Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 3 · Section 51 – Section 56
§. 51. Of *Treat. 4. §. 26.caſes wherein a wife ought not to forbeare what her husband forbiddeth.
So much of the diſtinct branches of a wiues ſubiection. The limitation and manner of performing it next followeth.
To know the limitation of a wiues obedience, and the manner how ſhe ought to yeeld ſubiection vntounto her husband, two things muſt be conſidered:
1. The place of an husband.
2. The place of a wife.
The husbands place is noted in this phraſe, as to the Lord: Eph. 5. 22.whereby is ſhewed that the husband euen by vertue of his place is to his wife in Chriſts ſtead: which is further more plainly laid downe in theſe words following, the husband is Verſ. 23.the head of the wife, as Chriſt is the head of the Church.
The wiues place is intimated in theſe words, as the Church Verſ. 24.is ſubiect vntounto Chriſt, ſo let wiues be to their owne husbands: whereby it is cleere that the obedience which a wife performeth to her husband muſt be ſuch an obedience as the Church performeth to Chriſt.
From the place of an husband, I gather this generall ground concerning a wiues ſubiection, that
Subiection muſt be yeelded to the husband as to Chriſt, whence will follow two concluſions, one negatiue, which is this,
The wife muſt yeeld no other ſubiection to her husband then what may ſtand with her ſubiection to Chriſt.
The other affirmatiue, which is this,
The wife muſt ſubiect her ſelfe to her husband in that manner that ſhe would or ſhould ſubiect her ſelfe to Chriſt.
The former is a neceſſary condition required of all inferiours in their ſubiection, and obedience (as I ſhewed *Treat. 1. §. 6.before) much more in a wiues ſubiection to her husband, becauſe there is of all vnequals *See §. 4. of this Treat.the leaſt diſparity betwixt husbands and wiues.
Hence for our preſent purpoſe, I gather theſe two other more particular concluſions, The firſt whereof is this,
1. If God expreſly command the wife any duty, and her huſband will not by any meanes giuegive conſent that ſhe ſhall doe it, but forbid her, ſhe may and ought to doe it without, or againſt his conſent.
Two cautions are warily to be obſerued about this concluſion:2. Cautions for limiting a wiues perſiſting to doe that which her husband forbids.
1. That the wife be ſure that God hath commanded her that which ſhe doth without or againſt her husbands conſent. If ſhe doubt, then ſhe muſt ſtay, and for beare till ſhe gaine his conſent. When two oppoſite caſes meet together, and the one be doubtfull, the other plaine and expreſſe: the doubtfull caſe muſt giuegive place to the more euident. Now the law of ſubiection is indefinite, thy deſire ſhall be ſubiect to thine huſband; Gen 3 16.the extent of it is generall, in eueryevery thing; the only reſeruation and exception is in the Lord; wherefore if the wife be not ſure that that which her husband forbiddeth her is againſt the Lord, ſhe muſt forbeare to doe it.
The ſecond caution is that ſhe vſe all good meanes ſhe can to gaine her husbands conſent, before ſhe doe, euen that which is commanded, againſt his conſent. Thus ſhall ſhe teſtifie her ſubiection both to God and her husband. To God, in that nothing can keepe her from doing his expreſſe commandement: ſhe will rather offend her husband then God, when one of them muſt needs be offended. To her husband, in that ſhe putteth it to the vttermoſt puſh, and vſeth all the meanes ſhe can to auoid his offence, in ſo much as he himſelfe might ſee (if the god of this world blinded not his eies) that the offence is no way giuen on her part, but meerely taken on his.
For proofe of this, it is without all contradiction true, that the wife is not bound to greater ſubiection vntounto her huſband then the ſubiect is vntounto the magiſtrate: but a ſubiect ought not to forbeare a bounden duty commanded of God, becauſe his gouernour forbids him. Inſtance the example of Daniel, Dan. 6. 7, &c.who daily made his praiers to God, though the King had made a ſolemne decree that none ſhould aske any petition of God or man within thirty daies but of the king. Inſtance alſo the Apoſtles, Act. 4. 18, &c.who preached the Goſpel, thogh they were expreſly forbiddē.
Though the Scripture be plentifull in affording examples of wiues ſubiection, yet it is very ſparing in recording examples of thoſe who in ſuch warrantable caſes refuſed to be ſubiect, leſt wiues from thence ſhould take too great liberty.
Some are recorded, but ſuch as are either extraordinary, or not eueryevery way inſtifiable. Abigails example was extraordinary, 1 Sam. 25. 18.and therfore not imitable but in ſuch like extraordinary caſes.
