An Experimental Index of the Heart 2, Section 27 – Section 28
AN Experimental INDEX of the HEART: OR, SELF-KNOWLEDGE.
In which (As in a Looking-glaſſe) the civilleſt of men may ſee what need they have of a Redeemer; and that it moſt deeply concerns them with all ſpeed, to ſue out their pardon in Chriſt, and to rely wholly and only upon Free-grace, for pardon and Salvation; except they prefer an everlaſting furnace of fire and brimſtone in Hell, before an eternal weight of ſuperabundant glory in Heaven, as all (moſt ſottiſhly) do, that by ſinne and Satan are bewitched.
Drawn up and publiſhed for the good of all, By R. Younge of Roxwell in Eſſex, Florilegus.
Add this as a Third Part to the Trial of true Wiſdom, and thoſe Three Fundamental Principles of Chriſtian Religion, Intituled, A ſhort and ſure Way to Grace and Salvation.
Sect. XXVII.
A Looſe Libertine, meeting with his Friend that had lately been a Formal Chriſtian; he greets him as followeth:
SIR, methinks I have obſerved in you a ſtrange alteration, ſince our laſt meeting at Middleburrough: not only in your behaviour, company, and converſe; but even in your countenance: What is the matter, if I may be ſo bold?
Convert.
Truly Sir, you are not at all miſtaken, nor am I unwilling to acquaint you with the cauſe; if you can affoard to hear it.
Soon after my return into England, I was carried by a Friend to hear a Sermon: where the Miniſter ſo repreſented the very thoughts, ſecrets, and deceitfulneſſe of my heart unto my conſcience; that I could not but ſay of him, as the woman of Samaria once ſpake of our Saviour: He hath told me all things that ever I did. Which made me conclude with that Ʋnbeliever, 1 Cor. 14.24, 25. That God was in him of a truth: nor could he ever have ſo done, if he were not of God. As the young man in the Gospel reaſoned with the Phariſees, touching Jeſus when he had opened his eyes, that had been blind from his birth, Joh. 9.32, 33. Whereupon I could have no peace nor reſt, untill I had further communed with him about my eſtate; for I found my ſelf in a loſt condition touching Eternity: It faring with me as it did with thoſe Jews, Act. 2. when Peter by his ſearching Sermon, had convinced them, that Chriſt, whom they had by wicked hands crucified and ſlain, was the only Son of God, and Lord of glory, ver. 36, 37. And having had the happineſſe to enjoy the benefit of his ſage advice as I ſtood in need thereof; (God having given him the tongue of the learned, to adminiſter a word is ſeaſon to them that are weary, Iſa 50.4.) I bleſſe God, his Word and Spirit hath wrought in me ſuch a change and ſtrange alteration, that it hath opened mine eyes that were blind before, inclined my will to obedience, which before was rebellious, ſoftened my heart, ſanctified and quite changed my affections: ſo that I now love that good which before I hated, and hate that evil which before I loved; and am delighted with thoſe holy exerciſes, which heretofore did moſt displeaſe me; and am displeaſed with thoſe vain pleaſures and filthy ſins which in times paſt did moſt delight me. Which is ſuch a mercy, that no tongue is able to expreſſe! For till that hour I went on in the broad way, and worlds road to deſtruction, without any miſtruſt; whereas now God hath been pleaſed to take me into his Kingdom of grace here, and will never leave me, untill he hath brought me to his Kingdom of glory hereafter.
Looſe Libertine.
What you ſpeak makes me wonder: for I ever held you the compleateſt man of my acquaintance; juſt in all your dealings, temperate and civil in your deportment; yea, I have never ſeen you exceed in the leaſt, or heard you ſwear an Oath, except faith and troth, and that very rarely. Beſides, you have been a good Proteſtant, and gone to Church all your daies.
Convert.
What you ſpeak, none that know me, can contradict; nor could they ever accuſe me of any ſcandalous crime, or unjuſt act. Yea, I had the ſame thoughts of my ſelf; and ſhould any one have told me formerly, that I was ſuch a great ſinner, ſuch a Devil Incarnate as I was! I ſhould have replied as Hazael did to the Prophet, (telling him of the abominable wickedneſſe he would e're long commit) What am I a dog, &c. 2 Kings 8.12, 13. And no wonder, for as every man in his natural condition, is ſtark blind to ſpiritual objects, 1 Cor. 2.14. ſo the heart of man is deceitfull above all things: even ſo deceitfull, that none but God alone can know it, as the Prophet ſhews, Jer. 17.10. But becauſe this is a truth that tranſcends your belief, and becauſe it may be of ſingular uſe to you alſo, to know the ſame: I will give you a ſhort character of my former condition; the which done, I doubt not but you will aſſent unto what I have hitherto ſaid, or ſhall further relate.
Sect. XXVIII.
Firſt, Touching my knowledg, (I mean ſaving knowledg, without which the ſoul cannot be good, us wiſe Solomon witneſſeth, Prov. 19.2.) It was ſuch, (though I thought my ſelf wiſer than to make ſcruple of, or perplex my ſelf about matters of Religion, as do the Religious: even as the King of Tyrus thought himſelf wiſer than Daniel, Ezek. 28.3.) that ſpiritual things were moſtly repreſented to my underſtanding falſe, and clean contrary to what they are indeed. Like corporal things in a Looking-glaſs, wherein thoſe that are on the right hand ſeem to be on the left, and thoſe that are on the left hand ſeem to be on the right. As it fared with Saint Paul, while he was in his natural condition, Act. 26.9. which made me think and call evil, good; and good, evil; bitter, ſweet, and ſweet bitter; to juſtifie the wick…d, & condemn the juſt, as the Prophet complains, Iſa. 5.20, 23.
As for inſtance, I moſt ſottiſhly thought, that I both loved, and ſerved God as I ought; yea, I ſhould have taken it in ſoul ſcorn, if any one had queſtioned the ſame: when indeed I was a Traitor to God, and took up arms againſt all that worſhipped him in Spirit and in truth. I was ſo far from loving and ſerving him, that I hated thoſe that did it; and that for their ſo doing; I could alſo hear him blaſphemed, reproached, and diſhonoured, without being once ſtirred, or moved at it. I loved him dearly; but I could never affoard to ſpeak a word for him; and likewiſe his Children intirely, but inſtead of juſtifiing them, or ſpeaking in their defence, when I heard them ſcoft, ſcorned and abuſed by wicked and ungodly men; all my delight was to jeer at ſlight and ſlander them where ever I came: I more feared the Magiſtrate, than I feared God; and more regarded the blaſts of mens breath, than the fire of Gods wrath. I choſe rather to diſobey God, than to diſpleaſe great ones; and feared more the worlds ſcorns, then his anger.
And the like of Chriſt that died for me; a ſtrong argument that I loved Chriſt, when I hated all that reſembled him in holineſſe. Yea, I ſo hated holineſſe, that I moſt bitterly hated men for being holy: inſomuch that my blood would riſe at the ſight of a good man, as ſome ſtomachs will riſe an the ſight of ſweet-meats. I was a Chriſtian in name, but I could ſcoff at a Chriſtian indeed; I could honour the dead Saints in a formal profeſſion; while I worried the living Saints in a cruel perſecution. I condemned all for Roundheads, that had more Religion than a Heathen, or knowledg of heavenly things, than a child in the womb hath of the things of this life; or conſcience than an Atheiſt; or care of his ſoul, than a Beaſt. I had alwaies the baſeſt thoughts of the beſt men: making ill conſtructions of whatſoever they did or ſpake: as the Scribes and Phariſees dealt by our Saviour.