wife.… fore let them looke well what they doe,… readie for light and small causes to sepa… and wife: seeing that Christ himselfe sai… 19. 9. that whosoeuer is separated fr… wife, sauing for whoredome, and marri… ther, committeth adulterie.
This is a thing worthy to be reme… both on the behalfe of the Suter and W… also on her part that is wooed: namely t… deale plainly and faithfully one with the… and not guilefully, and craftily goe… deceiue one the other, in body or goods. For so doing, they shall neuer vse one the other so louingly, and commodiously, as they hoped & desired they might; when the one hath fraudulently, and deceitfully inticed and beguiled the other, either in body or substance: for naturally we hate him, or her that doth beguile vsus. Neither is there any thing that displeaseth a man or woman more then to lacke and faile of the thing they both hoped and looked for. And therefore it were conuenient, and also much better, that both parties should disclose the one to the other, the imperfections, infirmities, and wants, in either of their bodies, as also the mediocritie and meannesse of their goods and substance, as in trueth it is: yea though it should be with the perill and losse one of the other, rather then the one to obtaine and get the other with fraud, guile and discord.
But before wee shall come to speake of the causes of mariage, we purpose (God so willing) briefly to shew, how eueryevery one that entendeth to marrie should chuse him a meet, fit, and honest mate: for there lyeth much weight in the Gen. 2. 18.wise election and choise of a Wife. As he that will plant any thing, doth first consider the nature of the ground, in the which he mindeth to plant: euen so much more ought a man to hauehave respect to the condition of the woman, out of whom he desireth to plant children, the fruites of honestie and welfare.
The first thing that is to be rememb… Such as are of kindred in the flesh, may not contract matrimonie.such a one as mindeth to marrie, is, that he… not chuse his wife within such degrees of… sanguinitie and affinitie, as are by fLeui. 18. 6. &c.God forbidden.
Secondly, gDeut. 7. 3. 2. Cor. 6. 14. 15, &c.Religion and Faith must b… sidered, least he make diuorce of the true or bring it into perill. For although he… himselfe as wise as h1. King. 11. 4.Salomon, and as s… iIudg. 16. 17. 18.Sampson, yet may he be ouercome as the… Therefore great aduertisement before… to be taken in this behalfe, least afterward… much griefe and sorrow of heart, he do… repent.
Now if any that hath matched himse… a wife that is an infidell, irreligious, or of… rupt religion, would put her away for t… ter, herein he deceiueth himselfe, as the A… manifestly proueth. For wee must put… rence 1. Cor. 7. 12. 13. 1. Pet. 3. 11.betweene that mariage that is m… done already, and that which is yet to do… fore hee that is snared and matched with wife, as is either froward, wayward, or e… soned with superstition and poperie, i… case must call vponupon God, and liue in his… faithfulnesse, in patience, with discretion… ly counsell labouring to win her from th… For like as the Husbandman doth wi… labour and diligence till that ground w… hath once taken to farme, although it b… so full of faults: as if it be drie, if it brin… weeds, brambles, or briers; or though it cannot beare much wet; yet through good husbandry he winneth fruit thereof: euen so in like maner, he that hath maried a wife that is irreligious or froward, if he shall vse like diligence to instruct and order her minde, if he diligently and courteously apply himselfe to weede away by little and little the noysome weeds out of her minde, both by holesome and godly precepts, and by Christian conuersation; it can not be but in time he shall feele the pleasant fruit thereof, to both their comforts. EueryEvery one therefore that purposeth to marry, ought also to remember that there be three maner of riches in man.
1. The riches of the minde.Three maner of riches in man.
2. The riches of the body.
3. The riches of temporall substance.
The best and the most precious are the riches of the minde: as without which, the other two are more hurtfull then profitable.
The riches of the mind, are the feare of God, Riches of the minde.faith, a desire of Gods glory, the knowledge of his will, sobernesse, liberalitie, chastitie, silence, humblenes, honestie, & such like vertues. These vertues lie not still, neither hide themselues wheresoeuer they be, but will breake out diuers wayes, so that they may well be spied and discerned.
As then a traueller hath markes in his way, that hee may proceed aright: so likewise the man or woman that intendeth to marry, hauehave also markes in their wayes, by which they make a right choise.
There be certaine signes of this fitnes… godlinesse both in the man and in the w… So that if the man be desirous to know… ly woman, or the woman would know… a godly man, then let them obserue and… these sixe points.
1. The report.Sixe rules to be obserued in the choise of a good wife, or a good husband.
2. The lookes.
3. The speech.
4. The apparell.
5. The companions.
6. Lastly, the education and b… vp, which are like the pulses that shew w… a man be sicke or whole, well or ill.
1. The report, name, or fame, that he… 1. Report.hath had, and yet hauehave, & what opinion… folkes hauehave of them: because as the mark… eth, so the market men will talke. A go… Prou 10. 7. and 22. 1. Preach. 7. 3.and a good woman commonly hauehave… name, because a good name is one of the sings which God promiseth to good m… good women. But a good name is no… praised from the wicked: and therefore… uiour Christ saith, Woe be to you when… speake well of you, Luk. 6. 16. that is, whe… Psal. 112. 6.men praise & commend you: for that is… argument, that you are ambitious, vaing… & of the world, For the world liketh and… his owne, Ioh. 15. 19.
