Serious Reflections on Time and Eternity, Tract · Chapter 24
XXIV. Concerning the Examination of a man's Heart and Life: the Reaſonableneſs, Advantages, and Neceſſity of it. Some Direction and Advice concerning the Time and Manner. That we may know in what Preparedneſs we are for ETERNITY.
I Am haſtening every Year, every Day, to the period of this Life: I muſt ſhortly appear before my Glorious Judg; and experience theſe Terrors or Comforts, this Bleſſedneſs or Miſery, which I have now read of. Shall I not therefore inquire, which of the two belongs to me? Is it not worth conſidering, whither I muſt go, and how I ſhall fare, when I quit this Body? What is like to be my next Habitation? To which of the two unchangeable States I ſhall be adjudg'd? Shall an Inquiry of ſo much conſequence be put off, to an indefinite hereafter? Do I not deſire to know the worſt, while a remedy may be found? Or am I content to dye, through an unwillingneſs to diſcover that I am Sick? The queſtion to be reſolved, is of infinite weight. Shall I not ſpend a few hours to know what will become of me for ever? An error is more than poſſible, 'tis eaſy to miſtake; and the hazard of doing ſo is unſpeakably great. How many thouſands periſh eternally, even under the Light of the Goſpel, who never ſuſpected their Danger? How ordinary, how common a thing is it, for Men to be thus deceived! how ſucceſsful is the Devil in this ſtratagem againſt the Souls of Men! Is it not then a moſt criminal ſtupidity, to be contentedly ignorant, and unreſolved, whether I am reconciled to God or no; whether I am led by the Fleſh or the Spirit; whether I am in the broad or narrow way, which lead to ſuch contrary ends; that is, whether, if I die in this condition, I ſhall be ſaved, or periſh? Can ſuch an enquiry be frivolous or indifferent? Is the ſubject of it ſo contemptible, or my concern in it ſo ſmall, that it merits not to be attentively conſidered? Shall I never ask my Soul, till I am leaving this World, (the unfitteſt time of all to begin ſo important an Affair) what am I? to whom do I belong? whoſe Image do I bear? how have I lived, and what do I do? what do I love moſt? what do I moſt conſtantly deſire, and chooſe, and ſeek? how doth the Pulſe of my Soul beat? is it quickeſt towards God, or towards the World? whither am I going? what will be the final upſhot and iſſue of my preſent courſe? is it Heaven or Hell I muſt be tranſlated to by dying? what ſecurity have I got for Eternal Life? what proviſions have I made? what foundation have I laid?
How ſtrangely infatuated are moſt men, who talk of an Everlaſting Life as an Article of their Creed, and ſay they count upon it that they muſt dwell in Happineſs or Miſery for ever; and ſeldom or never bethink themſelves in good earneſt, and for any time, with a ſetled compoſed exerciſe of thoughts, which of theſe Two is like to be their Lot. Or if they begin to ſearch and try themſelves, they come to no Concluſion, or conclude too haſtily; they pluck off the Plaiſter as ſoon as it begins to ſmart; they are either frighted with the horrid proſpect of paſt Crimes, or, having eſcap'd the groſſer Pollutions of the World, judge too favourably of their own eaſe. They commonly do the work but by halves, and ſo go from the Glaſs, and forget what manner of perſons they were.
Let me therefore, O my Soul! ſequeſter my ſelf from the World, to commune with my own heart, to reflect upon my paſt life, and look into my preſent ſtate, to recollect and review the moſt conſiderable paſſages of my courſe and time hitherto. O how neglected and diſuſed a Practice is this, which doth challenge and require our principal and moſt ſerious Concerns about it! And how many begin it, and are diſcouraged, and leave off without reaching the end of ſuch an Enquiry!
How much wiſer in this reſpect are the Children of this World, in their Generation, than the Children of Light? Who is ſo exact in his Accompts between God and his own Soul, as Trades-men in their Dealings with one another? Who is at the pains to write down his Sins and his Mercies? the grounds of his Fear, and the encouragements of his Hope? or keeps a Journal and Diary of his Spiritual State? Who doth at ſet times, once a Month, or once a Quarter, or even once a Year, take a juſt view of Himſelf, his Heart, and Life, and State, as a Chriſtian; that he may ſee what he hath received and done, what he owes, and what he may expect; that he may know whether he thrive or decay; whether he increaſe or decreaſe; whether he go backward or forward; wherher he be Richer or Poorer this year than the laſt? And is it not a ſymptom that you are declining, when you love not to examine your Accounts? Is there not ground of jealouſie and ſuſpicion, that you are behind hand, becauſe you are loath to inquire, whether you are or no? and unwilling to know the worſt of your Condition? Nevertheleſs, without ſuch Enquiries, and bringing the matter to a Determination, at what uncertainties muſt we live? and how unconceivable an hazard do all Hypocrites and unrenewed Sinners run? And how reaſonable, how neceſſary is it that we ſhould know, and in order to it, prove our ſelves? We muſt therefore beſtow Time and ſerious Diligence about it, that we may examine matters to the bottom, and come to ſome Reſult; ſo that we may form a right Judgment concerning our own caſe.
