Of Peace and Contentment of Mind, Book 3 · Chapter 3
CHAP. III. Of Love.
LOve is the firſt of all Paſſions, and the cauſe of moſt part of them. It is the motion of the ſoule towards objects that promiſe reſt and contenument. By Love men are good or evill happy or unhappy, as that Paſſion is applyed to good or evill objects.
In every ſoule there is a Maſter-love which beares rule over all the other Paſſions and ſubjecteth them to its principal object. According to the quality of that object, love is perfect or unperfect, for as the objects of the ſight change in ſome ſort the apple of the eye into their colour and ſhape, ſo by receiving the image of the beloved object into our ſoule, our ſoule is tranſformed into it, and wedded to its qualities. He that loves a ſordid thing becomes ſordid. Doth any love his hounds with that principal love? his ſoule becomes of the ſame quality as his hounds. He that loveth a high object becomes high by that love. He that loveth God the ſoveraine good receiveth the ſoveraine good into his ſoule.
Many cauſes contribute to the contentment of minde but the chiefe cauſe of it is a worthy love. And it may be truly ſayd that neither in heaven nor in earth any thing is pleaſant and contenting but Love. God himſelfe is love, ſaith St Iohn, 1. Ioh. 4.16. And I conceive (as much as a finite mind dares conceive of the infinite God) that in the ſubſtantial love embracing the three perſons of the Godhead conſiſteth both their perſonal union and their felicity.
I have ſpoken before of the vertue of love which unites us with God, and ſhewed that it is mans great duty and ſoverain felicity. And hereafter I muſt ſpeake of the Chriſtian love due to our neighbours which is called charity; and of the love of ſociety which is friendſhip. In all theſe relations love is a vertue, either acquiſite or infuſed. But here wee conſider it as a natural Paſſion, which yet wee muſt endeavour to raiſe to a vertue, and for that wee cannot but returne againe to the love of God.
The moſt natural love is the love of the ſexe. A Paſſion meerely ſenſual, and common to men with beaſts. And yet it is that Paſſion which keepes the greateſt ſtirre in mans heart and in the world. That love ſofteneth magnanimous ſpirits, and drawes downe the ſoule from the heaven of holy meditation to the dregs of the matter. But for that Paſſion, a man might come to a degree of Angelical purity in this world. Wherefore there duplicate page duplicate page is great need to learne how to repreſſe it. To roote it out (if one could find in his heart to doe it) would be deſtroying nature, and reſiſting the ordinance of God, who gave that inclination to all animals for the propagation of their kind. But becauſe God gave alſo reaſon to men above other animals, and his knowledge to Chriſtians above other men; the love of the Sexe hath need to be led by a better guide then Nature, elſe it is brutiſh, and that which is innocent in beaſts is vicious in men. By it men inſtead of the pleaſure which they hunt after ſo hotly, find ſadnes, remorſe, infamy, deſtruction of body ſoule and eſtate. It is a feareful ſentence that no whoremonger nor uncleane perſon hath any inheritance in the kingdome of Chriſt and of God. Epheſ. 5.5.
It is a criminal & deplorable folly to turne into a ſnare of damnation that volupty which the indulgence of the wiſe creatour hath given to all animals to invite them to the continuation of themſelves in their poſterity; and to climb up at the window with perill to ſteale pleaſure with crime, whileſt marriage opens the doore to it, unto which God, men, honeſty, duty, utility, and facility, invite us.
Love altogether carnal doth not affect the perſon but the pleaſure, unleſs by the perſon a mansſelfe be underſtood. Love of beauty is love of onesſelfe, not of the deſired perſon, ſince beauty is deſired for pleaſure. When that love of the ſexe is joyned with a true affection to the perſon, and that affection grounded in vertue, and encouraged with mutual love, then love and friendſhip meete and increaſe one another; And if marriage followeth, it may prove the greateſt of temporal contentments.
But as in unlawfull love there is need of continence to refraine it, ſo in the lawful there is need of temperance to moderate it. Temperance is the preſerver of love, & of pleaſure alſo; Both are loſt by exceſſe. As the flame of a taper turned upſide downe is quencht by the ſubſtance that feeds it, ſo love goeth out by too much plenty of aliment. But though love and pleaſure could maintaine themſelves in the exceſſe, neither body nor mind loſing any thing of their vigour, yet there would be more loſſe then gaine in it; for fervent paſſion troubleth the ſerenitie of the ſoul, and any thing that ſubjecteth the underſtanding to the appetite degradeth the ſoule of her excellency, eſpecially when the appetite is meerely ſenſual.
