Family Religion, Letter 3
Of Family Religion.
The THIRD LETTER.
SIR,
WIthout farther Preface, I continue to make good my Promiſe, by ſending you the Remainder of my Papers on this Subject, containing ſome Directions, and Counſels relating to Family Religion.
You who are Heads of Families, are in the firſt place obliged to be very Careful, and Circumſpect, Serious and Exemplary in your Lives: (you ought to take heed, that you give no Example of Vice before Inferiours.) They will ſooner Imitate you in what is Evil, than Good. Let them have no Incouragement or Countenance given them to Sin, by any thing they ſee you do. You will quickly loſe all Authority, and Power to reprove, or ſuppreſs their Evils, if your own Example countenance them in it. It is altogether unlikely, that Religion ſhould thrive among Children and Servants, where the Parent or Maſter gives a Pattern of Drunkenneſs, or Lewdneſs, of Injuſtice, Deceit, and Fraud; or only keeps up the Worſhip of God, to cloak his own Wickedneſs, or ſerve ſome ſecular Deſign. Wo to thoſe Parents and Maſters, whoſe Children are Witneſſes of their Impiety, and like enough to follow them (without a wonderful Grace) to their eternal Ruine. Never Parent had ſuch a wicked Child, ſaid a bad Eather once to a Rebellious Son; Yes Sir, replied the Impudent Youth, My Grandfather had. Some have inquired for what reaſon the Prophet Eliſha called for Vengeance on the Children that mocked him, and ſtiled him Bald-pate, 2 Kings 2.23. when many of them, it is probable, hardly underſtood what they ſaid. The Reaſon aſſigned, is this, becauſe the Children learnt that Language from their Parents; and God puniſhed the Parents in the Death of the Children, and both at once. Some of the Heathens have been very wary and cautious, not to ſpeak an uncomely word in the preſence of their Children. Certainly the Head of a Chriſtian Family is obliged to behave himſelf Wiſely in an upright way, and to walk within his Houſe with a Perfect Heart, Pſal. 101.2. and in all things to ſhew himſelf a Pattern of Good Works, Tit. 2.7. A prudent, grave, chearful, ſincere Deportment, as becometh Saints, would recommend Religion, and diffuſe the ſavour of it to all about it. But if you give them never ſo good Counſel, they will ſooner be influenced by a bad Life, than by the beſt of Words. All your good Precepts and Counſels, will be as Water ſpilt on the ground, if not accompanied by a good Example. What you would reprove, and amend in their Words or Actions, let them be ſure to hear nothing of it in your Diſcourſe, and ſee nothing of it in your Practice: You muſt lead them the way in Humility and Charity, in the Government of the Tongue, Paſſions, Appetite; in the Redemption of Time, in Prayer, and love to the Holy Scriptures, and the Ordinances of the Goſpel, &c.
How can a drunken or unrighteous Father or Maſter expect his Children, and Servants ſhould be ſober and faithful? Can you hope to teach them Sobriety, and they ſee you are Intemperate? or Meekneſs, when they ſee you cannot govern your Paſſions? They will ſooner learn your Sin, than your Trade. And is not the Money given with ſuch an Apprentice very ill beſtowed? One, Two, Three Hundred Pounds, or more, to have them taught to ſerve the Devil, and damn their Souls, by the Example of a wicked Maſter? But ſuch Maſters ſhall have double Damnation. Therefore let your own Example teach all your Relations, that Holineſs and Unblamableneſs, in Tongue and Life, which you deſire they ſhould learn and practiſe.
But beſides your own Example, you are obliged by all other ways to indeavour their Spiritual and Eternal Good. You are worſe than Inſidels, if you provide not what is Needful, and Fit for them as to their Temporal Life; much more if you neglect their Souls. O look upon them with Pity and Compaſſion; help them, as knowing their Ignorance, their Temptations, and Danger! Remember, they muſt ſhortly die, and be ſaved or periſh for ever. Uſe all Advantages you have to do them good: Let them not be betrayed to eternal Ruine, by your neglect. Miniſters, by publick Preaching, cannot do ſo much to further their Salvation, as you; and it is very little we can hope to do, without your Aſſiſtance. You can ſpeak (ſharply enough ſometimes) of unfaithful Miniſters, who neglect the Souls of their People; but conſider not your own Guilt and dreadful Reckoning, upon the like Account. You expect more Duty ſometimes from One Miniſter, than Six can perform, while you make no Conſcience of neglecting your own Duty, in your proper Sphere.
It will be a dreadful Meeting in the Day of Recompence, to have your Children or Servants to accuſe their Parents and Maſters; ſaying, I was ſo many Years in my Father's Houſe; or I lived ſo long with ſuch a Maſter, who never concerned himſelf about my Soul: I had never been a Servant of Sin, and a Firebrand of Hell, if he had done his part to prevent it. The like will be true of ungodly Husbands and Wives, who notwithſtanding the Duty and Profeſſion of the deareſt Love, do little or nothing to ſave one another from the Wrath to come. O cruel Husband! O curſed Wife! It was long of You, that I am now a loſt, undone Creature; You never did any thing to aſſiſt my Salvation, it was long of You, that I came to this Miſerable End; You neither by Example, or Diſcourſe, or Prayer, or Admonition, &c. diſcovered any Care for your own Soul, or for mine. Yea how many in ſuch Relations, do much to hinder, and obſtruct the Happineſs and Salvation of thoſe, whom they are moſt concerned and obliged to help! For if the one be ungodly, and the other be an awakened ſerious Chriſtian; the Latter ſhall commonly find the greateſt Oppoſition and Difficulty, and Hinderance in Religion, from him, or her, who ſhould have given the greateſt Help and Aſſiſtance.