Neuerthelesse, it is conuenient that eueryevery Christian should so liue in the world, that though hee cannot say as Christ sayd, Which of you can rebuke me of sinne? Ioh. 8. 46. yet so as in trueth hee may with a good conscience boldly say, Which of you can accuse me of lying, swearing, whoring, dissembling, dishonesty, deceit, couetousnesse, or such like? Though therefore no man can cleere himselfe in thought before God of these, and other notorious vices, yet eueryevery one before men should auouch it, and approoue it in their doing; and liue so vprightly, holily, iustly, & vnblameably, that none could iustly charge them with any open sinne, Luke 1. 6. 15. Iob 1. 1. 1. Thessa. 2. 10. and 3. 13. Tit. 2. 12. 1. Pet. 1. 15.
2. The next signe is, The looke; for as 2. The looke. Pro. 17. 24.Salomon saith, The wisedome of a man doeth make his face to shine, Eccles. 8. 1. that is, procureth him fauour and good liking.
So also, godlinesse is in the face of a man or a woman: and so likewise folly and wickednesse may many times be seene and discerned by the face of a man or a woman. And therefore it is said in Esay, The triall of their countenance Esay 3. 9.testifieth against them, as though their lookes could speake. And therefore we reade Psal. 18. 27. and 101. 5. Iob 31. 1.of proude lookes, and angry lookes, and wanton lookes, because they bewray pride and anger, and wantonnesse.
It is truely sayd, that a modest man dwels at the signe of a modest countenance,… honest woman dwelleth at the signe of… nest face: which may fitly be compared… gate of the Temple, that was called Be… Actes 3. 2.shewing, that if the entrie be so beautifull, in is great beautie.
To shew how a modest countenance… womanly shamefastnesse doe commend… VnderUnder faire faces are some times hidden filthy mindes.wife, it is obserued, that the word Nup… declare the maner of her mariage. Fo… porteth a couering, because Virgins… should be maried, when they came to the bands, for modestie and shamefastnesse… uer their faces: as wee reade of Rebecc… Gen. 24. 65.when she saw Isaac, and knew that hee… be her husband, cast a vaile before he… shewing that modestie should be learn… fore mariage, which is the dowrie that G… deth to her portion.
3. The third signe is, her talke, or sp… 3. The talke.rather her silence; for a man or a woma… ing is the mirrour and messenger of the… in the which it may commonly be seene out, in what case the man or woman is… according to the common prouerbe: S… the man or woman is, such is their talke silence is the best ornament of a woma… To Adam first, and to Moses after.therefore the law was giuen to the man, then to the woman, to shew that he sho… the teacher, and she the hearer; and th… shee is commanded to learne of her h… 1. Cor. 14, 34, 35.
As the Eccho answereth but one word for Maides must speake like an Eccho.many, which are spoken to her, so a maids answere should be in a word: for she which is full of talke, is not likely to prooue a quiet wife. The eye and the speech, are as the Glasses of the minde: For out of the aboundance of the heart Matth. 12. 34.(saith our Sauiour) the mouth speaketh: as though by the speech, we might know what aboundeth in the heart, and therefore he saith: By thy words thou shalt be iustified, and by thy wordes thou shalt Matth. 12. 37.be condemned. That is, thou shalt be iustified to be wise, or thou shalt be condemned to be foolish: thou shalt be iustified to be sober, or thou shalt be condemned to be rash: thou shalt be iustified to be humble, or thou shalt be condemned to be proud: thou shalt be iustified to be louing, or thou or thou shalt be condemned to be …enuious. Therefore Salomon saith: A Fooles lips Prou. 18. 7.are a snare to his owne soule. Snares are made for other, but this snare catcheth a mans selfe, because it bewrayeth his follie, and causeth his trouble, and bringeth him into discredit. Contrariwise, The heart of the wise (saith Salomon) Prou. 16. 23.guideth his mouth wisely, and the words of his mouth hauehave grace.
Now to shew that this should be one marke in the choise of a wife, Salomon describing a right wife, saith: Shee openeth her mouth with Prou. 31. 26.wisdome, and the law of grace is in her tongue: for that she delighteth to talke of the word of God. A wife that can speake this language, is better then she which hath all the tongu… …s the open vessels were counted vncle… also account that the open mouth hath… vncleanuesse.
4. The fourth signe is, The appare… 4. Apparell. Luke 16. 19.the pride of the Glutton is noted, in t… went in purple eueryevery day: so also the h… of Iohn is noted, in that he went in haire… eueryevery day. For doubtlesse by a man o… Mark. 1. 6.mans apparell, excessiue laughter, and g… they may partly be discerned of what di… on they are. It is conuenient that hee th… be a suiter to a woman, marke what appar… customably vseth to weare, whether it be… whorish, wanton, light, or comely, mode… mannerly, and beseeming her estate and… tion, to wit, honest and sober raiment. F… pa…rell doth giuegive often a certaine and s… monie of pride, lightnesse, wantonnesse,… stancie, vnshamefastnesse, filthinesse or v… nesse, and other vices, or vertues, that bee… in the man or woman. For a modest… woman are for the most part knowne by… sober attire: as the Prophet Eliah was k… 2. King. 1. 8.by his rough garment. So that we are to… for no better within, then wee see witho… eueryevery one seemeth better then they be. I… the face be vanitie, the heart is pride. He… biddeth vsus abstaine from the shew of eui… 1. Thes. 5. 22.hauehave vsus to abstaine from those meanes,… bands, or wiues, who hauehave the shewes of… for it is hard to come in the fashion, and not to be in the abuse. And therefore the Apostle saith: Fashion not your selues like vntounto this world: Rom. 12. 2.as though the fashions of men did declare of what side they are.