Becauſe in conjugal life two loves meete, the love of the ſexe, and the love of ſociety, It will be a wiſe courſe, to tye the laſt with all the bonds of benevolence. Theſe bonds are piety, ſweet converſation, tender care of the beloved perſon, patience to beare with her infirmities, and a little winking not to ſee all that might diminiſh love, omitting nothing to make the beſt of a bargaine which cannot be undone. That indiſſoluble knot which unto fooles makes marriage a heavy yoake, is unto the wiſe a helpe to contentment, for by that neceſſity they are taught to love what they muſt love, & to ſeeke their delight in their duty.
The greateſt fervour of love is not in matrimony, for there one hath alwayes at hand wherewith to coole his thirſt; nor in unlawfull luſt, where alſo one knowes how to allay his heat, though with the detriment of his conſcience; but in woing, & in longing deſires tending to mariage. That heat is increaſed by the lawfulnes of the end, and the ſuggeſtion of a bewitched reaſon unto the conſcience, that one that loveth honeſtly cannot love too much: And if that heat meet with oppoſition, it increaſeth againe by difficulty, and often there is more love where there is leſſe hope. Quó que minùs ſperat, hôc magis ille cupit. Paſſion will frame in a mans fancy an advantageous image of the beloved object which ſtands continually before him; appears to him in dreames, breakes his ſleepe, interrupts his beſt thoughts, and his moſt important buſineſſes, makes his ſpirit a ſea in perpetual agitation; and his moſt quiet intervalls are ſadnes and a browne ſtudy. The worſt is, that God is forgotten, and the love of heaven is put out by the love of the world.
Many not onelyonly of the vulgar ſort but of the braveſt mindes having ſplit their ſhip upon this rock, there is need of extraordinary care to avoyd it. So much greater, becauſe our Chriſtian Philoſophers have taken leſſe care to appropriate their remedies to this ſickneſſe; for when they inveigh againſt carnal and vicious love, thoſe lovers who are perſuaded that their love is all vertuous, becauſe they would not though they could, unlawfully poſſeſſe the beloved perſon, eſteeme that theſe cenſures belong not to them: And yet, God knoweth that their love is too carnal, though they were virgins in their very thoughts, for even the immoderate love of a mother to her child is carnal and vicious.
They need then to be put in mind that their love cannot be pure in the quality, as long as it exceeds in the quantity, exceſſe of love for a worldly object being a moſt impure quality; for that Maſter-love which rules in the ſoul and brings all other Paſſions under, is due unto God alone, who will be loved with all our heart, with all our ſoul, with all our ſtrength, and with all our underſtanding. This the Lord Jeſus calls the firſt and the great commandement. The great, becauſe it is the chiefe duty of man, which comprehends all other duties. And the firſt, becauſe it is a comment upon the firſt precept of the law, Thou ſhalt have none other Gods but me. As then we muſt adore none but God alone, we muſt love none but God alone with that Maſterlove which gives to another the ſoverainty over ourſelves; for that love is a true adoration, whereby all the faculties of the ſoul bow and proſtrate themſelves before the beloved object. When carnall love is the Maſter-love in a ſoul, then the ſoul hath another God then the true God; and that Paſſion makes a burnt-offering of the heart to a falſe God, ſome weake ſinfull creature. Certainly thoſe impetuous burning fits of carnal love are violent rapines of the proper rights of God, for to him belongeth the heart, and upon him thoſe raptures and ſtrong agitations of love ſhould have beene beſtowed; him onelyonly we ought to love with all our ſoul and with all our ſtrength. O how farre are theſe violences from thoſe which muſt take the Kingdome of God by force! And how many teares and plaints of ſmarting remorſe muſt fond lovers powre, to doe penance for ſo many teares and plaints of carnal love, that opinatre imbecillity, whereby a man pines and torments himſelfe for the love of another!
Sometimes theſe two ſorts of teares proceeding out of ſuch different cauſes have met together in generous and religious ſoules, who being tranſported with thoſe violences of humane love were at the ſame time ſtrongly moved with godly jealouſy, the conſcience grieving and expoſtulating with the Appetite for yeelding unto any but God the ſeignory of the heart: Then the love of God oppreſt in the heart under the weight of the world and the fleſh, powerfully beſtirred himſelfe, and getting ſtrength by oppoſition overcame that rivall love, and became in the end Maſter of the place.
