Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 5 · Section 1 – Section 8
§. 1. Of the generall Heads of Childrens duties.
EPHES. 6.
1. Children obey your Parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2. Honour thy father and mother (which is the first commandement with promiſe.)
3. That it may be well with thee: and thou maiſt liue long on the earth.
THe ſecond couple in a familie are
Parents.
Children.
In laying downe their duties, the Apoſtle beginneth with children: his direction, and inſtigation vntounto them is laid downe in the three firſt verſes of the ſixt chapter: wherein
1. He declareth their dutie.
2. He addeth reaſons to inforce the ſame.
In laying downe their dutie he noteth three points.
1. Wherein it conſiſteth, (obey, honour.)
2. To whom it is to be performed (your parents.)
3. After what manner it is to be done (in the Lord.)
The reaſons vſed by the Apoſtle are foure.
1. The place of parents (in the Lord.)
2. The aequitie of the thing (this is right.)
3. The charge of God (Honour thy father, &c.)
4. The reward promiſed (That it may goe well, &c.)
VnderUnder this word (obey) which the Apoſtle vſeth, and that word (honour) which the law vſeth, are all thoſe duties compriſed, which any where thorowout the whole Scripture are inioyned to children.
We will therefore ſet them downe in ſome order, and handle them diſtinctly one after another.
1. The Fountaine of childrens duties is to be ſearched out.
2. The Streames that flow from thence are to be obſerued.
The Fountaine is an inward diſpoſition of the heart compounded of louelove and feare.
The Streames iſſuing from thence extend vntounto parents, both while they are liuing, and alſo when they are dead.
| Childrens duties which are to be performed to their parents while they liue, hauehave reſpect to their | Authoritie. |
| Neceſſitie. |
| The Authoritie of parents requireth of children | Reuerence. |
| Obedience. |
Their Neceſſitie requireth Recompence.
| The duties which children owe to their parents deceaſed, reſpect their | Body. |
| Credit. |
Their Body with decency muſt be buried.
Their Credit with honour muſt be maintained.
§. 2. Of Childrens louelove to their Parents.
I make the fountaine of childrens duties to be a mixed and compound diſpoſition, in reſpect of that authoritie and affection which is mixed together in parents. The authoritie of parents requireth feare in children: and their affection, louelove. So intire and ſo ardent is parents affection towards their children, as it would make children too bold and inſolent if there were not authoritie mixed therewith to worke feare: and ſo ſupreme and abſolute is their authoritie ouer them, as it would make children like ſlaues to dread their parents, if a fatherly affection were not tempered therewith to breed louelove. But both theſe ioyned together make a very good compoſition: louelove like ſugar ſweetneth feare, and feare like ſalt ſeaſoneth louelove: and thus, to ioyne them both together, it is a louing-feare, or a fearingloue, which is the ground of childrens duties.
Where Chriſt forbiddeth an exceſſiue louelove in children to Mat. 10. 37.their parents, he implieth that parents are a fit obiect for children to louelove (ſo as their louelove be wel moderated:) yea he implieth that it is an affection euen by nature ingraffed in children to louelove their parents. Ioſeph is commended vntounto children as a worthy patterne in louing his father, and that from his youth till the deceaſe of his father: in teſtimony whereof in his younger yeeres he brought to his father the euill report of his Gen. 37. 2.brethren, whereby he incurred their enuie and hatred, which he would neuer hauehave done, if he had not loued his father: and hauing beene long abſent from his father, when by Gods prouidence there was offered an occaſion for him to meet with his brethren, one of his firſt queſtions to them was about their father: Gen. 43. 7.and hearing that he was liuing, he thought it not enough to ſend him food for his need, but muſt alſo needs ſee his face, Gen. 45. 9.and hauehave him dwell with him: and while his father was in the way he went out to meet him, and at firſt ſight fell on his neck, Gen. 46. 29.and wept a good while (a token of great affection.)
That louelove which naturally parents beare to their children, Reaſons. 1. Equitie.ought in equitie to breed in children a louelove to their parents. For louelove deſerueth louelove: and moſt vnworthy are they to be loued, who cannot louelove againe. The louelove of parents aboue all others is to be anſwered with louelove on childrens part to the vttermoſt of their power, becauſe it is free, great, and conſtant.
Beſides, there is a neceſſitie of louelove in children to their parents, 2 Neceſſitie.leſt for want thereof, their ſubiection (which of all others ought to be moſt free) ſhould turne into ſlauiſh ſeruitude.
