The Sovereignty and Goodness of God, Part 13 – Part 18
The thirteenth Remove.
Inſtead of going toward the Bay, which was that I deſired, I muſt go with them five or ſix miles down the River into a mighty Thicket of Bruſh: where we abode almoſt a fortnight. Here one asked me to make a ſhirt for her Papoos, for which ſhe gave me a meſs of Broth, which was thickened with meal made of the Bark of a Tree, and to make it the better, ſhe had put into it about a handfull of Peaſe, and a ſew roaſted Ground-nuts, J had not ſeen my ſon a pritty while, and here was an Indian of whom J made inquiry after him, and asked him when he ſaw him: he anſwered me, that ſuch a time his maſter roaſted him, and that himſelf did eat a piece of him, as big as his two fingers, and that he was very good meat: But the Lord upheld my Spirit, under this diſcouragement; and I conſidered their horrible addictedneſs to lying, and that there is not one of them that makes the least conſcience of ſpeaking of truth. In this place, on a cold night, as I lay by the fire, J removed a ſtick that kept the heat from me, a Squaw moved it down again, at which I lookt up, and ſhe threw a handfull of aſhes in mine eyes; J thought J ſhould have been quite blinded, and have never ſeen more: but lying down, the water run out of my eyes, and carried the dirt with it, that by the morning, I recovered my ſight again. Yet upon this, and the like occaſions, I hope it is not too much to ſay with Job, Have pitty upon me, have pitty upon me, O ye my Friends, for the Hand of the Lord has touched me. And here I cannot but remember how many times ſitting in their Wigwams, and muſing on things paſt, I ſhould ſuddenly leap up and run out, as if I had been at home, forgetting where I was, and what my condition was: But when I was without, and ſaw nothing but Wilderneſs, and Woods, and a company of barbarous heathens: my mind quickly returned to me, which made me think of that, ſpoken concerning Sampſon, who ſaid, I will go out and ſhake myſelf as at other times, but he wiſt not that the Lord was departed from him. About this time I began to think that all my hopes of Reſtoration would come to nothing. I thought of the Engliſh Army, and hoped for their coming, and being taken by them, but that failed. I hoped to be carried to Albany, at the Indians had diſcourſed before, but that failed alſo. I thought of being ſold to my Husband, as my maſter ſpake, but in ſtead of that, my maſter himſelf was gone, and j left behind, ſo that my Spirit was now quite réady to ſink. J asked them to let me go out and pick up ſome ſticks, that j might get alone, And poure out my heart unto the Lord. Then alſo j took my Bible to read, but j found no comfort here neither: which many times j was went to find: So eaſie a thing it is with God to dry up the Streames of Scripture-comfort from us. Yet j can ſay, that in all my ſorrows and afflictions, God did not leave me to have my impatience work towards himſelf, as if his wayes were unrighteous. But I knew that he laid upon me leſs then j deſerved Afterward, before this dolefull time ended with me, I was turning the leaves of my Bible, and the Lord brought to me ſome Scriptures, which did a little revive me, as that Iſai. 55.8 For my thoughts are not your thougts, neither are your wayes my ways ſaith the Lord. And alſo that, Pſal. 37.5. Commit thy way unto the Lord, truſt alſo in him, and he ſhal bring it to paſs. About this time they came yelping from Hadly, where they had killed three Engliſh men, and brought one Captive with them, viz. Thomas Read. They all gathered about the poor Man, asking him many Queſtions. I deſired-alſo to go and ſee him; and when I came, he was crying bitterly: ſuppoſing they would quickly kill him. Whereupon j asked one of them, whether they intended to kill him; he anſwered me, they would not: He being a little cheared with that, I asked him about the wel-fare of my Huſthand, he told me he ſaw him ſuch a time in the Bay, and he was well, but very melancholly. By which I certainly underſtood (though I ſuſpected it before) that whatſoever the Indians told me reſpecting him was vanity and lies. Some of them told me, he was dead, and they had killed him: ſome ſaid he was Married again, and that the Governour wiſhed him to Marry; and told him he ſhould have his choice, and that all perſwaded I was dead. So like were theſe barbarous creatures to him who was a lyar from the beginning.
As I was ſitting once in the Wigwam here, Phillps Maid came in with the Child in her arms, and asked me to give het a piece of my Apron, to make a flap for it, I told her I would not: then my Miſt: riſs bad me give it, but ſtill I ſaid no: the maid told me if I would not give her a piece, ſhe would tear a piece off it: I told her I would tear her Coat then with that my Miſtriſs riſes up, and takes up a ſtick big enough to have killed me, and ſtruck at me with it, but J ſtept out, and ſhe ſtruck the ſtick into the Mat of the Wigwam. But while ſhe was pulling of it out, j ran to the Maid and gave her all my Apron, and ſo that ſtorm went over.
