Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 6 · Section 22 – Section 32
§. 22. Of Parents faults in neglecting their childrens Baptiſme.
Contrary to the forenamed dutie of Parents about well baptizing their children, are many aberrations, as
1. The corrupt opinion of Anabaptiſts, who denie the lawfulneſſe of baptizing children. The arguments before noted are ſufficient to ſtop their mouthes.
2. The practiſe of Separatiſts (comming too neere to Anabaptiſme) who excepting againſt the miniſterie and orders of our Church, doe what they can to keepe their children from that Sacrament. And to that end carry their wiues ready to be deliuered vntounto a ſtrange place, where they are not knowne, and anon after they are deliuered, priuily conuey wife, childe, and all away, that ſo the Magiſtrate may not, againſt their will, cauſe their childe to be baptized: and hauing no miniſterie of their owne, nor meanes to conuey the childe ouer ſea, keepe it many yeeres vnbaptized. Where is the euidence of their faith in Gods promiſe, of their Chriſtianorum filij ſi baptiſma non receperint, ſcelus refertur ad eos qui dare noluerint: maxime eo tempore quo contradicere non pote rant qui accepturi erant. Hier. ad Laet.reſpect to Gods ordinance, and of their deſire of their childs ſpirituall good? Though it be a great wrong to children to be kept from baptiſme, yet the ſinne lieth on ſuch parents as procure not baptiſme for their children: eſpecially at that age when their children cannot gainſay it.
3. The peruerſe opinion and practiſe of certaine ancient heretikes, who in ſtead of baptizing children with water, had them branded with an hot iron. They grounded their error on a falſe interpretation of this phraſe (he ſhall baptize with the Holy Ghoſt and with fire.)Seleuciani baptiſmum in aqua non accipiunt. Aug. de Haer. 59. Chemnit. harm. Euang. cap. 16.
Anſw. 1. They erre in taking this word (fire) literally and properly, which was meant myſtically and metaphorically.
2. They erre in applying that to the outward action of a Miniſter, which was meant of the inward operation of Chriſt. By this their miſinterpretation they thwart the maine ſcope of him who firſt vſed that phraſe, which was to manifeſt the difference betwixt Sine myſterio Trinitatis quicquid in vnam aut alteram perſonam accipitur imperfectum eſt. Hier. in Ioel. 2.all other Miniſters and Chriſt Ieſus.
4. The opinion and practiſe of thoſe, who vſe other formes of Baptiſme, beſides this, (In the name of the Father, and of the Sonne, and of the Holy Ghost.) Their opinion and practiſe is grounded on certaine conciſe phraſes vſed by the Apoſtles: ſuch as theſe, Baptized in the name of Ieſus Chriſt: In the name of the Lord: In Act. 2. 38. & 10. 48. & 19. 5.the name of the Lord Ieſus, &c.
Anſw. Thoſe phraſes rather ſet forth the very ſubſtance and inward matter of Baptiſme, then the forme thereof.
5. Their opinion and practiſe, who care not by whom their children are baptized, whether heretiques, idolaters, laicks, or women: Little doe they regard the comfort of conſcience, and ſtrength of faith, that ariſeth from this; that a lawfull Miniſter in Gods roome and name, as Gods ambaſſador, putteth the ſeale of God to his couenant.
6. The practiſe of thoſe as (I know not vponupon what niceneſſe or ſtate) muſt hauehave their children baptized at home in their priuate houſe. This manner of baptiſing taketh away much from the honour of that high ordinance, which ought to be done with all the ſeemly ſolemnitie that may be.
7. Their practiſe who bring their childe to Church to be baptiſed, accompanied only with the Midwife, and three witneſſes. It were almoſt as good be baptiſed in a priuate houſe: for it is not the walls of the Church, but the aſſembly of Saints, that addeth to the honour of the Sacrament, and is moſt of all to be reſpected.
8. Their practiſe who vponupon ſtate, or for great witneſſes, or ſuch by-reſpects put off the baptiſing of their children longer then is meet, ſome, two or three weekes, ſome, two or three moneths, ſome longer: whereby they ſhew too light eſteeme of this Sacrament, in that they preferre meere complementall circumſtances before a matter of ſo great moment. God oft ſheweth his iuſt indignation againſt ſuch, in taking away their …hildren vnbaptiſed before the time ſet downe by them for baptiſme be come.