He that would do it to good purpoſe, muſt endeavour to underſtand clearly the terms of the Covenant on God's part, and on ours: and take care not to Judge of himſelf by miſtaken rules; by a falſe Standard, that God will not juſtifie; or by any ſuch characters as will not conclude. But moſt men are unwilling to bring themſelves to a Trial, or to let Conſcience deal plainly and faithfully with them. They are ſtupidly ſecure, and ſee not the neceſſity of this duty. Or do not ſuſpect themſelves. They preſume they need not be at that Trouble: or are ſo taken up with the World, that they cannot find time and leaſure for it. And many men dare not bring their Hearts and Ways to a Trial. There is commonly ſome ſecret Luſt indulg'd, which they are loath to let go. But moſt go on in ſin, and periſh Eternally, becauſe they think there is no danger of periſhing: and never Repent, and make their Peace with God, becauſe they fancy and preſume 'tis done already.
Therefore let me beg of thee, whoever thou art, who readeſt this, to put the caſe to thy ſelf, ſeriouſly to admit the doubt, whether you are not miſtaken; make the ſuppoſition, that you have not hitherto ſufficiently conſidered the State of your Soul. You are confident that all is well; and thereupon are unwilling to examine farther: but for that very reaſon you ought to queſtion, whether it be ſo or not? Do but ask your ſelves ſeriouſly, what is the ground of your good Opinion concerning your ſelf? For what reaſon can you thus conclude?
Did you ever ſeriouſly lay to heart the Characters, and Deſcription, which the Scriptures give, of thoſe whom Chriſt will own at the laſt day; and of ſuch whom he will reject and reprobate? With unfeigned application to your own caſe, have you therewith prov'd your ſelves? and come to a ſetled Judgment, after a deliberate Enquiry? And was the Concluſion to your Comfort and Joy? If ſo, what influence hath it ſince had upon your Heart and Life? Hath it promoted Purity, Thankfulneſs, Heavenly-mindedneſs, Contempt of this World, and ſtronger Deſires after the Image, Love, and Preſence of God, and the Glory of Chriſt? Moreover, conſider,
Is not this a good while a-go? How have you behav'd your ſelf ever ſince? Have you not reaſon to look back with ſhame? If you but ſlightly examin'd your ſelf formerly, reſolve to do it more effectually now: Review the ſins you have been ſince guilty of. And if you have not done any thing conſiderable of this kind, you ought now to begin. It is ſeaſonable to begin the year by ſuch an Exerciſe, and it will be found of great uſe, in all the following parts of it: eſpecially when you come to examine your ſelf afreſh, in order to the Lord's Supper. For we ought frequently to renew the ſad remembrance of our former Sins; that from time to time we may renew our Repentance, which is the work of our Life, and not of one day. And he that comes to the Sacrament, and will look no farther back, than to the laſt Communion, may poſſibly preſume too much, that all was then as it ſhould be, and not be humble enough.
If any one therefore reſolve in good earneſt upon an holy Life, and ſeriouſly deſign to prepare for Eternity, as it is neceſſary to make a general review of his Life, ſo I deſire to afford him the beſt Counſel I can, in order to it.