This ought children the rather to labour after, becauſe by nature they are nothing ſo prone to louelove their parents, as their parents are to louelove them. LoueLove is weightie, and, as weighty things, it deſcendeth. Children therefore with conſcience of dutie muſt labour to make ſupply of this defect, and helpe nature by grace. I denie not but naturally there is in children a greater louelove to their parents, then to others: yet in compariſon of the heat of parents louelove to them, their louelove to their parents is but cold. Wherfore as the heat of the Sun ſhining much and long on a ſtone wall, draweth a reflection of heat from that wall: ſo the hot beames of parents louelove, which with feruency and conſtancy is caſt on children, ought to prouoke and ſtirre vp children to ſend forth a reflection of louelove on their parents.
Two extreames are contrary to this affection of louelove.
One is want of naturall affection, which is a vice moſt odious foreign. Rom. 1. 30. 2 Tim. 3. 3.and abominable in all, but moſt of all in children. The Apoſtle reckoneth this among the moſt heighnous vices that be.
The other is hatred and deſpight of parents: a vice more then monſtrous, and vnnaturall. From thence commeth mocking and curſing of parents, whereof we ſhall afterwards heare.
§. 3. Of a childes feare of his parent.
To the forenamed dutie of louelove, muſt feare be added, which is a childes awfull reſpect of his parent.
This awfull reſpect ariſeth from an honourable eſteeme which a childe in his iudgement and opinion hath of his parent, as he is his parent; and from it proceedeth on the one ſide, a deſire and indeauour in all things to pleaſe the parent, and on the other ſide a loathneſſe to offend him.
In this reſpect the feare of a childe is oppoſed to the feare of a ſlaue. For a childes feare being mixed with louelove, hath reſpect to the offence which a parent may take; but a ſlaues feare, which is ordinarily mixed with hatred, hath reſpect to nothing but the puniſhment which his maſter may inflict vponupon him. The forenamed feare is ſo proper to children, as that awfull reſpect which the Saints beare to God, is called a *See Treat. 1. §. 4.ſiliall or child-like feare.
This feare in a childe is an eſpeciall branch of that aExo. 20. 12.honour which the law requireth of children to their parents: and it is in bLeu. 19. 3.expreſſe termes inioyned to children by the law. That phraſe which God vſeth of Miriam (cNum. 12. 14. If her father had but ſpit in her face, ſhould ſhe not be aſhamed ſeuen daies?) ſheweth that there ought to be ſuch a feare of the parent in a childes heart, as ſhould worke ſhame in it when the parent is offended.
A worthy patterne we hauehave hereof in dGen. 27. 12.Iaakob, who was loath to gaine the bleſſing with offence of his father.
This feare keepeth louelove in compaſſe: and reſtraineth a childe Reaſons. 1. Feare ordereth louelove.from ouermuch ſaucineſſe, and malipartneſſe.
And it is a cauſe of a childes reuerend and dutifull carriage 2. It well guideth the carriage.to his parent. For as the heart is affected the carriage will be ordered.
Contrary hereunto is that light, or (which is more abomi…nable) Contrary, light and baſe eſteeme of parents.that baſe and vile eſteeme of parents, which is in the heart of many children: eſpecially if parents be poore, of low degree, vnlearned, ignorant, or ſubiect to any infirmities. It cannot be but that cGen. 9. 22.Cham had too light, if not a baſe eſteeme of his father, when he derided him. A true filiall feare would hauehave reſtrained him from that extreme.
Wherefore to breed and cheriſh this feare, and to preuent, How to breed and cheriſh a filiall feare.…r redreſſe the contrary extreme, let children well informe themſelues of their parents place and authoritie, how they are in Gods ſtead, and a meanes vnderunder God of their childrens being: children hauehave receiued their very ſubſtance from the ſub…tance of their parents. In which reſpect though they ſhould …eeme contemptible to others, yet not to their children.
Thus much of a childes inward diſpoſition towards his parent. The manifeſtation thereof muſt be by his outward carriage: and that in two things; Reuerence, and Obedience: both which reſpect a parents authoritie.
§. 4. Of a childes Reuerence in refraining ſpeech before his parent, and in hearkening to his parent.
The outward reuerence which children owe to their pa…nts conſiſteth partly in their ſpeech, partly in their carriage.
Their ſpeech both to and of their parents muſt ſauour reuerence.
To their parents in preſence.
OF their parents in abſence.
| In preſence, by | refraining | their ſpeech. |
| well framing |
| For refraining ſpeech two vertues are requiſite | Silence. |
| Patience. |
| Silence in | forbearing to ſpeake. |
| breaking of ſpeech. Children ought to forbeare ſpeaking in their parents preſence |
Patience in hearkening to their parents.