5. The, fift signe is the Companie by meanes 5 Companie.whereof, much may be perceiued For as whole and sound eyes, with beholding and looking on sore eyes, be annoyed and hurt: euen so good and honest folkes be oftentimes stained Men are commonly conditioned, euen like vntounto them that they keep company withall.and hurt with the company of the wicked and vngodly; according to the common prouerbe: Such like is eueryevery one, as the companie is with whom they keepe. For Birds of a feather will hold together, and fellowes in sinne, will be fellowes in league, euen as young Rehoboam chose young companions: 1. King. 12. 8. The tame beast will not keepe with the wilde, nor Pro. 1. 11. & 13. 20. Psal. 6. 8. Num. 16. 20. Iosu. 23. 12. 2. Cor. 6. 14. Ephes. 5. 7.the cleane dwell with the leprous: If a man can be knowne by nothing else, then hee may be knowne by his companions: for like will to like as Salomon saith: Theeues call one another.
Therefore when Dauid left iniquitie, hee said: Away from mee all yee that worke iniquitie: shewing, that a man neuer abandoneth euill, vntil he abandon euill companie: for no good is concluded in this parliament. Therefore choose such a companion of thy life, as hath chosen companie like thee before. For they which choose such as loued prophane companions before, in a short time are drawne to b… phane too.
6 The last signe is Education, which… 6. The bringing vp. It skilleth more by whom and by what waies men be broght vp, then of whom they be begotten.also great testimonie, namely by wh… how eueryevery one is brought vp, whether… or the woman were conuersant among… ous or vicious persons, and whether the… hauehave continued in the nurture of the ve… and shewed themselues obedient to the… der whom they were brought vp, or w… either of the parties hauehave broken out of… cipline, and followed his, or her owne… nes. For it is a small matter for either of… to hauehave dwelt among, or with vertuous… ligious folke: but herein lieth the for… weight, how farre, and how much, ei… both the parties hauehave followed those, an… fited vnderunder them, and were dutifull and… ent vntounto them. For Iudas was among,… companyed with the Apostles, brought… taine yeeres vnderunder Christ, but for all this,… neuer the better: for hee left not his… pranks, neither was he obedient. Neuert… good education and discipline formeth… manners: men and women commonly… most of those good or euill things, w… youth they learned. Therefore to prooue… To be good, it doth much profit to be well brought vp.honest, and vertuous, it importeth and… much, from the infancie to be well go… and Christianly brought vp. For wee… much more of the customes, wherewith… bred, then of the inclinations wherewith we be borne.
All these properties are not spied at three or foure commings, and meetings of the parties for hypocrisie is spunne with a find threed, and none are so often deceiued as louers. He therefore which will know all his wiues qualities: or she that will perceiue her husbands dispositions, & inclinations, before either be married to the other, had need to see one the other eating, and walking, working, and playing, talking, and laughing, and chiding too: or else it may be, the one shall hauehave with the other, lesse then hee or shee looked for, or more then they wished for. Here is to be remembred, a thing adioyned to marriage, and going before it, namely, Betrothing, being a solemne and laudable custome of Gods children, as is prooued, Deuteron. 20. 7. & 22. 23. 24. This Betrothing, is a What Betrothing is.couenant betweene the parties to be married, before fit witnesses appointed thereto: whereby they giuegive their troth, that they will, and shall marrie together, except some lawfull vnmeetenesse and disliking each of other doe hinder it in the meane time. The practise of it wee see, Matth. 1. 18. Luke 1. 27. Where the Virgine Marie betrothed to Iospeph, yet they had not met together, to wit, to accompany together according to the end of marriage. This custome, noted and marked in diuers places of the Scripture, hath diuers good grounds to be obserued, which proue that there ought… contract before marriage. And for the… vnderstanding of this point of Betro… shall not be amisse, in some plaine and… maner to make knowne the holy doctri… of, with the doctrine also of marriage▪ marriage duties. First then we must kno… eueryevery mariage, that hath bin well and orde… sed, either of the heathen (which were o… lightned with the law of nature) or of the… ple of God, who also were to be directed… word, was perfected by two solemne af… that is, by an apparant & open contract,… publike mariage, the true & vnfained co… tion thereof. Wherefore we will first spea… contract (which is also called espousing,… cing, betrothing, or handfasting) then of… age it selfe. And for betrothing, or espous… reade in the writing of ancient Philosop… Histories, Orators, Poets & others, that t… of great antiquitie, of necessarie vse, an… bin ordinarily practised. Insomuch, as the therof are highly commended, the neglect… abusers hereof sharpely rebuked and c… ned.
Which seeing they could not do, but… knowledge and iudgement, it doth man… declare, that they did it by natures law… and bred in their brests. And therefore… nature it selfe (though in some matters… blind, and in many of very dimme sight… in all ages bewraied the lawfulnes, the necessitie, and the vse of espousals, to be the first steppe and degree to a lawfull and comfortable marriage.
