A Christian Family Built by God, Section 8 – Section 10
SECT. 8.
2. VVE now come to the ſetting up of this building of God. And becauſe every houſe conſiſts of a Foundation, and an upper building, this muſt have both.
The Foundation is Marriage in the Lord: about which conſider two things.
1. VVhat Marriage in the Lord is?
2. How it mny be ſo undertaken, as it may be a good Foundation of Gods building?
1. Marriage in the Lord is a Covenant of God, whereby all ſorts of fit couples, may of two be made one fleſh, to multiply an holy ſeed, to avoid fornication, and mutually to comfort each other. It is a Covenant of God; ſo God calls it, when he ſaith of a looſe woman, She forgetteth Prov. 2. 17. 1 Cor. 7. 9.the Covenant of her God. It is for all fit couples: fit I ſay, becauſe not for men and men, women and women, men and beaſts, Chriſtians and Infidels: for we muſt not be unequally yoked. Theſe fit perſons may of two 2 Cor. 6. Gen. 2. 23, 24▪ Mal. 2. 15. 1 Cor. 7. 2. Gen. 24. 67 Ruth 3. 1.be made one fleſh, to multiply an holy ſeed, to avoid fornication; and mutually to comfort each other, when the husband is a reſt for his wife. But to take it up more fully, weigh,
1. From whence it muſt be ſought?
2. Who may ſeek it?
3. How many may make the ſame Covenant at once?
1. It muſt be ſought from God, whoſe Covenant it is. Therefore Abrahams ſervant, Gen. 24. 12 60. Gen. 28. 2, 3.and Rebekahs friends prayed, and when Jacob was ſent to Padan Aram upon this account, it was with a ſolemn eye to God. Truly, no good ſucceſſe can be expected but Jam. 1. 17.from God; and this is the way to comfort againſt all troubles in the wedded eſtate; yet I doubt we may ſay as Laban to Iacob in another caſe, it is not the manner of this place.Gen. 29. 26.
2. It may be ſought of all ſorts of perſons without exception. The Apoſtles (In all) Heb. 13. 4.doth include both things, and perſons. And verily, it is honourable in all, in reſpect of the Author, God; the Time, Innocencie; the Place, Paradiſe, and the uſe and office, to encreaſe the Church. I know that Papiſts ſay otherwiſe, and make it a means to advance the Doctrine of Daemons: but it is but groſs hypocriſie to pretend Chaſtitie for a cover of whoredome: Preſumptuous pride to offer at greater perfection then was in Paradiſe, and humane Policy, to keep wealth together to mate the greateſt Princes and kingdoms.
3. Though all ſorts may ſeek it, yet two onelyonly at once may be made one fleſh. Hence is it that Polygamy was ever againſt Levit. 18. 18. Matth. 19. 6 Eph. 5. 31.God his Inſtitution. I know that three things may be ſaid to juſtifie it; the example of the Patriarks, the ſpeech of Nathan to David, and God's Law, but all three will be found too weak. As to the examples of the Patriarks, conſider the Original, the Event, the Ground of their having many wives.
The Originall was in wicked Lamech, who firſt ſpake this language, Heare yee wives of Gen. 4. 23.Lamech: and this is of no credit or comfort. The event was never comfortable to Families, as ye may ſee in Lamechs, Abrahams, Iacobs, and Elkanah's. The ground was miſunderſtanding of the promiſed ſeeds multiplying, which might be conceived not to be made good without many wives. This it pleaſed God to paſs over as the fruit of their ignorance, eſpecially it carrying puniſhment in the mouth of it, to make them and us wiſer.
As to the ſpeech of Nathan to David, God 2 Sam. 12. 8.gave thee thy lords wives into thy boſome, it pretends to convince David, that God gave them under his hand, government and authoritie: or that God permitted him to take Livery and ſeiſin of his Kingdome according to the guiſe of that time, which was by taking the wives and concubines of his predeceſſours. This was the reaſon, that Adoniah deſired Abiſhag, and Abſalon went in unto his fathers concubines. All this comes far ſhort of proving lawfulneſs. As to that Law, in Deut. 21. 15, 16.which God takes order for one that had two wives, and children by them; God commanded it not to be done, but when it was done, he provided a law to prevent the greateſt confuſion.