The example of Rebekah, which may ſeeme ſomewhat more Gen. 27. 6.pertinent, is not eueryevery way to be iuſtified. For though the thing which ſhe intended were for the ſubſtance of it very good, and ought to hauehave beene done, namely the bleſſing of Iaakob, (for God foreſhewed that the bleſſing appertained to Iaakob, in that he ſaid, The elder ſhall ſerue the younger) yet Gen. 25. 23.becauſe ſhe put not her husband in minde of Gods word, nor laboured to perſwade him to fulfill the ſame, but went about the matter deceitfully, ſhe cannot therein be iuſtified. But in the generall this example ſheweth that Gods word muſt be yeelded vntounto rather then an husbands will.
For better application of this point I will lay downe ſome particular inſtances agreeable to Gods word. Suppoſe a wife well inſtructed in the true religion be maried to an idolatrous or profane husband, and he without any iuſt cauſe forbid her to goe to the Church, eſpecially on the Lords daies, to pray in Engliſh, to read the word, to teach her children the principles of religion, to reſtore that which ſhe hath vniuſtly and fraudulently gotten, with the like, ſhe may, and muſt doe them notwithſtanding.
Obiect. Why may not giuing of almes be reckoned among theſe?
Anſw. 1. Becauſe the husband hath a greater power ouer the goods, then ouer theſe things.
2. Becauſe almes-giuing is not ſimply commanded to all, but to ſuch as hauehave wherewithall to giuegive: but theſe things are ſimply commanded to all.
§. 52. Of caſes wherein a wife ought to forbeare what her husband requireth.
The other particular concluſion is this, that
If an husband require his wife to doe that which God hath forbidden ſhe ought not to doe it.
Two cautions like the former are likewiſe to be obſerued 2. Cautions for limiting a wiues refuſing to doe that which her husband commands.about this point.
Firſt, that ſhe be ſure (being truly informed by Gods word) that that which ſhe refuſeth to doe at her husbands command, is forbidden by God.
Secondly, that ſhe firſt labour with all meekeneſſe and by all good meanes that ſhe can to diſſwade her husband from vrging and preſſing that vponupon her, which with a good conſcience ſhe cannot doe.
A like proofe may be brought for this as was for the former: for we know that a wife is not bound vntounto greater ſubiection to her husband then a ſonne is vntounto a father: but a ſonne may in the caſe propounded forbeare to doe that which his father requireth and commandeth him to doe: inſtance the approued example of Ionathan, who refuſed to bring Dauid 1 Sam. 20. 31.vntounto Saul to be ſlaine, though his father commanded him ſo to doe. I might alſo inſtance the ſame in Sauls ſubiects and 1 Sam. 22. 17.ſeruants, who refuſed to ſlay the Prieſts of the Lord at his command. Though an husband be not reckoned in particular among thoſe to whom we are forbidden to hearken if they Deut. 13. 6.intice vsus to idolatry, yet by the rule of relation he is implied, and by iuſt conſequence gathered from this clauſe, thy friend which is as thine owne ſoule; for who ſo deare as an husband?
To exemplifie this in ſome particulars as I did the former, If an husband ſhall command his wife to goe to Maſſe, to a ſtage play, to play at dice, to proſtitute her body to vncleannes, to goe gariſhly and whoriſhly attired, to ſell by ſcant weights, ſhort meaſures, or the like, ſhe ought not to doe ſo.
§. 53. Of wiues faults in ſhewing more reſpect to their huſbands then to God.
Contrary to this limitation is on the one ſide a fawning flattering diſpoſition of ſuch wiues as ſeeke to pleaſe their husbands, ſo as they care not to diſpleaſe God, (Iezabel was ſuch an one; to pleaſe her husband moſt lewdly ſhe did 1 Ki. 21. 7. &c.practiſe Naboths death) and on the other ſide a fainting timorous heart which maketh them feare their husbands more then they feare God. Good Sarah, that worthy preſident of Gen. 12. 13. &c.good wiues in other things, ſomewhat failed herein. Did wiues duly conſider, and alwaies remember that they hauehave an husband (namely Chriſt) in heauen, as well as on earth, and that there is greater difference betwixt that and this husband, then betwixt heauen and earth, and that both in giuing reward, and taking reuenge, there is no compariſon betwixt them, their care of pleaſing, or their feare of offending their husband in heauen would be much more then of pleaſing, or offending their husband on earth: if any thing were commanded or forbidden them by their husbands on earth againſt Chriſt, they would ſay, If I doe this, or forbeare that, I ſhould worke falſhood againſt mine owne ſoule; for nothing can be hid from mine husband in heauen: yea I ſhould herein obey Satan, rather then God.
§. 54. Of the manner of a wiues ſubiection to her husband.
