Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 4 · Section 54 – Section 59
§. 54. Of husbands *Treat. 3. §. 23. 29. 33.allowing their wiues to beſtow on others, as they ſee good occaſion.
So farre ought the prouident care of an husband for his wife to extend, as ſhe may hauehave (beſide things needfull to her ſelfe) to beſtow on ſuch as it is requiſite for her to giuegive vntounto: as namely, on children and ſeruants in the houſe, and others alſo out of the houſe. For ſo much is noted in Salomons deſcription Pro. 31. 15. &c. Verſ. 21. Uerſ. 28.of a good wife; She giueth meat to her houſhold, and a portion to her maidens: all her houſhold is clothed with ſcarlet (namely, by her ordering and diſpoſing the matter.) Her children riſe vp and call her bleſſed, as for her generall cariage in the family, ſo for her particular fauours beſtowed on themſelues. As for Verſ. 20.others out of the houſe, it is alſo noted, that ſhe ſtretcheth out her hand to the poore, and reacheth forth her hands to the needie. Theſe things ſhe did by virtue of that power and liberty which her husband gaue her: as appeareth by two points there noted:
1. In that before any mention is made of thoſe things Verſ. 11.which ſhe did, it is ſaid, The heart of her husband doth ſafely truſt in her.
2. In that, after all her good deedes are reckoned vp, it is Uerſ. 28.ſaid, Her husband praiſeth her.
After this patterne it is meete that other husbands (whoſe wiues are wiſe and faithfull) ſhould deale with their wiues: that in the houſe they might hauehave the more honour of children and ſeruants: and that out of the houſe they might giuegive the better tryall of their charity.
For conſidering the many excellent promiſes that are made to workes of mercy and charity, and the many terrible threatnings that are denounced not onelyonly againſt ſuch as exerciſe cruelty, but alſo againſt ſuch as ſhew no mercy: conſidering alſo that wiues together with their husbands, are heires of the 1 Pet. 3. 7.grace of life, it is very needfull yea euen neceſſary, that they ſhould manifeſt their faith by ſome worke of mercy and charity. Now vnleſſe her husband doe giuegive vntounto her ſomething at her owne diſcretion to beſtow on others, true and through try all of her mercifull and charitable minde cannot be made. If ſhe giuegive of that which her husband hath reſerued to himſelfe, as her giuing is vnlawfull, ſo ſhe may be thought liberall, not becauſe ſhe is mercifull, but becauſe notwithſtanding her liberality ſhe parteth with nothing of her owne: yea though ſhe hauehave a generall conſent to giuegive as ſhe ſeeth cauſe of the common goods of the family, yet is not that ſo ſure and ſound a tryall of her charity, and mercifulneſſe, as if ſhe had ſomething of her owne which ſhe might retaine or giuegive away as pleaſeth her ſelfe; and what ſhe giues not away, lay vp as her owne ſtocke proper to her ſelfe. For there is naturally ſuch a ſelfe louelove in man, and a deſire to keepe that which is proper to ones ſelfe, that he is very loath to part with any of it, vnleſſe conſcience and grace alter this corruption of nature, and ſo moue him readily to lay out ſomething on charitable vſes. But otherwiſe of that which in whole or in part belongeth to another (be that other, husband, parent, maſter, friend, or any elſe) he is eaſily moued to be liberall and bountifull: a man will willingly cut a large thong (as we ſpeake) out of anothers leather.
It is knowne that many children and ſeruants, who, when they come to be poſſeſſers of their owne, are very niggards and miſers, hauehave beene liberall of their parents and maſters goods vntounto the poore. Yea parteners in a ſtocke will be much more forward in giuing away that which is common with another, then that which is proper to each of them. The trueſt triall of a mercifull and charitable heart lieth in the diſtribution of that which is proper to ones ſelfe.
It is therefore meet vponupon this very ground, that an husband ſhould according to his ability let his wife hauehave ſome ſtocke, and portion of her owne, free to her ſelfe to diſpoſe as ſhe ſeeth good: intimating vntounto her that the principall end why he prouideth ſo plentifully for her, is, that ſhe may ſhew forth the fruits of her faith by ſome workes of charity: and exhorting her ſo to doe. Many religious, wiſe, kinde husbands thus doe: ſome giuing quarterly allowance in money to their wiues, others giuing their wiues power to receiue a certaine portion of rent out of certaine lands or houſes; others making their wiues an abſolute eſtate of ſome inheritance, and ſuffering them to receiue the profits and reuenewes thereof; others giuing them certaine fees of their offices, or of their trade; others, that are poore, ſuffering them to worke for themſelues, & diſpoſe their earnings as they ſee cauſe: ſome one way, ſome another: eueryevery one in his place beſt knoweth the meanes how to gratifie his wife in this kinde: it ſhall be ſufficient for me to hauehave laide downe the generall rule.
