A Treatise of Family Instruction, Chapter 3 · Section 10
SECT. 10. How to gain our Childrens and Servants affections.
Direct. 10 IT will conduce much to the rendring of this work of Family-Inſtruction ſucceſsful, ſo to carry your ſelves as that you may have the love, and gain the affections of thoſe that are under your charge: for if our Children and Servants do not only fear and reverence us, but alſo love us, the Inſtructions that we give them will be the better accepted, and make the deeper impreſſion upon their hearts. The Apoſtle Paul knowing Philemon lov'd him, was confident he would follow the counſel he gave him, Phil. 7.21. We have great joy—in thy love,—having confidence in thy obedience, &c. The like confidence he had of the Theſſ alonians, 2 Theſ. 3.4. We have confidence in the Lord touching you, that ye both do and will do the thing which we command you. And they were ſuch as bore a great affection to the Apoſtle, 1 Theſ. 3.6. If there be a diſaffection to the perſon that inſtructs, his Doctrine will do little good. Ahab hating Micaiah, received no good by his Prophecies, but went on in his own way, contrary to the good counſel of Michaiah, whereby he brought deſtruction upon himſelf.
If any ſay, How ſhould we ſo carry our ſelves as to get the Love and Affection of our Children and Servants?
I anſwer:
Firſt, Shew your ſelves loving to them. Love will draw love from the worſt of men, Luk. 6.32. Sinners alſo love thoſe that love them. Shew your love to them by ſpeaking kindly to them, and by ſeeking their welfare: Hereby Mordecai got the love of the Jews, Eſth. 10.3. Mordecai the Jew was—accepted of the multitude of his Brethren, ſeeking the wealth of his people, and ſpeaking peace to all his ſeed.
Secondly, Be kind to them, as you ſee occaſion; give them ſome gifts to encourage them to learn thoſe things that are for their good: this will win much upon their affections: Prov. 19.6. Every man is a friend to him that giveth Gifts.
Thirdly, Give ear to their juſt Complaints, and be willing to redreſs their grievances. Job was ready to hear the cauſe and complaint of the meaneſt Servant in his family, even when and wherein he himſelf was concerned; Job 31.13, 14. If I did deſpiſe the cauſe of my man Servant, or of my maid Servant, when they contended with me; what then ſhall I do when God riſeth up? And when he viſiteth, what ſhall I anſwer him? And who was more loved and reſpected than Job? Job 29.8, 9, 10, 11. Abſolom by his courteous carriage and kind ſpeeches, and by expreſſing his readineſs to redreſs the grievances of the people, ſtole the hearts of the men of Iſrael, 2 Sam, 15.2, 3, 4, 5, 6. When the people of Iſrael came to Rehoboam with a deſire to redreſs their grievances, his wiſe men counſelled him to anſwer their deſires, for thereby he ſhould engage their affections to him for ever, 2 Chron. 10.7. If thou be kind to this people, and pleaſe them, and ſpeak good words unto them, they will be thy Servants for ever.
Fourthly, Anſwer their Requeſts, when they defire thoſe things that are for their good, and which may conveniently be granted them. As Gods anſwering our Requeſts makes us love God, Pſal. 116.1. I love the Lord becauſe he hath heard the voice of my Supplications: So our anſwering thoſe Requeſts which our Children or Servants make to us, will engage them to love us.
Fifthly, Cover their failings and infirmities. Prov. 17.9. He that covereth a tranſgreſſion ſeeketh love; or (as it is in the Margent) procureth love: By covering a cranſgreſſion, is not meant that we ſhould forbear reproving them: for Reproof prudently adminiſtred, will not hinder, but increaſe love: Prov. 9.8. Rebuke a wiſe man, and he will love thee: But by covering a tranſgr…ſon, is meant, 1. That we ſhould not twit and upbraid them with their faults, and be often repeating them, as the manner of ſome is, eſpecially when they are in a paſſion, for this is a great hindrance of love, and cauſeth diſcord between inward Friends, as appears by the following words; But he that repeateth a matter ſeparateth very friends. 2. That we ſhould not divulge or blaze abroad their infirmities, but endeavour to conceal them.