A Treatise of Family Instruction, Chapter 3 · Section 7
SECT. 7. The Ʋſefulneſs of Reproof, and Directions about giving Reproof.
Direct. 7 WHen your Children or Servants do any thing contrary to the Inſtructions you have given them out of the Word of God, Rebuke and Reprove them. Reproofs grounded upon the Word of God, and wiſely adminiſtred, will be a great furtherance of their Souls ſalvation, as you may ſee, Prov. 6.23. The Commandment is a Lamp, and the Law is Light, and Reproofs of Inſtruction are the way of Life: The ſence of which, is this, the Law of God gives us Light and Direction how to order our Converſations aright; and when perſons are inſtructed out of this Law, and reproved when they go aſtray from it, this is the way to ſave their Souls. Although ſome perſons in your Families ſhould be addicted to lying, and other hainous ſins, and have been habituated to them for a long ſeaſon, yet you may hope by inſtructing and reproving them, according to the Rules of Gods Word, that you ſhall reclaim them from their Vices, and make them ſound and ſincere Chriſtians. The Cretians were notorious Lyars, and ſo given to ſenſuality that they ſeemed more like Beaſts than Men, ſlothful perſons that minded little elſe but their Bellies; yet the Apoſtle would not have Titus deſpair of reforming them, and making theſe Cretians ſound and good Chriſtians: And what courſe doth he direct Titus unto, whereby he might hope to effect this, but to inſtruct them in the faith of Chriſt, and rebuke them ſharply: Tit. 1.12, 13. The Cretians are always Lyars, evil Beaſts, ſlow Bellies; This witneſs is true; wherefore rebuke them ſharply, that they may be ſound in the faith.
If you ask, How ſhall we manage this duty of Reproof, ſo as to reform thoſe perſons whom we reprove?
I anſwer:
1. Reprove not but upon juſt cauſe, and let that cauſe be for ſomething you know and can prove to be a ſin againſt God. Thus God deals with us; when he rebukes us, 'tis for ſin; Pſal. 39.11. When thou with rebukes doſt correct man for iniquity—John 16.8. When he is come, he will reprove the world of ſin—If we commit ſin, though it be ſecretly, God will not let it paſs without a reproof, Job 13.10. He will ſurely reprove you, if you do ſecretly accept perſons. If your Children or Servants be guilty of lying, ſwearing, back-biting, or any other ſin, by no means forbear to rebuke them for their ſins: Lev. 19.17. Thou ſhalt not hate thy Brother in thine heart, thou ſhalt in any wiſe rebuke thy Neighbour, and not ſuffer ſin upon him. You muſt alſo know and be ſure that the perſon whom you reprove, is guilty of that ſin for which you reprove him. And therefore you muſt not reprove upon every ſlight and groundleſs report, Iſa. 11.3. He ſhall not reprove after the hearing of the Ears: But you muſt inquire whether the thing that you hear be certain, and whether it be altogether ſo bad as is reported. God teacheth us this by his own example, Gen. 18.20, 21. And the Lord ſaid, Becauſe the Cry of Sodom and Gomerrah is great, and becauſe their ſin is very grievous, I will go down now and ſee whether they have done altogether according to the Cry of it which is come unto me; and if not, I will know. And he gives us a charge to be very wary how we proceed in judging others, till we have made full and certain enquiry into the matter of Fact, Deut. 13.12, 14. If thou ſhalt hear ſay in one of thy Cities—Then thou ſhalt inquire, and make ſearch, and ask diligently, and behold if it be truth, and the thing certain, that ſuch abomination is wrought among you. —
2. The Lord doth not always chide, as the Pſalmiſt tells us, Pſal. 103.9. He will not always chide, but takes his ſet times for rebuking of us, ſuch as he in his wiſdom judgeth moſt meet, Exod. 32.34. In like manner, we muſt not be always chiding our Children and Servants, leſt we either break or ſink their ſpirits, or elſe make them careleſs or regardleſs of our reproofs, but it will be our prudence, when we meet with that which provoketh us to anger, and deſerveth reproof, to defer it to a convenient ſeaſon; and when we reprove, to do it effectually and to purpoſe: Prov. 19.11. The diſcretion of a man deferreth his anger.