Remember therefore, that beſides Prayer in your Houſe, you have other Indeavours to uſe, for the Salvation of thoſe that live with you. You mock God by praying for the converſion of Children and Servants, if you do not otherwiſe indeavour it: If you do not indeavour to convince them of their Sin, and of their need of Chriſt and his Grace; if you do not recommend him as the beſt Maſter; and put them in mind of the uncertainty of this Life, and of the certain Account they muſt give to God another day, of all their Time, and Talents, &c. And yet this neglect is now ſo common, that they are reckoned Good Parents, and Good Maſters, who will but give their Children and Servants leave to be good, and go to Heaven without them: Who will not hinder their Inferiours from ſerving God. Whereas, you have much to do of Poſitive Duty, to *See Mr. Baxters's Saints Reſt, Part. 3. Chap. 14. Sect. 16.inform their Minds, to furniſh their Memories, to rectify their Wills, to quicken their Affections, to keep tender their Conſciences, and reſtrain their Tongues, and watch over their outward Carriage; to make them hate Sin, and love Holineſs, and prize the Bible, and delight in the Ordinances and Inſtitutions of Chriſt, and like good Company, and diſlike all others, &c.
And to what End hath God given you The Authority of Parents, or Maſters, if not to prevent Sin, and to promote Holineſs in your Families? Humane Nature is ſo corrupt, that (unleſs in ſome few with whom the Spirit of God begins very early, and the Effects of Holy Baptiſm are diſcovered in Childhood) there need to be great Reſtraints put upon it, by thoſe who have Power and Authority over Young People. Your Authority muſt be kept up, leſt you ſhould be deſpiſed by thoſe that you ſhould Rule. Labour therefore to underſtand the Nature, Uſe, and Extent of that Authority, with Relation to all in your Family. And the more you grow in Knowledg and Holineſs, and walk according to the Goſpel-Rule; the better will you preſerve your Authority among all your Inferiours. Humility and Wiſdom, and circumſpect Walking, will enable you to do them the more good, in the uſe of that Power which God has given you. The Indulgence, and Allowance of Children in what is ſinful, you know did highly provoke God in the caſe of Eli, and how dear did it coſt him? That his Sons made themſelves vile, and he reſtrained them not, … Sa…. 3.13. You muſt not let Wickedneſs dwell in your Tabernacle, Job 11.14. or in thoſe of your Family. They will obſerve your Orders, and regard your Commands; if you do not indiſcreetly loſe your Authority, by not keeping your diſtance, or ſuffering them to be too bold with you; or on the other hand making them too ſtrange, ſo as to be fearful and diſcouraged, (I here ſpeak eſpecially of Children:) If what you reſolve upon, and order, in commanding what is good, or forbidding what is evil, you ſee be punctually obſerved, ſtill managing all with Affection and Love; and manifeſting the Honour of God, and the Intereſt of their Souls, and Salvation, to have been your greateſt Motive. And remember, that Commendation when they do well is as needful, as Reproof and Correction, when they ſinfully tranſgreſs; which alſo ought to be without Partiality, or the cauſeleſs cockering, or countenancing of one above the reſt.
The like may be ſaid, though with ſome difference, with reſpect to Your Servants. Be Juſt, Compaſſionate, and Loving to them, but loſe not your Authority as a Maſter: Be Faithful and Affectionate in your Counſeling of them for the good of their Souls. But if they be refractory and ſtubborn, and ſlight your Advice, and go on in Sin, and wax worſe and worſe, and deride ſerious Godlineſs in their Fellow-Servants; you muſt uſe other Methods, or get rid of them, as ſoon as you can. You are to take care, that Wickedneſs dwell not within your Houſe, without Admoniſhing and Reproving of it. You muſt warn them who are anruly, and of others have Compaſſion, making a difference. Some muſt be rebuked ſharply, others ſave with fear, pulling them out of the Fire, Jude 22, 23 Verſes.
As to thoſe who have Trades and Families, but God hath not bleſſed them with Children, or hath taken them away by Death; their Care, and Labour, and Truſt is thereby leſſened, and they ought to be the more careful with reſpect to their Servants. They have many Conſiderations to keep them from Repining, or Sorrowing much for the want of Children, upon the Account of the Duty, the Pains, the Care, and Grief of Heart, which they are freed from: For in this diſſolute Age, how few Children anſwer the Hopes, Deſires, and Pains of Parents? Or prove Comforts to them when they grow up? If God had given you Children, or prolonged their Lives; what a Life of Trouble and Sorrow might They probably have paſſed in this World? beſides the conſtant Fear you would have had of their Sin and Damnation: which may be put in the Ballance againſt the Ʋncertain Comforts of thoſe who have Children, abſtracting from that Conſolation, which ariſes from the faithful diſcharge of Duty to them.