But alas, one victory doth not end the combat; For carnal love, when we think that it is ſhut out, will re-enter, having the porters of the ſoul, the ſenſes, on his ſide, which open the gate to its objects without the leave of reaſon, and help it to make ſtrong impreſſions upon the fancy; Whereas the immaterial beauty of God hath no help from the ſenſes, & makes no impreſſion upon the imagination; but in recompenſe it doth immediately illuminate the underſtanding and work upon the affections, and ſo ſanctifyeth and ſtrengtheneth them, that after many combats, carnall love is ſubdued; And if it pleade nature for ſtaying with us, yet it is brought to ſuch a ſubjection that it moveth no more but orderly, and within the limits of piety and reaſon, poſſeſſing but ſuch a parcel of the affection as it pleaſeth the love of God to allow nature to hold under him.
The limits and rules of reaſon about the choice of the ſubject of that love are poſſibility, lawfullneſſe, and conveniency. The meaſure of love muſt be according to the price of the ſubject. But when it comes to wedlock another meaſure is requiſite, that of oblgiation and duty; before wedlock, love is prone to overvalue his ſubject: Let lovers remember that the moſt perfect perſons are humane creatures, therefore a humane love is fit for them, not a divine ſervice; for then we ſerve them as God alone muſt be ſerved, when we make them Miſtriſſes of our heart, Take the beſt of them, their beauty will fade, their ſweetneſſe will ſowre, and their perſons muſt dye; this bates much of their price. Faire Diamonds would not be ſo deare, if they could grow pale and weare out. Know once the moſt lovely perſons, you ſhall not admit them to competition with God for the poſſeſſion of your heart.
Love aſpireth to perfection. He then muſt be beloved above all things who makes them perfect that love him. It is more then Ladies can do, though never ſo perfect. But by loving God who is the ſoveraine perfection, we become like him in our meaſure and are changed into the ſame image.
And ſince delight is the baite of love, we muſt love him above all things that ſatisfyeth us with true delight. Pſal. 16.12. God in whoſe preſence is fulneſſe of joy, at whoſe right hand there are pleaſures for evermore. Carnall love makes the heart ſick. It is ſullen, fantaſticall and tumultuous. It conceives great hopes of content and comes ſhort of them; It gives for one pleaſure a thouſand ſorrowes. But the love of God is a continuall enjoyment, a conſtant peace, a ſolid joy; and if ſometimes one ſuffer for him, he repayes for one ſorrow a thouſand pleaſures.
Many lovers of beauties are not beloved of them. But who ſo loveth God muſt be ſure that God loves him. Yea that God loved him before he loved God; the love which he beares to God is an effect of the love which God beares to him. And is it not a great encouragement to love, when one is ſure to be accepted and beloved againe? That ſubject which onelyonly deſerves to be loved with all our heart is eaſy to be wonne to a mutual love: Other objects of our love, being infinitely under that prime ſubject, are farre more difficult to winne.
Our love of God is not croſt with abſence as the carnall. For him we fetch no unheard ſighes, and ſhead no unſeen teares. God is alwayes neare them that ſigh for him, and puts up their teares in his bottle. Pſal. 56. The Lord is nigh to all that call upon him. He travelleth with them abroad, He keepes houſe with them, yea in them; He ſweetens their griefes, he anſwereth not only then words but their very thoughts.
Many times we love them that can do us no good, though they love us; many times alſo we are impoveriſhed by the love wee beare them. But our love to God makes us rich, for it gets already poſſeſſion of God, who is the Author of all good gifts. Pſal. 36.10. With him is the fountaine of life, and in his light we ſee light. To love him is to raiſe ourſelves to ſoveraine honour and felicity.
Briefly if one will have favours, gratious countenance, ſweet individuall company, poſſeſſion, enjoyment, fullneſſe of joy for ever, let him turne the point of his love heavenwards. Divine love will make him good and happy in the higheſt degree. Theſe benefits are not to be expected of carnal love. A ſickneſſe which is the ſame in the appetite as a fever is in the blood, ſometimes in a cold, ſomtimes in a hot fit. It is a perpetuall ebbe & flow of feare and hope, and it cannot but be continually ſhaking and wavering, ſince it pinnes the felicity of a man upon another, who hath not felicity, enflaming his heart to a ſubject weaker many times, and more neceſſitous then himſelfe.