But to omit this law, and to come to the written word, let vsus further consider what allowance thereof we find in the same, and consequently what it is, not onelyonly to marry, but to be betrothed, not according to the direction of nature alone, but in the Lord also. First it is certaine, that the Lord approueth this betrothing as his owne sacred ordinance. For wee read in Exodus 21. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. How carefullie hee prouideth by sundrie and many straight commandements for the Maide-seruant that is betrothed. First, that shee shall not goe out of her seruice, as the Men-seruants doe. Secondly, that her master shall hauehave no power to sell her to a strange people. Thirdly, that being betrothed vntounto his sonne, hee shall deale with her as with his owne daughter. Fourthly, if another Wife be taken with her, that neither her foode, her raiment, nor recompence of her Virginitie, shall any whit at all be diminished. Fiftly, that whensoeuer she goeth out of her seruice, she shall pay no mony at all. None whereof the Lord would hauehave done (much lesse all of them) vnlesse espowsals had beene his own ordinance, instituted, ordained and commaunded by himselfe to be vsed, euen of the Maid seruant, that was bought and sold. Againe, the Lord in Deutron. Cap. 22. 23. &c. re… lesse punishment to be inflicted vp… that violate the bonds of espousall, th… brake Wedlocke. For he commande… any man shall abuse a betrothed V… the Citie, both shall be stoned to d… Maide because she cried not, the m… he hath humbled his neighbours wife.
Whereby the way, is to be rememb… God calleth the betrothed, a wife. If… wickednesse by iustice deserueth dea… betrothed persons be truely to be te… and wife, onelyonly in regard of the pre… powsals, wee may then plainely see, ho… the Lord doth esteeme and honour t… breach whereof, he punisheth with the… ment of adulterie, and the persons betr… honoureth with the names of man and… indeed he had not ordained and allowe… but that they had beene of humane in… alone, he would not hauehave honoured th… such titles, or hauehave imposed death by st… the breach of mans ordinance. Againe,… abuse a betrothed maid in the field, he s… the man shall die, but vntounto the maid th… do nothing, because there is in the maid… of death.
Now imposing death vponupon this m… not vponupon him that abuseth a maid not… ed, the Lord doth hereby euidently te… espousals are a degree beyond a single e… of the nature of mariage. And therefore the vnlawfull breach thereof deserueth death. For what else should the Lord grace them with such great priuiledges, and punish the breach thereof with seuere punishment?
Further, the faithfull in all ages instructed by these and such commandements, approued and practised these espousals, not onelyonly by …hemselues, but also by their children. Sampson Iudg. 14. 1. &c.…king and louing a woman of the Philistines … Timnah, desired his Father and Mother to …iue her to him to wife, and so they did, at …hich time Sampson made a feast, according to …e custome of the young men. Albeit, her fa…er afterward would not suffer him to marrie… er, but gaue her to another, for which iniurie …ampson reuenged himselfe of the Philistines … burning vp their rickes and standing corne, …neyards, and Oliues. For which the Philistines …rnt both the Father and the daughter. So 1. Sam 18. 15. 26. 27. 2. Tam. 3. 24. 15.…auid begged Micholl of her father Saul, who …ue her to him to wife, with condition, that he …uld bring him a hundreth foreskinnes of the …hilistines, and therefore when Saul was dead, … required her of Ishbosheth Saules sonne, who …ther vntounto him. Also Ioseph and Marie, the …other of Christ were betrothed, which God …uld neuer hauehave permitted, if it had not beene … his owne ordinance, and agreeable to his …ne will, or if hee might any manner of way …ue stained either Iosephs honestie, or Maries virginitie: Nay if he had not much more… ced and adorned both, then the want of es… sals could hauehave done.
And to auoyde tediousnesse in so p… a trueth, seeing the scripture giueth power… authoritie to Parents, to giuegive, and not to… their children in marriage: saying, let hi… what he will.
Againe, he that giueth her in marriage… 1. Cor. 7. 36. 37. 38.well, and hee that giueth her not to ma… doth better (whereof wee shall speake m… large anon) there must needs be before the… like acte of marriage, some speciall time pointed: wherein both Parents and parties… testifie and signifie their mutuall liking consents, vnlesse they despise to marrie i… Lord.
Wherefore, if the law of nature, the… God, the practise of the Heathen, the cus… of Faithful, especially of the Parents of C… If the punishment of the espowsall bre… and the rewards and priuiledges of the es… sed. And finally, if the fatherly authoritie… children, doe approue and require the co… all vse of this ordinance of God, it must… be confessed to be both lawfull and necess… yea, being the first principall part of ma… it self, it must needs be honourable in his… as well as marriage it selfe is. Now then,… next place, let vsus see and learne, what a co… is, to the end, that vponupon sound knowledge… right iudgement, wee may alwayes vse it well, and neuer ill, for want of good vnderstanding.
A Contract, is a voluntarie promise of marriage, mutually made betweene one man and one woman, both being meete and free to marry one another, and therefore allowed so to doe by their Parents.
This short sentence, sheweth the whole nature, qualitie, propertie, vse, and abuse, with all other things, that are to be obserued or eschued in a right Contract, as shall appeare by the vnfolding of eueryevery word contained therein: For as there is none vaine and idle, voyde of his proper signification, so eueryevery one hath his proper waight, seruing for speciall and necessary vse.
1. First, we call a Contract a promise, and so it is indeed: so what is a promise but a speech which affirmeth or denieth, to doe this or that, with purpose and words of testimonie, to performe and accomplish, that which is affirmed, or not to do that which is denied? And what other thing is indeed a marriage Contract, but this? so that it must be in nature, a true & right promise: not the vow of a promise in time to come, but a present promise indeed. For if one partie doe say, I will promise to marry thee: this is no promise in deed, but a promise of a promise, and consequently no Contract but a promise of a Contract. And therefore tie… bindeth neither parties, nor Parents to keep… same; for it is not in nature any Contract …
Again, if a Contract be a promise, it is not… ly a purpose of the heart, nor a dumbe she… doubtfull signification of promise: but a p… promise vttered and pronounced in a… forme of speech: as when one saith, I doe p… mise to marry thee, or I doe espouse, affiance… betroth my self to thee in marriage, or such… wherein all ambiguitie and doubtfulnesse… speech, is to be eschued: that as the meani… the heart is simple and plaine, so likewise… words of the tongue, might be simple, pl… and voide of all deceit.
