The Voice of the Spirit, Part 1
Experiences of A. M.
I Have had my ſoule ftayed upon Chriſt, by a direct act of faith formerly; and have been in ſome meaſore eſtabliſhed by a reflex act. But looking to Sanctification within, though I had true faith, yet I was often in a ſtreight, and ſometimes had miſgivings, not about my eternall Condition, but whither I did goe diſtinctly to Chriſt or not; yet deſired the Lord to take me off every falſe bottome, and to fixe me upon himſelfe onelyonly.
I had longing deſires after further injoyments of Chriſt, and was much in the uſe of meanes for that end: and once, going overnight to heare Mr. S. preach, I was taken up with many troubled thoughts, and in the night I could not take any reſt; yet, my Spirit was much refreſhed before the morning. It was hinted in thus, thou deſireſt a heart enlarged &c. and thou do'ſt well; but there may be ſelfe in all this; that thy peace may be furthered, and thy comfort augmented; and upon conſidering, my heart was darke, and I was neceſſitated to cry out, that all my righteouſneſſe was, as an uncleane cloath, and preſently I was carryed out as Paul in a way of exultation [I thanke God through Jeſus Chriſt my Lord].Rom. 7.25.
I did ſee my ſoule was layd upon that better Covenant, upon Chriſt. I was marvellouſly refreſhed in hearing Mr S. I was afraid that any friend ſhould ſpeake to me, after the Ordinance, leaſt they ſhould interrupt me in that which my ſoule mert withall in it. He ſpake from 1 Cor. 3.1. I could not ſpenke unto you as unto ſpirituall, but as unto carnall, even as unto babes in Chriſt He diſcovered that many Chriſtians were of very little ſtature or growth, after a long continuance under fatting Ordinances.
Some time after this the Lord afforded me, a marvellous revelation of himſelfe, on this manner.
In the night, waking, I being very well, my underſtanding clearer then even, Scriptures were caſt in very thick, and without any thing of my recollecting them, or ſtudy for them; and cleare interpretations come in with them. And it was by enlightening, not by voyce, I was commanded to attend unto what I ſhould ſee and heare, or have given in, and therewith I had power alſo to attend, & lie ſtill without any paine or diſturbance of my body; whereas I was wont to be reſtl…s, and full of paine and diſquiet.
I am not able to call to minde, the many Scriptures that were caſt in, but they were.
1. Concerning the [ſtill voyce of God] and what this ſtill voyce was; the Lords royce was not in the whirle winde, or the earthquake. As, Job 33. v. 15, 16. when deep ſleep talleth upon men, i. e. not ſo much in a dreame or ſleep, as in the ſeaſon for reſs; [then he openeth the eats of men, and ſealeth their inſtruction]. And ſo it was with me, in the ſeaſon for reſt, the Lord did cauſe me to underſtand, and my heart was melted into the ſtill…nes of this voice, and of thoſe things which I did ſee; I was formed into them. I found a nullifying of ſelfe, and my heart was much deſiring he might be glorified how he would, and my heart crucified in a way of ſubjection and quiet ſubmiſſion, that I did ſee a ſolid contentment, & enough; yea, my heart was withall commanded to be quiet. I ſaw that Gods glory was his owne, and he could give it out, how he would, and the ſoule is to reſt, in the ſtill voice, and the leſſe it reſteth in it ſelfe, the more it giveth glory to God. The Lord aſſured me that he had rebuked Satan, and the earth ſhould be a quiet habitation, and alſo my heart. I ſaw what power God had to diſſipate ſin, and caſt it out of my ſoule, and I found the nullifying of all earthly affections; I was affected with nothing on earth.
I did behold the glory of God. I did manifeſtly ſee abundance of glory in this miniſtration. Yet, not ſo much to raiſe my affections: But rather committed to my underſtanding (as I apprehended it) then to my affection. I did underſtand that it was God.
2. Concerning the patience of God, and how it doth differ from that in the creature. I ſaw how pure it was, and without all mixture in him, and that he was free from all ſuch paſſions, and hurryes as the creature is ſubject to, and ſo I diſcerned his tranſcendency above all Creatures. Alſo, I was made capable at that time of thoſe Scriptures that formerly I could not underſtand, my objections were removed, & by comparing Scripture with Scripture, that were caſt in, thoſe that heretofore ſeemed to diſagree, were reconciled, and made one, and all the Scriptures were confirmed to me, to be one truth. Many Scriptures that were darke and myſticall, were made cleare to me, which before I knew nothing of, and the interpretations very ſpirituall.