More particularly, it is adviſable, with Family Prayer, to joyn Serious Reading of the Holy Seriptures every Day, and frequent Catechizing, or Inſtructing of Inferiours in the Principles of Religion. Abraham had ſuch Trained, Catechized Servants in his Houſe. Theſe things that I command thee, ſays God to his Antient People, ſhall be in thy Heart, and thou ſhalt teach them diligently to thy Children, Deut. 4.9. chap. 11.19. Teach a Child in the way he ſhould go, and when he is Old, he will not depart from it, Prov. 4.4. chap. 22.6. 2 Tim. 1.3. Acquaint them by little and little with the great Doctrines of Chriſtianity; give them Line upon Line, and Precept upon Precept, as they are able to receive, and bear it. Acquaint them betimes with the Word, and Works of God, When you ſit in the Houſe, or walk by the Way, or lie down, or riſe up; by asking them Queſtions, and putting them upon asking you. Abraham's Example is approved, and recommended by God in this matter, Gen. 18.19. For I know him, that he will command his Children, and his Houſhold after him, that they ſhall keep the way of the Lord.
Never diel any Age afford better Helps for Catechizing, than this; there being ſo many excellent Catechiſms, or Summaries of Chriſtian Religion, already printed, and eaſy to be had. If any of you want a Method for Regular Catechizing in your Families, as ſuppoſe upon a Lord's-day Evening, or once a Week; let me mention one, which is practiſed by many with good Succeſs, in ſome Counties of this Nation; viz. Let the Maſter of the Faly begin with a ſhort Invocation of God, praying for his Preſence, Aſſiſtance and Bleſſing; and then ask the younger ſort Three Queſtions out of the Aſſemblies Catechiſm, and upon each of the three Anſwers, ask the explicatory Queſtions in Mr. Joſeph Allen's Catechiſm, or Mr. Lye's, ſo that by anſwering Yes or No, you will perceive whether they underſtand the matter treated of. After this, read The fuller Explication of thoſe Three Queſtions in ſome larger Catechiſm, as that of Mr. Thomas Vincent; and then cloſe with a ſhort Prayer; and if you can, Sing a Pſalm. All which may be done in an Hour, and you will find it very profitable both for younger and elder People.
The reading of the Holy Scriptures frequently in your Families, as well as in your Cloſets, upon the Week-days, as well as upon the Lord's-day, I hope I need not uſe many Arguments to recommend. Deut. 11.18. They are able to make us wiſe unto Salvation, and they are ſuitable to every Caſe, that you or yours can be in. They that cannot read, or will not read, or have not ſo much time to read, may be profited by your reading the Holy Scriptures in your Family with them. The Singing of Pſalms or Hymns, in Chriſtian Families, where there are enough who are able to joyn in that part of Worſhip, is alſo a very commendable and excellent part of Family-Religion, Col. 3.16. Let the Word of Chriſt dwell in you richly in all wiſdom; teaching and admoniſhing one another in Pſalms, and Hymns, and ſpiritual Songs, ſinging with grace in your hearts to the Lord. Eſpecially on the Lord's Day.
And that I would next ſpeak of, becauſe I am perſwaded, that no Family-Religion can be duly kept up, without the Sanctification of the weekly Sabbath. What the Jews ſaid falſly of Chriſt, we may apply truly enough to many a Parent, and Maſter; This Man is not of God, for he keepeth not the Sabbath Day, and takes no Care that his Family with him do ſo. You have many helps to underſtand the Nature of the Duty, and of your Chriſtian Deportment on that Day, in publick, private, and ſecret. You would do well, the Night before to make ſome Preparation for the Solemnity of that Day; and in the Morning, to poſſeſs your Souls with the Conſideration of the Privilege you enjoy in ſuch weekly Seaſons of approaching to God, and paying Homage to him. Serious Godlineſs has never been found to flouriſh in any Soul, or in any Houſe, as to any Perſon, or any Family, where the ſtrict *See my Lord Chieſ Juſtice HALES's Contemplations, 8o. Vol. 1. Directions to his Children, touching the keeping of the LORD's DAY.Obſervation of the Lord's Day has been neglected. If you begin with God in ſecret, that will prepare you for Family-Worſhip; the private Worſhip of God in your Families will fit you for the publick; and your careful ſerious Attendance on that, will help you to return to the Worſhip of God in your Families, and Cloſets. You ought to methodize, and time theſe Duties ſo, as one may not interfere with the other. Sanctify the whole Day to God, improve every part of it; make it not ſhorter than the other Days of the Week, as many do, by riſing later, and going to bed ſooner. Bring as many of your Families to the publick Worſhip with you, as you can. When Elkanah went to ſacrifice to the Lord, he and all his Houſe went with him; 1 Sam. 1.21. And if you recollect, and repeat to them aferwards, the Subſtance of what you, and they have heard preached, it may promote their Attentiveneſs in hearing, aſſiſt their Memories to retain what they heard, and quicken your own Affections. That by reading the Holy Scriptures, by Catechiſing, by repeating Sermons, &c. your Children and Servants may be inſtructed in the Knowledg of God, his Nature, and Works, and Will; in the Knowledg, of themſelves, the Immortality of their Souls, the Nature of Sin, our firſt Apoſtacy, and the ſad Effects of it, our Redemption and Recovery by Jeſus Chriſt, his Perſon, his Offices, his Ordinances and Sacraments, his Promiſes, Faith in him, the Covenant of Grace, the Properties and Privileges of Believers, the Rewards and Puniſhments of the next Life, &c.