The two branches of ſilence, in forbearing to ſpeake (eſpe…lly when parents are ſpeaking, or till parents giuegive leaue to their children to ſpeake,) and in breaking off ſpeech, when parents come into the place where children are ſpeaking, are tokens of great reuerence. Thus children teſtifie that there are ſome in place whom they much reſpect and honour. Iob doth thus ſet forth the reſpect which Princes and others did beare to him in his proſperitie, The Princes (ſaith he) refrained Iob. 29. 9, 10.talking, and laid their hand vponupon their mouth, the Nobles held their peace, &c. Namely, while he was in preſence, or while he ſpake. The like may be ſaid of childrens patience in induring Children muſt patiently hearken to their parents ſpeech. Verſ. 25.their parents ſpeech; which Iob alſo noteth in theſe words, VntoUnto me men gaue eare, and waited, and kept ſilence. Though parents in their ſpeech ſeeme to be long and tedious, yet muſt children indure it.
And it is very needfull that patience be added to ſilence, becauſe many parents in tender louelove of their children, and earneſt deſire of their good, thinke they can neuer ſpeake enough in inſtructing and admoniſhing them. The many exhortations Gen. 49. 2. Pro. 1. 8, & 4. 1. & 7. 1.giuen in Scripture vntounto children to heare, hearken, giuegive eare, giuegive heed, marke, and obſerue the words of their parents, doe imply the forenamed ſilence and patience: for they who Iam 1. 19.ought to be ſwift to heare muſt be ſlow to ſpeake. I denie not but much more is intended vnderunder thoſe phraſes, namely, obedience: yet muſt theſe alſo be preſuppoſed: for he that will not in ſilence patiently hearken to his parents while they ſpeake, will much leſſe obey what they ſay.
Contrary to ſilence is ſawcineſſe (as we ſpeake) and ouermuch Contrary, 1. boldneſſe of ſpeech.boldneſſe in children, when, without due reſpect of their parents preſence, they will be prating of this thing or that thing: inſomuch as if ſtrangers ſhould come into the roome where ſuch children are, they would not thinke that their parents were in preſence; or if they knew it, they might well thinke that ſuch children beare little reſpect to their parents.
Contrary to patience in hearing, is fretting and murmuring 2. Impatient hearkening to parents.againſt parents (if at leaſt their ſpeech be any whit long) an… flinging or ſlinking away before they hauehave done. Theſe faults are the greater, if children by their loquacitie, or impatiencie hinder or interrupt their parents ſpeech when they are giuing any admonition or inſtruction: for thus they ſhew both too light a reſpect of their parents: and alſo too little regard of the meanes of their owne good.
§. 5. Of a childes reuerend framing his ſpeech to his parent.
A childes reuerence in well framing his ſpeech to his parents A childs reuerence in ſpeech is manifeſted, 1. By reuerend titles.may many waies be manifeſted, as
1. By giuing vntounto them reuerend and honourable titles. No title can be more honourable then that which is moſt proper and vſuall, Father to the one parent, and Mother to the other. God taketh the title aJer. 31. 9. Gal. 4. 6.Father vntounto himſelfe, as a title of great dignity.
Obiect. This title is ſo proper to God, as *Matt. 23. 9.We are to call none …n earth Father.
Anſw. This is not ſimply to be taken of the title it ſelfe, but of the minde of him that giueth or affecteth that title.
If it be affected or giuen to obſcure Gods Fatherhood, or to make a man a Father of himſelfe without dependance on God, …r reference to him, who is properly the father of all, it is an …mpious and ſacrilegious title. But otherwiſe lawfull and warrantable.
In Scripture the title Father is giuen to all degrees of dignities among men, as to b1 Sam. 24. 12.Kings, c2 Kin. 5. 13.Captaines, and other chiefe Gouernours, to dJudg. 18. 19.Prieſts, e2 King. 6. 21.Prophets, f1 Cor. 4. 15.Apoſtles, and other g1 Tim. 5. 1.Miniſters. In the fift commandement all ſuperiours are compri…ed vnderunder it, therefore Father is a title of great honour: and …y the rule of relation Mother is a title of as great honour to …e female ſex. Religious and dutifull children hauehave euer vſed … giuegive thoſe titles to their parents. My Father, ſaith hGen. 22. 7.Iſaak to Abraham, and i& 27. 18.Iaakob to Iſaak. k1 King. 2. 20.My Mother, ſaith Salomon to …athſheba. I finde alſo the title of lMatt. 21. 30.Sir or Lord, vſed: a title foreign. Gen. 31. 35. foreign…f honour.
