The Voice of the Spirit, Part 2
Experiences of J. M.
Concerning beleeving.
1. BEing in a great ſtreight, not knowing which way to get out, it pleaſed God to caſt my eye upon a promiſe which was ſutable to my preſent ſtreight; yet did I not finde ſuch lively ſtrength in it, as to deliver me: but, I was enabled to lay my condition and the promiſe together, downe at the feet of the Lord, and found much quietnes of Spirit thereupon.
2. Being once troubled about the difficulty of beleeving, I had ſuch a hint as this; that I ſhould view the promiſe. i. e. looke againe and againe, and venture upon it, it may be I ſhall not ſpeed, in obtaining that which the promiſe holdeth out to me; yet, however I will, as duty injoyneth me (it being the great Commandement to beleeve) put it to the tryall, and ſtay upon it, abide and continue to roule and repoſe the whole weight of all my wants upon the promiſe; and I ſaw plainly, that though I did ſo, yet I did miſcarry. As,
1. I looked at the matter of the promiſe, more then upon the promiſer: ex. gr. I looked at comfort and deliverance that ſhould come in by the promiſe, more then at Chriſt himſelfe.
2. I did come deſirous to obtaine what the promiſe held out, yet was not thankfull for what I had already received: as, in this promiſe, I will take away the ſtony heart, and give you an heart of fleſh. I came to the promiſe as one that had nothing at all of it; and it pleaſed the Lord to ſuffer ſuch a frame of heart upon me, as I apprehended my heart was altogether ſtony; hereby ſhewing me my evill; for, I ſhould have bleſſed God for any meaſure of ſoftnes of heart, which he had beſtowed on me.
3. I came to the promiſe in my owne ſtrength; I had this apprehenſion, as God hath given the promiſe, ſo the Spirit of promiſe alſo, to apply it; and going to it, I ſhould as a poore, empty, nothing creature, look in the ſtrength of the Spirit to apply it. I have found that whil'ſt I have been beleeving, a quiet waiting, Gods time for the performance of promiſes, and not making ſuch haſt, as the unquietnes and over-eager haſtines of my Spirit hath put me upon at other times.
3. I have had ſuch a ſight of God as to make the creature, and all its power, rage actings &c. to be as nothing.
4. I have been for a time as bold as a Lion, and have not met with ſuch failings of heart as at other times.
5. Hearing a Chriſtian in private, utter theſe words [faith worketh by love] I had a very ſweet apprehenſion that our faith eying the ſweet love of the Father, and the deare & tender love of the Son, did gather ſtrength thence, and worke effectually by the ſtrength of that love.
6. Being brought to a great ſtand by reaſon of the actings of ſome corruptions in me, and almoſt beaten off from beleeving; that was brought to minde with comfort and encouragement to the worke of faith. Joſeph went and asked the body of Chriſt boldly: ſo, I ſhould venture by beleeving on a crucified Chriſt.
7. At another time being exceedingly low by reaſon of ſome corruptions breaking forth, I came into the ſociety of ſome godly people, and hearing one in prayer mention this concerning Chriſts Interceſſion [If there were one moment wherein the people of God were not preſented to the Father in the blood of Chriſt, it were very ſad with them]. I found faith recovering a little hence, as one that hath received a wound doth begin to recover out of the ſwouning fitt, it caſt him into.
8. Soone after my faith being as it were a bleeding and languiſhing, it was thus revived [my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor my wayes your wayes] I had an extraordinary light into that Scripture at that time, which did ſet me a breathing after the Lord.
9. Being once through extraordinary buffetings of Satan, brought to ſuch extremity that I fell into ſuch kinde of thoughts as theſe; were it not better for me to give over, and never minde any thing of God more? is it a duty for me to beleeve? ſhould I not be in great peace if I did at once caſt off all?
This came to relieve me; [If need be ye are in heavines for a moment — Now you have ſorrow, but I will ſee you againe and ye ſhall rejoyce, and your joy ſhall no man take from you. Thus was my faith a little revived againe.
The very next day I was more ſadly ſet upon then ever, and then this conſideration, Abraham beleeved God upon the greatdſt diſadvantages, and ſo gave glory to God, ſo ought I now, and hereby a way was made for my eſcape.
