A Sons Patrimony and Daughters Portion, Part 1 · Chapter 2
CHAP. II.
Childhood and youth how neglected by Parents, though their ſeed-time: The maine buſineſſe therein two-fold.
I Suppoſe now; This Infancy, this harmleſſe Annis adhuc innocentibus Min. Fel. p 1. & Tert. Simplices Annos. Hilar. Inſontem inſantiam. Cyp. Innocent…m aetatulam. Prud. Simplicem turbam. Martial.innocentage, as ſome have called it, in the ſimplicitie of their hearts, and in reference to the next age, wherein our hereditary evill more declares it ſelfe, and is more Active and ſtirring; this I ſay, I ſuppoſe paſſed over. And as one Age paſſeth, ſo another ſucceedeth, none ſtayeth. Child-hood and youth come next into the place thereof. I put them together, becauſe they differ but in ſome degree of heat. And they agree, becauſe what may be ſaid of each (which is but little) agrees to both; and that is, That the childes eare (as we ſay of the horſe, his aEqui fraenati eſt auris in ore. Hor.eare is in his ſnafflle) is in his governours hand, as he holds the Ch. 2. ſect. 2, 3reines, ſo it goes; or as he lets them looſe, ſo it runs, like a wilde Colt that hath caſt his Rider. And for the Youth, it knowes …o other Law, but the Law in his members, leading him captive to the Law of ſinne. So we may know theſe Ages to be more unhappy, and leſſe innocent then the former Age, for ſo the uſuall ſaying is, and we finde ours, as we were, unhappy children, it is not to be doubted. So I am ſlipt into another Age, and what is the juſt period and limit thereof, I cannot define.
The time of Child-hood and Youth, is much as the Parents can time the beginnings, as was ſaid: As they order and handle the childe, ſo they ſhall finde it. As it is diſciplined, it may quickly and ſeaſonably, with Gods bleſſing, outgrow Childiſhneſſe, and then, Child-hood; and as it may be neglected, you may know that by its Childiſhneſſe, it is a Boy ſtill. So the limits of this age, I count, are in the Parents hand; according as their care is, more or leſſe, according will this time of child hood be, longer or ſhorter. It matters much therefore how the childe is diſciplin'd, and taught.
2. Here then is worke for the Father alſo, whom we have not hitherto exempted; and for the Mother, no leſſe worke then ſhe had before. Father and Mother both little enough, and, for the fathers ſpare houres, a full employment; but none more neceſſary, or whereunto he can be more engaged. The childe is now out of hand, as we ſay, and quickly out of ſight, and as buſie as an Ant in the Summer, but it is not out of minde; The Mother is quickly calling after it, and ſeeking for it, for ſhe knows the childe will be in harmes-way; for though it be a little more out of the Mothers hand, it was never leſſe in its own.
3. I cannot queſtion the Parents care concerning the childes out-ſide, the body; and there care doth well, but there may be too much, and prepoſterous that care may be, and inordinate. We adorne the out-ſide commonly (ſaith Clem. of Alexandria) as the Egyptians their Temples, outwardly Paed. 3. cap. 2.very ſpecious and beautifull; but if you looke inward, Ch. 2. ſect. 3.there was an ugly beaſt: ſo we adorne the body, when the ſoul, the All of a man, is neglected. The ſoul calls for its due alſo; we cloth the childes body, the ſoul ſhould not be naked; we feed the body and cheriſh it; the ſoul ſhould be cared for and cheriſhed alſo, and in the chiefe place; for the ſoul is the cauſe that the body is regarded: ſuppoſe the ſoul taken from the body but one houre, and how loth are we to caſt an eye toward the body, which before was ſo lovely in our eye. A great reaſon this (though there is a greater then that, as the preciouſneſſe of the ſoul, and the price was paid for it) why the ſoul ſhould be regarded, and in the firſt place. All is then, what the Parents care is, concerning that which is the man indeed; And therein the care is commonly too little, no way anſwerable to the hopes they have of their childe. They will ſay yes; They intend the childes good, nothing more; and the way they intend alſo conducing thereunto. But what ever they ſay, it muſt appeare by what they do; for good intents are no better then good dreames, except they be put in execution. So their care is upon tryall; what they do, in way of promoting the childes good, muſt evidence it as the ſureſt witneſſe.
