Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 4 · Section 4 – Section 10
§. 4. Of an husbands *Treat. 3. §. 9. Branches of louelove.wiſe maintaining his authoritie.
All the branches which grow out of this root of louelove, as they hauehave reſpect to husbands duties, may be drawne to two heads:
1. A wiſe maintaining of his authoritie.
2. A right managing of the ſame.
That theſe two are branches of an husbands louelove, is euident by the place wherein God hath ſet him, which is a place of authoritie; for the beſt good that any can doe, and ſo the beſt fruits of louelove which he can ſhew forth to any, are ſuch as are done in his owne proper place, and by vertue thereof. If then an husband relinquiſh his authoritie, he diſableth himſelfe from doing that good, and ſhewing thoſe fruits of louelove which otherwiſe he might. If he abuſe his authoritie, he turneth the edge and point of his ſword amiſſe: in ſtead of holding it ouer his wife for her protection, he turneth it into her bowels to her deſtruction, and ſo manifeſteth thereby more hatred then louelove.
Now then to handle theſe two ſeuerally, and diſtinctly:
I. That an husband ought wiſely to maintaine his authoritie, II. Husbands muſt maintaine their authoritie.is implied vnderunder this Apoſtolicall precept, Husbands dwell with your wiues according to knowledge, that is, as ſuch as are well able to maintaine the honour of that place wherein God 1 Pet. 3. 7. foreign.hath ſet you: not as ſots and fooles without vnderſtanding. The ſame is alſo implied vnderunder the titles of preheminence which the Scripture attributeth to husbands, as Lord, Maſter, See Treat. 3. §. 3. Reaſons.head, guide, image and glory of God, &c.
The honour and authoritie of God, and of his Sonne Chriſt 1. Gods authoritie maintained by the husbands.Ieſus, is maintained in and by the honour and authoritie of an husband, as the Kings authoritie is maintained by the authoritie of his Priuy Councell and other Magiſtrates vnderunder him; yea, as an husbands authoritie is in the family maintained by the authoritie of his wife: (for as the man is the glory of God, ſo 1 Cor. 11. 7.the woman is the glory of the man.)
The good of the wife her ſelfe is thus alſo much promoted, 2. The wiues good promoted thereby.euen as the good of the body is helped forward by the heads abiding in his place; ſhould the head be put vnderunder any of the parts of the body, the body and all the parts thereof could not but receiue much dammage thereby: euen ſo the wife and whole family would feele the dammage of the husbands loſſe of his authoritie.
1. Queſt. Is it in the power of the husband to maintaine his owne authoritie?
Anſw. Yea, in his more then in any others: for note the It is in the mans power to maintaine his authoritie. 1 Tim. 4. 12.counſell of the Apoſtle to Timothie, (though in another caſe, yet very pertinent to this purpoſe) Let no man deſpiſe thy youth. It was therefore in Timothies power to maintaine his honour, and not to ſuffer it to be deſpiſed; and ſo is it in an husbands power.
2. Queſt. How may an husband beſt maintaine his authoritie?
Anſw. That direction which the Apoſtle giueth to Timothie How a mans authority may be well maintained. Ad viros pertinet virtute vincere, & exemplo regere foemina…. Aug. de Adult. Coniug. lib. 2. cap. 8.to maintaine his authoritie, may fitly be applied for this purpoſe vntounto an husband; Be an enſample in conuerſation, in louelove, in ſpirit, in faith, and in pureneſſe: as if he had ſaid, If thou walke before them worthy of thy place and calling, and worthy of that honour and reſpect which is due thereunto, ſhewing forth the fruits of louelove, faith, and other like graces, aſſuredly they will reuerence thy youth; but if otherwiſe thou carrie thy ſelfe baſely, and not beſeeming a miniſter, thou giueſt them iuſt occaſion to deſpiſe thee. Euen thus may husbands beſt maintaine their authoritie by being an enſample in louelove, grauitie, pietie, honeſty, &c. The fruits of theſe and other like graces ſhewed forth by husbands before their wiues and family, cannot but worke a reuerend and dutifull reſpect in their wiues and whole houſe towards them: for by this means they ſhall more cleerely diſcerne the image of God ſhine forth in their faces.
Obiect. Very goodneſſe and grace it ſelfe is hated of wicked and vngodly wiues: it was an act of pietie that made Michal deſpiſe Dauid.
Anſw. 1. Grant it to be ſo: yet this may be a good direction for ſuch husbands as hauehave not ſuch wicked wiues.