Concerning Temptation.
I being ſadly tempted, and finding Satan buffeting me violently, partly upbraiding me for former ſins, and partly putting me on to ſin, I was in great perplexity, inſomuch that I was conſtrained to cry out by reaſon of the bitternes of my ſoule, and alſo to call in the helpe of a Chriſtian friend to pray with me, he was much affected with my condition, himſelfe having been under ſuch temptations. I would have beleeved but could not; I would have put away thoughts of temptation but could not: the temptation grew ſtronger and ſtronger, my heart was broken by reaſon of ſorrow; yet for a time, marvellouſly kept up to ſtrive; I ſaw I could not hold out, and was ready to yeeld, and give over the combat. But, I found the Lord coming in for my helpe, in a needfull time, when I was without ſtrength. I apprehended the power of Chriſt very ſenſibly ſet againſt the power of the Devill, and he began to give ground. I had ſuſtained many hundred charges concerning the odious nature of my ſinne, and the ſad curſe denounced againſt the ſame. After a little retreate of the enemy, I began to take a little boldnes, but never with more trembling, and deſpairing in my ſelfe, or more cleaving to Chriſt as a Conquerour: I could then truely ſay, my rejoycing is in another, and I have no confidence in the fleſh. And
1. I ſaw I conquered, yet triumphed in Chriſts Conqueſt.
2. Never could I ſo pittie thoſe that are tempted as then.
3. Never more ſenſible of ſpirituall ſins, then at this time: I apprehended it a great evill for a poore wretch to cheriſh the pride of his heart, by wearing gay cloathes, &c. O but how was this comparable to the ſin of priding ones ſelfe in the precious graces of the Spirit!
4. Whereas before it had been a great pollicy of Satan to turn mine eye from himſelfe and his actings to poore Inſtruments, vaſſals of his owne: now I could looke at himſelfe, and ſet my ſelfe in the ſirength of Chriſt againſt him.
5. I could with an holy contempt, looke upon all the deſignes of Satan and of his inſtruments.
6. I was exceedingly filled with the praiſes of God; eſpecially that he ſhould take ſuch an advantage of the Tempter, and make ſo good a Concluſion of ſo unhappy a beginning.
7. I was much ſtirred up to make an improvement of the temptation, and that thus, by croſſing the Devils maine drift in the temptation, which was, to draw my ſoule into a greater diſtance from Chriſt; now I laboured to get and keep neerer to him.
8. I was fitted and prepared for ſome ſpeciall ſervice (even by the temptation) which was ſoone after to fall upon me.
And I have obſerved theſe things concerning Temptations further.
1. I have obſerved that when I have had largeſt diſcoveries of the grace of God in the Goſpell, when I have dwelt moſt upon the thoughts of it, and moſt applyed it; then preſently ſome deſperate temptation hath aſſaulted me, or ſett upon me; and the enemy hath made this advantage of it. This cometh by your looking ſo much to the grace of God; doe you not ſee what effects come of it? were you not more reſtrained &c. when you looked more to the Covenant of workes.
2. I obſerve that the enemy ſtriketh at faith by every temptation: ex. gr. after ſome ſlip or fall; what, you a Childe of God, how can it be, and give ſuch way to temptation?
3. The Tempter hath (in my experience) appeared to be a lyar and full of malice, many hundred times, in his temptations.
4. I have obſerved that Satan hath faſtened the ſame temptation upon ſeverall parties at one and the ſame time: ex. gr. I have had a ſtrong perſwaſion that ſuch and ſuch were offended at me, and by conference it happened that they have had the ſame apprehenſions faſtened upon them concerning me; and ſo there hath been mutuall ſtrangenes and ſhuning ſociety each with other.
5. When the adverſary hath a deſigne to tempt to ſuch or ſuch an evill, he maketh way for it beforehand: ex. gr. ke knoweth that when ſuch parties meet together, there will be an occaſion for paſſions to ſtirre, he will caſt in ſomewhat before, which ſhall exceedingly moove ſuch paſſions, as, anger, revenge &c.
