Solitude Improved by Divine Meditation, Chapter 5
CHAP. V. Of being humbled for negligence in this Duty of Meditation, after experiencing the fruit and ſweetneſs of it.
ANother improvement of this Doctrine is for due humbling of all ſuch who after experiencing the ſucceſs and ſweetneſs of heavenly Meditation, both that firſt ſoul-ſeriouſneſs, into which they were drawn, drawn by the Holy Spirit in effectual vocation, and grounding their ſo happy converſion to God, and believing in Chriſt; and then likewiſe after their uſual and daily exerciſing holy Meditation, that whence they have had ſo ſweet Communion with God, thoſe rare hours wherein they have been wrapt up, with that bleſſed Apoſtle, into the third Heaven, and taſted of thoſe glorious and ſoul-raviſhing pleaſures and joys that are unſpeakable.
Ah Chriſtian, to experience ſo often the ſurpaſſing ſweetneſs of this happy way, this path and walk to Heaven, and tread it no more.
1. To fail ſo frequently in that ſo needful daily Meditation, do it ſo little or ſo ſlenderly.
2. To take ſo ſeldom into that path of Occaſional ſet and ſolemn Meditation, that alſo of ſo great advantage, large incomes of light and wiſdom, warmth and quickening, ſtrength and encouragings.
3. And to act no oftner that ſo eaſie, quick, and expedite ejaculatory meditating, whereby thy ſoul may give incumbrances and overcharging buſineſs the ſlip, take breath, eaſe it ſelf, mount up to Heaven, make a ſhort viſit, and return refreſht, quickened, and enlarged.
A Student never does himſelf ſuch wrong, as when he reads much and muſes little, for then he either receives in, or retains nothing; or cannot manage his Notions: We never order and diſpatch Affairs worſe than when we Meditate leaſt.
And ſo a Chriſtian never loſes more labour, does his ſoul-affairs worſe, than when he muſes not, and warms not himſelf by this exerciſe of Meditation. Divers profeſs a faculty and ability, as in Sciences and ways of Learning, in Myſteries and ways of Trading and Dealing, yet are but ſlender proficients, can do little but bungle, becauſe they ſtudy and muſe no more to know their own way.
Many Chriſtians are but bunglers, to what they might be, make a large diſproportion between their profeſſion and their proficiency, their practice and their profit, becauſe they meditate no more to underſtand their way.
2. The great, not only ignorance, but dead-heartedneſs and ſpiritual chilneſs, with the brokenneſs and unevenneſs of Chriſtians in their walkings, ariſes much from a negligence in this Meditation; either negligence of not doing it, but ceaſing ſometimes; or negligence of ſlackneſs and ſlothfulneſs in ceaſing fervency and induſtry for the manner. Davids manner of meditation, in the fervency and the conſtancy of it, will keep up Davids affections fervent and flaming affections; and Davids conſtancy and evenneſs of converſation.
3. Little meditating makes lean Chriſtians, of little life, little ſtrength, little growth, and of little uſefulneſs to others. Heb. 12.12. There's mention of feeble knees, which alſo occaſions the going with no ſteadineſs, and the not making of ſtraight ſteps.
As it is oft in the body thus, from a failing in the head, obſtructions of the Fountain, and feeder of ſenſe and motion; ſo this among others, this failing in Meditation, is a great occaſion (though there be divers other cauſes) a great ground of Chriſtians weak feet, and going no ſtronger and ſteadier: Meditation that ſhould influence, ſtir up ſtrength and motion, is obſtructed, diſuſed, and neglected; Meditation muſt ſtill lend a hand of help to every ſpiritual undertaking, firſt ponder, then proceed: We can perform nothing well in worldly affairs, without well conſidering; ſo in ſpiritual matters, what duties can be well performed, what graces rightly exerciſed, what in all Religion that can be named, can be rightly ordered, if you mind not ſeriouſly, conſider not before the doing it, as well as mind and attend it in the doing?
Serious thinking is fundamental to all right doing; O what are the innumerable advantages that thy conſtancy in this courſe would ſtill bring in? and what have been thy loſſes by neglect, and will daily increaſe upon thee by it? Ah therefore conſider, be awakened and ſtrive to be humbled for all thy failings and neglects; eſpecially thy fallings off from, and diſuſings of this ſo neceſſary and excellent Duty; look to thy firſt beginning in it, and thy making no better entrance into it.
Firſt undertakings, if not ſo well and through, prove great inconveniences, and if not lookt after and amended, may occaſion a leſs ſeriouſneſs and care ever after; but however they require a making up and bettering: that which ſerves a young, weak, and unexperienced Chriſtian, muſt not ſerve a grown Chriſtian, one old in his way.
O but be humbled for thy improving no more in this Art of Meditation, for being no better Artiſt, for having ſo little of this heavenly habit, and heart-readineſs, from thy frequencies and conſtancies of not only acting, but earneſt and vigorous ſtrivings, which intend and ſtrengthen, improve and increaſe the habit.