2. This doth not alwaies ſo fall our, no, nor yet for the moſt part in thoſe that are wicked; true vertue and integritie doth oft cauſe admiration in ſuch as louelove it not.
3. Though ſome be of ſo crooked and peruerſe a diſpoſition as to take occaſion of contempt, where none is giuen, yet ſhall that husband iuſtifie himſelfe before God and man, that carryeth himſelfe worthy of his place.
§. 5. Of husbands loſing their authoritie.
Contrary is their practiſe who by their profaneneſſe, riotouſneſſe, Contrary, 1. baſe carriagedrunkenneſſe, lewdneſſe, lightneſſe, vnthriftineſſe, and other like baſe carriage, make themſelues contemptible, and ſo loſe their authoritie: though a wife ought not to take theſe occaſions to deſpiſe her husband, yet is it a iuſt iudgement on him to be deſpiſed, ſeeing he maketh himſelfe contemptible.
Contrary alſo to the forenamed directions is the ſterne, 2. Cruell dealing.rough, and cruel carriage of husbands, who by violence and tyranny goe about to maintaine their authority. Force may indeed cauſe feare, but a ſlauiſh feate, ſuch a feare as breedeth more hatred then louelove, more inward contempt, then outward reſpect.
And contrary is their ſeruile diſpoſition, who againſt their 3. Yeelding in vnlawfull things.owne iudgement yeeld to the bent of their wiues minde in ſuch things as are vnlawfull: they will loſe their authority rather then giuegive diſcontent to their wiues: which is a fault expreſly forbidden by the aDent. 13. 6, 7.law: and yet a fault whereinto not only wicked b1 King. 21. 7, 9.Ahab, but alſo wiſe Salomon fell: how heinous a fault, and how grieuous a fall this was in Salomon, the fearefull iſſue thereof ſheweth. Like to him not in wiſdome, but in this point of egregious folly, are ſuch as vponupon their wiues 1 King. 11. 4.inſtigation, ſuffer Prieſts and Ieſuites, to lurke and celebrate Maſſes in their houſes, and yeeld to be preſent thereat themſelues. Like to Ahab are ſuch Magiſtrates as ſuffer their wiues to ouerſway them in courſe of Iuſtice: hence it commeth to paſſe that more petitions and ſuites are made to the wiues of Magiſtrates in the caſes of Iuſtice then to the Magiſtrates themſelues: and the fauour of their wiues is more eſteemed then their owne: ſo as the power of gouerning, and the maine ſtroke in determining matters, is from their wiues; they are but the mouthes and inſtrument of their wiues, in ſo much as among the common people the title of their places and offices is giuen to their wiues. Some husbands ſuffer this by reaſon of their fearefull, and fooliſh diſpoſition, wanting courage and wiſdome to maintaine the honour of their places againſt the inſolency of their wiues: others vponupon a ſubtil, couetous, wicked minde, that by the meanes of their wiues there may be more freedome for receiuing bribes. Among theſe I may reckon thoſe who againſt their owne minde, to ſatisfie their wiues minde, ſuffer both wiues and children to follow the faſhion, to attire themſelues vnbeſeeming their places, to frequent light company, with the like; and alſo thoſe who vponupon their wiues importunitie are moued (as Sampſon was) to reueale ſuch ſecrets Maximè obſeruate vos at que attendite anim bus veſtris ô viri ab vxoris concitationibus atque malis inſtigationibus, per hanc enim in vltimo ſupplantare Job viſus eſt diabolus, &c. per iſtas etiam nunc plurimos ſubuertit. Orig. in Ioh. lib. 2.as are not meet to be knowne. Husbands may hearken to their wiues mouing good things, but they may not obey them in euill things: if they doe, their fault is double: 1. in doing euill: 2. in loſing their authoritie.
Let husbands therefore be very watchfull againſt their wiues euill inſtigations. Satan laboured to ſupplant Iob by his wife: and by this doth he ſubuert many in theſe daies.
§. 6. Of husbands *Treat 3. §. 3. How a mans authority may be well managed.high account of wiues.