In ſhort, do but ſpend that Day, as knowing how ſmall a part of every Week, one Day is to be ſolemnly imployed in preparing for an Eternal State: do but imploy that Day, under the Senſe of the Value of Immortal Souls, your own and others: And think how near the Judgment-Day may be, when you muſt be accountable to God for all your Time, and eſpecially ſuch ſacred Time. Do but ſpend that Day, as believing the Good or Evil Influence it will have upon all the other Days of the Week; The Affairs of your Souls will thrive, or not thrive, as the Lord's Day is ſanctified, or neglected: The Souls of your Children and Servants, if not minded then, are unlikely to be minded on the other Days of the Week: And oftentimes it is found, that even your civil, and ſecular Affairs do proſper, or not, according to your Care, or Remiſneſs in ſanctifying the Lord's Day.
Moreover, you ought not only to pray with your Families, and worſhip God with them; but to obſerve the Neceſſities of every one in particular, and heartily to pray for them in ſecret. You would have more Comfort in your Family-Relations, and God more Glory from them; did you more fervently beg of God the Grace which you and they do need. Monica the Mother of Auſtin, had gracious Anſwers to her Requeſts to God, both for her Husband and her Son. How can you ſtrive with God in Prayer for your own Souls, and not remember to do the like for thoſe whoſe Souls are committed to your Care? O that my Son may live to thee! O that my Daughters may not die for ever! O that my Servants may not ſerve the Devil! O that there may not be a Son of Perdition, nor a Daughter of Belial, under my Roof! Have mercy on me, O Lord, ſays the Woman of Canaan unto Chriſt: For my Daughter is grievouſly vexed with a Devil. A certain Man, at another time, comes kneeling to him, ſaying, Lord have mercy upon my Son. for he is a Lunatick, and ſore vexed: For oftentimes he falls into the Fire, and oftentimes into the Water. Such Prayers had ſucceſs for the Cure of bodily Evils, and may rather be hoped to have ſo, for ſpiritual ones. If the Caſe of your Children reſemble this, that any of them fall ſometimes into the Fire of Luſt, ſometimes into the Water of Drunkenneſs, ſometimes into this Sin, ſometimes into that, being hurried, and led captive by the Devil; beg that God would diſpoſſeſs Satan, and that he would have mercy on them, and bring them to themſelves. You know not what effect your Prayers may have while you live; nor of what Advantage a Stock of Prayers, laid up, may be unto your Children, after your Death. The largeſt Portion, the faireſt Inheritance, or Eſtate you can leave them, may be a much leſs Kindneſs. Your Intereſt in the Covenant, and hearty Prayers for their Salvation, is a Treaſure, they cannot ſufficiently value. Whereas a wicked Father lays up Iniquity for his Children, as you have the Expreſſion, Job 21.19, 20. He may ſtore up Riches, and God treaſures up Wrath: And upon Imitation of their Father's Sins, God fills up the Meaſure of their Judgment, Luke 11.48, 50.
While you neglect not Family and ſecret Prayer in theſe reſpects, you muſt likewiſe remember to obſerve what Anſwers, God at any time gives to ſuch Prayers; What ſerious Impreſſions are made on the Minds and Hearts of Children or Servants; how their Knowledge and Grace do increaſe and grow; what Convictions the Spirit hath wrought on any of them; who is reformed, &c. and how God hath proſpered your ſecular Indeavours, how he favours your Diligence in your Calling; but eſpecially how he rewards your Faithfulneſs to the Souls of Inferiours. If any of your Children be good, or hopeful, though one it may be, or more be not; bleſs God for ſuch a Mercy. Let not your ſorrowful Complaints as to one, ſilence your Gratitude for Divine Grace manifeſted in another. All your Children were born in Sin, and might have lived and died in Sin; but you can ſay, though I have a Cain, I have a righteous Abel, I have a Shem as well as a Cham, a Jacob as well as an Eſau, a Solomon as well as an Abſalom or Amnon. God hath anſwered my Prayers, and bleſſed my Endeavours as to one or more, though not as to all: I will wait, and pray in Hope as to them alſo. By thus taking notice what Anſwers of Prayer you have upon this Account, you will know the better how to frame your Petitions to God for them, and to order your Counſels, Inſtructions, and farther Indeavours for their good: You will know what you have to acknowledge, and be thankful for, and what you have to lament, and beg in Family-Prayer.
And in the Management of that, Care is to be taken to chuſe the fitteſt Time. A good Man will indeavour to order his Spiritual Affairs with Diſcretion, as well as his Temporal ones. In Family-Worſhip you ſhould indeavour to be ſhort, diſtinct, methodical, and ſerious; and not make ſuch Duties overlong, leſt ſome of the Family be tempted to ſay, Behold, what a Wearineſs is it? Labour to be ſerious and affectionate, though ordinarily you be but ſhort: you may be longer on the Lord's Day. Be ſerious, I ſay, and affectionate: for he that is the Mouth of others to God in Prayer, if his Heart be drowſie, they who join with him are not like to be affected. You ought diſcreetly to chuſe the Time alſo: In the Morning you will find, if it be deferred till ſuch …or ſuch a Buſineſs be firſt diſpatch'd, …or if it be not one of the firſt things …one in the Morning; you will find ſomething or other intervene, to hinder it altogether. And in ſuch Fami…ies where it can conveniently be done, before Supper; for the Evening is the moſt deſirable Time. Many never kneel down to pray in their Families at Night, till they are fitter to lie down upon their Beds.