The ſecond generall concluſion concerning the manner of a wiues ſubiection, which was gathered from the place of an husband, was this, that
The wife muſt ſubiect her ſelfe to her husband in that manner, that ſhe would or ſhould ſubiect her ſelfe to Chriſt. The particle As in this clauſe (as vntounto the Lord) importeth ſo much.
This verie concluſion is alſo inferred out of the place of a wife: In the ſame place that the Church is to Chriſt, a wife is to an husband: therefore ſuch ſubiection as the Church yeeldeth to Chriſt, muſt a wife yeeld to her husband; which the verie words of the Apoſtle doe expreſly affirme. Now we Epheſ. 5. 24.know that euerie Chriſtian wife in her particular ought to yeeld that obedience to Chriſt which the Church in generall doth: therefore alſo ſhe muſt yeeld ſuch ſubiection to her huſband as ſhe ſhould to Chriſt.
Queſt. *See §. 5. of this Treatiſe.What if an husband be an enemie of Chriſt? muſt ſuch ſubiection be yeelded to an enemie of Chriſt as to Chriſt himſelfe?
Anſw. Yea: becauſe in his office he is in Chriſts ſtead, though in his heart an enemie. In this caſe will the wiſdome, patience, and obedience of a wife be beſt tried. It is noted of the Church, that ſhe is a Lilly among thornes. She remaineth Cant. 2. 2.Lilly-like, white, ſoft, pleaſant, amiable, though ſhe be ioyned with thornes, which are ſcraggie, prickly, ſharpe: ſo a wife muſt be milde, meeke, gentle, obedient, though ſhe be matched with a crooked, peruerſe, profane, wicked husband: thus ſhall her vertue and grace ſhine forth the more clearely, euen as the ſtars ſhine forth moſt brightly in the darkeſt night. Among wiues Abigail deſerueth great praiſe, that forgot not her dutie, though ſhe were maried to a churliſh, couetous, drunken ſot, a verie Nabal in name and deed. As for thoſe who take occaſion from the wickedneſſe of their husbands to neglect their dutie, they adde to their croſſe a curſe: for a croſſe it is to hauehave a bad husband, but to be a bad wife is a ſinne, which pulleth downe a curſe. Let wiues therefore remoue their eyes from the diſpoſition of their husbands perſon, to the condition of his place: and by vertue thereof, ſeeing he beareth Chriſts image, be ſubiect to him as vntounto Chriſt.
This generall concluſion might be applied to the matter of ſubiection as well as to the manner, for the Church acknowledgeth Chriſt her ſuperiour, feareth him inwardly, reuerenceth him outwardly, obeyeth him alſo both by forbearing to doe what he forbiddeth, and alſo by doing what he commandeth, which points hauing beene before diſtinctly and largely handled and applied to wiues, I will not repeat them againe. Wherefore now to inſiſt in the manner only, there are foure Foure graces needfull to ſeaſon a wiues ſubiection.vertues which are eſpecially needfull hereunto, whereby the Church ſeaſoneth her ſubiection to Chriſt, and wiues alſo may and muſt ſeaſon their ſubiection to their husbands.
Theſe are the foure,
1. Humilitie, 2. Sinceritie, 3. Cheerefulneſſe, 4. Conſtancie.
§. 55. Of wiues *Treat 4. §. 15.humilitie in eueryevery duty.
Humility is that grace that keepes one from thinking highly of himſelfe aboue that which is meet: and in regard of that meane conceit which he hath of himſelfe maketh him thinke reuerendly, and highly of others: ſo as if humility be placed in a wiues heart, it will make her thinke better of her husband then of her ſelfe, and ſo make her the more willing to yeeld all ſubiection vntounto him. The Apoſtle requireth it of all Phil. 2. 3. Epheſ. 4. 2.Chriſtians as a generall ſawce to ſeaſon all other duties: but after a peculiar maner is it needfull for inferiours: moſt of all for wiues, becauſe there are *See before §. 4.many prerogatiues appertaining to their place, which may ſoone make them thinke they ought not to be ſubiect, vnleſſe they be humbly minded. That the Church doth herewith ſeaſon her ſubiection, is cleare by the booke of Canticles, where oft ſhe acknowledgeth her owne meanneſſe, and the excellency of her ſpouſe.
Therefore as the Church is humbly ſubiect to Chriſt, ſo let wiues be to their husbands.
§. 56. Of wiues pride.
Contrary is pride, which puffeth vp wiues, & maketh them thinke there is no reaſon they ſhould be ſubiect to husbands, they can rule themſelues well enough, yea and rule their huſbands too, as well as their husbands rule them. No more peſtilent vice for an inferiour, then this: it is the cauſe of all rebellion, diſobedience, & diſloyalty: only by pride, commeth contention.Pro. 13. 10.