As authority muſt be well maintained, ſo muſt it be well managed: for which purpoſe two things are needfull:
1. That an husband tenderly reſpect his wife.
2. That prouidently he care for her.
| An husbands tender reſpect of his wife is | Inward. |
| Outward. |
| Inward in regard of his | Opinion of her. |
| Affection to her. |
Outward in regard of his cariage towards her.
| For an husbands opinion of his wife, two things are to be weighed, | Her place, |
| Her perſon. |
1. Her place is indeed a place of inferiority, and ſubiection, yet the neereſt to equality that may be: a place of common Husbands muſt account their wiues yoke-fellowes. 1 Pet. 3. 7.equity in many reſpects, wherein man and wife are after a ſort euen fellowes, and partners: Hence then it followeth that
The husband muſt account his wife a yoke-fellow and companion. This is one point of giuing honour to the wife: and it is implied vnderunder that phraſe wherby the end of making a wife is noted, Gen. 2. 18. foreignwhich in our Engliſh is tranſlated, meet for him, word for word as before him that is, like himſelfe, one in whom he might Eph. 5. 28. foreign.ſee himſelfe, or euen (to vſe our Apoſtles word) himſelfe. Theſe phraſes imply a kinde of fellowſhip: as alſo the many prerogatiues that are common to both, which hauehave beene noted *Treat. 3. §. 4.before.
As a wiues acknowledgement of her husbands ſuperiority is the ground-worke of all her duties, ſo an husbands acknowledgement of that fellowſhip which is betwixt him and his wife, will make him carry himſelfe much more amiably, familiarly, louingly, and eueryevery way as beſeemeth a good husband towards her.
§. 7. Of that fellowſhip which is betwixt man and wife, notwithſtanding a wiues inferiority.
Obiect. Fellowſhip betwixt man and wife cannot ſtand with a wiues inferiority and ſubiection.
Anſw. They are of very meane capacity that cannot ſee how theſe may ſtand together. Is there not a fellowſhip betwixt ſuperiour and inferiour magiſtrates in relation to their ſubiects? yea the Scripture mentioneth a fellowſhip betwixt Chriſt the head and other Saints in relation to the glory Rom. 8. 17. foreign.whereof all are made partakers (for it termeth vsus ioynt heires with Chriſt:) and in relation to Gods people a fellowſhip betwixt God and his miniſters (for it termeth them labourers together 1 Cor. 3. 9. foreign.with God) yet none can denie the Saints, and miniſters to be inferiour and in ſubiection to Chriſt, and God. But diſtinctly to anſwer the obiection.
1. There may not only be a fellowſhip, but alſo an equality in ſome things betwixt thoſe that in other things are one of them inferiour and ſubiect: as betwixt man and wife in the power of one another bodies: for the wife (as well as the huſband) Vxor & ſerua & domina eſt viri, Chryſoſt. in 1 Cor. 7. hom. 19.is therein both a ſeruant, and a miſtreſſe, a ſeruant to yeeld her body, a miſtreſſe to hauehave the power of his.
2. There may be fellowſhip in the very ſame things wherein is inferiority: for fellowſhip hath reſpect to the thing it ſelfe, inferiority to the meaſure, and manner: as in giuing light the Sunne and Moone hauehave a fellowſhip, but in the meaſure and manner the Moone is inferiour: the Moone hath not ſo much light as the Sunne, and that which it hath it hath from the Sunne: and as in gouerning, the king and other magiſtrates hauehave a fellowſhip, but in the meaſure, and manner of gouernment they are inferiour to him: Euen ſo is it betwixt man and wife, in many things wherein there is a fellowſhip, the wife is notwithſtanding inferiour: ſo as inferiority may ſtand with fellowſhip.
3. There are no vnequals betwixt which there is ſo neere a parity as betwixt man and wife: if therefore there may be a fellowſhip betwixt any that are ſuperiour, and inferiour one to another, then much more betwixt man and wife.
*Debet in vxorem vir dominari, vt animus in corpus, cōſentiens ei, & conſpirans beneuolentia. Plut. praec. connub.As the ſoule therefore ruleth ouer the body, by a mutuall and louing conſent and agreement, ſo muſt a man ouer his wife.
§. 8. Of husbands too meane account of wiues.
Contrary is the conceit of many who thinke there is no Non es dominus ſed maritus: non ancillam ſortitus es, ſed vxorem: gubernatorem …e Deus voluit eſſe ſexus inferioris, non praepotentem. Ambr. Hexaem. lib. 5. cap. 7.difference betwixt a wife and ſeruant but in familiarity: and that wiues were made to be ſeruants to their husbands, becauſe ſubiection, feare and obedience are required of them: whence it commeth to paſſe that wiues are oft vſed little better then ſeruants. A conceit and practiſe ſauouring too much of heatheniſh, and ſottiſh arrogancy. Did God at firſt take the wife out of mans ſide, that man ſhould tread her vnderunder his feet? or rather that he ſhould ſet her at his ſide next to him aboue all children, ſeruants, or any other in the family, how neere, or deare vntounto him ſoeuer? for none can be neerer then a wife, and none ought to be dearer.