In the ordering of theſe things, let Husbands and Wives, who would further the Salvation of each others Souls, …ointly concur to promote Godlineſs …n their Families. Their firſt Care ſhould be to indeavour the Salvation of each others Souls. For this they have Scripture-Incouragement, 1 Cor. 7.16. For what knoweſt thou, O Wife, whether thou ſhalt ſave thy Husband? Or how knoweſt thou, O Man, whether thou ſhalt ſave thy Wife? It is true, no ferious Chriſtian would deliberately chuſe to be ſo nearly related to one, that is a ſtranger to Chriſt: And they who are ſo related, ought to beg God Forgiveneſs for their ſinful Raſhneſs. But if they find themſelves miſtaken in their Choice in that reſpect, they muſt uſe the greater Care to perſwade them to be ſuch, as they ſuppoſed them to have been: Remembring however, that if they cannot as yet love them, as real Saints, they muſt yet love them, as Huſbands and Wives.
But how hopefully may Religion be carried on in the Family, where both are devoted to God, and married to Chriſt! How ſhould (and may) they build up one another in their Holy Faith, watch over each other, ſtudy their Tempers and Diſpoſitions, exhort one another daily with Meekneſs and Wiſdom, and ſtrengthen one anothers Hands in the Diſcharge of their reſpective Duties to Inferiours; indeavouring the utmoſt Union in this Work, leſt, through the want of it, their Authority be weakened, and their Endeavours be fruſtrate of any good Succeſs. The Endeavours of both are required: And if Covenant-Mercy deſcend from Parents to Children, 'tis on this Condition, that during their Minority, they take care to bring them up in the Knowledge, Nurture and Admonition of the Lord. When they come to be adult, or grown up, there is another Condition on the part of the Children, that they conſent to the Terms of the Covenant, and willingly come under the Band of it. But both Parents are concern'd to bring up their Children for God. Men ſhould not caſt all the Care of Children, and Servants on their Wives; and Women ſhould conſider, as Matter of Duty, their joint Intereſt in the religious Government of the Family. I wiſh it were not a very frequent Caſe, that they, who ſhould rule, are the moſt unruly part; and the Cauſe, that the Family is ungodly, and ungoverned.
There is a great Latitude in the Duty of Parents to their Children, to take care of them in Infancy, to dedicate them to God betimes, and bring them under the viſible Band of the Covenant by Raptiſm; and to teach them the meaning of it, as ſoon as capable; to keep them in ſubjection while young; to encourage them in all that is vertuous, and praiſe-worthy, and good; and lovingly, and ſeaſonably reprove them for what is evil; to diſpoſe of them with Wiſdom and Care, as to their Schools, Callings, and Marriage, according to your Rank and Station, in the beſt Manner you can. And therein to conſider the Intereſt of their Souls, as well as their temporal Welfare, and prefer it. Beg of God to teach you the true Medium between the Errours of Education, on either Extreme; either that of humouring them in Vanity, and indulging them in Sin, or that of Frowardneſs, Harſhneſs, and too much Severity. If your own Parents be living, give your Children an Example of the Honour and Obedience you expect from them, by your becoming Carriage towards their Grand Parents.
If you would recommend, and promote Religion among Children and Servants, there is one thing I would beg of you, that you take heed never to ſpeak of God and Sacred things, without the utmoſt Seriouſneſs, and Reverence. If you do not poſſeſs their Minds with an Awe and Reverence of God, and Chriſt, and the Holy Scriptures, and the Life to come, you will do them little good. You ſhould begin betime to do this. Mothers eſpecially may drop Inſtruction into their Children, as ſoon almoſt as their Milk: At leaſt you may teach them to pray, as ſoon as they begin to prattle. Timothy received that Knowledg of the Faith, in his Childhood, from his Mother and Grandmother, (though his Father was a Greek or a Pagan, Acts 16.1.) which afterwards he publickly profeſs'd, and adhered unto.
And much of the good or bad Impreſſion upon their Minds, from what you ſay, will depend upon the Manner of your ſpeaking: Your words muſt diſcover your honourable Thoughts of God, and Holineſs, and Holy Chriſtians, and Miniſters, &c. They will be apt to like what you commend. Endeavour therefore to ſpeak of Sin, and of wicked Men, with loathing and diſlike; that they may ſee your Judgment, and learn to form their own. The way to win them betimes to the Fear of God, and Hatred of that which is Evil, is frequently to repreſent, in your Diſcourſe, how fafe, how profitable, how honourable, and pleaſant a Life that of ſerious Godlineſs is. Hereby you remove, or cure their Prejudices concerning practical Religion, as a melancholy, burdenſome thing. And take heed what Books they read, and what Company they keep, leſt their Minds be poyſoned and corrupted by ill Principles, and their Hearts inticed and drawn to Sin; and ſo all your Inſtructions fail of Succeſs. Without ſuch Care 'tis in vain to put up Bills to Miniſters, Week after Week, to pray for your dead Children, whoſe Souls you your ſelves do murder by your Negligence, or ill Example.
But your Counſels and Diſcourſe, back'd by a Holy Example to inforce them, may do much good; and will if theſe go together: For if Inferiours ſee you to be unjuſt, deceitful, drunken, wanton, cruel, &c. all your ſerious Talk will do them harm, rather than good. Eſpecially if you do not carry it well in your Relations to them; if Parents be very paſſionate, and haſty with their Children; if Maſters be barbarous, and hard-hearted to their Servants, and remember not how it was with them when they were Servants: I mean not ſo much, how they fared, as how they deſired, and wiſh'd to have been uſed, under their Apprenticeſhip.