My memory will not admit, to diſcover what I met withall this way. As, When a mans wayes are pleaſing to the Lord, his enemies ſhall be at peace with him.
Another ſeemed to be quite contrary; viz. When they kill you, they ſhall think they doe God good ſervice. Theſe were reconciled thus. When they perſecute, yet in their Conſciences they ſhall Juſtifie. Their being at peace was, in regard of their Conſciences; not that they ſhould be at peace, as men contrary: but, though through the vilenes of Nature, they have malice againſt you; yet, in their Conſciences they ſhall juſtifie and acquite you, and fall downe and ſay, God is in you of a truth.
So, 1 Cor. 2.15. He that is ſpirituall judgeth all things, yet he himſelfe is judged of no man. i. e. The Lord giveth him a judgement of all things in himſelfe; and he can judge what is of the Spirit, and what is not: and another cannot judge him about his having a Spirit of judgement given him.
And it was brought in, that it was the ſame Spirit I now felt, that Spirit that did write the Scriptures.
And it was brought to minde thus: theſe are the things that thy heart did glow and pant after, though underſtandingly thou did ſh?ot expreſſe it.
I was heretofore in a ſad condition, my life was a life of begging, when ſhould I praiſe the Lord, I begged for underſtanding in the myſterie of the Covenant, and ſometimes this was brought in, that this ſpirituall underſtanding which the Lord did give me into the Scriptures, this was that I prayed for, it was an anſwer of theſe things.
And by the temptation that did follow, this is that thou did'ſt pray for &c. I did remember it was given in ſo. Many other Scriptures were brought in, which I cannot recall. After in the day I had ſomething of what I thus injoyed in the night; and I would then have recollected, and have conſidered what it was, but I could not; my heart fainted, and preſently I fell into a cold ſweat. I could not review or recollect for a Quarter of a yeare.
It pleaſed the Lord to bring to minde ſeverall diſcoveries to the Apoſtles, in what manner the Lord did reveale himſelfe to them,Job. 33.15, 16. Iſai. 32.3, 4. and concerning Job; And the eyes of them that ſee ſhall not be dimme—And the tongue of him that ſtammereth ſhall be ready to ſpeake plainly. Such Scriptures were brought to mind, with the meaning of them, and accordingly that I ſhould ſpeake plainly, and that I ſhould clearly underſtand the Spirits working, from every other thing, that it was from God.
And for the Certainty of it, I did ſee, and could not doubt of it, that the very adminiſtration was given to me, which was given to the Apoſtles and Saints of old. Yet it was rather committed ſtill, to my underſtanding, then to my affection. Another night againe waking, I had other Scriptures in the new Teſtament opened to me, in the ſame manner as before. Joh. 17. v. 11.21.23. I underſtood that, to be one with Chriſt, was, to have our will melted into the will of Chriſt, and it was that I now felt, and I did ſee the thing to be of infinite glory, to have our hearts melted into the glory of God.
Another was, Math 26. v. 29. I will not drinke henceforth of the fruit of the Vine, untill that day, when I drinke it new with you in my Fathers kingdome. The wine is that Comfort, and wonderfull refreſhment which is injoyed: and that which I had was a ſymptome and taſt of that wine, that I ſhould ever drink in the kingdome of heaven, and it was wonderfull for the preſent.
This was in the night, in the day againe, I went on in feare & aſtoniſhment; I thought in the morning what it ſhould be, and the end of it. I conſidered whither it were the powring out of the Spirit, which the Scripture ſpeaketh of, and I could not tell what it ſhould be, I could never pray for it diſtinctly, and ſo I had it not in that way, it was above what my heart could conceive of before I hid it, and ſo I could not pray for it. This againe put me into melancholy, and my heart fainted; yet I was not able to recollect, for the probation or tryall of what I mett withall, whence it came &c. OnelyOnly the Lord did diſcover to me, ſome of his ends in theſe things.
Now I had feares that I ſhould never be fitt for my Calling againe, and there was no agreeablenes or ſutablenes between me and any Creature. But, though my Spirit was full of trouble, yet I had a ſtaying thought, that the Lord would fit me for my calling, or let me die.
That word was caſt in, Math. 9.17. Men doe not put new wine into old bottles, elſe the bottles breake— I ſee it was becauſe of the oldnes of my veſſell, that I was under ſuch fears; but the Lord aſſured me that he would beare me up, to the thing that he ſhould declare unto me, and make me able to beare his enlightenings, and he did bid me be of good cheere.