§. 9. Of husbands good eſteeme of their *Treat 3. §. 5. IIII. Huſbands muſt account their owne wiues beſt for them.owne wiues.
2. For the perſon of a wife, An husband ought to eſteeme that particular perſon to whom by Gods prouidence he is ioyned in mariage, to be the fitteſt, and beſt for him. This is implied vnderunder that particle of reſtraint (OWNE) noted by the Apoſtle where he ſaith aEph. 5. 25.husbands louelove your OWNE wiues, and againe preſſeth it vnderunder a compariſon of the body (as bVeſ. 28.your OWNE bodies) EueryEvery one thinketh his owne body beſt and fitteſt for him. A man might happily wiſh ſome defects or enormities in his owne body to be amended, and deſire that his were like an others, more ſtrait, ſtrong, and comely then his owne, yet would he not hauehave his head to be vponupon that other mans body: the ſame opinion ought a man (that would louelove his wife) to hauehave of her.
Good reaſon there is for him ſo to doe: for true is the prouerbe, Reaſon. EueryEvery ones wife is prouided by God.if it be rightly taken, mariages are firſt made in heauen, that is, God hath an ouer-ruling hand in ordering them: which cPro. 19. 14.Salomon implieth by that oppoſition which he maketh betwixt wealth and a wife: that is from our fathers, this from the Lord: in which reſpect he ſaith, d& 18. 22.he which findeth a wife receiueth fauour of the Lord. If therefore thou art loued of God, and loueſt him, he will make thy wife proue a good thing to thee.
Obiect. A wife may be a very lewd and wicked woman: how then can ſhe be accounted the beſt wife?
Anſw. 1. It may be ſhe was good enough when firſt ſhe was brought to thee, but thou by thine euill example, or negligent gouernment, or hard vſage, haſt made her ſo bad as ſhe is. Which if it be ſo, then is ſhe to be conſidered not as thou haſt marr'd her, but as thou diddeſt marie her.
2. Though ſhe be not in relation to other wiues the beſt in condition, yet in relation to thee ſhe may be the beſt in euent: if not for thine eaſe and quiet, yet for triall of thy wiſdome and patience: and ſo as eSocrates interrogatus qua gratia vxoris mores toleraret, reſpondit, vt gymnaſium & palaeſtram philoſophiae domi habeam. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1 Cor. 11.a ſchoole of vertue ſhe may be vntounto thee. As fArs tua Tiphy iacet ſi non ſit in aequore fluctus Ouid. de Triſt. l. 4. eleg. 3.a skilfull pilots ſufficiency is tried and knowne by tempeſtuous ſeas, ſo a mans wiſdome by a troubleſome wife. Yea ſhe may be giuen thee as a puniſhment of ſome former ſinnes, as ſeeking after a beautifull, honourable, rich, proper wife, rather then a religious and honeſt one: or ſeeking her without any direction or helpe firſt ſought of God, or otherwiſe then thou haſt warrant from God, as by ſtealth, and without parents conſent; or ſome other ſinnes in another kinde, to bring thee to repentance: or as a meanes to reſtraine and weane thee from ſome future ſinnes whereunto thou are ſubiect, and ſo proue a bleſſed croſſe to keepe thee from a fearefull curſe.
§. 10. Of husbands prepoſterous opinion of their owne wiues.
Contrary is a corrupt and peruerſe opinion which many hauehave of their owne wiues, thinking them of all other the worſt and vnfitteſt; yea though they be ſuch as eueryevery way both in gifts and qualities of minde, and alſo in grace and comelineſſe of body deſerue all good reſpect and eſteeme. Whereas others (which looke with a ſingle eye) commend their good parts, they Miſinterpret and miſiudge all: if their wiues be religious, they thinke them hypocrites: if graue, ſober and modeſt, melancholicke: if cheerefull, wanton: if they keepe at home, idle drones: if they take occaſion (though neuer ſo iuſt) of going abroad, gadders, and lightfooted. This bad opinion of their wiues is a cauſe that their hearts are cleane remoued from their owne, and ſet vponupon ſtrange fleſh: whereby the deuill gaineth what he deſireth, that is, to put aſunder ſuch as God hath ioyned together, and to ioyne thoſe whom God hath put aſunder.