And of all the ſerious things which may be proper to be recollected; there is hardly any thing of greater Moment, than to inſtil often into their Minds, the value and worth of Time. That they may be brought to hate Idleneſs, and not care to miſpend one Hour: But as they grow more capable of improving it, may be ſtill imployed. You cannot inſiſt too often upon the Brevity, and Ʋncertainty of our little Time on Earth; the Swiftneſs and Irrecoverableneſs of it, and the Conſequence of redeeming it well or ill, in order to our future Account. The Devil is almoſt ſure of thoſe, who are brought up in Idleneſs, and put no value upon their precious Time. Urge this therefore to Inferiours, and help them to improve their Time, and to begin every Day with ſecret Prayer alone, and to imploy the other part of it, in what is ſuitable to their Age, Capacity, Condition, and Relation.
You would do well to put them upon ſecret Prayer; to adviſe your Children and Servants, and charge them to pray alone every Day, as well as be willing to join in Family-Prayer. You ought alſo to teach them, by Word and by Example, to beg a Bleſſing on their Food, at the uſual Seaſons of Refreſhment, and ſeriouſly to return Thanks afterwards. We depend on God for our Daily Bread: And our Bleſſed Saviour did never eat himſelf, or feed others at his Table, but he bleſſed, and gave thanks, Mark 8.6, 7. So the Apoſtle, Acts 27.25. and by Prayer and Thankſgiving is every Creature ſanctified, 1 Tim. 4.3, 4, 5.
It will be of great Moment in order to a religious, well-ordered Family, to be very careful whom you admit to dwell with you. The Caſe may be ſo ſtated, it is true, that you muſt dwell with ſuch as ſcorn, and deſpiſe Family-Religion, and Worſhip; But take heed leſt you ſinfully chuſe ſuch Relations, and ſuch Inhabitants. It may be, David thought that Michal, whom he knew came of a bad Stock, might be prevailed with by him, to join in the Worſhip of God, and in time be brought over to what he deſired; but ſhe deſpiſed him in her Heart, and mocked at his Zeal, and proved a Snare and a Croſs, and made him repent his Choice. Wo to him, who hath a Philiſtin in his Boſom, as Samſon had. Marriage is the turning-point of Life: Your future Religion, and your Eternal Intereſt, are greatly concerned therein. We find the Wickedneſs, and Ruin of ſeveral of the Kings of Iſrael, laid at this Door; that they married into a wicked Family: Such a One, he had a Wife of the Houſe of Ahab, and was quickly drawn off from God, by one who had a wicked Ahab to her Father, and a curfed Jezabel to her Mother; and ſhe ſtirr'd him up to work Wickedneſs, 1 Kings 21.25.
A due Care on this Account is to be had in the Choice of Servants alſo: Such are to be preferr'd, who by Education, and, as far as you can judge, by Inclination too, will be willing to ſerve God, and rejoice in the Helps they may have to do ſo, in a religious Family. And how orderly and beautiful is Family-Worſhip, where all in the Houſe do heartily join in it? You complain, you cannot bring your Servants to do what you deſire, as to Matters of Religion, when it may be you had nothing of Religion in your Eye, in the Choice of Servants. It may be for a ſmall Sum leſs with an Apprentice, or for the ſame Wages to another Servant, you might have had one, whoſe Education, and Inclinations would have been more incouraging; and who would thank God to enjoy ſuch Advantages, for the Knowledg and Service of God, as he might have in your Houſe. Servants alſo in diſpoſing themſelves; and Parents in the diſpoſing their Children, ought to conſider this. A wicked Maſter will commonly chuſe wicked Servants, and make them worſe. When a Ruler (of an Houſe, or Town, or Country) hearkeneth to Lies, (or is otherwiſe wicked) all his Servants are wicked, Prov. 29.12. Such a one can't endure the conſtant Reproof, that is given him by the good Converſation even of a Servant: And therefore will deſire no more Religion in a Servant, than not to be unfaithful to his Truſt. I wiſh there be not ſome Maſters, (even amongſt thoſe, who would be accounted Religious) who are ſhy of chuſing Servants, that have the Character of being ſo; contrary to David's Practice, Pſal. 101.4, 5, 7. It is true, ſome that have been well educated, have proved very ill afterwards; and Maſters have found themſelves miſtaken, after all their Care in this Matter: But if they did their Duty, to make the beſt Choice, and uſe the beſt Endeavours they could, they may have Peace and Quiet in their own Minds, when they meet with a Diſappointment; which otherwiſe they cannot.
They ought to look to it, whom they admit into their Families; unleſs they value their particular Calling above their General one: For who can tell the Miſchief, that one bad Servant may do in a Houſe? One Sinner deſtroys much good: as one Joſeph may bring a Bleſſing upon a Family, and upon all that his Maſter hath in the Houſe. You can hardly expect, that God ſhould ſucceed you with a Bleſſing in what you undertake, when you care not with what Tools you work, or whom you imploy: And in the Nature of the thing, there is little reaſon to hope, that they, who are falſe to God, and to their own Souls, will ordinarily be faithful to you. We read of thoſe who were no good Men, viz. Laban, and Potiphar, &c. who have thrived the better for taking good Servants into their Families; but I no where read of a good Man, that was the better for a wicked Servant: We have ſad Experience every Day to the contrary.
