Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 3 · Section 47 – Section 50
§. 47. Of a wiues *Treat. 4. §. 34, 35.meeke taking a reproofe.
The husband hauing authoritie ouer his wife, by vertue thereof he hath power, yea it is his dutie as there is needfull cauſe to rebuke her: By iuſt conſequence therefore it followeth, A wiues actiue obedience to her husbands reproofe. The beſt triall of obedience.that it is her dutie to yeeld obedience thereunto. Which ought the rather to be done becauſe the chiefeſt triall of ſound obedience lieth herein. For nothing goeth ſo much againſt ones ſtomach as reproofe: ſhe that yeelds when ſhe is rebuked, will much more when ſhe is intreated. This point of obedience is manifeſted two waies.
1. By meekneſſe in taking a reproofe.
2. By endeuour to redreſſe what is iuſtly reproued. The very point of obedience eſpecially conſiſteth in this latter: the former is as a good preparatiue thereunto, without which it will hardly be done, at leaſt not well done.
Meekneſſe in this caſe is one of the moſt principall fruits of 1. She muſt meekly take reproofe. 1 Pet. 3. 4. Gen. 30. 1.that meeke and quiet ſpirit which S. Peter commendeth vntounto wiues. Howſoeuer Rachel iuſtly deſerued blame for comming in a fuming chafe, and with an imperious command to her husband, yet in that ſhe meekly tooke his ſharpe reproofe (for ſhe replied not againſt it, but meekly gaue a direction for the better accompliſhment of her deſire) her example is commendable: commendable I ſay, not in the matter of her direction, but in her patient bearing of reproofe.
Much wiſdome may be learned hereby: for when any Wiſdome learned.meekly take a reproofe, thereby they ſuppreſſe their paſſion, and keepe it from riſing as a cloud before their vnderſtanding and darkning it, and ſo may they better iudge of the matter reproued whether it be iuſt or no: and whether it need redreſſe or no: whereof they who are impatient of reproofe, and fret and fume againſt it, cannot ſo well iudge. The virgin Mary made good vſe of Chriſts reprouing her, and thereby Joh. 2. 4, 5.learned and taught a good point of wiſdome, namely ſo to referre our affaires to Chriſt as we expect his pleaſure; and not preſcribe time, meanes, manner, or any other like circumſtances vntounto him.
Queſt. What if the husbands reproofe be bitter?Suadeo mulieribus vt viros etiam aſperiores perſerant. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1. Cor. 11.
Anſw. He therein forgets his place, yet thereupon ſhe muſt not forget her duty. If Iaakobs reproofe be well noted, we ſhall finde it very tart, for it is expreſly ſaid that his anger was kindle… againſt her, (Gen. 30. 2.) ſo as he ſpake in anger: the manner and forme of his words being with an interrogation, and the Excandeſcenti marito cede, & molli oratione iuva. Greg. Naz. ad Olymp.matter alſo, am I in Gods ſtead, &c. declare tartneſſe: yet (as was declared before) ſhe ſhewed meekneſe.
Queſt. What if his reproofe be vniuſt?
2. Anſw. Yet may not meekneſſe be forgotten. In ſuch a caſe a wife may make a iuſt apologie to cleare her owne innocencie, and manifeſt her husbands error: but if he refuſe to heare her, or will not beleeue her, then (as S. Peter ſpeaketh in another 1 Pet. 2. 19, 20.caſe) ſhe muſt endure griefe for conſcience toward God.
The two reaſons which there he rendreth in that other caſe may not vnfitly be applied to this.
1. In generall this is thank-worthy, it is a grace, a glory to foreign.her: a matter that deſerueth praiſe and commendation.
2. In particular it is acceptable to God: howſoeuer their huſbands foreign.may deale roughly and vntowardly with them, yet God will graciouſly reſpect them, if they ſhall patiently in obedience to his ordinance beare their husbands vniuſt reproofes.
3. I may adde this reaſon alſo, that thus they ſhall ſhew themſelues good Chriſtians indeed, in that they are not ouercome Rom. 12. 21.of euill.