2. How marriage may be ſo undertaken as it may be in the Lord to us? By going along with God,
1. In the Antecedents.
2. In the Concomitants.
3. In the Conſequents of it.
1. The Antecedents of an holy marriage are, A right choice by the right marks. As for a right choice,
1. You muſt not chooſe within the degrees prohibited.
2. You muſt look more to inward goodneſs then to outward goods.
1. The Degrees prohibited, wherein you Levit. 18. 6, 7. &c.may not chuſe are ſet down in the Law. Object. If you ſay, theſe are Levitical, and do not bind us. Sol. That is not ſo; for the Canaanites (who were not tied to Levitical Lawes) were rooted out for not obſerving them. And Iohn Baptiſt Verſe 3. 24, 25.urged the ſame Law in the New Teſtament againſt Herod; yea, and Nature it ſelf hath Mark 6. 18.abhorred ſuch conjunctions, which have been prohibited by Heathens.
Object. You will ſay, Adams ſonnes married with their ſiſters.
Sol. True, but that could not be avoyded without another creation, when God had once given a Law of multiplication: but yet that was repealed by God afterwards to which we muſt ſtick.
If ye ſay, that after that time Abraham married Sarah, whow he calls his ſiſter. True, Gen. 20. 12but ſiſter was a name common to kindred of that ſexe, and theſe that were brought up in the Family, as Sarah was in Abrahams fathers houſe, and this is without doubt, that God tolerated many things then which he did not approve, which the learned call toleration without approbation.
Object. But ſay you, Is it not plainly ſaid, Thou ſhalt not diſcover the ſhame of thy brothers wife? Levit. 18. 16. Deut. 25. 5. Rom. 8.and yet again, if the brother died without iſſue, the brother raiſed up ſeed unto him; Sol. true, but that was a ſpecial exception from the general rule, for the honour of Jeſus Chriſt (as the firſt-born among many brethren) whom we muſt honour by bringing forth fruit unto him: To teach us that that law was in the Jewiſh pedagogie as proper to them.
2. In choice, you muſt more looke to inward goodneſs, then to outward goods. The neglect of this was one prime cauſe of deſtroying the Gen. 6. 2, 3. Gen. 24. 3.old world, which made Abraham warie in a match for his ſon, and of our good God's giving a charge that we be not unequally 2 Cor. 614. Neh. 13. 24.yoked to the hinderance of Religion. Muſt we not follow our Bridegroome Chriſt, who in the Pſalm 50.choice of his Spouſe looks not to outward priviledges?
Object. No, ſay you, nor to inward graces neither. For he marrieth us when we have no beautie.
Sol. It is true, becauſe he can make good, that he may marry good. Moſes marries an Aethiopian, and connot change either her colour or her qualities; but Chriſt makes us beautifull with the beautie that he puts upon us. Muſt Ezek. 16.we not, laſtly, look to that which in true judgement is to be valued above all? What can this be in man or woman but goodneſſe. It is better with Boaz to take Ruth from among the gleaners, and with Jacob to ſerve ſeven years for a wench that keepeth ſheep, then to have an Idolatrous Maacah, a treacherous Athaliah, a painted Iezabel, or a vexing Zipporah with great revenues. Yet I pray, what are the queſtions now? what portion? what joynture? what money in hand? what ſecurity for the reſt? Not a word, how religious? how vertuous? wanton Dinah, ſubtle Delilah, ſcorning Michal, ſullen Vaſhti may paſs upon theſe terms. But were ſhe as obedient as Sarah, as wiſe as Deborah, as religious as the Shunamite, as devout as Hannah, as well affected to the Word as Lydia, if ſhe bring nothing but goodneſſe, ſhe may ſtand at doore and coole her feet.
Queſt. You will ask whether a man may have no reſpect to outward things? Anſw. Yes ſurely upon two grounds. It is fit, as for age, ſo for ſtate, and means there ſhould be a proportion; for God is not the Author of confuſion; therefore 1 Cor. 14. 33.David was not apt to entertain the motion of marrying with a Kings daughter when ſhe was offered, being himſelf but the ſonne of Iſhi: Beſides, this rule in Scripture, Parents 2 Cor. 12. 14.lay up for their children, bindeth to care to beſtow them ſo, that they may enjoy that bleſſed thing, to give rather then to receive. Yet take this in, that it muſt not be the chief thing in choice. Though Agar and Sarah may dwell together, yet Sarah muſt be miſtreſs; ſo muſt goodneſs be predominant above goods.