9. Their practiſe who care not what heatheniſh, idolatrous, Laſciua nomina paruulis baptizandis imponenda non ſant. Ioh. de Bur.…idiculous names they giuegive to their children. What reſpect …oe they ſhew either to God in whoſe name their childe is …aptiſed, or to the holy Sacrament it ſelfe, or to the congrega…ion of Saints before whom the name is giuen, or to the childe … ſelfe who all his life is to carrie that name?
§. 23. Of parents prouiding things needfull for the life and health of their children.
Hitherto of the duties of parents reſpecting their childrens Infancie. Such as reſpect their childhood follow.
The childhood of a childe is …eckoned from the time that it …eginneth to be of any diſcretion and vnderſtanding till it be …t to be placed forth: euen ſo Many diſtinguiſh the whole courſe of a mans life into foure parts.
1. Childhood
2. Youth.
3. Man-age
4. Old-age.
long as ordinarily it liueth vnderunder the parents gouernment.
The duties which parents for this time muſt performe to their children may be drawne to theſe two heads.
1. Care to bring them vp.
2. Care to place them forth.
For their well training vp, reſpect muſt be had both to their temporall and alſo to their ſpirituall good.
Two things are required of parents, in regard of the temporall good of their children.
1. To nouriſh them well.
2. To nurture them well.
| Children muſt be well | Fed. |
| Taught. |
Child-hood from his birth to 14. yeeres.
Youth from 14 to 25.
Man-age from 25. to 50.
Old age from thence to his death.
But for better diſtinguiſhing the duties which parents are to performe, I follow not ſo accurate a diuiſion, but rather diſtinguiſh the degrees of age according to the times wherein new duties are to be performed: and therefore I make a diſtinction betwixt infancie and childhood.
Feed them in diſcipline, ſaith the Apoſtle.
VnderUnder nouriſhment are compriſed all needfull things for foreign. In prole attenditur vt amanter ſuſcipiatur, benignè nutriatur, religiosè educetur. Aug. de Gen. ad lit. l. 9. c. 7. Refectionis tempus, & menſura, & qualit as pueris competenter diſcernantur. Baſil. Aſcet. c. 15.health and life: which parents ought to prouide for their children, as
1. Food, which Chriſt taketh for a ruled caſe. Whence he draweth his argument to ſhew that God will prouide for his children. What father (ſaith he) if his ſonne aske him bread would giuegive him a ſtone, &c. Mat. 7. 9, 10, 11.
2. Apparell, for it is expreſly noted, that Iſrael made his ſon a coat, (Gen. 37. 3.)
3. Recreation, which in young children eſpecially is needfull for their health. In that Zachary chap. 8. verſ. 5. told the Iewes, and that in way of bleſſing, that boyes and girles ſhould be playing in the ſtreets, he implieth that it is a lawfull and meet thing, which parents ſhould permit vntounto their children. But yet the time, and meaſure, and kinde of recreation muſt be well ordered.
4. Meanes for recouery of health when they are ſicke: for this end was it, that a1 King. 14. 2.Ieroboam ſent his wife to the Prophet, in behalfe of his ſonne who was ſicke: that bIoh. 4. 47.the Ruler came to Chriſt for his ſonne alſo who was at point of death; and that many others came to him for their ſonnes and daughters being ill.
Whatſoeuer other things are needfull, parents to their power 1 Tim. 5. 8.muſt prouide for their children: elſe the Apoſtle counteth them worſe then Infidels.
Both equitie and neceſſitie require thus much of parents.
Equitie, in that children owe all their paines and ſeruice to their parents while they are vnderunder them, and are wholly at their command, and in that regard hauehave no meanes to prouide needfull things but by their parents helpe. Parents therefore in all right muſt herein be helpfull to them.
Neceſſitie, in that, if the life and health of children be not well prouided for, no dutie, no ſeruice can be expected at their hands.