But the Welfare and the Comfort of religious Families, depends not wholly on the Duty of the Heads of it; They who are Children, or Servants, are obliged thankfully to improve the Bleſſing of Religious Parents, and Maſters, and faithfully to do their Duty in each Relation. Without a wonderful Change by the Grace of God, you will never be good Parents to your own Children, (if you live to have any) if you are not good in the Relation of Children. The ſame may be ſaid for Servants: Nor are they like to be good Husbands or Wives, who were not good in their former Relation as Children, or Servants. Neither are ſuch who are not good in their Family-Relations like to be ſo in any other: Either good Neighbours in a Town, or good Members in a Church, or Magiſtrates in the State. Abſalom, a Rebellious Child, proved a Traiterous Subject: Hophni and Phineas, diſobedient Children, proved ſcandalous, and ſacrilegious Prieſts; ſo in other Inſtances.
Let Children honour and obey their Parents in the Lord: See that there be inward Reverence, Reſpect, and Love: Deſpiſe not their Perſons; ſlight not their Inſtructions, Rebukes, or lawful Commands, or Government. Take heed of ſpeaking contemptuouſly of either of them. He that curſeth Father or Mother, let him die the Death, Levit. 20.9. His Lamp ſhall be put out in Darkneſs, Prov. 20.20. You ſhould prize their Counſels, delight in their Preſence, rejoyce in their Company, ſympathize with them in their Sorrows or Joys, and readily deny your ſelves for their Sakes. The Expreſſions of outward Honour from Children to Parents, by the Diſſoluteneſs of the Age, are almoſt out of Faſhion: Such as riſing up, and ſtanding bare before them, (which is required of the Younger, unto ſuch as are their Fathers only by Age, Lev. 19.31.) to bow before them, and deſire their Bleſſing or Prayers, to ſpeak alway with reſpect to them, and of them, &c. The Honour that conſiſts in Obedience, may be expreſſed many ways; as by being content to obey their lawful Orders, though in the meanneſt Services; to be content to have their own Wills croſſed, that the Will of their Parents may be fulfilled; by not marrying without their Knowledge, and Conſent; and by ſubmitting to their juſt Reproofs, Rebukes, and Corrections; and obeying them eſpecially in the things of God, and for the good of their Souls. There is an Honour due to Parents, which conſiſts in Thankfulneſs, and Recompence: Readily ſerving them, and ſupplying their outward Wants, comforting them in their Sorrows, Sufferings, Sickneſs, Old-Age; being ſollicitous for their Safety, and Welfare, concern'd for their Reputation and Good-Name, praying daily for them; and plentifully, freely, and honourably providing for them, according to your Ability, and their Need. As Joſeph did when advanc'd in the Court of Pharaoh. This is not Juſtice only, but Piety. Let them learn to ſhow Piety at home, and requite their Parents, 1 Tim. 5.4. And our Lord reproves the Seribes and Phariſees, who by their corrupt Doctrines would diſpenſe with Children from ſuch an Obligation, Mat. 15.5, 6. Such Children then who are a Grief to their Parents, or purloin their Goods, or waſte their Eſtates, or do not to their utmoſt miniſter to the Supply of their Wants, do ſo far fail of their Duty. The Children of Religious Parents, are eſpecially bound to pay them Honour; and ſo to walk, as to reflect Honour on them; imitating their good Examples, thanking God for his ſpecial Mercies to their Parents, while they lived, doing what they can to honour them at their Death; pleading with God the Covenant-Relation of their Parents, to obtain a Bleſſing on themſelves, as their Off-ſpring; and faithfully adhering to the Truth, Worſhip, and Ways of God, as their Holy Parents did before them.
This Honour is due to Parents whether they be Rich or Poor, Wiſe or Weak, whether in an honourable Station in the World, or in meaner Circumſtances, whether in vigorous Health, or bowed down under Sickneſs, and the Inſirmities of Old-Age: Remember ſtill they are your Parents.
It is a Mercy you ought to be very thankful for, to have Religious Parents, and live in a Religious Family. It is a Prize in your Hands, you muſt give an Account of: And a ſad Account it will be, if you remain ignorant of God, and Rebels againſt Chriſt, under thoſe Advantages to know, and obey him, which others want. How unthankful are you, if you value it not as a Privilege? What work for the Worm of Conſcience do you provide, if you improve it not! You might have been born of ſuch Parents, as would have wholly neglected the Salvation of your Souls; or you might have been caſt into ſome Atheiſtical Families, where God is not worſhiped from Week to Week. Few are ſenſible enough of the Obligation they are under to God, by being related as Husband, or Wife, as a Child or a Servant, to ſuch as truly fear God.
I would here call ſuch Children to Repentance, who have neglected, and failed in their Duty to Parents. Let grown Perſons reflect on their Childhood, and Youth, when they lived with their Parents, and ſince. Have you not been Stubborn and Rebellious, Irreverent, and diſreſpectful in your Carriage to one, or both of them? Have you not ſecretly deſpiſed them in your Hearts? or openly publiſhed their Infirmities? Have you not often diſobeyed their lawful Commands? or ſlighted their wholſom Admonitions? Have you not denyed, or been backward to Aſſiſt and Comfort them? Have you not ſecretly coveted their Eſtates, before their Death? or deſired that it might be quickly? Did you honour them, inwardly with a good Conſcience, from the Love of God, and the ſenſe of his Authority? Let us call our ſelves to an account, and renew our Repentance before God, for ſuch Sins, that his Pardoning Grace may prevent his Threatned Wrath. And let us take heed to live hereafter as the Children of ſuch, of whom God was not aſhamed to be called their God.