But now ſecondly, What are the right marks which muſt regulate our choiſe in husbands and wives? There are five ſorts of marriages: A marriage of Honour, when Chriſt and his Church make one myſticall body. A marriage of Labour, when men pull wives to them by the fingers, not by the ears, and do marry portions, not wives. A marriage of Lust, when the eye is party, Parent, Preacher, all in all, as in Sampſons. A marriage of Grief, when wicked perſons meet, of whom is that Proverb, Better one houſe filled, then two ſpilled. A marriage of Love, when Chriſtian godly ones are linked together; and this comes on, and is concluded upon right choice.
1. By report, what fame ſhe hath among the godly. A good man and woman dwell at the ſign of a good name. 2. By looks, Wiſedom Prov. 17. 24 Eſ. 3. 9.is in the face of him that hath underſtanding. This is like the gate of the Temple which is called Beautiful. 3. By talking and ſilence; ſuch as a man or woman is, ſuch is their talk. Talk in a woman muſt be ſparing; Silence is her beſt Ornament. She that is full of words, is not likely to prove either quiet, becauſe alwaies babling: Or wiſe, for by thy Prov. 7.words thou ſhalt be juſtified to be wiſe, or to be otherwiſe. 4. By apparel, this is the Ivibuſh of the mind. As the modeſt woman is known by her apparel, anſwerable to her birth, and breeding; ſo the immodeſt by her whoriſh attire, as we ſee in Tamar. 5. By Gen. 38. 14, 15.company, fellows in nature and ſinne will be fellows in league, as Rehoboam and his yong counſellers; therefore David, when he was good, ſaid, Away from me ye wicked, I will Pſalm 119.keep the Commandements of my God. 6. By education, whether they have continued in vertuous breeding. Judas may be with the Apoſtles for his own turn, but continues not. Let theſe marks be well applied to every particular, and theſe anſwerably made, and the wedding garment ſhall not be made of linſey wolſey, nor the marriage ground ploughed with an Oxe and an Aſſe.
SECT: 9.
2. THe Concomitants with marriage in the Lord are three,
1. The gift of the Parents.
2. The bleſſing of the Miniſter.
3. The mutual rejoycing of the friends.
1. The Gift of the Parents either expreſly, or tacitely, (or of thoſe who are in place of Parents) crowns the wedding with comfort. For marriage is not onelyonly a Civil, but Matth. 19.a Divine conjunction, therefore Chriſt ſaith, thoſe whom God hath joyned together. God doth Gen. 2.it not now Immediately, as he joyned Adam, and Evah, but by the Parental prerogative: Therefore, ſaith God, Take ye wives to your Jer. 29. 6.ſons, and give your daughters in marriage. Yea, the light of Nature teacheth us thus much; for let a Son privily alienate his Fathers land; ask nature, whether this be good? She cries out of every natural mouth; No, becauſe the land is not the Sons, but the Fathers goods. So is it in this caſe, becauſe children are part of the Fathers goods. Hence when Satan had power to ſpoil Iobs goods he ſlew his Children: Job 1. Exod. 21. 7. Non ut▪ ſerviant, ſed ut ducantur, ut Rabbi.and the Jews had power to ſell their children, not for vaſsalage and ſervice, but for mariage. If then children ſhall go againſt their conſents in this, it will breed a pricking at the latter end.
2. The next thing in marriage is the bleſſing of the Miniſter, that is, commending them being contracted, and their ſtate to the bleſſing of God. For when God had joyned our firſt Parents, he ſaid, Encreaſe and multiply: ſo the Miniſter in Gods room may pray this Gen. 2.to be given. Yea, marriage is the Seminarie of the Church, therefore cannot be better ſet on, then by the ſolemneſt Prayers. I do not ſay, that marriage can not be without them; but I am ſure that this is agreeable to that rule of Paul, Let all things be done in order.1 Cor. 14. 40. Gen. 29. 22. John 2.
3. The mutual rejoycing of the friends comes in next; and ſurely there is a lawfulneſſe of feaſting, and mutual rejoycing at marriages. Elſe Chriſt would not have bleſſed one with his preſence and firſt miracle; nor would Eſ. 62. 5.God have deſcribed the joy that he takes in Matth. 9. 15 Matth. 22.his Church by the joy of marriage; nor would Chriſt have compared the kingdome of heaven to a wedding feaſt. But let me ſay withall, that there are no greater ſins committed then about things lawfull.