§. 24. Of parents too much niggardlineſſe, and careleſneſſe toward their children.
There are two extremes contrary to the forenamed prouident 1. Contrary, Couetouſneſſe Non eſt boni parentis qucm procrearit, & eduxerit, cum non & veſtire & ornare. Cic. de Orat. Nonne ipſae ferae foetus ſuos arctiſſimè amant? Nihilne fando de pardis, apris, boum que armentis audijſti, quanto cum tremore eorum ſaluti conſulant? Greg. Naz. ad Ueial.care of parents for their childrens good:
In the defect, Couetouſneſſe.
In the exceſſe, Lauiſhneſſe.
Some parents ſo farre faile in the defect, as they almoſt ſtarue their children through want of neceſſaries: not affording them ſufficient wholeſome food, nor meet and comely appa…ell, but ſuffer them to goe tagged and ragged like beggars …rats: if they be ſicke, God may recouer them if he pleaſe, but the parents will vſe no meanes when they are well, they afford them no time of refreſhing themſelues by any recreation, but …uer-ſtrictly hold them in. There is not only want of charity, …ut plaine vnnaturalneſſe in ſuch parents: euen more then in …e moſt cruell beaſts. For the wilde beaſts doe with much ten…erneſſe prouide for their young ones.
§. 25. Of parents too much lauiſhneſſe and indulgency vponupon their children.
Others ſurpaſſe as much in the exceſſe, feeding them too …intily: attiring them too gariſhly: tending them too cockeringly: and letting them ſpend too much time in ſport and play. Many and great are the miſchiefes that follow thereupon: as
1. They who are in their childhood daintily fed, and too much pampered, beſides that for the moſt part they are moſt ſickly, they will in time grow ſo ſqueamiſh, and choice of meats, as their parents ſhall not know what to prouide for them, or when to giuegive it them: The full ſoule loatheth an hony Pro. 27. 7.combe: yea if a ſtranger commeth to the table, where ſuch a childe ſitteth, he may ſoone obſerue that he hath beene too daintily fed. If at firſt children be fed with ordinary moderate diet, they will afterwards both be in better health and liking, and alſo more contentedly, and thankfully accept whatſoeuer ſhall be prouided for them. But exceſſe breedeth diſeaſes both in body and minde.
2. Vanity in apparell doth alſo much corrupt young children: for there is in them euen from the cradle a naturall diſpoſition to outward brauery: now for parents to pranke them vp, what is it but to blow vp the fire of that vanity, and make it ariſe into ſuch a flame as in time may much ſcorch the parents themſelues, and vtterly conſume the children: and yet how vſuall a fault is this? how monſtrouſly doe many parents offend therein? what fooliſh faſhion is vſed of the greateſt ſwaggerers, and lighteſt ſtrumpets, which they will not bring their children vntounto, and that when their children are not able to diſcerne betwixt ſtuffes or colours? what can this proclaime but parents pride and folly? Proud maids are many times the inſtruments of pranking vp children (eſpecially when they are little ones) more then is meet: but yet the blame lieth on parents for ſuffering it.
3. Tending children too cockiſhly maketh them too long children, and too tender: and oft altereth a good conſtitution of body. Some are ſo ouer-much tender of their children, as if a childe neuer ſo little complaine, or refuſe the meate (though for daintineſſe or fulneſſe) the Phyſician muſt preſently be ſent for, and the Apothecary ſent vntounto, and the childe with ſuppoſed and apiſh kindneſſe made much worſe.
4. Too much ſport maketh them wilde, rude, vnfit to be trained vp to any good calling, and ſpendeth their ſpirits, and waſteth their ſtrength too much. Yet many parents care not how much time their children ſpend in ſport, and how little in learning: they thinke it duls their children too much to be held to ſchoole, or to any learning: whereas indeed too much play infatuates them more, and learning would much ſharpen their wits.
§. 26. Of well nurturing children.