Contrary is their minde who by no meanes will brooke a rebuke at their husbands hands: it skills not whether it be iuſt or vniuſt: if their husbands reproue them, they ſhall be ſure to hauehave the reproofe rebounded backe againe vponupon their faces, and that with greater violence then euer it came from them. There be ſome that ſeeme to be very good wiues till they be tried by the touch-ſtone of reproofe: but then though the reproofe be for matter moſt iuſt, for manner moſt milde, and that in priuate betwixt their husbands and themſelues, yet they grow ſo impatient, or rather mad, as they forbeare not to giuegive their husbands the moſt ſcornfull ſpeeches that they can inuent, vſing withall bitter imprecations and execrations, and threaten to drowne or hang themſelues if they be croſſed of their wills. Yea further, if wiſe husbands ſhall forbeare them in their paſſion, and after it is allaied tell them how vnbeſeeming their places they carried themſelues, they will ſeeke to iuſtifie themſelues, and lay all the blame on their husbands for croſſing them in their will: or if they cannot but ſee their fault, yet they will only ſay, it is my infirmitie: but yet euer continue in that infirmitie: and though they make ſhew of fearing God, yet labour not to purge this corrupt humour out of their hearts. Hence is it for the moſt part that contentions ariſe betwixt man and wife. If wiues would learne in this point to be ſubiect, many iarres, which from time to time ariſe betwixt them, would be allaied, if not preuented. Michal 2 Sam. 6. 20, &c. Iob 2. 10.the wife of Dauid, and Iobs wife (though they gaue iuſt occaſion to be moſt ſharply reproued, yet) ſhall riſe vp in iudgement againſt theſe wiues, becauſe they were ſilent after they were reproued, and replied not. Salomon oft titles ſuch as cannot beare rebuke ſcorners: ſo as hereby wiues ſhew that Prou 9. 7, 8.they are very ſcornfull.
§. 48. Of a wiues *Treat. 4. §. 35.readineſſe to redreſſe what her husband iuſtly reproueth in her.
A further degree of obedience in bearing reproofe is, that 2 She muſt redreſſe what is iuſtly reproued.a wife readily redreſſe what is iuſtly reproued by her husband: I ſay iuſtly, becauſe where no fault is, there needs no amendment: patience may be needfull (as was before ſhewed) but no repentance of that which is not amiſſe. But where any thing is amiſſe, there muſt be a redreſſe. Rachel did amiſſe in aGen. 31. 19.bringing Idols into her husbands houſe: her husband in b& 35. 2, 4.bidding her among others to put away their ſtrange gods, reproued them all. Whereupon ſhe with all the reſt gaue to him all their ſtrange gods. This was a good redreſſe.
A reproofe may be iuſtly giuen either for a good dutie omitted; or for an euill thing committed: and accordingly muſt the redreſſe or amendment be. A dutie formerly omitted muſt after the reproofe be more carefully obſerued and performed, if it be a continuall dutie, and may be againe performed: otherwiſe the redreſſe is a teſtification of true ſorrow for that fault. When an euill is committed, if any meanes can be vſed to make vp the hurt, and redreſſe the miſchiefe that followed thereupon, it muſt be done: if not, ſorrow as before, muſt be teſtified, and care taken that the ſame, or the like be not committed againe.
As a good conſcience requireth as much of all Chriſtians by whomſoeuer they be reproued, ſo the reſpect which a wife oweth to an husband doth after an eſpeciall manner require it. Otherwiſe her fault is doubled, 1. by continuance in her ſin;
2. by diſobedience to her husband.
Contrary is their ſpirit who for reproofe waxe the worſe: Contrary, to be worſe for reprouing. Prou. 9. 8.being like thoſe ſcorners (of whom Salomon ſpeaketh) that hate thoſe that reproue them. It is the ſpeech of ſome wiues, that if their husbands would let them alone they would doe the better: but vponupon rebuke they will neuer amend: the more their husbands finde fault, the more will they goe on, in doing what they doe. What other iudgement can be giuen of ſuch, then that which the wiſe man giueth, there is more hope Prou. 26. 12.of a foole then of them.
§. 49. Of a wiues *Treat. 4. §. 50contentment with her husbands preſent eſtate. Of ſubmiſſion hitherto.
Contentment is alſo a part of obedience: it hath reſpect to a mans outward eſtate and abilitie, in and with which a wife muſt reſt ſatisfied and contented, whether it be high or low, great or meane, wealthy or needy, aboue, equall, or vnderunder that eſtate wherein ſhe was before mariage: yea though a man hauehave beene ſometimes great in eſtate, yet, if he decay therein, and be brought to a meane eſtate, ſhe ought to reſt content. Thus much Iob implieth in his replie to his wife, ſaying, ſhall we receiue Job 2. 10. expounded.good at the hand of God, and not receiue euill? The euill he ſpeaketh of was the loſſe of his goods, ſeruants, and children, together with other miſeries that Satan through Gods permiſſion inflicted vponupon him: the receiuing of euill which he ſpeaketh of was a reſting content with it, and a patient bearing of it. Euill may be laid on any, and ſo they forced to beare it: but they only receiue it, who are content with it. Now in that he vſeth the plurall number (WE) and ſpeaking to his wife ſaith (ſhall not we receiue euill) he ſheweth that his wife ought as well as he to hauehave reſt contented in that poore and miſerable eſtate: For
1. Man and wife being one fleſh, by vertue of their matrimoniall vnion, both his aduancement, and alſo his abaſement is hers: as ſhe riſeth with him, ſo ſhe falleth with him. Wherefore as ſhe is willing to be aduanced with him, ſo ſhe muſt be content to be abaſed with him.