And if theſe inconveniences be found in the honeſteſt love of the ſexe, how much more in the unlawfull and unchaſt love?
Of this ſickneſſe the moſt uſuall but not the beſt remedy is to drive out one Miſtreſſe with another; but the way to get liberty is not to change ſervice. In ſtead of getting out of the ſtorme into a harbour, they are toſſed from one rock to another. He then that will expell one love by another love, muſt betake himſelfe to a love that may change his ſervitude into liberty, which the love of God will afford, and none elſe. So the grand remedy of carnall love is to exerciſe ourſelves in the love of God, and gladly to conſider what a ſacrilegious part it is to erect a little idol of our ſenſuall appetite in our heart which is Gods Sanctuary, and what a hainous rebellion it is to chuſe another Maſter then God.
Thence (without an extraordinary mercy of God) one of theſe two evills will follow. Either God, jealous that we love another more then him to whom all our love is due, croſſeth our deſignes, and makes us miſſe that which we ſought after with ſo much eagerneſſe: Or, in a greater indignation he gives us that which we preferre before him, and whence we expect our higheſt happineſſe, which afterwards turnes into bitterneſſe and ruine. You ſhal ſee many impetuous corrivals, ſuitors of an evill woman, as fiſhes juſtling one another, ſtriving for a mortall bayte; The ſtrongeſt and moſt unfortunate driveth he other away, and by taking is taken and deſtroyed. Solomon who had but too much experience in this matter gives this account of it. Eccleſ. 5.26. I find more bitter then death the Woman whoſe heart is ſnares and nets, and her hands as bands. Who ſo pleaſeth God ſhall eſcape from her, but the ſinner ſhall be taken by her. Women might ſay little leſs of men. There is no cheat, no witchcraft, comparable to that of carnall love, neither is there any thing that workes ſadder effects. Of which the moſt ordinary is, the loſs of the tranquillity of the ſoul. A loſſe not to be recompenſed by all the love-pleaſures that luſt can ſuggeſt to the imagination.
No Paſſion ſinnes more againſt that rule truly Chriſtian and Philoſophical, to dwell at home, and not to ſeek our content out of ourſelves, which is the ſame thing as to ſeeke it in God, for in God is our true being, and God is found within us, if we have the grace to ſeeke him there, as we ought. But carnall love makes a man to ſeeke all contentment out of God and out of himſelfe, ſo that he is never at home, alwayes abroad, and alwayes under the power of others.
Neither doeth any other Paſſion ſo enormouſly tranſgreſſe in the two extreames, both to overvalue and undervalue the price of things. For a lover will raiſe the price of the beloved object above Nature and poſſibility; and together caſt away his eſtate, his honour, his conſcience, and hazard his life, as things of no account, to get that idolized object.
It were a wonder if young people, being all naturally enclined to that burning fever did not get it after ſo much paines taken to bring them to it. For how many bookes are written for that very end? How many amorous fables, which to write and to reade is the buſines of them that have none? There young men are taught, that vertue conſiſteth in being paſſionate beyond all extremity, and that great feats of armes and high fortunes and atchievments are onelyonly for lovers. There maides learne to be deſperately in love, diſembling, proud, and bloody, and to beleeve that all is due to their ſupremacy, ſeing in thoſe bookes the world torne with warres by the jealouſy of ſome Princes lovers and rivals, and many thouſands of mens lives ſacrificed to the faire eyes of a Lady. There alſo they learne to be crafty Miſtreſſes and ill wives; they have need to learne obedience, but in theſe bookes they learne ſoverainty. Women being more given to theſe bookes then men, ſhew that though they have leſſe fougve of love then men, they have nevertheleſſe a more conſtant inclination to it.