2. By vſing few words before their parents: and thoſe few 2. By few words.…ot without iuſt occaſion, being firſt ſpoken to by their pa…nts, or hauing leaue of them, or making knowne to them me needfull matter: at leaſt not againſt their parents liking, as their parents ſhould be offended thereby. And if they …bſerue their parents to be vnwilling to heare them ſpeake any …ore of ſuch and ſuch a matter, then ought they to lay their hands vponupon their mouthes, as Iſaak (Gen. 22. 7.) and Iaakob (Gen. 27. 12.) This is a token of great reſpect.
3. By meeke and humble ſpeeches. Such was the ſpeech of 3. By humble ſpeech.m1 Sam. 19 4.Ionathan the naturall ſonne of Saul, and of n& 24. 10.Dauid his ſon in law, wherewith he was much contented, and his wrath pacified.
4. By obſeruing a fit opportunity: as when parents are not 4 By ſeaſonable ſpeech.ſeriouſly buſied, or in company, or in paſſion. When o1 Sam. 19. 6.Saul was out of paſſion, how well did he accept Ionathans Apologie for Dauid? but p& 20. 30.in his paſſion, how ill did he take it? This wiſe obſeruing of fit opportunity ſheweth great reuerence.
5. By a preſent, ready, willing, pleaſing anſwer, when by 5. By ready anſwers.their parents they ſhall be ſpoken vntounto. Eli was as a father to Samuel: therefore when q1 Sam. 3. 4, 6,Samuel thought that Eli called him, he preſently and readily anſwered, Here am I: and when Eli was inſtant to know what the Lord had ſaid to him, r18.Samuel told him eueryevery whit, and held nothing from him. sMat. 21. 30.The younger ſon (noted in the parable) ſhewed a ſonne-like reuerence in giuing a willing and ready anſwer to his father, though he failed in his obedience, by not performing what he promiſed.
§. 6. Of the vices in children contrary to the forenamed reuerence in ſpeech.
Contrary to thoſe branches of reuerence in ſpeech are,Contrary, 1. Scorning to acknowledge a parent.
1. Pride: when children ſcorne to giuegive the title of Father, or Mother, to their parents. This is the minde of many who hauehave gotten more wealth or honour, then euer their parents had. In publicke eſpecially ſuch children moſt refuſe to giuegive thoſe titles. Salomon was not ſo minded. He being a great king, ſitting vponupon his throne, in ſight and hearing of all his people that were about him, called Bathſheba Mother.1 King. 2. 20.
If children had that regard to the honour of their parents which they ſhould, they being themſelues in places of honour and dignity, would the rather openly call their parents Father and Mother, that they might be knowne to be the father and mother of ſo eminent a perſon.
2. Loquacity, and too much importunity, or rather impudency 2. Too much importunitie.in ſpeech, when children hauing to doe with their parents, can neuer hauehave done (as we ſpeake) but muſt needs v… matters to the very vttermoſt. Many parents are oft much prouoked hereby. It skilleth not that the childe hauehave the right, eſpecially in a matter of no great conſequence. For reuerence ſake the childe muſt forbeare, at leaſt for a time. And if the matter of difference be weighty, as in points of religion, the child muſt either take ſome other opportunity of better informing his parent, or elſe get ſome other wiſe friend to doe it.
3. Stoutneſſe, when children anſwer their parents as if they 3. Stout anſwers. Ne filius cum patre quoquo modo expoſtulet, cum lex interdixit, tum anteleges ipſa natura. Greg. Naz. in ſenten. Matt. 21. 29. Luke 15. 29.were their equals: giuing word for word. It doth as ill become children to anſwer againe, as ſeruants (to whom the Apoſtle hath expreſly forbidden it, Tit. 2. 9.) Both law and nature forbiddeth children to be prouoked hereunto, by any thing that their parents ſay or doe; how great then is their fault who giuegive ſcornefull and ſtout words to their parents when they are no way prouoked, as the elder ſonne noted in the pa…able, and the elder brother of the prodigall childe?
4. Indiſcretion, when children hauehave no reſpect to any time, buſineſſe, or temper, of their parents in ſpeaking to them, and 4. Vnſeaſonable ſpeech. Epheſ. 6. 4.ſo, much prouoke them. It is laid downe as a caueat to parents, that they prouoke not their children to wrath. How much more muſt children obſerue that cauear?
5. Stubborneſſe, when children pout, loure, ſwell, and giuegive 5. Stomachfull ſilence.…o anſwer at all to their parents. This is too common a fault in children, and many parents are much offended and grieued …hereat. We heard *§. 4.before of a childelike ſilence which was …ery commendable, and a token of great reuerence; but this is worthy of much blame, a token of great vndutifulneſſe; and carefully to be avoided, as that to be practiſed.