§. 55. Of husbands too great ſtraitneſſe ouer their wiues.
Contrary is their ſtrait-handedneſſe to their wiues, who allow them no more then may be for their owne priuat vſe. They thinke it a great matter and as much as an husband is bound to doe, to let her hauehave apparrell, meat and drinke, and ſuch neceſſaries as are befitting her ranke, but all other ouerplus they thinke needleſſe. Thus their wiues are not only depriued of meanes to gaine reſpect of their children and ſeruants at home, and to gratifie ſuch as are obedient and ready to doe ſeruice to them, but alſo to performe ſuch workes of merciemercy as both opportunity requireth, and alſo their conſcience moueth them to doe. Yea many wiues of rich huſbands are brought to great ſhame hereby, in that being in places where there is iuſt occaſion of contributing to ſome charitable vſe, and by reaſon of their rich and coſtly apparell it is expected they ſhould be bountiful, they hauehave not any thing at all to beſtow. The fault of ſome husbands in this reſpect is great many waies. As 1. in that they bring ſhame and griefe to their wiues, whom they ought with all tenderneſſe to reſpect. 2. In that they diſhonour their owne places: for they who take notice of this ſtraitneſſe to their wiues, will be ready to iudge them both couetous, and vnkinde. 3. The omitting of that worke of merciemercy which their wiues ſhould hauehave done ſhall be laid to their charge: they ſhall heare that dreadfull doome; Goe yee curſed into euerlaſting fire, for I was an hungred and yee fed me not &c. and if they anſwer, When ſaw we thee an hungred &c. it ſhall be replied, In that yee ſuffered not your wiues to doe it, you did it not.
Thus much of the extent of an husbands prouident care for the good of his wife. It followeth to ſpeake of the continuance thereof.
§. 57. Of an husbands care to prouide for his wife ſo long as ſhe ſhall liue.
The continuance of an husbands prouident care for his wife muſt be ſo long as ſhe liueth, yea though ſhe out-liue him: not that he can actually when he is dead prouide for her, but that he may before his death ſo prouide for her, as ſhe may hauehave wherewithall to maintaine her ſelfe, and to liue according to that place whereunto by him ſhe is aduanced: at leaſt that he leaue her not only ſo much as he had with her, but ſomething more alſo in teſtimony of his louelove to her, and care for her. Husbands hauehave the example of Chriſt to preſſe this duty vponupon them: for when he went away from his Church here on Eph 4. 8.earth, he left his ſpirit, which furniſhed it with gifts as plentifully, as if Chriſt had ſtill remained with her, if not more aboundantly.
For the better performance of this duty, husbands which die before the wiues, muſt obſerue among other things two eſpecially.
1. That plainly and expreſly they declare their minde and Husbands before they die muſt make their will euen for their wiues good.will before they die, leſt their wiues ſhould be circumuented and defrauded of that which they intended them. Thus did Dauid vponupon the motion of Bathſhebah, he ſetled his eſtate, and cauſed Bathſhebahs ſonne to be actually crowned before he himſelfe gaue vp the Ghoſt: which he did, as for other weighty reaſons, ſo in particular for his wiues good, as may be gathered from that reaſon ſhe alleaged to the King in theſe 1 King. 1. 21. Husbands on their deathbed muſt commend their wiues to ſome faithfull friend. Iob. 19 26, 27. Reaſon. Trueſt triall of louelove at departure.words; Elſe when my Lord the King ſhall ſleepe-with his fathers, I ſhall be reputed vile.
2. That he requeſt ſome faithfull friend in his ſteed to be an helper vntounto her; (as Chriſt commended his mother vntounto his diſciple Iohn) which will be needfull in regard of her weakneſſe, by reaſon of her ſex, and want of experience to manage ſuch affaires eſpecially as are out of the houſe.