Hearing that my Son was come to this place, I went to ſee him, and told him his Father was well, but very melancholly: he told me he was as much grieved for his Father as for himſelf; I wondred at his ſpeech, for I thought I had enough upon my ſpirit in reference to my ſelf, to make me mindleſs of my Husband and every one elſe: they being ſafe among their Friends. He told me alſo, that a while before, his Maſter (together with other Indians) where going to the French for Powder; but by the way the Mohawks met with them, and killed four of their Company which made the reſt turn back again, for which I deſire that myſelf and he may bleſs the Lord; for it might have been worſe with him, had he been ſold to the French, than it proved to be in his remaining with the Indians
I went to ſee an Engliſh Youth in this place, one John Gilberd of Spring field J found him lying without dores, upon to ground; j asked him how he did? he told me he was very ſick of a flux, with eating ſo much blood: They had turned him out of the Wigwam, and with him an indian Papoos, almoſt dead, (whoſe Parents had been killed) in a bitter cold day, without fire or clothes: the young man himſelf had nothing on, but his ſhirt & waſtcoat. This ſight was enough to melt a heart of flint. There they lay quivering in the Cold, the youth round like a dog; the Papoos ſtretcht out, with his eyes and noſe and mouth full of dirt, and yet alive, and groaning. j adviſed John to go and get to ſome fire: he told me he could not ſtand, but … perſwaded him ſtill, left he ſhouldly there and die: and with much adoe j got him to a fire, and went my ſelf home. As ſoon as j was got home, his Maſters Daughter came after me, to know what j had done with the Engliſh man, j told her j had got him to a fire in ſuch a place. Now had j need to pray Pauls Prayer, 2 Theſſ. 3.2. That we may be delivered from unreaſonable and wicked men. For her ſatisfaction j went along with her, and brought her to him; but before j got home again, it was noiſed about, that j was running away and getting the Engliſh youth: along with me: that as ſoon as I came in, they began to rant and domineer: asking me where j had been, and what j had been doing? and ſaying they would knock him on the head: I told them, j had been ſeeing the Engliſh Youth, and that I would not run away, they told me I lyed, and taking up a Hatchet, they came to me, and ſaid they would knock me down if I ſtirred out again; and ſo confined me to the Wigwam. Now may J ſay with David, 2 Sam. 24.14. I am in a great ſtrait. If I keep in, I muſt dy with hunger, and if I go out, I muſt be knockt in head. This diſtreſſed condition held that day, and half the next; And then the Lord remembred me, whoſe mercyes are great. Then came an Indian to me with a pair of ſtockings that were too big for him, and he would have me ravel them out, and knit them fit for him. I ſhewed my ſelf willing, and bid him ask my miſtriſs if I might go along with him a little way; ſhe ſaid yes, J might, but J was not a little refreſht with that news, that J had my liberty again. Then J went along with him, and he gave me ſome roaſted Ground-nuts, which did again revive my feeble ſtomach.
Being got out of her ſight: J had time and liberty again to look into my Bible: Which was my Guid by day, and my Pillow by night. Now that comfortable Scripture preſonted it ſelf to me, Iſa. 54.7. For a ſmal moment have I forſaken thee▪ but with great mercies will I gather thee. Thus the Lord carried me along from one time to another, and made good to me this precious promiſe, and many others. Then my Son came to ſee me, and J asked his maſter to let him ſtay a while with me, that J might comb his head, and look over him, for he was almoſt over come with lice. He told me, when I had done, that he was very hungry, but I had nothing to relieve him; but bid him go into the Wigwams as he went along, and ſee if he could get any thing among them. Which he did, and it ſeemes tarried a little too long; for his Maſter was angry with him, and beat him, and then ſold him. Then he came running to tell me he had a new Maſter. and that he had given him ſome Groundouts already. Then I went along with him to his new Maſter who told me he loved him: and he ſhould not want. So his Maſter carried him away, & j never ſaw him afterward. till j ſaw him at Paſcataqua in Portsmouth.