§. 7. Of childrens reuerend ſpeeches of their parents.
So true and intire ought that reuerend reſpect to be which children beare to their parents, as their ſpeech not only to them …efore their faces, but alſo of them behinde their backes, muſt … ſo framed both for matter and manner, when they hauehave any …caſion to fall into ſpeech of their parents, as all that heare …em may note them to beare a reuererend reſpect to their …rents.Direction for children how to ſpeake of their parents.
As a generall direction for the better performing of this …ty, let children ſpeake nothing of their parents that they would be loath ſhould come to their parents eare. More particularly, let them ſpeake of thoſe things which moſt tend to their commendation, that ſo (as Chriſt ſaid of his father Iohn 8. 49.) they may honour their parents. Let other things be buried in ſilence ſo much as in them lieth. And if others ſpeake of matters diſgracefull to their parents, let them interpret in the better ſenſe things doubtfull, and, ſo farre as they may, extenuate things euident, and ſharply reproue them that ſlander their parents. This is that bleſſing which children owe to their parents, for neglecting whereof the wiſeman taxeth children ſaying, There is a generation that doth not bleſſe their Prou. 30. 11.mother.
Contrary to that kinde of bleſſing is diſcouering of parents Childrens vnreuerend ſpeeches of their parents.infirmities, noted in curſed bGen. 9. 22.Cham, and broaching vntruths of them, noted in impious c2 Sam. 15. 3.Abſolom, and mocking and curſing them dProu. 30. 11.expreſly condemned. The reward whereof is by eLeu. 20. 9.Gods law death: yea a ſhamefull and ignominious death, for the fPro. 30. 17.Rauens of the valley ſhall plucke out his eies, and the young Eagles ſhall eat it: gGen. 40. 19.which phraſe ſetteth forth the end of a notorious malefactor that is hanged.
§. 8. Of a childs reuerend cariage to his parent.
As the ſpeech, ſo the cariage of children towards their parents muſt be ſeaſoned with reuerence: for
1. This is a fruit, and proofe of filiall feare as well as that.
2. Of the two, this is the ſurer euidence: for actions are better ſignes of the diſpoſition of the heart then words.
3. Faire words ioyned with contrary deeds, cannot but be accounted meerely complementall and hypocriticall.
4. Where there is a contrariety betwixt words and deeds, the one will be a witneſſe againſt the other, and that mans condemnation the greater.Childrens reuerence to their parents manifeſted, 1. by meeting them.
Wherefore let all reuerence be manifeſted in childrens behauiour to their parents, and that in theſe and ſuch like inſtances.
1. If a parent be comming to a childe, and the childe obſerue it, let him haſte to meet his parent: ſo did aGen. 46. 29.Ioſeph to his father, and 1 King. 2. 19.Salomon to his mother. Which two examples are the rather to be noted, becauſe both were in eminent place: one a great gouernour, the other a king.
2. Let ſuch child-like obeiſance be performed as becommeth 2. By obeyſance to them.the age and ſex, either in going to, remaining before, or going from a parent: as vncouering the head, bending the knee, bowing the body, ſtanding vp, with the like. The two forenamed eminent perſons, cGen. 48. 12.Ioſeph and d1 King. 2. 19.Solomon, bowed, the one to his father, the other to his mother.
3. Let the countenance, and geſture of the body be ſo ſoberly 3 By well compoſing the countenance.and modeſtly ordered in the preſence of the parent, as may argue due reſpect.
4. Let the vpper place, and hand be giuen to parents: and 4. By giuing the vpper hand.if occaſionally a childe be aboue his parent, let him come below him. For that is a manifeſt token of inferiority and ſubiection. What maketh men to ſtriue for the vpper hand, but becauſe they would be accounted better then thoſe with whom they ſtriue? But that ought not to be the minde of children to their parents.
Queſt. What if children be in eſtate more wealthy, or honourable then their parents, are they then to giuegive the hand to them?
Anſw. No honour is comparable to the dignity of fatherhood: it giueth a greater eminency to the parent ouer his childe, then any other honour can to the childe ouer his parent. I grant that a childe may by ſome office, and outward dignity be ſo aduanced aboue his father, as other men may more honour and reuerence the childe, and giuegive the vpper place to him: and for order ſake the childe may and ought to take it in company: but when they are alone, the childe muſt rather reuerence the father.
5. According to the cuſtome of the time and place wherein 5. By asking bleſſing.they liue, let children aske their parents bleſſing.