At the time of a mans departure out of this world from his wife, will the trueſt triall of his affection to his wife be giuen: for many that beare their wiues faire in hand while they liue with them, at their death ſhew that there was no ſoundneſſe of affection in their heart towards them: all was but a meere ſhew for ſome by-reſpects.
§. 58. Of husbands neglect of their wiues future eſtate.
Contrary are diuers practiſes of vnkinde husbands. ForContrary. 1. A wilfull inability.
1. Some through improuidence, vnthriftineſſe and prodigality, diſable themſelues from doing good to their wiues after their death; and ſo leaue their wiues nothing, or (that which is worſe then nothing) in debt, and with a great charge of children. That care which husbands ought to hauehave of their wiues ſhould make them thinke before hand of the time to come, and euen for their wiues ſake be ſome-what the more diligent, thrifty, and prouident, and cut off many vnneceſſary expences, elſe their ſinne is doubled. 1. By a needleſſe waſting their eſtate. 2. By neglecting their wiues.
2. Others by fawning, or forcing meanes draw their wiues 2 Making away their wiues ioynter, or any other right.to yeeld vp that intereſt they hauehave in money, goods, houſe or land by ioynter, inheritance, or any other way, and yet make them no ſufficient recompence in another kinde: but at their death leaue their wiues in a farre worſe eſtate then they were in before mariage, beſide a greater charge then they had before. As this is a great part of vnkindneſſe, ſo alſo a maine point of iniuſtice.
3. Others grudging againſt the lawes vnderunder which they 3. Defeating of thirds.…iue for prouiding for a wife by thirds or otherwiſe, vſe all the …raudulent meanes they can to depriue her of that which otherwiſe the law would lay vponupon her. The ciuill politique awes of the place where we liue ought to be the rule of our ciuill actions (ſo farre as they are not repugnant to Gods word) and we ought for conſcience ſake to be ſubiect vntounto Rom. 13. 5.them. Beſides an husband ought (though the law forced him …ot) to leaue at leaſt the thirds to his wife, as a teſtimony of his louelove to her, and care for her: ſo as this alſo is a dou…le fault. 1. A tranſgreſſion of the law. 2. A note of vn…indneſſe.
4. Orthers hauing aged and ſickly wiues, or otherwiſe 4. Making no will.…hinking that their wiues may, or rather hoping that their …iues will die before themſelues, put off the making of their wills of purpoſe that they might not put in their wiues thirds, but diſpoſe them ſome other way. Beſides that theſe husbands ſhew no good affection towards their wiues, they prouoke God to diſappoint them of their hopes: and ſo he doth often-times: for he taketh them away before their wiues, and ſo taketh them away, as hauing no time to make their will, not only their wiues enioy their thirds (which they ſo much deſired to auoid) but alſo ſome other (whom of all in their life time they miſliked) ſeaze vponupon the other two parts.
§. 58. Of an husbands protecting his wife from danger.
Hauing ſhewed how an husband is to prouide things needfull for his wife: It remaineth to ſhew how he is to protect her from things hurtfull.
In regard of that protection which an husband oweth his wife, he is called the veile of her eies: which phraſe as it implieth Gen. 20 16.Subiection on the wiues part, ſo alſo Protection on the huſbands: to protect one, is as it were, to couer them, namely, from danger; to be negligent and careleſſe of them, is, as it were, to lay them open to danger. The ſame duty is implied vnderunder another like phraſe of ſpreading his wing ouer his wife. Ruth 3. 9.The metaphor is taken from winged fowles, which to keepe their young ones from hurt, vſe to ſpread their wings ouer them: this phraſe and metaphor is alſo attributed to God, to Ruth 2. 12.ſet forth his protection.
But moſt pertinent to this purpoſe is the title, *Treat. 1. §. 15. and treat. 3. §. 73.Saniour, giuen to an husband in relation to his wife.
For this end the Lord who ſubiected a woman vntounto her husband, gaue to his ſexe greater ſtrength, courage and boldneſſe then to hers, that he might protect her which is the weaker veſſell. In this duty of protection Chriſt ſheweth himſelfe an excellent patterne and preſident vntounto husbands.
The better to performe this dutie, an husband muſt bee carefull,
1. To preuent, as much as he may, ſuch dangers as his wiſe is like to fall into.
2. To recouer her out of ſuch as ſhe is fallen into.
For this purpoſe did Dauid carry his wiues into Gath, leſt, if 1 Sam. 27. 3.they were left in Iſrael, Saul ſhould worke them ſome miſchiefe: and againe, when they were taken by the Amalakites, he recouered & 30. 18.them.