It may be adviſable,(a)Vid. Mr. Baxter's Saints Reſt. p. 3. chap. 7, 8, 9. if you have not formerly begun this work, to imploy one hour at leaſt in a Day, for ſeveral Days following, in writing down the moſt conſiderable Paſſages of your Life you can remember, deſiring God's Aſſiſtance therein; and keeping your Eye upon your End, in the whole; that is, thinking ſeriouſly that 'tis in order to Eternity, that you now examine your ſelf. Chuſe a place of Retirement, and the moſt convenient Time, that you may not be interrupted, and when your Heart is moſt ſerious. Every man may divide his Life into ſeveral parts, as from Infancy till he left off going to School, or was bound Apprentice, or ſetled in any way of Education. From thence, 'till fixt in ſome Imployment: If a married perſon, till entred into that Condition. And from thence to another remarkable Period, or to the preſent Time. It may better aſſiſt ſome perſons memory, to conſider the ſeveral Places of their abode, and compute according to them. In each portion of time, recollect what ſins you were moſt addicted to: in what Inſtances, with what Frequency, and with what other various aggravations, you committed 'em: and what have been the effects and conſequences of thoſe ſins, to your ſelves, and others, in order to Repentance, and godly Sorrow. Which muſt not be judg'd of by Tears, but Grief, and inward hatred of Sin. Remembring that no man is the better meerly for being examin'd, if there follows nothing after it. 'Tis in order to a Judgement to be paſs'd upon our ſelves. 'Tis to ſearch out our own Iniquity, our Beloved ſin, in order to the mortification of it. That Goliah muſt firſt be ſlain, if ever the other Philiſtims are conquered. In ſome it is Pride, in others Worldlineſs, in ſome Uncleanneſs, in others Drunkenneſs, Gluttony, &c. That you may diſcover it, obſerve,
What ſin 'tis you are moſt unwilling to part with: which you could even wiſh were not forbidden.
Which you have formerly been moſt apt to plead for, to extenuate or excuſe, and hide.
The thoughts whereof do moſt frequently occur; eſpecially when alone: firſt in the morning, and laſt at night: and are moſt diſtracting in Prayer and Worſhip.
Which an awaken'd Conſcience hath moſt plainly told you of; under a Sermon, or at a Sacrament, or under ſome heavy affliction, or on a ſick-bed, &c.
Which you can leaſt bear to be reprov'd for.
Which the Temperament of your body doth moſt incline to.
Which your Calling, Imployment, Company, and Converſe, adminiſter the greateſt Temptations for.
That eſpecially which hath the Throne of the Heart, and ſets all the faculties a work to contrive fuel and opportunities for its Gratification.
Obſerve likewiſe what Paſſion was moſt Predominant in each Period of Time, or is yet ſo; and what ill effects it hath produced. Conſider farther what dangerous Temptations you have met with: how you have fallen by 'em, or been inabled to reſiſt. Conſider withal the Time, and the Means, whereby God hath at any time formerly awaken'd, convinc't and humbled you; what Purpoſes of Amendment, and Promiſes of Reformation you have ever made; and how far you have, or have not perform'd 'em. Recollect likewiſe all the ſpecial Mercies you have receiv'd from God in every State and Period of your Life, in order to thankfulneſs. The laſt Section of theſe Papers may give you ſome aſſiſtance therein, and conſider what Returns you have made to God, for all his Kindneſs.
You may do well to conſider your ſelf alſo, in the Relations you have ſtood to others; as Inferior, Equal, or Superior; in Family, Church, or State; in your Calling, Profeſſion, Imployment, &c. And examine in what more notorious Inſtances, you have been faulty in your Relative Duties. How you did ordinarily carry it in your Place and Station; for that is the beſt, the trueſt Picture of a Man, which is like him in his ordinary every days Habit. Particularly reflect upon the Sins you have committed in Company with others. By whoſe Example you have been drawn to Sin; who may probably have been tempted by yours, and bewail it; and if the Perſons are living, admoniſh them to Repent; and if you have injur'd and wrong'd any, acknowledg your Fault, and to the utmoſt of your Power, make ſpeedy Reſtitution, If any of your Companions in Sin are dead, and you fear dyed without Repentance; humble your ſelf particularly before God for having contributed to their Damnation. I know of ſome who have made ſuch a Catalogue of their Sins, with the moſt obſervable Aggravations of them; which they conſtantly preſerv'd, and frequently review'd, to keep them Humble, Penitent, Watchful, and Thankful; and on ſome occaſions of ſecret Humiliation, have ſpread them before the Lord (as Hezekiah did the writing of his Enemy) covering themſelves with Shame and Confuſion of Face, by conſidering what they have been, and thence admiring the Riches of free Grace, in the forgiveneſs of ſuch Crimes, through the Blood of Chriſt.
Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my Reins, and my Heart, for thy Loving kindneſs is before mine Eyes, and I will walk in thy Truth. Thou haſt ſearched me, O Lord, and known me; thou knoweſt my Thoughts a far off; all my ſecret Sins are in the Light of thy Countenance; and thou art acquainted with all my ways; ſet my Sins in order before me, that I may Repent, and forſake them. Show me mine Infirmities and Weakneſſes, that I may watch againſt them. And teach me to Judge and Condemn my ſelf, that I may not be judged of the Lord, or condemned with the World.