I referre good nurture in part to the temporall good of children, becauſe (as afterwards we ſhall heare in the particulars) it is an eſpeciall meanes of the outward temporall welfare of the childe euen in this world. Vnleſſe this be added to nouriſhing, wherein doe reaſonable men and women exceed vnreaſonable beaſts? the moſt cruell beaſts that be are very tender (as we heard before) towards their young ones, nouriſhing them, and prouiding all things needfull for them till they can ſhift for themſelues. But as God hath giuen to man a reaſonable ſoule, an vnderſtanding head, capacity, docility and aptneſſe to learne, ſo ought parents to make vſe of thoſe parts and gifts, leſt for want of vſing them, in time they be loſt: and ſo children proue little better then bruits. In this reſpect the prouerbe is true, better be vnfed then vntaught. Experience ſheweth that good education is better then a great portion. The Holy Ghoſt doth very much preſſe this point on parents, as we ſhall after heare in the particulars. For I will handle theſe three points.
1. The kindes of nurture.
2. The time when it is to be done.
3. The meanes of well doing it.
§. 27. Of parents neglect in nurturing children.
Contrary to good nurture is too much liberty: which oft bringeth much woe, and vtter ruine vponupon children: it is the greateſt enemy that can be of good education, and the nurſe of all vice Yet many parents care not to let their children liue as they liſt: all the care they take, is that they be fed and apparelled. This is a common fault both of rich, and of poore parents. The rich pretend that their children need no education, becauſe they hauehave enough to leaue them: not knowing that education is an eſpeciall meanes to make them keepe and well vſe that enough. The poore pretend that they are not able to bring vp their children to any thing: not conſidering that the Lord by his prouidence hath ſo ordered the affaires of men, that as there are fit imployments for the greateſt, ſo alſo Si parentum incuria filij in intemperantiam labentur, genitores rei animarum illarum fient. Conſtit. Apoſt. l. 4. c. 11. I. The kinds of nurture.for the meaneſt, which without much coſt may be vſed. The fault therefore wholly reſteth in the negligence of parents. And if thereupon children fall into any riot, their parents ſhall anſwer for it.
§. 28. Of parents teaching their children good manners.
The nurturing of children before mentioned conſiſteth
1. In teaching them good manners.
2. In training them vp to a good calling.
Not only heathen men, and other moraliſts which were but meere naturall ciuill men, but alſo the Holy Ghoſt himſelfe hath preſcribed many rules of good manners, and much vrged and preſſed the ſame.
1. The word *foreign. See Treat. 1. §. 110.nurture mentioned by the Apoſtle in this text which we hauehave in hand, implieth as much: and the phraſe which Solomon vſeth, bPro. 22. 6.Traine vp a childe in the way he ſhould goe: that is, teach him how to order the courſe of his life.
2. The many cLeu. 19. 32. Pro. 25. 6. Luke 14. 8.precepts of reuerencing our ſuperiours, and carying our ſelues with reſpect one to another, are rules of good manners. Hereof there be very many in ſcripture.
3. Thoſe rules are dGen. 23. 7. & 43. 33. Iob 32. 4, 6.commended by many examples of holy men recorded in Scripture.
4. Such as hauehave eIob 30. 1, 12. Luke 14. 7.failed in the rules of good manners, and rudely carried themſelues, are reproued by the Holy Ghoſt.
Neither is it without good reaſon that this point is ſo ſet forth. For
1. Good manners are a very comely and ſeemely thing. But 1. Cor. 14. 40.it beſeemeth Chriſtians to doe all things decently. That decency is not only to be applied to the affaires of Gods Church, but alſo to the whole courſe of our life, in which reſpect we are commanded to walke *foreign. Rom 13. 13. 1 Theſ. 4. 12.decently, that is, to order all our actions and the whole courſe of our life mannerly.
2. They are a thing of good report, and that both to parents and children: Now we muſt doe all things that are of good report.Phil. 4. 8.
3. They worke a kinde of delight, and louelove, and admiration, in thoſe that behold them, as is noted of the Queene of 1 King. 10. 5.Sheba when ſhe beheld the comely cariage of Solomons ſeruants: and of the Egyptians when they beheld the orderly Gen. 43. 33.ſitting of Ioſephs brethren.