Remember the Advantages of your being thus related to Holy Parents: for Temporal Bleſſings, Iſhmael, Solomon, Rehoboam, and others are Inſtances of the kindneſs of God to Children upon the account of their Fathers. But you ſtand faireſt for Spiritual and Eternal Bleſſings, you are Children of the Covenant, and Members of the Viſible Church of Chriſt, the Bleſſing of Abraham, I will be thy God, which reached unto his Seed, being now come upon us Gentiles, Gal. 3.14. You have many Helps to ſerious Godlineſs, which others have not: You have many Hindrances removed, which make it more difficult for others, who deſcend from wicked Parents, and live in Ignorant, Irreligious Families. You have more Knowledg of God and Chriſt, of Sin and Duty. And uſually the Spirit of Grace begins more early with ſuch Children, and follows them with more Calls, Offers, Invitations, Strivings, Convictions; and leaves them not till they are Profligate, Deſperate, and Reſolved in Wickedneſs: whereof Iſhmael a Scoffer, Eſau a Profane Perſon, and the Jewiſh Nation, (who filled up the meaſure of their Iniquity, by Rejecting and Murdering the Lord of Glory) are eminent Examples.
Remember your Relation, and think what God and all the World expects from you. There is a great Privilege belonging by Goſpel-grant to the Children of Holy, Covenanted Parents, if they do not forfeit it, by forſaking, and practically diſavowing their Fathers God. If you will own him, he will be Your God, as well as Theirs. He hath an early preventive Intereſt in you, upon which you may lay your Claim to him as Your God, if you will devote your ſelves to him, and ſtand to his Covenant. To be ungodly Children of Holy Parents is the greateſt Unworthineſs that can be. Be aſtoniſhed O ye Heavens at this! Jer. 2.12. That any Perſons, or People ſhould caſt off their God. Thine own Friend, and thy Father's Friend forſake not, ſaith Solomon, much leſs thy Father's God. How reproachful will be your Wickedneſs, if you are not better than others! If you who are the Children of the Covenant, become the Children of the Devil, by doing his Works! Shall there be a ſcoffing Iſhmael come out of Abraham's Houſe, or a profane Eſau from Iſaac's Family, a rebellious Abſalom, or a filthy Amnon be found in the Family of the Holy David? God forbid that any of you ſhould find or force the way to Hell, out of ſuch Houſes, where God is daily worſhiped. Certainly a Wicked Child of Religious Parents is one of the moſt miſerable Spectacles in the World. He is within the Viſible Family of God, devoted to him, made acquainted with his Duty, and can have no excuſe for his Sin. What Aggravatious hath ſuch a one's Guilt! They muſt have ſtifled more Convictions, and reſiſted more Grace, than others. And how ſure and ſevere will be their Condemnation! when all the Prayers, and Pains of Holy Parents ſhall witneſs againſt them! and God account ſuch Children, as the Children of the Ethiopian, or Arabian.
And have you no Concern for, or Love to your Parents? Conſider how wicked Children embitter all the Comforts of their good Parents. A Father of a Fool, ſaith the Wiſe Man, bath no joy, Prov. 17.21. While Parents are in bitterneſs for a diſſolute Child, they cannot have that Joy and Comfort in one another, which otherwiſe they might: nor in the other Children, who are more hopeful: The whole Family is Afflicted, and Diſturbed. The Grace of God, by which they overcome their own Corruptions, gives them not ſo much Comfort as otherwiſe, when they ſee the Sin they have mortified and forſaken, break out, and reign in any of their Children. Nor can they rejoyce in God, and Jeſus Chriſt, as otherwiſe, when according to the Word of God, they hope and believe he is their Friend and Father, and by the ſame Word know he is an Enemy to this or the other Son, or Daughter, and that the Wrath of God abideth on them: And that if they get to Heaven themſelves, ſuch of their Children are not like to follow them there.
Laſtly, Let Children and Servants take heed of their Carriage towards One another. Let them indeavour Concord, and Union, and Love; and avoid Contention, and Falling out, and the uſing of provoking, exaſperating Language to one another. Let them help one another, as they can, in Health and Sickneſs, and take each others Concernment as their own. Let them watch over one another, as to the Sins, and Temptations they are moſt in danger of. Let them beware of vain unprofitable Diſcourſe, and Idleneſs; and moſt carefully put away all filthy corrupt Communication, whereby they may poiſon the Souls of one another. Let them tenderly bear with one anothers Failings, and prudently conceal one anothers Faults, (where the Concealment of them tends not to the Wrong of the Parent or Maſter, or of any other; and where the opening of them will but ſtir up Strife.) This would alſo help to promote Family Religion. I deſire and pray that theſe plain haſty Thoughts, may be ſerviceable to that purpoſe. With that Hope, I commend them to the Divine Bleſſing, and you to his Grace and Providence: Let us unite in the Reſolution, that whatever others do, we with our Houſe, will ſerve the Lord, and worſhip the God of our Fathers; and in that way and manner as to Our Families, wherein we have, beſides their Example, ſo much other Encouragement from the Holy Scriptures, and Reaſon, and the Practice of the beſt Men. I am with Reſpect, and Sincerity,
Sir, Yours, J. S.