2. Secondly, we call a Contract a promi… marriage, because it is not a promise of e… thing, neither of honour, of inheritance, of… ches, or of any other thing else, sauing o… of marriage. Now we meane by marriage,… onelyonly the parties married, but also coni… and marriage duties, and offices, that pecul… belong to this honorable estate, and are nece… rily to be performed mutually of both. For… promise, touching persons themselues i… such force and waight, that it tendeth to the… nation of the propertie of bodies? for so i… written, the wife hath not the power of her… bodie, but the husband: and likewise also… 1. Cor. 7. 4.husband hath not the power ouer his owne… die, but the wife. For, although this is… perfectly done, till the acte of marriage be ended, yet this promise is the principall beginner and worker thereof, because they that promise marriage, doe necessarily thereby promise, that two shall become one flesh, and that they will alwayes giuegive mutuall beneuolence one to another.
Touching the peculiar duties of husbands and wiues, which likewise are promised by this Contract, we will here onelyonly recite them, leauing the doctrine thereof to another place and time.
1. The husband his dutie is, first to louelove his wife, as his owne flesh.
2. Then to gouerne her in all duties, that properly concerne the state of mariage, in knowledge, in wisedome, iudgement & iustice.
3. Thirdly, to dwell with her.
4. Fourthly, to vse her in all due beneuolence, 1. Pet. 13. 7. 1. Cor. 7. 45.honestly, soberly, and chastly.
1. The wife, her dutie is, in all reuerence and humilitie, to submit and subiect her selfe to her husband, in all such duties as properly belong to mariage.
2. Secondly, therein to be an helpe vntounto him, according to Gods ordinance.
3. Thirdly, to obey his commandements in all things, which he may command by the authoritie of an husband.
4. Fourthly and lastly, to giuegive him mutuall beneuolence. As for the rest of mutuall duties, as they may be all comprehended vnderunder i… so there shall be a fitter occasion to sp… thereof.
Thirdly, wee call this promise of m… voluntary, because it must not come f… lippes alone, but from the wel-liking an… sent of the heart: for if it be onelyonly a… promise, without any will at all, (and so m… hypocritical and dissembled) though it b… the partie that promiseth to the perfo… of his promise made before God and m… if the Parents afterwards shall certainly… this, and that there was no will, nor vn… meaning at all in the party, neither yet i… rather a loathing and abhorring of his… betrothed, though he be not able to… iust and sufficient cause thereof, they may… this occasion, either deferre the day of m… the longer, to see if God will happly… the minde of the partie, or vtterly brea… frustrate the promise: if all good meate… occasions hauing been vsed, none will p… but that the partie rather groweth wo… worse.
For, a Contract beeing a willing… voluntary consent, there is no cause… the Parents and such as hauehave authorit… power in such cases, when they shall… tedly know that the promise was alto… vnwilling, and therefore made in meere… crisie and dissimulation, neither can be b… of time, or any other good meanes vsed be bettered, but rather (waxeth woorse and woorse) may not breake and frustrate the same. For why did Rebecaes Parents deny her to Isaack, neither would send her with Abrahams seruant to be Gen. 24. 57. 58.married, before such time as they had asked her consent: yea, when as they said, We will call the mayd, and aske her consent, do they not plainlie shew that both the Law of Nature, and the law of God taught them, that this consent was of great moment, and absolute necessitie? And when the Apostle doth commaund men and women to marry in the Lord, how can that marriage be in the Lord, when the one partie doth not only not louelove, but hate the other? And how can such two become one flesh lawfully, when as there wanteth the vnion and coniunction of the heart, the true naturall mother of all marriage duties? Wherefore this promise must be in this respect, at least willing and voluntary.
For, albeit it is not necessary, neither yet possible, that there should be such great measure of true, holy, & sanctified louelove at that time, as afterward (for that groweth by litle and litle, according to the blessing of God, and the faithful performance of other duties afterward, euen to their liues end) yet if it be voluntary and vnfained, it is enough, and sufficient to make a true contract in the Lord. So, as no man ought to separate those whom God hath thus ioyned.
Secondly, we call it voluntary, in respe… constraint and compulsion, contrarie… consent: for if either partie be vrged, cons… ned, or compelled, by great feare of their P… rents, or others, by threatning of losse of p… ferment, of health, of limme, of life, or of… such other like, or by any other violent… of dealing whatsoeuer, to yeeld their pro… cleane contrarie to the motion or good li… of their hearts. This kinde of promise,… doth not bind the partie to keepe it: so it o… to be srustrated and broken by the Pa… themselues, or by such maisters as may… ought to command and rule them in such… If this were not so, how could the parties ke… the commandements of God, giuing them… ction whom to marry? First, that they sh… marry onelyonly in the Lord.