It is lawfull to eat, drink, weare apparel, and to feaſt; hence thouſands of exceſſes, and miſeries have come in. Exceſſes, as at Nabals feaſt, was drunkenneſſe: at Abſolons, was murther, at Ahaſuerus his, was a breach betwixt him and his wife Vaſhti; at Belteſhazzars carrouſing and blaſphemy, at Herods, wanton dancing, and cutting off of Iohn Baptists head. Mi…ries, as Elah was ſmote and killed while he was drinking: Benhadad was ſurpriſed: Iſrael, while meat was in their mouth, felt wrath; and Jobs children were ſtifled. Therefore warily conſider what ye do at weddings, and what ye ſhould do. Ye do rejoyce indeed, but it is with wanton dancings, bawdy jeſts, and helliſh carrowſings. But what ſhould ye do? Ye ſhould be carefull to prevent exceſs, as Chriſt ſaith, Take heed Luke 21.that your hearts be not oppreſſed with ſurfetting and drunkenneſs, leſt that day come upon you at unawares. Ye ſhould bring God into all your thoughts, that you feed not without fear. Ye Iude. Philip. 4▪ſhould do nothing which is diſhoneſt, or of ill report. Ye ſhould have good wiſhes, ſpeaches, counſels, and prayers to the new married couples, like thoſe that ſaid, The Ruth 4. 11.Lord make thy wife like Rachel and Leah, which two builded the houſe of Iſrael, and do thou worthily in Ephrata, and be famous in Bethlehem.
SECT. 10.
3. THe conſequents of marriage in the Lord are two,
1. Cohabitation.
2. Communion.
1. Man and wife muſt dwell together. Let the husband dwell with his wife, ſaith Peter, 1 Pet. 3. 7. Prov. 5. 18, 19.and Solomon ſaith, Rejoyce in the wife of thy youth, and let her breaſts ſatisfie thee at all times, and delight continually in her. This cannot be without Cohabitation. The firſt inſtitution was a remedy againſt ſolitarineſs, It is not Gen. 2.good for man to be alone, let us make an help meet for him, and let him cleave to his wife.
Queſt. I know what you will ſay; may they never live aſunder?
Anſw. Yes, upon three occaſions; Ʋpon mutual conſent for a time for the good of the Family. My husband ſaith ſhe, is not at home, he is gone Prov. 7. 19, 20.a far journey, at the time appointed he will come again. Ʋpon Compulſion, when perſecution, or impriſonment forceth it. When ſome weightie affairs either in Church, or Commonwealth requires it. This was Ʋriahs caſe 2 Sam. 11. 11.when he would not go to his own houſe while the Ark, and Iſrael, and Iudah, with his Lord Ioab were in Tents. Yet muſt they not live aſunder out of choice. It is for an harlot to be called a ſtrange woman, but for a Prov. 2. 16. 2 Sam. 12.wife to be a lamb in the boſome, as for the other cauſes, ſo for ſameneſſe of dwelling.
2. As Cohabitation followes upon marriage, 1 Cor. 7. 3. 1 Cor. 7. 4.ſo Communion, which ſtands in three things; a communion of Bodies, a communio… of helps, and a communion of joyes. They muſt have a communion of Bodies, whereby they defraud not one another, except it be by conſent for a time, that they may give themſelves … faſting and prayer, yet muſt not this be exceſſive: for there may be too much uxoriousneſs at home, as well as adulterie abroad Ez…k. 18. 6. 1 Cor. 7. 5. Gen. 25. 21 1 Sam. 1. …7.And it muſt be ſanctified by the Word o… God, and Prayer. Doe it by rule, and with Prayer, as Iſaac and Hannah did. They muſ… have a Communion of helps, in nouriſhing, and cheriſhing each other. To this end there muſt be a communion of goods; they muſt have one purſe, but not for waſte: a communion of Counſel in matters domeſtical; they muſt have one head, as Pilats wife and the Shunamite, and a communion of labours; they muſt have one hand, and that an helper.
Laſtly, they muſt have a communion of joy, by having one heart, as Iſaack and Rebeckah, who ſported together, and as Solomon gives Gen. 26. 8. Prov. 5. 18, 19.in rule; Rejoyce with the wife of thy youth. Oh how happy a foundation of Gods building would ſuch a marriage lay, to laſt till death us do part.
Thus of the firſt part of Gods ſetting up of his building in a Family, the Foundation.