That night they bade me go out of the Wigwam again: my Miſtriſſes Papoos was ſick, and it died that night, and there was one benefit in it, that there was more room. J went to a Wigwam, and they bade me come in, and gave me a skin to ly upon, and a meſs of Venſon and Ground-nuts, which was a choice Diſh among them. On the morrow they burried the Papoos, and afterward, both morning and evening, there came a company to mourn and howle with her: though j confeſs, j could not much condole with them. Many ſorrowfull dayes j had in this place: often getting alone; like a Crane, or a Swallow ſo did I chatter: I did mourn as a Dove, mine eyes fail with looking upward Oh, Lord j am oppreſſed, undertake for me, Iſa. 38 14 I could tell the Lord as Hezeakiah, ver. 3. Remember now O Lord, I beſeech thee, kow I have walked before thee in truth. Now had I time to examine al my wayes: my Conſcience did not accuſe me of un-righteouſneſs toward one or other: yet I ſaw how in m y walk with God, I had been a careleſs creature. As David ſaid, Againſt thee, thee only have I ſinned: & I might ſay with the poor Publican, God be mereiful unto me a ſinner. On the Sabbath-dayes, I could look upon the Sun and think how People were going to the houſe of God, to have their Souls refreſht; & then home, and their bodies alſo: but I was deſtitute of both; & might ſay as the poor Prodigal, he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the Swine did eat, and no man gave unto him, Luke 15.16 For I muſt ſay with him, Father I have ſinned againſt Heaven, and in thy ſight, ver 21. I remembred how on the night before & after the Sabbath, when my Family was about me, and Relations and Neighbours with us, we could pray and ſing, and then refreſh our bodies with the good creatures of God; and then have a comfortable Bed to ly down on: but in ſtead of all this, I had only a little Swill for the body, and then like a Swine, muſt ly down on the ground. I cannot expreſs to man the ſorrow that lay upon my Spirit, the Lord knows it. Yet that comfortable Scripture would often come to my mind, For a ſmall moment have I forſaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee.
The fourteenth Remove.
Now muſt we pack up and be gone from this Thicket, bending our courſe toward the Bay-towns I haveing nothing to eat by the way this day, but a few crumbs of Cake, that an Indian gave my girle the ſame day we were taken. She gave it me, and I put it in my pocket: there it lay, till it was ſo mouldy (for want of good baking) that one could not tell what it was made of; it fell all to crumbs, & grew ſo dry and hard, that it was like little flints; & this refreſhed me many times, when I was ready to faint. It was in my thoughts when I put it into my mouth; that if ever I returned, I would tell the World what a bleſſing the Lord gave to ſuch mean ſood. As we went along, they killed a Deer, with a young one in her, they gave me a piece of the Fawn, and it was ſo young and tender, that one might eat the bones as well as the fleſh, and yet I thought it very good. When night came on we ſate down; it rained, but they quickly got up a Bark Wigwam, where I lay dry that night. I looked out in the morning, and many of them had line in the rain all night, I ſaw by their Reaking. Thus the Lord dealt mercifully with me many times, and I fared, better than many of them. In the morning they took the blood of the Deer, and put it into the Paunch, and ſo boyled … ▪ I could eat nothing of that, though they ate it …we…tly. And yet they were ſo nice in other things, that when I had fetcht water, and had put the Diſh I dipt the water with, into the Kettle of water which I brought, they would ſay, they would knock me down; for they ſaid, it was a ſluttiſh trick.
The fifteenth Remove.
We went on our Travel. I having got one handfull of Ground-nuts, for my ſupport that day they gave me my load, and j went on cheerfully [with the thoughts of going homeward] haveing my burden more on my back than my ſpirit: we came to Baquang River again that day, near which we abode a few dayes Sometimes one of them would give me a Pipe, another a little Tobacco, another a little Salt: which I would change for a little Victuals. I cannot but think what a Wolviſh appetite perſons have in a ſtarving condition: for many times when they gave me that which was hot, I was ſo greedy, that I ſhould burn my mouth, that it would trouble me hours after, and yet I ſhould quickly do the ſame again. And after I was thorougly hungry, I was never again ſatisfied. For though ſometimes it fell out, that I got enough, and did eat till I could eat no more, yet I was as unſatisfied as J was when I began. And now could J ſee that Scripture verified (there being many Scriptures which we do not take notice of, or underſtand till we are affli&ed) Mic. 6.14. Thou ſhalt eat and not be ſatisfied. Now might I ſee more than ever before, the miſeries that ſin hath brought upon us: Many times I ſhould be ready to run out againſt the Heathen, but the Scripture would quiet me again, Amos, 3 6. Shal there be evil in the City, and the Lord hath not done it? The Lord help me to make a right improvment of His Word, and that I might learn that great leſſon, Mic. 6.8, 9. He hath ſhewed thee (Oh Man) what is good, and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and love mercy, and walk humbly with thy God? Hear ye the rod, and who hath appointed it.
The ſixteenth Remove.