2. If at the time of mariage her husband was of meaner eſtate then ſhe, ſhe voluntarily put her ſelfe into that meane eſtate: for a wife taketh her husband (as he her) for better for worſe, for richer for poorer. And ſhall ſhe not be content with her own act? If after mariage his eſtate decay, and wax meaner then it was, ſhe is to be perſwaded that by God it was ſo ordered, and that God aimed at her humiliation as well as his: and thereupon ſhe ought in her dutifull ſubmiſſion to Gods ouer-ruling prouidence to be patient and content: this Iob implieth vnderunder this phraſe, ſhall we not receiue euill at the hand of God? and vnderunder this, The Lord taketh away.
3. A wiues contentment is a great eaſe to her husband lying vnderunder a croſſe: and it maketh the burden ſeeme much lighter then otherwiſe it would, if at leaſt he be a kinde husband, and affected with his wiues paſſion, as he ought to be. For a louing husband in eueryevery diſtreſſe is more perplexed for his wife, then for himſelfe.
§. 50. Of wiues diſcontent at their husbands eſtate.
Contrary is the impatiencie, and diſcontent of wiues at Diſcontent manifeſted.the meanneſſe, and (as they thinke) baſeneſſe of their husbands eſtate: which is many waies manifeſted.
1. Some when they are maried finding their husbands eſtate 1. By repenting their mariage.weaker then they imagined, repent their mariage, and ſticke not to tell their husbands, that if they had before knowne them to be no better men then they finde them to be, they ſhould hauehave beene no husbands for them. Wherein firſt they bewray their fooliſh indiſcretion by ſaying, when it is too late, if I had Non eſt ſapientis dicere non putâram. Cic. Offic. lib. 1.thought this; and withall they manifeſt their own raſhneſſe and vnaduiſedneſſe, in that they gaue their hands and plighted their troth to thoſe whom they knew not. If they ſay, they were deceiued by their friends whom they put in truſt, I anſwer that mariage is too weightie a matter to be wholly referred ouer to the truſt of friends: eueryevery one that yeeldeth to be maried, ought wel to know the party vntounto whom in this caſe they yeeld: and aboue all they ought to ſeeke direction, helpe, and bleſſing from God. If notwithſtanding all the meanes which poſſibly they could vſe, they be deceiued, they are to looke vntounto God, and to behold his prouidence therein: and duly to weigh whether the Lord hauehave croſſed their deſire for their humiliation, or for triall of their patience, wiſdome and other like graces, or elſe to weine them from ſome vaine and worldly delights, whereunto they were too much addicted.
2. Others obſeruing their husbands eſtate to be decaied 2. By impatient cariage.and waſted, neuer ſearch after the occaſion, but lay all the blame vponupon their husbands, and with their diſcontented lookes, paſſionate words, and impatient cariage, ſo vex their hearts, as they make the croſſe much more heauy then otherwiſe it could be. Though the eſtate ſhould be ouerthrowne by the vnthriftineſſe of an husband, yet ought a wife to looke vntounto Gods prouidence therein, as was noted before.
3. Others ſcorning to ſtoope, and to come downe to their 3. By refuſing to ſtoope.husbands preſent condition, through their pride and vaineglory are a great means to make his eſtate much the worſe: for they, ſo long as by any meanes they can get it, will not abate any thing of their braue apparell, dainty cheere, rich furniture, and other like things, which are cauſes of great expence to their husbands: hereby alſo it commeth oft to paſſe that huſbands are thought to be wealthier then indeed they are, and ſo greater taxations and charges then they can beare are laid vponupon them for King, Countrey, Church, Poore, and the like.
4. Others, through diſcontent lie long lazing in their beds, 4. By refuſing to helpe.or idly ſit ſtill when they are vp, and will not take any whit the more paines to raiſe vp and increaſe their husbands eſtate: whereby God is prouoked more and more to weaken their eſtates, that ſo he may the more puniſh ſuch pride and lazineſſe in wiues.