4. They are an outward ornament to piety and religion, and make it to be much more reſpected: in which reſpect S. Peter exhorteth beleeuing wiues well to order their conuerſation 1 Pet. 3. 1.before infidell husbands: and S. Paul exhorteth all ſorts of chriſtians to walke decently toward them that are without.1 Theſ. 4. 12.
The Holy Ghoſt hauing thus vrged the point of good manners, we may not thinke it a meere complementall matter, and a needleſſe point, but a bounden duty.
§. 29. Of the obiections againſt good manners.
1. Obiect. Religion and grace conſiſteth not in good manners: many that hauehave not a ſparke of Gods feare in their hearts, are able to carry themſelues in their outward behauiour very orderly and mannerly.
Anſw. Though grace conſiſt not wholly in it, yet cannot grace well be without it: it is a great ornament and comelineſſe thereunto. And though mannerlineſſe may be ſeuered from a feare of God, yet Gods feare will not be ſeuered from it. Reſtraining grace may be in him who hath no renewing grace: but renewing grace preſuppoſeth reſtraining grace, euen as reaſon preſuppoſeth ſenſe, though ſenſe may be without reaſon. If ſuch as feare not God can carry themſelues comely and mannerly, what a ſhame is it for ſuch as ſeeme to feare God, not to doe ſo? ſhall not thoſe be a witneſſe againſt theſe?
2. Obiect. Good manners are an hinderance to grace: they who are moſt diligent in teaching or practiſing the one, are commonly moſt negligent in the other.
Anſw. This is a meere cauill. Sure I am that grace is no hinderance to good manners. If any make good manners an hinderance to grace, it is their fault.
3. Obiect. Good manners to grace are as mint, anniſe and cummin, to the great and weighty things of the law.
Anſw. Grant it to be ſo: yet ſeeing both may ſtand together, why ſhould they be ſeuered? Chriſts rule is this, Theſe things ought ye to hauehave done, and not to leaue the other vndone.Matt. 23. 23.
4. Obiect. Many that make great ſhew of religion are very rude, and vnmannerly.
Anſw. If there be onelyonly a ſhew of religion in them, no maruell that they hauehave no manners. If ſome examples of ſuch as are truly religious and want good manners ſhould be ſhewed, their patterne is no preſident, much leſſe can it proue that to be no duty which Gods word hath ſet downe for a duty. Many that well performe ſome duties, much faile in other duties. Who almoſt followeth Gods word as he ſhould in eueryevery thing?
§. 30. Of parents ſuffering their children to be rudely brought vp.
Contrary to parents care in teaching their children good manners, is diſſoluteneſſe: when parents ſuffer their children to grow vp in rudeneſſe, not caring how they carry themſelues at home or abroad, toward their parents, or toward others. Rude bringing vp maketh children to be of a crooked, peruerſe, ſtubborne, churliſh, furly, doggiſh diſpoſition; as on the other ſide, good nurture in this kinde breedeth in genuity, amiableneſſe, curteſie, and kindneſſe. If ſuch as are rudely brought vp be children of profeſſors of the true religion, they bring a ſtaine vponupon their profeſſion: yea they diſhonour God, as if he were the author of vnmannerlineſſe and confuſion, againſt which the Holy Ghoſt proteſteth: and they make 1 Cor. 14. 33.themſelues and their children a ſcorne in the eie and mouth of profane perſons, who will be ready to point and ſay, Behold the children of profeſſors, how rudely they are brought vp, and ill taught: they hauehave not ſo much as good manners in them.
For auoiding this blemiſh, Schoole-maſters and all ſuch as Admonition to Schoolemaſters.hauehave the charge of trayning vp young children, muſt bean helpe to parents in teaching children good manners.
§. 31. Of parents training vp their children to ſome good calling.
The ſecond branch of good nurture is a training vp of children vntounto a good calling. This charge (traine vp a child in Pro 22. 6.the way that he ſhould go…) directly condeth to this purpoſe. This duty hath from the beginning of the world beene performed by parents, and their performance thereof commended by the holy Ghoſt. Adam brought vp his ſonnes to ſeuerall callings: one was a aGen. 4. 2.keeper of ſheepe, another a tiller of ground. The like is noted of bGen. 37. 12.Iaakobs ſonnes, cGen. 29. 9.Labans, and dExo. 2. 16.Reguels daughters, e1 Sam. 16. 7.Iſhas ſonne, and many others.