Againe, that they should not be vneq… yoked with the infidels, neither whereof… can keepe, if their parents might compell… or Contract and marry, it becommeth rathe… Parents to perswade their children by allg… meanes, to yeeld their consent, rather… to draw them by wicked sleights and cun… drunkennesse, or any other wicked and vio… meanes. For as that is not to marrie in… Lord: so all such forced Contracts may be… ken and frustrated by the Magistrate, wh… Gods Lieftenant, to redresse such intoller… enormities among the societies of men. F… Parents may deny marriage to such as hauehave onelyonly by force and violence obtained the word and body of their childe, much more may the Magistrate denie marriage, where onelyonly a verball promise hath beene gotten by violent compulsion, and so for these causes, and in this sence and meaning alone, wee conclude, that Contract must be voluntary.
Fourthly, it must be a mutuall promise, that is, either partie must make it to other, not the man onelyonly, nor the woman onelyonly, but both the man and the woman: though decencie and order require the man to doe it first, and then the woman, because hee is her head, and shee his glory: and ought to leade and guide her in all things, wherein the Lord hath put a preheminence.
For, if this promise be not mutually made of them both, but of one alone, is it no true and perfect Contract. And therefore may be broken by Parents, and such as hauehave authoritie herein: because the partie vnpromising, is not bound by word or deed, but is free, insomuch that such a Contract is rather so termed then for that it is any true Contract indeed.
But if it be mutuall, then it doeth mutually and inuiolably binde both: so that in this regard neither Parent, Magistrate, nor any other, can or ought to breake it. For this being fully performed and accomplished, is one principall cause of making two one flesh, in such sort as it is written. Therfore a man shall le… father and mother, and shall be ioyned to hi… and they two shall be one flesh, &c. Genes.… Also that the man hath not power ouer h… bodie, nor the woman ouer hers: and s… short, hence ariseth all mutuall beneu… betweene them. And therefore a point of… waight and necessitie in no wise to be on… in Contract.
Fiftly, we say, it must be betweene o… and one woman: Where first it is to b… ted, that it may not, nor ought not to be… tweene any other creatures, but mankind… neither among brute beastes, nor Angels… God hath not ordained nor instituted m… for them, neither can it be betweene ma… man, or woman and woman. If any such… tract be either voluntarie, or by fraud a… ceite, by ignorance or errour, it is no C… at all, but a meere wicked profanation of… ordinance, who gaue onelyonly woman to m… woman to woman, nor man to man. Li… it cannot be betweene Angels good or b… woman, because God hath set no such… nance in the nature of these creatures. If th… there hath beene any such matter, or shal… tempted by Sathan, with any woman (… stories report) it is nothing else but a m… sion and diuellish practise, to deceiue and… superstitious persons into the kingd… darkenesse, and to intrap them in the… condemnation: against which, and all other diabolicall illusions we ought to watch and pray continually.
Secondly, it is to be obserued, that betweene one man, and one woman, and not two men and one woman, or two women, not betweene two women and one man or moe. By which is condemned, as meere nullities and prophanations, all Contracts whatsoeuer, made betweene moe then two. For it is written: And Math. 19. 5. Mar. 10. 8. Ephes. 5. 31. 1. Cor. 6. 16.they twaine shall be one flesh: to which Marke addeth: So that they are no more twaine, but one flesh.
Wherefore, seeing that Christ and his Apostles, expound the first institution of marriage of two onelyonly, and not of any moe: it is certaine, that the Contract or promise thereof, ought to be of two alone, and no moe. So the holy Ghost saying; Let eueryevery man hauehave his owne wife, and cuerie woman her owne husband: and 1. Cor. 7. 2.not, let eueryevery one hauehave his owne wiues, or owne husbands: it is therefore plaine and questionlesse that hee would hauehave a contract and marriage, to be onelyonly betweene one and one. Againe, saying: his owne, and her owne, doth hee not plainely insinuate eueryevery other person, and persons, not to be their owne, but meere strangers, with whom they ought to hauehave nothing adoe, in respect of marriage duties, especially considering that the Greeke word Idion can import no lesse. Now then, if there be at any time, or in any place, a promise betweene… then two, as it is a wicked and meere pro… nation of the holy ordinance of God: so i… and ought to be broken; yea, seuerely puni… by Parents and Magistrates. If against th… be obiected, that many of the Patriarches,… good men vnderunder the Law, had many wi… at least moe then one: We answere, it wa… secret sinne, and great infirmitie, though… ceeding from ignorance of the first insti… of marriage, of the Law, and the holy Prop… (or else they had warrant from God, which… hauehave noted.) Of the institution, because C… interpreting it, saith: From the begi… Math. 19. 3.was not so: proouing, that Moses per… diuorcement of the first wife, and marri… the second, not mooued or warranted by… authoritie of Gods institution, but by a… full and timerous consideration of the… nesse of the peoples hearts, whom hee… least they should hauehave rebelled against… if hee had not so done. Of the law, be… there was by this meanes, great iniurie… to Gods truth, and to the wiues diuorced… sides, the law it selfe well vnderstood (as C… expoundeth it, Matth. 5. 32.) admitte… diuorcement, except it be for fornica… and that the Lord did disallow and h… other kindes of diuorcement, made wi… the cause of fornication it is euident, in… Deut. 24. 4.hee condemneth the second marriage, af… first diuorcement, affirming that the woman so diuorced, is defiled by her second husband: which could not be true, if their marriage had beene lawfull and warrantable, by the commandement of God, for where the marriage is lawfull Hebr. 134. Mal. 2. 14. 15. 