Now that the childe can go and ſpeake, it can imploy its minde and body; now the faculties of both are awakened, and declare themſelves; Now muſt the Parents be doing, if they will evidence their care; and they muſt conſider well what they do. The childe imitates ſtrangely, it is taken, like an Ape, wholly by example. The Parents practiſe (I meane the Parent at large, him or her that hath the overſight of it) is the childes booke, it learnes by it, ſo it ſpeaks, ſo it heares, it is faſhioned after it; it is chatechized by it; It is its Schoole, and the Church. The Parents houſe muſt promote the childe in point of information, more then can Schoole or Church, though well provided in both; yet Parents be too ready to referre all thither, and ſo put all off from themſelves.
Aſſuredly, it is the cauſe of much miſchiefe and ſorrow in the world, that the parents think themſelves diſcharged Ch. 1. ſect. 3.of their duty towards their childe, when they have charged the School with it. Yet thus it is commonly, for ſo experience tels us, which is the Oracle of Time, and makes all wiſe, that obſerve it. The mother thinks that the School muſt …ook to the waſhing her childs hands, putting on the girdle, its attendance at the table, and his manners there, and if there be any other faults, as there will be many, then we know, who ſhall heare of them all, and we know as well, that none will be mended, when there is no better care at home. But ſo the mother thinks, that ſhe ſhall do her part; for ſhe is reſolved that to the Maſter or Miſtreſſe ſhe will go, and the childes arrand ſhe will do, and ſhe ſweares it too, if ſhe live to the next morning; If it pleaſe God (… relate her words being well acquainted with them) the Maſter ſhall know the rudeneſſe of the childe, how unmannerly and undutifull it is, and how ſlovenly too; Nay the Maſter ſhall know, it will neither give God thanks, nor ſay its prayers. This is her errand, and when that is done, ſhe takes it, that ſhe hath done her duty. In the mean time (I mention no other decay) the childe grows ſo naſty, that you would ſcarce take an egge out of its hand. So much the Mother commonly neglects the childe, whom ſhe loves ſo dearly well, and ſo much deſires its well doing.
And for the Father, he is upon ſuch deſignes, as may enlarge his heaps, or poſſeſſions, which he means to caſt upon the childe, like ſo many loads of Muck thrown together L. Ver. Eſſay. 15. 85.upon an heap; though money (as one ſaith) is like muck indeed, not good except it be ſpread. But ſo the Father enlargeth his deſires, and his means, he knows not well for whom; and ſo he intends his minde, and for himſelf onelyonly Eſſay. 8. 37: foreign; Chryſoſt. Gen. 33 Hom. 59 a.he intendeth it; For Charity will hardly water the ground, when it muſt firſt fill a poole. And little doth the Parent think, how much he doth, in ſo doing, croſſe the rule, and the end, he ſeems to carrie in his eye, his comfort in his childs well-doing. For thoſe deſignes do trouble and hurt the wel-fare of the childe, they do not ſerve it at all. That, Ch. 1. ſect. 3.wherewith the parent would load himſelf now, and his childe after him, uſually makes the childe forget it ſelf, and the parent both. The bladder is ſo blown with the windie conceit of that inheritance, the Father hath purchaſed, and is the childes in reverſion, that he can think of nothing but that, and his Fathers yeers, which he can roule in his minde betime, as a piece of ſugar under his tongue. His minde is ſo ſtuffed with the thoughts of what he is heir to, that by his looke, ſpeech, geſture, he ſhews plainly, that he is not tractable, not counſellable. The Father hath laid up enough for it, as he thinks; and the childe takes it, as the Parent means it, for portion, and proportion both. And what folly there is in the childe (which muſt needs be a great deale, where no means hath been uſed to let it forth) Riches will Stultitiam patiuntur opes, Iuvenal. Nimiâ felicitate ſo…ors. Tacit. de S…jano Annal. 74. cap. 9.cover well enough. Folly will not appeare under a rich Covering. But this will appeare, which is more unnaturall (yet too ordinary, ſuch is the corruption) that the childe is well content, that the ſame head ſhould be laid low, which contrived ſo much to ſet the childes head ſo high. I obſerved a childe once (ſo he was, though a man grown) and I know him now, a rich mans ſonne, and his onelyonly heire, who could not frame and ſet his countenance (for that was as much as was lookt for) for ſo ſhort a time, Haeredis luctus ſab larvâ riſus.as while he prepared his hood (he was cloſe mourner, and it was wel he was) to follow his Fathers corps to Church: I was preſent the while. A ſad, but juſt judgement upon thoſe parents, who are ſad and ſerious almoſt in al their deſignes, excepting this one, which is the maine, the well ordering, and good education