According to that danger whereunto wiues are ſubiect, muſt an husbands care of protecting his wife be manifeſted.
1. If ſhe be in danger to be ſeduced and inticed, as Euah was, A wife muſt be kept from being ſeduced.by any euill inſtruments of the deuill, as Ieſuits, Prieſts, Friers, profane, blaſphemous, laſciuious, or riotous perſons; his care muſt be either to keepe them away that they come not at her, or to put them away from her ſo ſoone as he can: he may not ſuffer them to harbour in his houſe.
2. If by any ſleight ſhe be drawne from his houſe, he muſt A wiſe ſtolne away muſt be fetched home. Iudg. 19. 2. 2 San. 3. 13, 14. 1 Sam. 30. 18. A wiues credit muſt be maintained.ſeeke her, and fetch her againe, as the Leuite did his wife: or cauſe her (if he can) to be brought home againe, as Dauid cauſed Michal to be brought: eſpecially if they be taken away by force, as Ahinoam, and Abigail, Dauids wiues, were.
3. If ſhe be vniuſtly ſlandered, he is to maintaine her credit and reputation as much as his owne: as Chriſt accounteth himſelfe deſpiſed, when his Church is, ſo muſt he. This care muſt he See Treat. 2. Part 2. §. 31. &c.hauehave of his wiues credit, euen after her death, as well as while ſhe liueth.
4. What other miſchiefe ſo euer is intended or practiſed againſt Luke 10. 16. A wife muſt be defended againſt ſtrangers, ſeruants, and children. Eſt. 7. 7, 8. &c.her, he muſt be a tower of defence to protect her, (as Ahoſhueroſh was to Eſter againſt Haman) and that not only againſt ſtrangers without the houſe, but alſo againſt children and ſeruants in the houſe. Children growne to yeeres, that are ſtout and ſtubborne, will be ready to riſe vp againſt their mother, eſpecially if ſhe be a mother in law, becauſe ſhe is the weaker ſex: the countenance of a father for the moſt part keepeth moſt in awe. Wherefore the husband muſt be an helpe to his wife, and maintaine her honour againſt them: yea though they be children of a former wife.
§. 59. Of an husbands maintaining his wife againſt children of a former venter, and ſeruants.
Obiect. Mothers in law often proue vnkinde, and vniuſt ſtepmothers, and deale vnmercifully with their husbands children: muſt an husband in ſuch caſes aſſiſt his wife againſt his children?
Anſw. The protection, I ſpeake of, is in caſe a wife be wronged, then her husband is to doe what he can to right her (as we ſpeake.) But if ſhe be the wrong-doer, he may by no meanes boulſter her vp againſt his children, and ſo make their wrong the greater. Yet ſo far ought he to reſpect his wife, as by all the faire meanes he can, to labour to pacific her minde, and turne her heart towards them: and if he obſerue her heart to be cleane alienated from them, then to put them forth to be brought vp in ſome other place, and ſo to take away from her the obiect of her diſpleaſure, that he and ſhe may liue more quietly together. For if a man muſt forſake father and mother, he muſt alſo forſake children, and cleaue to his wife. Peace and vnitie betwixt man and wife muſt of all other be kept inuiolable. Though thou caſt away Licèt omnia proijcias, nihil moleſtius continget quàm non habere beneuolam domi vxorem: peccatum nullum magis dolendum inueneris, quàm cum vxore ſeditionem habere. Chryſoſt. hō. 26. in 1. Cor. 11. Geneſ. 16. 6. & 21. 14.all, nothing can happen more troubleſome to thee then not to hauehave a quiet wife at home. Thou canſt finde no ſinne more grieuous then to hauehave contention with a wife.
If a wife muſt be maintained againſt the ſtubbornneſſe of children, much more againſt the inſolencie of ſeruants: for which purpoſe the example of Abraham is recorded, whoſe ſeruant might hauehave a priuiledge aboue others, becauſe he had made her his bedfellow; yet when ſhe waxed inſolent againſt her miſtreſſe, firſt he put her into her miſtreſſes hand to doe to her as it pleaſed her; and afterwards he caſt her out of his houſe.