We began this Remove with wading over Baquag River: the water was up to the knees, and the ſtream very ſwift, and ſo cold that I thought it would have cut me in ſunder. j was ſo weak and ſeeble, that j reeled as I went along, and thought there I muſt end my dayes at laſt, after my bearing and getting thorough ſo many difficulties; the Indians ſtood laughing to ſee me ſtaggering along: but in my diſtreſs the Lord gave me experience of the truth, and goodneſs of that promiſe, Iſai. 43.2. When thou paſſeſt thorough the Waters, I will be with thee, and through the Rivers, they ſhall not overflow thee. Then I ſat down to put on my ſtockins and ſhoos, with the teares running down mine eyes, and many ſorrowfull thoughts in my heart, but I gat up to go along with them. Quickly there came up to us an Indian, who informed them, that I muſt go to Wachuſet to my maſter, for there was a Letter come from the Council to the Saggamores, about redeeming the Captives, and that there would be another in fourteen dayes, and that I muſt be there ready. My heart was ſo heavy before that I could ſcarce ſpeak or go in the path; and yet now ſo light, that J could run. My ſtrength ſeemed to come again, and recruit my feeble knees, and aking heart: yet it pleaſed them to go but one mile that night, and there we ſtayed two dayes. In that time came a company of Indians to us, near thirty, all on horſe-back. My heart skipt within me, thinking they had been Engliſh men at the firſt ſigbt of them, for they were dreſſed in Engliſh Apparel, with Hats, white Neckcloths,, and Saſhes about their waſts, and Ribbonds upon their ſhoulders: but when they came near, their was a vaft difference between the lovely faces of Chriſtians, and the foul looks of thoſe Heathens, which much damped my ſpirit again.
The ſeventeenth Remove.
A comfortable Remove it was to me, becauſe of my hopes. They gave me a pack, and along we went chearfully; but quickly my will proved more than my ſtrength; having little or no refreſhing my ſtrength failed me, and my ſpirit were almoſt quite gone. Now may I ſay with David, Pſal. I 19.22, 23, 24. I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. I am gone like the ſhadow when it dec…ineth: I am toſſed up and down like the locuſts: my knees are weak through faſting, and my fliſh faileth offaineſs. At night we came to an Indian Town, and the Indians ſate down by a Wigwam diſcourſing, but J was almoſt ſpent, and could ſcarce ſpeak. I laid down my load, and went into the Wigwam, and there ſat an Indian boyling of Horſes feet (they being wont to eat the fleſh firſt, and when the feet were old and dried, and they had nothing elſe, they would cut off the feet and uſe them) I asked him to give me a little of his Broth, or Water they were boiling in; he took a diſh, and gave me one ſpoonfull of Samp, and bid me take as much of the Broth as I would. Then I put ſome of the hot water to the Samp, and drank it up, and my ſpirit came again. He gave me alſo a piece of the Ruff or Ridding of the ſmall Guts, and I broiled it on the coals; and now may I ſay with Jonathan, See, I pray you, how mine eyes have been enlightened, becauſe j taſted a little of this honey, 1 Sam. 14.29. Now is my Spirit revived again, though means be never ſo inconſiderable, yet if the Lord beſtow his bleſſing upon them, they ſhall refreſh both Soul and Body.
The eighteenth Remove.
We took up our packs and along we went, but a weariſome day I had of it. As we went along I ſaw an Engliſh-man ſtript naked, and lying dead upon the ground, but knew not who it was. Then we came to another Indian Town, where we ſtayed all night. In this Town there were four Engliſh Children, Captives; and one of them my own Siſters. I went to ſee how ſhe did, and ſhe was well, conſidering her Captive-condition. I would have tarried that night with her, but they that owned her would not ſuffer it. Then I went into another Wigwam, where they were boyling Corn and Beant, which was alovely ſight to ſee, but J could not get a taſte thereof. Then I went to another Wigwam, where there were two of the Engliſh Children; the Squaw was boyling Horſes feet, then ſhe cut me off a little piece, and gave one of the Engliſh Children a piece alſo. Being very hungry I had quickly eat up mine, but the Child could not bite it, it was ſo tough and ſinewy, but lay ſucking, gnawing, chewing and ſlabbering of it in the moutb and band, then I took it of the Child, and eat it my ſelf, and favoury it was to my taſte. Then I may ſay as Job Chap. 6.7. The things that my ſoul refuſed to touch, are as my ſorrowfull meat. Thus the Lord made that pleaſant refreſhing, which another time would have been an abomination. Then I went home to my miſtreſſes Wigwam; and they told me I diſgraced my maſter with begging, and if I did ſo any more, they would knock me in head: I told them, they had as good knock me in head as ſtarve me to death.