Another night I had many hard places of Scripture, very ſpiritually declared unto me. In the day againe I was troubled, and had a kinde of weaknes and dread on my Spirit. But, one time I did willingly take a little contentment in the creature; and there came a terrour, that I went about to reſiſt the Spirit, and aſtoniſhment came, and I reſolved that I would take heed of yeelding to any ſuch thing any more, and that I would attend unto what ſhould be given in.
In the Concluding of all,The witneſſing of Adoption by the Spirit. it was brought in to me thus: What thou haſt ſeen and beheld it was the Lord, and God juſtifying of thee, thou haſt ſeen his infinite and invincible power; thy heart hath been kept up, and it is made ſure to thee that it was the Lord, thou knoweſt it was he and none elſe, it was irreſiſtible.
Now it is done, I have ſealed thee up to the day of redemption, and cauſed thee to ſet to thy ſeale, that I am true, thou knoweſt it was God, and haſt ſealed to it. Now, goe forth into thy Calling, and attend upon it, keep thy minde intent upon it, and ſee thou deſt not diſhonour me. And I did ſo, and found ſome ſtirrings of corruption, & temptation aſſaulting, which I did not before, onelyonly feare and dread.
Now the hardſhip came that day; I had as hard a day of it, as ever in my life; then Satan ſet on me with violent temptations, and I was darke, this miniſtration withdrawne, I had it no more that day, and my heart was ſad.
Tempta. 1. I was tempted that now my earthen veſſell ſhould be broken, and I ſhould be diſtracted &c. and I had brought it upon my ſelfe; and thus brought it, becauſe I had ſought of God that he would reveale the Covenant of grace to me, and teach me &c. and in the former miniſtration it was given in, this is that thy ſoule deſired.
Some buſines was to be done and I did forget; and it came upon me, do'ſt thou not ſee, thou haſt loſt the uſe of reaſon; had'ſt not better have been in a low condition? But you would be taught of God—And
1. I was much affrighted that day and full of feares.
2. My heart was ſo darke that I could not reaſon the caſe with Satan; for, then I might have told him he was a liar: for, I deſired underſtanding in the myſtery of the Covenant, that my heart might goe in a right way to Chriſt. But, I could not reflect but wholly attend to Satan. And Satan gave me Impulſions to goe read, and try to pray, ſuggeſting to me, thou haſt nothing to pray, thou haſt ſeen God, and needeſt not faith &c.
3. Yet I kept this all alongſt, that God was my Father; and though I was diſtreſſed, yet not in the leaſt teares of periſhing. Satan could never ſhoote one arrow, to make me thinke it was not of God. And in the miniſtration it was given in, that ſin was Commanded out, that it might not be mingled with his worke, and no battery ever ſhould be made againſt it. I knew I was ſafe for eternity.
4. Yet I conſidered with my ſelfe, had it not been for me to have dyed, and was ready to ſay with Peter; Depart from me, Luke 5.8.for I am a ſinfull creature, it was a ſorrow to my ſoule that I had ſo much, becauſe I knew not how to behave my ſelfe under it. I entreated the Lord to ſhew me Jeſus, that was fitteſt for a mortall creature to looke upon; and preſently I fell into a mighty trembling: but immediately recovered my ſelfe thus [the will of the Lord be done] and was quieted againe as to that.
5. The Lords day approaching, ſome of the family wiſhed me to goe out to heare; and I deſired every Ordinance; but by the tediouſneſſe of the weather I was then prevented? and being at home in this darke condition all alone; I reſolved to ſet upon duty, yet had no matter, but to ſpread my miſery before the Lord.
I did excuſe my ſelfe thus, Lord thou haſt been a wonder-working God in my ſoule, I entreate thee teach me, and ſhew me Jeſus in whom I have beleeved. Thou haſt troden the wine-preſſe alone, and that for me; thou haſt freely layd downe thy life, and that for me; thou haſt promiſed that thoſe which keep the word of thy patience, thou wilt keep them in the houre of temptation. Lord thou knoweſt this is the houre of my temptation, I have neither faith, nor feeling. As thou haſt made me paſſive in injoying, ſo now make me paſſive in beleeving. And I reherſed theſe words three times, The Lord rebuke thee, the Lord rebuke thee, the Lord rebuke thee.