6. I have frequently found that the enemy will caſt in ſuch and ſuch thoughts, as of blaſphemy againſt the Lord &c. and then labour to perſwade me, that I am ſuch a one, and ſo maketh way for further temptation.
7. I have been much ſtirred up to bewaile and mourne over ſuch corrupt affections, and to ſtrive againſt them, and to goe to the death of Chriſt by faith for power to ſubdue them, to watch alſo and Covenant againſt them &c. but all on a ſudden they have been revived, and if temptation have prevailed, then they have been improved thus; What overtaken againe? after all this it is impoſſible you ſhould be pardoned.
8. I have often obſerved that the tempter will alwayes improve his ſucceſſes: if he gaine but a little ground, he followeth on with renewed force, with much fury, aſſaulting with violent impulſions, and taketh advantage upon yeelding: as, you have yeelded ſo farre, and why not altogether?
Concerning Corruption.
1. I have thought it was matter of praiſe, that the Lord would diſcover and convince me of any Corruption within my heart; and have found joy at ſuch times as diſcoveries have been made thereof; becauſe the Spirits diſcoverie is in order to the ſubduing of it.
2. I have obſerved that a ſoule is made ſenſible of his utter inability to ſubdue it, before the Lords time is to have it ſubdued; inſomuch as if he ſhall mourne over it, beg, ſtrive, wreſtle againſt it, yet it may ſee as it were a reviving, and it may be, it may ſometimes much revive, before ſome notable wound is given to it.
3. I have found that I have ſtriven againſt it, in my owne ſtrength.
Concerning the Spirits working.
1. This I have alwayes obſerved in diſcoveries from the Spirit, that Scripture is moſt true, Joh. 16.14. He ſhall take of mine, and ſhew it to you, and ſo glorifie me. Looke as the Son doth put the honour upon the Father, in all that he doth; ſo, the bleſſed Spirit of God together with his teachings, leaveth ſuch a frame of heart, as it is admiring of Jeſus Chriſt: O how beautifull is he at ſuch a time, to the poore beleever!
2. I have obſerved the ſoule is more looking upon it as it doth bring Comfort, then as it doth glorifie Jeſus Chriſt, and that may be one reaſon why the ſenſe of it is ſo ſoone gone.
3. I have taken notice that a little before ſome notable diſcovery of the Spirit, ſome violent temptation is caſt in, which Satan would indiſpoſe the ſoule by, for the receiving what is a coming: but it pleaſeth the Lord by ſuch meanes to put the ſoule into ſome capacity, for ſuch an in-come.
Concerning hindering the worke of the Spirit.
I have had apprehenſions that I reſiſted the Spirit, theſe wayes.
1. By diverting thoſe holy motions. i. e. turning them out of my thoughts, or turning my thoughts ſome other way.
2. By owning them as if they were my owne.
3. By poreing too much upon the difficulty that lieth in my way to the performance of that which the Spirit mooveth me to.
4. By thinking the Lord beholden to me, for the entertainment of them, or doing the thing which the Spirit doth moove me to.
Concerning Deſertion.
1. Being once under dreadfull apprehenſions by reaſon of withdrawings and the violent temptations which followed immediately thereupon; I was forced to cry out, in much bitternes of Spirit, with an audible voyce, Lord helpe me &c. and ſuddenly a paſſage which in the publique miniſtry of the word I had heard a little before, was brought to minde with much Comfort, from the ſpeech concerning Ephram [I have heard Ephraim bemoaning himſelfe] whence it was obſerved, That Chriſt doth ſometimes, (when his people cannot keep pace with him, but through negligence have loſt fight of him) as it were ſtand ſtill, hearing their mournfull cries, and then runs and taketh them up againe, and ſo I thought it was with me.
2. After ſome time of deſertion meeting with a ſweet returne, I had very high and reverend thoughts of God, and was more valuing his preſence, then ever before.
3. At another time being againe brought to the enjoyment of God, after long ſhutting up; that of David came to minde, I was as a weaned Childe. I was weaned from all things; from repute amongſt men, from outward Comforts &c. and ſtayed much upon the Lord.
I apprehended it was the Lords end in Deſertion to make way for eſtabliſhment, and to render unblameable before God, and our Father, at the coming of the Lord Jeſus, with all his Saints.
FINIS.