A Christian Library, Section 34
Sect. XXXIV.
Loose Libertine. If this hath been your case, no wonder it hath startled you; for to deal plainly with you, as you have done with me; what I have heard from you, makes me also tremble. For is such honest moral men, that live so unreprovably, as you had done, go not to heaven; what will become of me? that have been openly prophane, and notoriously wicked all my time? Yea, it contented me not to do wickedly my self, and so damne my own soul: but I have been the occasion of drawing hundreds to Hell with me, by seducing some, and giving ill example to others, (the infection of sin, being much worse than the act.) As how many have I drawn to be Drunkards, and swearers, and whoremongers, and prophane persons? insomuch, that the blood of so many souls as I have drawn away, will be required at my hands. Yea, my life hath been so debauched and licentious, that I have brought a scandal upon the Gospel, and made it odious to the very Turks and Infidels, Rom. 2.24.
Convert. Alass! what I did that was morally good, or what evil I refrained, was more for self-ends, or more for fear of mens Laws, than for love of Christs Gospel. True, I went under the notion of an honest man, and a good Christian: I was baptized into the faith, and made a member of Christs vivisible Church: but I was so far from indeavouring to perform, what I then promised, that in effect I even renounced both Christ, and my Baptism, in persecuting him, and all that sincerely professed his Name; thinking I did God good service therein, Ioh. 16.2. Gal. 1.13, 14. Phil. 3.6. Nor was it for want of ignorance, that you thought so of me: for by nature (be we never so milde and gentle) we are all the seed of the Serpent, Gen. 3.15. and children of the Devil, Ioh. 8.44. Yea, the very best moral man is but a tame Devil, as Athanasius well notes. But it is a true proverb, the blind eat many a flie; and all colours are alike to him that is in the dark.
Loose Libertine. So much the worse is my condition: for my conscience tells me, there is not a word you have spoken of your self, but I can justly apply the same unto my own soul, and a great deal more. For whereas you have been a moral honest man; so that none except your self, could tax you for breaking either Gods Law, or mans: I have been so wicked and prophane, that I could most presumptuosly, and of set purpose, take a pride in my wickednesse, commit it with greedinesse, speak for it, defend it, joy in it, boast of it, tempt and inforce to it; yea, mock them that disliked it. As if I would send challenges into Heaven, and make love to destruction; and yet did applaud my self, and prefer my own condition before other mens: saying, I was no dissembler; yea, I hated the hypocrisie of Professors: I do not justifie my self, and despise others, like the Puritanes: I am not factious, schismatical, singular, censorious, &c. I am not rebellious, nor contentious like the Brownists, and Anabaptists. I am a good fellow, and love an honest man with my heart, &c. and as touching a good conscience, I was never troubled in mind, as many scrupulous fools are. I have a good heart, and mean as well as the precisest. But now I see the Devil and my own deceitfull heart deluded me so, that my whole life hitherto, hath been but a dream, and that like a blind man, I was running headlong to Hell, when yet I thought my self in the way to Heaven. Just as if a beggar should dream, that he were a King, or a… if a traitor should dream of his being crowned, when indeed he was to be beheaded; the case of Laodicea, Rev. 3.17. the young man in the Gospel, Luk. 18.20, 21. and that Pharisee, spoken of Luk. 18.11, 12.