6.Chriſt ſuccouring in temptation. I found immediately an invincible power bearing up my heart, to caſt helpe upon one that is mighty, Jeſus Chriſt, and ſo evidently and certainly, that one ſhould ſooner perſwade me, that a man which I ſee and have conference with, is not a man, then that I did not ſee Chriſt by faith. I did ſee my ſelfe taken, as out of the Lyons den; and my heart triumphing in Chriſt, that from this houre I could read, and pray, without trouble, and feed upon Chriſt.
I had another miniſtration in the night, diſcovering the difference between legal ſorrow, and Goſpel ſorrow, and I was put into a condition fit to beare it, and my heart was melted into that Goſpel ſorrow: but I am not able to declare particularly how it was with me here, for a world.
Tempta. 2. After this Satan did aſſault me very ſtrongly with this temptation, that I did Idolize the Scriptures. From the firſt of theſe diſcoveries, was taken with the Scriptures, becauſe all was conveyed by them to me. I received it that the Scriptures were the word of God, from what I had ſeen before; but now I knew it from the certainty of the Spirit, and its making my heart one with the Scriptures; and now it was ſuggeſted that I made an Idoll of them; and upon that I fell into a mighty trembling and feare, for it came very ſuddenly.
In a little ſpace I had ſweet refreſhments and diſtillations of the Spirit,Helpe againſt temptation. that came in thus.
Not the letter, but the Spirit that wrote the Scriptures.
And my heart was quieted againe.
Tempta. 3. Another came, that I did Idolize the Son of God, for I was afraid of God, and was taken up in beleeving on Jeſus. I was trembling and in a ſweat, and a great hurry upon this. And O had it not been better that I had died! and I feared I ſhould never be rid of them.
Anſw. After a little ſpace it was given in, that the Father, Son, and Spirit, is one pure Eſſence, and Chriſt being in the forme of God, Phil. 2.6.thought it not robbery to be equall with God.
And, the Word was made fleſh, and was with God, and was God. And the Son of God aſſuming our nature, became a fit Mediatour for the ſoule to come to God by; and he is to be honoured as God: and that temptation went away, and I had not any of the like nature, after. But I was tempted to doubt of the Reſurrection of the body, and what ſhould be enjoyed hereafter, and I was put upon it to prove whither Chriſt was in heaven in his humane nature, and for the preſent I had not the Scriptures at hand, nor could not finde wherewithall to anſwer them: but, it pleaſed the Lord to ſtay my heart up with this; that he was my Father, and I ſhould be quiet with what he would provide. It doth not become Children to enquire what riches or inheritance ſhall be given, it is enough that God is their Father: and this was till I had Scriptures to helpe me.
And one Scripture that did refreſh me was, Joh. 12. v. 23.24. The houre is come that the Son of man ſhould be glorified; verily, verily I ſay unto you, except a corne of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. By that I did ſee that Chriſt was the graine, caſt under the clod, & being ſowne, bringeth up more with him; and ſo I did ſee the reſurrection of the body, in the reſurrection of Chriſt. And concerning Chriſt, I had reliefe from that Scripture [The man Chriſt Jeſus].
And as the Scripture was brought in, I did ſee Satan continually throwne out, by the Word of God.
Now, Concerning the Effects of it, how I have continued for two or three yeares ſince, I can give it thus.
1. I have found my life wonderfully ſweet over ever before; in a ſtated, ſetled condition from my union with Chriſt; that whatever I want or whatever condition I be in, I can goe to him freely as to a Father.
2. Whatſoever my faith is kept up hanging on Chriſt for, in a way of prayer; I have it given in or granted.
3. When faith doth not act, then my ſoule is in a condition as without life; but if I can feed on Chriſt, and by freſh acts relie on him, I can ſit downe under his ſhaddow with great delight.
4. Yet, I know I have a body of ſin, and I finde much weaknes in my ſelfe; but my life is not made uncomfortable hereby; becauſe I have recourſe to Chriſt that is my ſhield, and have him made over to me.
5. Yet I have ſtreights and wonderfull feares for a little time: ſuch things are darted in, if I ſhould looſe the preſence of God what would become of me, it would be worſe then ever; and am troubled that I ſhould be inordinate in deſiring the joy of the Spirit.
6. In all theſe things, Chriſt is helping of me, in every conflict; that though I deſire to follow him in every ordinance; yet, to the praiſe of his grace be it ſpoken, I have a fountaine to goe to, and one to bring me out of every ſuch condition, and I have immediately a ſupply given in, and in this grace I now ſtand.