3. When you reprove your Servants or Children, inſtruct and ſhew them the evil of thoſe things for which you reprove them: And put them in remembrance of ſome Scripture that doth ſet out moſt fully and convincingly the evil and danger of that ſin for which you reprove them. And if they have no ſuch Scriptures in their remembrance, it will be good to cauſe them to take their Bibles and turn to ſuch Scriptures as are moſt pertinent to faſten upon their hearts that word of reproof which you ſhall give them. The Apoſtle exhorts Timothy to joyn Doctrine with Reproof, 2 Tim. 4.2. Reprove, Rebuke,—with Doctrine. When Chriſt reproved the Saduces for holding there was no Reſurrection of the Dead, he proves to them out of the Scriptures that they were in a great Error, Matth. 22.29, 31, 32. Divers inſtances we have of the like nature, in his reproving the Scribes and Phariſees, wherein he joyns the quotation of the Scriptures with his Reproofs.
4. If you ſee no fruit, no amendment produced by thoſe Reproofs which you give your Family, you muſt not ſit down diſcouraged, but reprove again and again, and exerciſe much patience and long-ſuffering in the performance of this duty, 2 Tim. 4.2. Reprove, rebuke, exhort, with all long-ſuffering and Doctrine. What God ſaid to Moſes, Exod. 4.8. And it ſhall come to paſs, if they will not believe thee, neither hearken to the voice of the firſt ſign, that they will believe the voice of the latter ſign. The like may I ſay here, If they turn not at the firſt Reproof, it may be they will at the ſecond; if not at the ſecond, it may be the third will prevail; but if it ſhould not, you muſt not ceaſe to do your duty, though God ſhould deny ſucceſs, but muſt be often dealing with them, and ſet before them the great danger of going on in ſin after they have been often reproved, concerning which we meet with many awakening paſſages in Scripture, as Prov. 29.1. He that being often reproved, hardneth his neck, ſhall ſuddenly be deſtroyed, and that without remedy: Prov. 15.10. He that hateth reproof ſhall die: See alſo Prov. 1.25. to verſe 33. Heb. 6.7, 8. Jer. 6.8.
5. Do not reprove them in a fury, or when you are in a paſſion: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteouſneſs of God, Jam. 1.20. We are all ready to pray with David, Pſal. 38.1. O Lord rebuke me not in thy wrath, neither chaſten me in thy diſpleaſure. If we would not have our Lord and Father rebuke us in his wrath, ſhall we rebuke our Children and Servants in our wrath? Let this be far from us. We ſhould put on a ſpirit of Meekneſs, when we ſet upon this work of Reproof. Two Conſiderations may cauſe us to exerciſe a ſpirit of Meekneſs when we are to deal with Offenders: Firſt, When we conſider what we our ſelves have been; by nature we are as bad as others: Tit. 3.2, 3.—Shewing all meekneſs unto all men, for we our ſelves alſo were ſometimes fooliſh, diſobedient, deceived, ſerving divers luſts and pleaſures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. Secondly, When we conſider what we may be, if we fall into temptation: Gal. 6.1. Brethren, if a man be over-taken in a fault, ye which are ſpiritual, reſtore ſuch a one in the ſpirit of meekneſs; conſidering thy ſelf, leſt thou alſo be tempted. Our Spirits may be meek, and yet our Reproofs may be ſharp, if either the nature of the Offence or Offender require ſharp reprehenſions. If we would have our Reproofs ſharp, ſuch as may enter and pierce deep into their hearts, the way is not to uſe bitter Invectives, and rayling Expreſſions, but rather, 1. To convince them plainly and clearly of their ſin for which we reprove them: Thus Peter dealt with the Jews, he gives them clear and certain demonſtrations that that Perſon whom they had put to death was the promiſed Meſſiah, and that pricked them to the heart; Acts 2.36, 37. Let all the Houſe of Iſrael know aſſuredly, that God hath made the ſame Jeſus whom you have crucified, both Lord Lord and Chriſt. Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart— 2. To demonſtrate to them out of the word of God the evil and danger of thoſe things for which you rebuke them: for Gods word is called the Sword of the Spirit, Epheſ. 6.17. No ſword cuts and pierces like the ſword of the Spirit. For the word of God is quick and powerful, and ſharper than any two edged Sword, piercing even to the dividing aſunder of Soul and Spirit, and the Joynts and Marrow, and is a Diſcerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart, Heb. 4.12.