of their childe. Herein that, which is, at the beſt, but aforeign, &c. Chryſ Tom. 4. Vit. Monaſt. lib. 3. cap 6.an acceſſary, liberall maintenance, is made a principall; and that, which is a principall, the childes good and wholeſome nurture, is made an acceſſary, and ſcarce that. And this is To ſell the horſe, to get ſome hay, as Charron phraſ…th it. In every thing elſe the Parent is wiſer; he will not build in a Citie, or in a place which is inſtable & ruinous ready to fall; nor will he lay a foundation upon a ſand; And yet ſo he builds and contrives for himſelf and his Chap. 2 ſect. 3 childe, even where he knows, there is no continuing or abiding foreign. Chryſoſt. in Epiſt. ad Heb. ca. 12. Hom. 32.City. And this is a folly exceeding that of the ſimpleſt idiot in the world; for it is as if the Parent ſhould lay out all his whole ſtock of wealth and wit to purchaſe and furniſh a chamber for his childe in a thorough faire, and provide it no houſe in the City, where it is for ever to dwell. Again, the Parent is ſo wiſe, that he will till and manure the field, he looks to reap a good crop from; but here he thinks to reap though he ſow not: and that the childe will be good, how bad ſoever the fathers example be, or how little ſoever his care which he takes, in the well nurturing of his childe. It is a ſoloeciſme in Power, ſaith the Lo Ver. but we are ſure it is an inordinate, rude, and perverſe conceit, that prevails with the moſt parents againſt all ſenſe and reaſon, To thinke to command the end, yet not to endure the Eſſay. 19. 108.meanes. They will expect comfort, ye cannot beat them off from it; but for the way they take, they may as well expect a grape from a thorne, or a figge from a thiſtle; for look upon the childe they expect it from: obſerve its looks, ſpeeches, geſture; mark it from the head to the heel, and you ſhall ſee it like the ſluggards field, and in no better plight, to yeeld comfort, in true judgement, then is that field to give fruit; or then the parched places of the wilderneſſe, or a ſalt land not inhabited. Note we this, for the cloſe hereof, and to inſtruct father and mother very much. The childe had, anciently amongſt the Romanes, three ſet over him, the maſter to inſtruct; the governour to correct; the parent to do both, Preceptor, Padagogus. Parens.or to ſee carefully that both were done. So the parent was principall, and his work the chiefe: Now it is otherwiſe; the parent commonly doth juſt nothing, the Maſter muſt do all, look to the childs book, and manners both; he muſt inſtruct and correct alſo, faults done without the verge of his juriſdiction; which hindreth inſtruction very much: for he that muſt inſtruct, ſhould have as little occaſion to correct, as may be. I would it were in the Philoſophy of parents to note this; for it is certain, parents muſt do their parts as well as maſters theirs, elſe not half the work will Chap. 2 ſect. 4 be done; nor can there be a grounded hope (grounded I ſay, a vain hope there may be) for future comfort.
4. Learn we then, while there is time, before we ſmart under this folly, to account childehood and youth our ſeed-time, ſo theſe ages are; we muſt not let ſlip our ſeaſon, we muſt not ſleep, nor let our hands hang down; we muſt know that our harveſt, which is but the reaping of our hopes, now like the ſeed in the blade, or under ground, depends upon our care and diligence in this ploughing and ſowing ſeaſon. And this let me ſay once again, That were our Schooles ſuch as they ſhould be, as farre promoting the good of the childe every way, as, in true judgement, we could think they ought to do, which is a thing we in our generation may hope to ſee, but we ſhall not ſee it, the next may; But, I ſay, were the Schools generally ſuch as they ought to be, yet they could do but their part, and this not half the work, to ſuch, I mean, who are one houre with the Maſter, and two with the Parent; And that work alſo, as Maſters know very well, is for the moſt part in unteaching what the childe hath unhappily learnt. And if the Maſter can unteach that, he hath done a good work indeed. Therefore the Parent muſt know, that while the childe is in his houſe, the principall and chiefe work about the promoting the childe is his; while the childe is under the parents eye, it is properly their charge: and as they diſcharge it, ſo the childe thrives, and proves every way. It is their buſineſſe, and of the greateſt weight and conſequence that can be thought of, whereof they muſt give an exact account, yea of every part and parcell of this ſeed time. And when all is done, humane ſufficiencie is inſufficient to provide againſt the evill that hindreth; or to uſe all the means that may promote the childes good; but yet we muſt do our utmoſt in theſe two principall points;
1 In preventing, and hindring evill.
2 In ingrafting, and increaſing good.