16.and honorable, there the bed is vndefiled. Of the Prophets, because the Lord hath beene witnesse betweene thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast transgressed: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy couenant; and did not hee make one? yet had hee aboundance of the spirit: and wherefore one? because hee sought a godly seede: therefore keepe your selues in your spirit, and let none trespasse against the wife of his youth. If thou hatest her, put her away (saith the Lord of Israel) yet hee couereth the iniurie vnderunder his garment (saith the Lord of Hostes) therefore keepe your selues in your spirit, and transgresse not. Then which words, what can be more plainely spoken against this sinne of hauing moe wiues then one? For doth not the Prophet plainely say, that God is witnesse, that they hauehave transgressed against the wife of their youth and couenant? doth he not call them to the first institution, when God made but one, & that because he would hauehave a godly seede, and not an adulterous generation? doth he not further say, that in putting away the wife, they did nothing else, but couer iniurie, vnderunder pretence of his law, as with a garment? And finally, doth he not giuegive a clean contrarie commaundement to that wi… custome of diuorcement, and marrying… thers? when he saith: keepe your selues in… spirit, and let none transgresse against the F… of his youth, and of his couenant? Surely… can be so blind, but reading this po… scripture, hee must needes plainely see and… knowledge the same. Wherefore, if the fir… cred institution of God, do bewray this c… tion of hauing moe wiues then one: If the… doe condemne it, and if the Prophets doe sharpely censure and rebuke it? Why sho… ny be so impudent and wicked, as to iust… in word, or to approue it in thought? Rat… here wee teach, let vsus iudge and beleeue, t… uerie lawfull Contract and marriage, ough… be onelyonly betweene one man, and one wo… And the rest to bee so many breaches of C… ordinances and commaundements, which… not but be hatefull to him, and iniurious to… kinde: but especially to the Church of… which ought to arise of a bolie and godly… Now if any Contract be made betweene… then two, it is altogether voide, and of n… fect, and ought to be broken by the partie,… punished by the Magistrate.
The sixt point, concerneth the perso… tweene whom the Contract is made, in w… there is required two properties: meetnesse… marriage, and freedome or libertie to marry… another. Touching the first, those especially… fit and meete to marrie, whom God doth call to that honourable estate, and commandeth them to vse it as his lawfull meanes, appointed and sanctified for procreation: for so it appeareth by the first institution, wherein God gaue the woman to the man to bee an helper meete for him, as in other things, so especially in this: whom hee blessed, saying: Bring foorth fruit and multiplie, &c. And that wee may know Gen. 2. 20. 22. & 1. 28.more particularly what sort of persons they be, the holy Ghost describeth them to be such as to whom the gift of continencie is denied, yet the gift of procreation is vouchsafed and granted. For if marriage (as the Apostle saith Hebrewes 13. verse. 4.) be honourable among all sorts of persons, then amongst those that be strong. Againe, it is written: I say to the vnmaried, 1. Cor. 7. 8. 9.and to widowes, it is good for them if they abide euen as I doe: but if they cannot abstaine let them marrie: for it is better to marrie, then to burne. In which words we may plainly see, that hee pointeth out, as with his finger, those that are called and commanded by God to marrie: namely, such as hauehave not receiued the gift of abstinence and continencie. Which calling and commaundement is so much the straighter, and the more to be regarded and followed, because the Apostle gaue it to those persons that were molested and pressed with many and grieuous persecutions: a reason of all other most vnfit for any to marrie in, in as much as beside the ordinarie in commodities of m… estate, it cannot but bring with it many… traordinarie grieuances and troubles. No… standing if such persons be called and… manded then to marrie, when as there were… grieuous persecutions; much more in the… of peace and prosperitie.
By this then wee see, that all persons w… hauehave not receiued rhe gift of abstinence, a… sit for procreation, are called and comm… to marrie, and therefore meet for mariage,… also may lawfully enter a Contract of the…
But are none else meete for mariage?… answere, that no other is called, comma… or warranted by God to make Contract … any of these meet ones, because they are… to performe the principall duties of ma… As for children vnderunder age, they are altog… vnsit to take vponupon them this honourable e… and therefore debarred by Gods comm… ment from making any promise or Co… if they hauehave done it, it is but a meere prop… tion of this holy ordinance, worthy grea… nishment, and also to be broken, if that,… come to yeares of discretion and state of… age, they do not by wisedome and religion… ply all that was wanting in their former… attempt, to the full contentation of all that… interest in them. As for those that hauehave rec… the gift of continencie, they are called and… selled to chastitie, during the whole time of… gift: for so saith our Sauiour Christ, All men cannot receiue this thing, saue they to whom it is giuen, Mat. 19. 12. And againe, He that is able to receiue this; let him receiue it. So the Apostle saith, It is good for them if they abide euen as I do, 1. Cor. 7. 27. Again, Art thou loosed from a wife? seeke not a wife. So likewise are those that are borne chaste, or made chaste by men, or by themselues for the kingdome of heauen. But you will say, what if any of these doe make a contract and marrie? We answere, first, if they be vtterly vnfit for marriage their contract is of no validitie, and may be broken by superiour authoritie, but if they be fit for it, we say with the Apostle, Art thou loosed from a wife, seeke not a wife? but if thou takest a wife, thou sinnest 1. Cor. 7. 27.not: and if a Ʋirgin marrie, she sinneth not, &c. Last of all, as consanguinitie and affinitie doo restraine and binde from this former contract and marriage: so likewise doe naturall frigiditie and coldnesse, infancie, incurable diseases that depriue men of all fitnesse for the vse of marriage. So as if any such by fraud, ignorance, or any other sinister meanes, be contracted it is nothing; and the parties may be lawfully separated, because they were neuer ioyned together in the Lord, but against the Lord. And here, when wee say meete and fit to mar…ie one with another, there would be a wise and holy regard had of equalitie in yeares, of agreement in religion, of similitude in nature, and manners, in outward estate, condition a… litie of person, and such like necessarie… stances.