Tempta. I was once ſince in a mighty feare from hence, how if I ſhould ſin, what ſhould become of me then? and I ſhall one day fall by the hand of Saul; though not to looſe my ſoule, yet to looſe this preſence of Chriſt by ſome ſin or other. This was my temptation.
That night I was ſad, and on my firſt waking, my heart was in a kinde of heate, or wonderfull glowing, and this preſented to me, in a way of enlightening [I am wounded, I am wounded] And upon the enlightening I fell into weeping. I conſidered what it was, and the very thing did fill my heart with ſorrow, and joy; and I conſidered that Scripture, Zech. 12.10. They ſhall looke upon him whom they have pierced and mourne: and Zech. 13.6. One ſhall ſay, what are theſe wounds? and he ſhall anſwer, thoſe with which I was wounded in the houſe of my friend. Upon this there was a cleare enlightening that I knew this was the heart of Chriſt rowling towards ſinners, God juſtifying and Chriſt dying, and he was wounded by me in a way of queſtioning his continuance with me, yet he called me his friend; and thus he was wounded in the houſe of his friend.
I knew not where the Scripture was at firſt, but was certaine that it was ſpoken of Chriſt, and the heate of ſpirit did continue with me, till I found the Scripture.
I ſearched and at laſt found it, and underſtood the meaning of the Chapter, and ſaw it muſt be meant of Chriſt, and ſo I found that it was the voyce of Chriſt to my ſoule. And my life ſtill is ſweet, how long it will be ſo I know not; but I know, he that hath kept, may keep ſtill. And though I be vile, and the leaſt of all Saints, when in this ſenſe of my weaknes, I can looke on the free tenders of Chriſt, I am ſupported, becauſe all my fullnes, and riches is layd up in him. And ſince this condition, though I have pride and unbeliefe, and finde abundance, yet I have not found it ſo prevailing as before. It is rather in my members, then in my minde; my heart is broken off from the love of all ſin, and it is my greateſt affliction. And I finde Chriſt crucifying the fleſh in me, that I am not in every duty ſo bowed under as before; but Chriſt maketh me a Conquerour over ſin and Satan dayly.
7. I could not retaine thoſe enlightenings any longer then I had them; nor, when they were withdrawne was there the leaſt ability in me to recover them againe.
8. I perceived that my aſtoniſhment did often ariſe from the coming in of things ſo ſuddenly: but, when I ſaw my condition was not contrary to Scripture, but agreeable to it, then my heart was quieted. And under thoſe diſcoveries, if newes had come that I ſhould be torne in pieces, or met with fire and faggot, I could not have been ſenfible of it.
9. In all theſe diſcoveries, I had nothing but came with this [As it is written] and ſo I did wonderfully eſteeme and value the Scriptures; and my heart was wonderfully ſet againſt thoſe that pretend to Revelations without, or not agreeable to or againſt the Scriptures.
10. I found a reſolution to attend on Chriſt in all his appointments, and a ſutablenes in my Spirit to the meaneſt of them.
11. There was drawne out a greater love to the Saints then ever.
12. I had violent impulſions to declare it, and ſet a day apart to praiſe God: but, I found it was of Satan; The Lord perſwaded me thatit was onelyonly concerning my ſelfe, and was witnes enough of it ſelfe, needed no proving; and I underſtood that as Mary. Luk. 2.19. I ſhould keep theſe things & ponder them in my heart, and remember the ſtill voice, and take no care, the Lords glory is his owne, and he will vindicate it how he pleaſeth; and when he would have me ſpeak of it, he would fit me a ſeaſon to doe it.
Qu: How doe you know that theſe things proceeded from the Divine Spirit, and were not Deluſions of Satan?
Anſw. 1. I know it was of God, by the evidence the Spirit did give of it ſelfe, in its owne teſtimonie.
2. By Gods faithfulneſſe in his promiſe.
3. There was then given me a review of my former experiences of the Lords workings in reference unto Converſion, and of paſſages ſince; and I had a certainty of all thoſe workes that they were true, and from the Spirit.
4. My weaknes in naturall parts, and incapacitie of my ſelfe for ſuch things, doth make it conſpicuous, that all this is from the Lord.
5. By the Effects which this worke hath produced upon me: I am ſince, looking for participations and fruitions of Chriſt, and ſeeking for Sanctification and tranſformations; and this is my buſines; and I finde corruption is not prevalent as before; but, ſo ſoone as I goe to the Lord Chriſt for tranſformations I have them.