6. Reprove with wiſdom, for when a Reproof is managed wiſely, it becomes more amiable and ſucceſsful, Prov. 25.12. As an ear-ring of Gold, and an Ornament of fine Gold, ſo is a wiſe Reprover upon an obedient ear. Our wiſdom muſt be diſcovered in taking the fitteſt time for giving a Reproof, and doing it in a judicious manner, Eccleſ. 8.5. A wiſe mans heart diſcerneth both time and judgment: We muſt take the fitteſt time, we muſt not defer too long: We muſt do it when we are in the beſt capacity to give, and the offending party to receive a Reproof: We muſt reprove with Judgement, which will teach us to weigh and conſider the nature of the Offence, and the Offender. Some perſons are of a more ſoftly yielding diſpoſition than others; a word will do more with one, than many blows with another; Prov. 17.10. A Reproof entreth more into a wiſe man, than a hundred ſtripes into a fool. Some Offences are more heinous for their own nature, and for their circumſtances, than others. In ſome caſes we are to rebuke ſecretly, Mat. 18.15. —Go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.—In ſome caſes we are to rebuke publickly in the preſence of all, 1 Tim. 5.20. Them that ſin rebuke before all, that others alſo may fear. Wiſdom will direct us what to do in theſe and other ſuch like Caſes, Eccleſ. 10.10. Wiſis profitable to direct. And that we may manage this work the more wiſely, we muſt not go about it raſhly, but conſult with our ſelves about the fitteſt ſeaſon and beſt manner of giving a Reproof: Neb. 5.7. Then I conſulted with my ſelf, and rebuked the Nobles, Prov. 13.10. With the well-adviſed is wiſdom.
7. Look to God for Direction, Courage, and Succeſs, in giving a Reproof, and reſt upon him for his bleſſing; for the ſucceſs of every work we take in hand, depends upon Gods bleſſing: And therefore we muſt pray to God to aſſiſt, accept, and proſper us in this work. And as we muſt pray, ſo alſo reſt upon God for his bleſſing in the adminiſtring a Reproof; whether it be to ſuch as are unconverted, or to ſuch as are in a ſtate of Grace; for God hath promiſed to bleſs Reproof to both ſorts: To ſuch as are gracious, Prov. 19.25. Reprove one that hath underſtanding, and he will underſtand knowledge: To ſuch as are yet in their ſins, Pro. 24.25. To them that rebuke him (that is, a wicked perſon ſpoken of ver. 24.) ſhall be delight, and a good bleſſing ſhall come upon them.
8. Reprove and tell them of their faults with a tender compaſſionate heart, not in an inſulting way, or in a way of jeſting or jearing, but rather mourning over them, and for them; Phil. 3.18. Many walk, of whom I told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are Enemies of the Croſs of Chriſt.—When the Apoſtle wrote an Epiſtle to the Corinthians to reprove them for their indulging the inceſtuous perſon, he tells them, Out of much affliction and anguiſh of heart I wrote unto you, with many tears, 2 Cor. 2.4.