Much good may from hence ariſe to parents themſelues, to their children, and to the people and places where ſuch children Benefits of a good calling.ſhall liue.
1. A good calling is an eſpeciall meanes for children to maintaine themſelues and family, to releeue thoſe that ſtand in need, to eaſe their parents, and (if the need of parents require it) to releeue and maintaine them.
2. It is that way wherein Gods Angels hauehave a charge to Pſal. 91. 11.keepe them while they walke in it.
3. It is a meanes wherein and whereby they may be ſeruiceable to the common wealth where they liue.
4. It is the beſt place wherein the generall duties of Chriſtianity may be moſt manifeſted, and beſt performed.
5. It is the beſt ordinary meanes that can be preſcribed to keepe a childe from the vanities of youth, from immoderate purſuit of pleaſures, from vnlawfull games, from idleneſſe, from ill company, and ſuch like euils; which, as they are ſinnes in themſelues, ſo occaſions and prouocations to other moſt …grieuous and enormous ſinnes, and proue to be the very …bane of youth.
Obiect. Many parents hauehave good lands to leaue to their children: what need is there of a calling to ſuch?
Anſw. 1. Much land may ſoone be conſumed by ſuch as hauehave not skill well to vſe it.
2. Maintenance is but one end of a calling, and that not the chiefeſt and moſt principall.
3. More good may be done by skill in a calling, then by great ſtore of land.
4. We are borne for others as well as for our ſelues: it is not therefore ſufficient to ſay I hauehave enough to maintaine my ſelfe.
§. 32. Of parents care in chooſing a fit calling for their children.
The point in generall being declared to be a dutie, I will Directions for choiſe of callings. 1. Generall principles are to be taught.adde ſome directions for the better performing of it.
1. Children are to be trained vp in thoſe things which are the ground worke of all callings, as reading, writing, and principles of learning. Whatſoeuer the particular calling be, theſe will be of great vſe to any one. Many that hauehave not beene taught them at firſt, would giuegive much for them afterwards. Parents at the firſt might teach their children thoſe things with much eaſe and ſmall charge, which afterwards cannot be Non ſunt contemnenda quaſi parua, ſine quibus magna conſtare non poſſunt. Hier. ad Laet. 2. The calling muſt be lawfull.ſo well learned, partly for want of leaſure, and partly becauſe the parts of thoſe who are growne in yeares are not ſo freſh and fit to learne, as in child-hood they were. Thoſe things are not to be contemned as ſmall, without which great things cannot ſtand.
2. The calling whereunto children are trained vp muſt be lawfull, approued by Gods word, and not againſt the generall rules thereof: ſo may they keepe a good conſcience in the exerciſe thereof.
3. The calling muſt be fit for the childe that is trained vp 3. The calling muſt be fit for the childes ability.to it. As there are diuers callings, ſo there are diuers abilities of ſundry children: ſome are fitteſt for callings of wit and learning: others for callings that require an able and ſtrong body. Wherein the wiſe diſpoſing prouidence of God is much commended: for thus are men much more vſefull one to another. Now for choiſe of a fit calling, a childs beſt ability wherein eſpecially it conſiſteth, whether in the exerciſe of minde or of body, is duly to be obſerued: and alſo his inclination, to what calling he is moſt diſpoſed.
4. Among fit callings (for there may be many) that which 4. The beſt callings muſt be preferred. 1 Cor. 12. 31.is beſt and the moſt excellent is to be preferred. To this purpoſe not vnfitly may I apply that of the Apoſtle, ccuet earneſtly the beſt gifts.
On this ground let parents be exhorted to traine vp ſuch Children to be trained vp to the miniſtery.children as they finde fit, to the great and weighty calling of the miniſtery: no calling wherein any may doe more good, and wherein (if they be able and faithfull Miniſters) they can receiue more comfort and contentment. This exhortation is the more to be regarded, becauſe in compariſon of thoſe who are trained vp to other callings, ſo few are trained vp to this.