Who ſo will keepe himſelfe holy in body and affection and preſerve his ſoule ſerene and free from the tempeſt of that turbulent Paſſion, muſt avoid the reading of ſuch bookes whoſe proper office is to raiſe thoſe ſtormes in a mans blood and appetite. And I know not whether it be more dangerous to reade diſſolute bookes which make of carnal love a jigg and a matter of ſport, openly ſhewing the ordure and the folly of it; or dolefull amorous fables which make of it a grave and ſerious ſtudy, and under the colour of honeſty and conſtancy of love, managed with an artificial and valourous carriage, hoodwinke and bewitch the readers minde with a pertinacious Paſſion, making their braines runne wilde after chimera's and hollow imaginations, whereby ſome have runne mad. Indeed one cannot follow the fancies of romances without ſtraying from right ſenſe; Neither is there any thing that makes the heart more worldly and carnal, and brings it further from God. I will be judged by all good ſoules that would betake themſelves to exerciſes of piety, when they were newly come from this kind of reading, Let them ſay in conſcience how farre eſtranged from God they found themſelves, and ill diſpoſed to every good worke.
Sure it is not without reaſon that theſe writers ſet up falſe Gods, as being conſcious to themſelves that their writings are deviations from the true God, and aſhamed to name the God of truth among their fables. Alſo becauſe with ſome of them, it is a prime piece of love-complement to make diſcontented lovers to wreake their anger upon the Deity, they will have this excuſe ready, that they are not blaſphemies againſt the true God, but againſt the gods of Homer and Heſiod's making. But from theſe blaſphemous expoſtulations with falſe gods the readers learne to doe the like with the true, and to avenge themſelves upon him of all things that croſs their impetuous Paſſion. The ſame bookes ſet up the murtherous diſcipline of duells, as a gallantry of love, wherby lovers ſeale their affection to their miſtreſſes by the blood of their rivals or their owne.
There are other matches of the wilde fire of carnal love which muſt be carefully avoyded, wanton diſcourſes, vicious companies, occaſions to doe evil, converſation with vaine malicious women whoſe chiefe aime and taſke is to catch all the men that come in their way, not that they may keep them, but triumph over them, and caſt them away, and feed their owne vanity with the diſappointment of their ſuitors.
Take heed of idlenes, it is Satans pillow, the counſellour of vice, and eſpecially the procurer of luſt. He that doeth nothing, thinkes on evill. Take heed of intemperance. Carnal love is ſo inbred with the matter, that whatſoever heateth the blood ſets the appetite on fire. Wherefore Jeremiah ſets intemperance and incontinence together, Jer. 5.8. They were as fed horſes in the morning, every one neighed after his neighbours wife.
There be two great remedies to take downe that heate, The one corporal which is mariage, inſtituted by God for that end, a holy and honourable ſtate: When both the parties are good, and love one another, it is the greateſt ſweetenes of life. But whether a man be married or deſire to be, he muſt think on the vanity and ſhort continuance of the moſt pleaſant things of this world, the frailty of life, the certainty of death, the uncertainty of the hour; thence to inferre the concluſion of St Paul, 1. Cor. 7.29. But this I ſay, brethren, that the time is ſhort, It remaines that they that have wives be as they that have none, And ſo they that are woing muſt be as though they were not woing; that is they muſt impoſe moderation upon their affections out of a wiſe apprehenſion of the vanity of the world and life, ver. 31. uſing this world as not abuſing it: for the faſhion of this world paſſeth away. Wherefore ſhould wee love with ſo much fervency that which wee cannot keepe when wee have got it, which we muſt leave, or which muſt leave us?
The other duty is Spiritual, and it is that great and perpetual duty to Love God. Let that holy Paſſion alwayes rule in our hearts. Let us give to God his proper right, which he demandeth in his word, Pro. 25.26. My ſonne give me thy heart, and let us keep ſuch a watchfull guard about it that none ſteale it from him and us.
Our love to a worthy Conſort being ſo moderated will become both lawfull & pleaſant. Humane condition hath nothing ſo delightfull as a reciprocal love: Yea of all things to which mans will doth contribute, it is the onelyonly pleaſant thing. But, as navigable rivers enrich a country with commerce and plenty, when they keepe within their ſhores, but ruine it when they overflow with a violent landflood: Likewiſe, love while it keepes within limits, brings pleaſure and utility; when it exceeds them, it brings diſpleaſure and deſtruction.
Love that is not reciprocal will weare away in time. But a wiſe man will ſhorten the worke of time with reaſon, and will not obſtinately court a perſon that will not love him. For of what price ſoever ſhe be, in our regard ſhe is of no price if ſhe be not for us. Wee muſt love our enemies, but wee muſt let them alone.