For what is more vnmeete, then for… person to promise to be contracted to a… one? for an Infidell to Contract with… uer? for a good nature and well m… with a crooked and froward person… Prince with a begger? For although… doe not annihilate and make voide t… tract altogether, yet such Contracts c… in the Lord. And thus much shall s… hauehave taught touching the fitnesse of… riage.
Now concerning the freedome and… tie, it is cleere, that those alone hauehave… and freedome to Contract, who hauehave… marrie. Now if we wil know who those… are diuersly described and noted in L… where certaine degrees, aswell in affini… consanguinitie, are expresly forbidde… if such parties shall Contract themselue… ther, their Contract is vaine, and a mee… tie, such as ought to be broken and p… Againe, eueryevery one either betrothed or… is bounden and tied from contracting… other: for that were nothing else but… mise grosse and beastly adulterie. And… postle teacheth, that the wife is bo… law as long as her husband liueth: so… the betrothed wife; insomuch, as if… shall Contract themselues with another, it is a meere nullitie, and wicked prophanation of Gods ordinance, and ought vponupon knowledge thereof, to be broken and punished. And thus wee see what manner of persons the Lord hath called and commaunded to marrie, and who they be that are meete and free to marrie together, and who not.
The last point, is the consent and allowance of their Parents: which though it be very materiall and necessarie, yet it is not the sole forme or formall cause which maketh a true Contract.
For if the Parents should yeeld their consent to their children, being neither meete nor free to be married together, it were nothing; & such a Contract, though warranted by parents consent, ought to be broken by the Magistrate, & both parents and children are to be punished. For this cause wee hauehave not sayd simply and allowed, but therefore allowed so to doe; because consent of parents to such children as are not meete and fit to be married together, doth not make that Contract good, true, and inuiolable: which neuerthelesse, wanting their consents, though in other respects neuer so good, is a meere nullitie, and cannot be accomplished without the manifest breaches of the institution, and guilt of adulterie.
Now by Parents, we vnderstand not onelyonly the naturall Parents, but such as by the law of Nature and of GOD supply their places:… Grandfathers, great Grandfathers, Vncl… Aunts, great Vncles and Aunts, Brethren, S… sters, Kinsmen, and Kinswomen, Migistrat… and those to whose families the parties doe… pecially belong. For all these are honoured… Scripture by the name of Parents. Neither… we exempt out of this number Gardians, M… sters, and such to whom the continuall custod… and tuition of any is lawfully committed. For… such be commaunded to prouide for them,… partes of their owne families, there is no reas… why they should not especially be respected… well in bestowing them abroad out of their… mily, as they were in taking them into it. For… their consent be necessarie at their comm… in, why should they goe out without their c… sent?
Further we say their parents, and not his… her parents, because parents on both sides ou… necessarily to consent and allow their chil… to betroth themselues. For this is the priuile… not of some parents, but of all, and in that t… be Parents. Moreouer we say allowed, and… required, neither commanded, nor yet exh… ted or inducted so to doe: because that a… the parents do neither call their children to… contract, neither commaund them, neither… quire them, neither exhort them (all wh… notwithstanding they ought to doe) yet if t… doe but onelyonly allow them, and giuegive their… consent that they shall contract themselues, it is enough for the tying of the knot, and the substance of the Contract. And to prooue that this contract is necessarie, we need no moe reasons but that which the Apostle setteth downe, saying of the father, Let him doe what hee will. By 1. Cor. 7. 36.which words, hee putteth it in the will and power of the father, either to bestow or not to bestow his daughter in marriage, saying, in doing either of the twaine he sinneth not. Yet it is written in another place: If her father refuse to Exod. 22. 16. 17giuegive her to him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of Virgins. In which words, the Lord doth giuegive an absolute authority to the father, to yeeld, or not to yeeld his consent, to giuegive, or not to giuegive his daughter. For if he hauehave power to denie it to his daughter that is deflowred, & so, by the Apostles iudgement, made one flesh with another; much more lawfully may he deny his consent to her that is no maner of way bound, but is eueryevery way free. And if hee hauehave 1. Cor. 6. 16.power to deny his consent in such a case, much more hath he power to giuegive his consent.
Now his authoritie and power to deny his consent, is apparant by the expresse commandement of God in that behalfe, which sayth, Take heede to thy selfe, that thou make no compact with the inhabitants of the land, and so take of Exod. 34. 16.their daughters vntounto thy sonnes, &c. More plain, Neither shalt thou make marriages with them, neither giuegive thy daughter vntounto his sonne, nor take Deut. 7. 3.his daughter to thy sonne. How could those parents obserue this commandement, vnlesse God had giuen them power to deny consent to the… children? Or why doth he rather forbid to the Parents, then to the children, but to shew th… the power to giuegive, or not to giuegive was in the Parents, and not in the children: especially cons… dering that children, being the principall par… of their Parents goods, are no lesse in their power and authoritie to giuegive and bestow, then the rest are. This was so wel knowne in the Churc… and so vsually practised among the people o… God, that the greatest among them, who might seeme to hauehave greatest libertie in that behalfe durst not disobay this holy commandement… God. For Sampson, the strongest of all, though he loued a mayd of the Philistins, yet he du… …udg. 15.not betroth himselfe vntounto her, before hee… intreated his parents to giuegive her vntounto him.