A Christian Library, Section 27 – Section 28
Sect. XXVII.
A Loose Libertine, meeting with his Friend that had lately been a Formal Christian; he greets him as followeth:
SIR, methinks I have observed in you a strange alteration, since our last meeting at Middleburrough: not only in your behaviour, company, and converse; but even in your countenance: What is the matter, if I may be so bold?
Convert. Truly Sir, you are not at all mistaken, nor am I unwilling to acquaint you with the cause; if you can affoard to hear it.
Soon after my return into England, I was carried by a Friend to hear a Sermon: where the Minister so represented the very thoughts, secrets, and deceitfulnesse of my heart unto my conscience; that I could not but say of him, as the woman of Samaria once spake of our Saviour: He hath told me all things that ever I did. Which made me conclude with that Vnbeliever, 1 Cor. 14 24, 25. That God was in him of a truth: nor could he ever have so done, if he were not of God. As the young man in the Gospel reasoned with the Pharisees, touching Iesus when he had opened his eyes, that had been blind from his birth, Joh. 9.32, 33. Whereupon I could have no peace nor r…st, untill I had further communed with him about my estate; for I found my self in a lost condition touching Eternity: It faring with me as it did wi…h those Iews, Act. 2. when Peter by his searching Sermon, had convinced them, that Christ, whom they had by wicked hands crucified and slain, was the only Son of God, and Lord of glory, ver. 36, 37. And having had the happinesse to enjoy the benefit of his sage advice as I stood in need thereof; (God having given him the tongue of the learned, to administer a word in season to them that are weary, Isa 50.4.) I blesse God, his Word and Spirit hath wrought in me such a change and strange alteration, that it hath opened mine eyes that were blind before, inclined my will to obedience, which before was rebellious, softened my heart, sanctified and quite changed my affections: so that I now love that good which before I hated, and hate that evil which before I loved; and am delighted with those holy exercises ▪ which heretofore did most displease me; and am displeased with those vain pleasures and filthy sins which in times past did most delight me. Which is such a mercy, that no tongue is able to expresse! For till that hour I went on in the broad way, and worlds road to destruction, without any mistrust; whereas now God hath been pleased to take me into his Kingdom of grace here, and will never leave me, untill he hath brought me to his Kingdom of glory hereafter.
Loose Libertine. What you speak makes me wonder: for I ever held you the compleatest man of my acquaintance; just in all your dealings, temperate and civil in your deportment; yea, I have never seen you exceed in the least, or heard you swear an Oath, except faith and troth, and that very rarely. Besides, you have been a good Protestant, and gone to Church all your daies.
Convert. What you speak, none that know me, can contradict; nor could they ever accuse me of any scandalous crime, or unjust act. Yea, I had the same thoughts of my self; and should any one have told me formerly, that I was such a great sinner, such a Devil Incarnate as I was! I should have replied as Hazael did to the Prophet, (telling him of the abominable wickednesse he would e're long commit) What am I a dog, &c. 2 Kings 8.12, 13. And no wonder, for as every man in his natural condition, is stark blind to spiritual objects, 1 Cor. 2.14. so the heart of man is deceitfull above all things: even so deceitfull, that none but God alone can know it, as the Prophet shews, Ier. 17.10. But because this is a truth that transcends your belief, and because it may be of singular use to you also, to know the same: I will give you a short character of my former condition; the which done, I doubt not but you will assent unto what I have hitherto said, or shall further relate.
Sect. XXVIII.
First, Touching my knowledg, (I mean saving knowledg, withou… which the soul cannot be good, as wise Solomon witnesseth, Prov. 19.2.… it was such, (though I thought my self wiser than to make scruple of, o… perplex my self about matters of Religion, as do the Religious: even as th… King of Tyrus thought himself wiser than Daniel, Ezek. 28.3.) that spiri…tual things were mostly represented to my understanding false, and clea… contrary to what they are indeed. Like corporal things in a Looking-glass wherein those that are on the right hand seem to be on the left, and thos… that are on the left hand seem to be on the right. As it fared with Sain… Paul, while he was in his natural condition, Act. 26.9. which made m… think and call evil, good; and good, evil; bitter, sweet, and sweet bitter; t… justifie the wicked, & condemn the just, as the Prophet complains, Isa. 5.20, 23…
As for instance, I most sottishly thought, that I both loved, and serve… God as I ought; yea, I should have taken it in foul scorn, if any one ha… questioned the same: when indeed I was a Traitor to God, and took … arms against all that worshipped him in Spirit and in truth. I was so far fro… loving and serving him, that I hated those that did it; and that for thei… so doing; I could also hear him blasphemed, reproached, and dishonoured without being once stirred, or moved at it. I loved him dearly, but could never affoard to speak a word for him; and likewise his Childre… intirely, but instead of justifiing them, or speaking in their defence, when heard them scoft, scorned and abused by wicked and ungodly men; all m… delight was to jeer at, slight and slander them where ever I came. I mor… feared the Magistrate, than I feared God; and more regarded the blasts o… mens breath, than the fire of Gods wrath. I chose rather to disobey God, tha… to displease great ones; and feared more the worlds scorns, then his anger.
And the like of Christ that died for me; a strong argument that I love… Christ, when I hated all that resembled him in holinesse. Yea, I so hated holinesse, that I most bitterly hated men for being holy: insomuch that my blood would rise at the sight of a good man, as some stomachs will rise a… the sight of sweet-meats. I was a Christian in name, but I could scoff at Christian indeed; I could honour the dead Saints in a formal pro…ession… while I worried the living Saints in a cruel persecution. I condemned all for Roundheads, that had more Religion than a Heathen, or knowledg o… heavenly things, than a child in the womb hath of the things of this life; o… conscience than an Atheist; or care of his soul, than a Beast. I had alwaies the basest thoughts of the best men: making ill constructions of whatsoever they did or spake: as the Scribes and Pharisees dealt by our Saviour ▪