Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 4 · Section 2 – Section 3
§. 2. Of that *Treat. 3. §. 2. 1. Husbands muſt louelove their wiues.louelove which husbands owe their wiues.
This head of all the reſt, LoueLove, is expreſly ſet downe, and alone mentioned in this, and in many other places of Scripture, whereby it is euident, that all other duties are compriſed vnderunder it.
To omit other places, where this dutie is vrged in bEph. 5. 25, 28, 33.this place, LoueLove is foure times by name expreſſed, beſide that it is intimated vnderunder many other termes and phraſes.
Whoſoeuer therefore taketh a wife, muſt, in this reſpect that ſhe is his wife, louelove her: as it is noted of Iſaak (the beſt patterne of husbands noted in the Scripture) cGen. 24. 67.he tooke Rebekah, ſhe was his wife ana he loued her.
Many good reaſons hereof may be rendred.No dutie well performed without louelove.
1. Becauſe no dutie on the husbands part can be rightly performed except it be ſeaſoned with louelove. The Apoſtle exhorteth all Chriſtians to doe all their things in louelove: much more 1 Cor. 16. 14.ought husbands: though in place they be aboue their wiues, yet louelove may not be forgotten.
2. Becauſe of all perſons on earth a wife is the moſt proper 2. A wife the moſt proper obiect of louelove. Deut. 13. 6.obiect of louelove: nor friend, nor childe, nor parent ought ſo to be loued as a wife: ſhe is termed, the wife of his boſome, to ſhew that ſhe ought to be as his heart in his boſome.
3. Becauſe his place of eminency, and power of authority 3. LoueLove keepes a man from abuſing his authority.may ſoone puffe him vp, and make him inſult ouer his wife, and trample her vnderunder his feet, if a intire louelove of her be not planted in his heart. To keepe him from abuſing his authority is louelove ſo much preſſed vponupon him.
4. Becauſe wiues through the weakneſſe of their ſex (for 4. LoueLove maketh him beare with her infirmities. 5. His louelove draweth louelove from her.they are the weaker veſſels) are much prone to prouoke their husbands. So as if there be not louelove predominant in the huſband, there is like to be but little peace betwixt man and wife. LoueLove couereth a multitude of imperfections.
5. Becauſe as Chriſt by his louelove firſt manifeſted prouoketh the Church to louelove him, ſo an husband by louing his wife ſhould prouoke her to louelove him againe: ſhewing himſelfe like the Sunne which is the fountaine of light, and from which the Moone receiueth what light ſhe hath: ſo he ſhould be the fountaine of louelove to his wife.
Obiect. LoueLove was before laid downe as a common dutie appertaining both to man and wife: how is it then here required as a particular and peculiar dutie of an husband?
Anſw. In regard of the generall extent of louelove it is indeed a common dutie belonging to the one as well as to the other, yea How louelove is an husbands particular dutie. 1 Cor. 13. 5.belonging to all Chriſtians, to all men: for it is the very nature of louelove, and an eſpeciall property thereof, to ſeeke not her owne things, but the good of others, which all are bound to doe by vertue of the bond of nature; more then others, Chriſtians by vertue of the bond of the ſpirit: among Chriſtians, eſpecially wiues and husbands by vertue of the matrimoniall bond: of maried couples, moſt of all husbands by vertue of their place and charge. Their place is a place of authoritie, which without louelove will ſoone turne into tyrannie. Their charge is eſpecially and aboue all, to ſeeke the good of their wiues: as wiues are the chiefeſt, and greateſt charge of husbands, ſo their chiefeſt and greateſt care muſt be for them: the parents and friends of wiues as they giuegive ouer all their authority to their husbands, ſo they caſt all care vponupon them: wherefore that husbands may take the more care of their wiues, and the better ſeeke their good, they ought after a peculiar manner to louelove them. Husbands are moſt of all bound to louelove: and bound to louelove their wiues moſt of all.
Thus this affection of louelove is a diſtinct dutie in it ſelfe, peculiarly LoueLove a common condition to be annexed to euerie dutie.appertaining to an husband: and alſo a common condition which muſt be annexed to eueryevery other dutie of an huſband, to ſeaſon and ſweeten the ſame. His looke, his ſpeech, his carriage, and all his actions, wherein he hath to doe with his wife, muſt be ſeaſoned with louelove: louelove muſt ſhew it ſelfe in his commandements, in his reproofes, in his inſtructions, in his admonitions, in his authoritie, in his familiaritie, when they are alone together, when they are in company before others, in ciuill affaires, in religious matters, at all times, in all things: as ſalt muſt be firſt and laſt vponupon the table, and eaten with eueryevery bit of meate, ſo muſt louelove be firſt in an husbands heart, and laſt out of it, and mixed with eueryevery thing wherein he hath to doe with his wife.
§. 3. Of an husbands hatred and want of louelove.
Contrary hereunto is hatred of heart: which vice as it is Contrary, 1. Hatred.very odious and deteſtable in it ſelfe, ſo much more when the wife is made the obiect thereof. As louelove prouoketh an huſband to doe his wife what good he can, ſo hatred, to doe her what miſchiefe he can. Moſes noteth a mans hatred of his Deut. 22. 13, &c.wife to be a cauſe of much miſchiefe: for the neerer, and dearer any perſons be, the more violent will that hatred be which is faſtened on them.
Hence was it that a diuorce was ſuffered to be made betwixt Deut. 24. 3.a man and his wife, in caſe he hated her: which law queſtionleſſe was made for releefe of the wife, leſt the hatred which her husband conceiued againſt her ſhould worke her ſome miſchiefe, if he were forced to keepe her as his wife: which Chriſt ſeemeth to imply in theſe words, Moſes, becauſe of the Mat. 19. 8.hardneſſe of your hearts, ſuffered you to put away your wines. This therefore being ſo peſtilent a poiſon, let husbands take heed how they ſuffer it to ſoake into them.
Neither is it ſufficient for an husband not to hate his wife, 2. Want of louelove.for euen the want of louelove, though it be only a priuation, yet is it a great vice, and contrary alſo to the forenamed dutie of louelove. Where this want of louelove is, there can be no duty wel performed, euen as when the great wheele of a clocke, the firſt mouer of all the reſt, is out of frame, neuer a wheele can be in good order. They that thinke lightly hereof, plainly diſcouer that there is little or no louelove of God in them at all: for if the Apoſtles inference be good, taken from a mans neighbour or brother whom 1 Ioh. 4. 20.he hath ſeene, it will much more be good hauing relation to a wife: for how can he who loueth not his wife, (whom God hath giuen to him as a token of his fauour, and as an helpe meet for him, to be in his boſome, and euer in his ſight, yea to be no more two, but one fleſh) louelove God whom he hath not ſeene? If any man ſaith, he loueth God, and hate his wife, he is a lier. Let husbands therefore by louing their wiues giuegive euidence that they louelove God.