Be humbled for no higher attainments in this happy way, which we ſhould be moſt perfect in & ready for; in which we ſhould ſtill have an increaſing and heightening complacency and pleaſure to perform, with a ſtriving to do it better, as to heart-readineſs, better as to heart-power, and purpoſe, reſolvedneſs againſt oppoſitions and hindrances.
Ah then look, mournfully look we, and with ſhame and ſelf-abaſings, on all and for all our failings, and for all our guilt contracted for this Duty neglected.
1. That our progreſs and improvement hath been ſo ſmall.
2. Our inequalities and unevenneſſes ſo many.
3. Our fallings off and deſiſtings, and lyings ſo long, or any ſpace of time, before returning and recovering, and by our diſ-uſing, contracting an unwillingneſs, a ſpiritual lothneſs, a doing with more difficulty, or by refuſals and denying of doing this Duty, to thereby aggravate our ſin.
Therefore, I ſay, for all theſe admitted and added, let us be deeply humbled before God, and mourn over ſo many and great neglects he hath obſerved in us.
Ah therefore ſay, I have ſinned greatly in what I have done, 2 Sam. 24.10. ſay, I will do ſo no more, Job. 34.32. Ah, ſo to ſlight, to forget the concerns of God and my ſoul, to let my eyes be in the corners of the earth, to let my ſoul loſe ſo its lookings, by eying vanity; to imbezel my precious thoughts upon the by, and overlook the main.
May not my God come and challenge me for great unkindneſs, unworthineſs, and folly? What, thou my child to be ſo vain and unwiſe? when thou haſt to contemplate thy God, in his infinite all-ſufficiency; thy Saviour, in all his matchleſs beauty and fullneſs; thy Sanctifier, in all his operations and conſolations; thy perfect rule, the Scriptures, with all the treaſures of heavenly truths in them; and when thou haſt all the excellent and admired works and ways of a God, the condition of his Church and people, thy own ſouls ſtate, and eternal ſalvation, together with all ſuch things that continually ſtand full in thy view.
Ah, to have ſo many paths for the feet of thy ſpirit to walk in by Meditation, ſo many rare Objects, for thy Eyes entertainment and employment, and to thy ſweeteſt ſolace, largeſt ſatisfaction, and yet in any degree, to miſcarry the golden ſeaſons of this ſo heart-enriching Meditation.
Ah may not my grieved God, and his grieved ſpirit, grieve and ſadden my herein ſo ſinning ſpirit? may not my neglects of Meditation, not ſeriouſly and frequently thinking of him, and ſuch things that nearly, highly concern him, juſtly occaſion my Gods neglecting of me? Neglecting me, by withdrawing his hand from his bleſſed impulſes, infuſings of heavenly thoughts, judging it not meet to give down good and holy thoughts, into a ſpirit diſtemper'd, diverted, by too uſual admittance of earthly, evil, and carnal thoughts, and diſuſe of holy Meditation.
Who will plant the moſt precious flowers among heaps of poiſonous weeds?
Who will mix their richeſt, pureſt Wine, with puddle, dirty Water; or their Gold and Diamonds among dirt and dung?
Ah, this is the way for my God not only to withdraw himſelf, but to let Satan the foul Spirit looſe upon me, to trouble me, to haunt me, to follow me, with all manner of diſquieting and diſcouraging thoughts, with temptations of injury and ſtealing, revenge and cruelty, uncleanneſs and filthineſs, and ſinful ſenſualities, and ſuch like evil thoughts againſt others.
Ah, may not this neglect of good thoughts and due Meditation, be juſtly met with, and expoſe me to the blackeſt and moſt horrid thoughts and temptations, ſuch as thoſe of Blaſphemy, thoughts as thick as Hail, and that daily haunt me, darting horrour and Hell into my ſpirit, making my heart to tremble, and my hair to ſtand upright on my head?
Ah, may I not (if I amend not the ſooner) not come to that ſo ſad and dreadful temptation, ſo contrary to Nature, the temptation of ſelf-deſtroying, thinking it may be beſt to be rid of my trouble, though it be ſo horrid and unnatural, and will render the caſe ſo dangerous and dubious?
Yea, may I not have ſelf let looſe upon ſelf, my own heart to worry it ſelf, my boſom opened, the Book of my conſcience held open before me, and my eye held to a looking continually into it, ſeeing my ſins ſet all in order before me, making me a magor miſſabib, fear round about, a terrour to my ſelf?
And to all, may not my God plunge me into the depths of diſſertion, ſet himſelf againſt me, let all his waves paſs over me, let me ſee and feel nothing but his wrath and Hell; that I who would not meditate as I ſhould, ſhall now nothing but meditate as I would not, meditate nothing but terrour?
O therefore to prevent all this, or whatſoever may befall me on careleſneſs and neglect, O let me call to mind my former times, my former taſtes and ſweet ſolaces, had in my walking up this bill of Meditation; thoſe rare hours, ſweet enlargements, ſtrong conſolations, happy and encouraging experiences I had when I kept up my vigour and conſtancy, as in others, ſo in this bleſſed way and exerciſe of holy Meditation; and being greatly humbled, let me keep cloſer to, and walk with an evener foot in this heavenly path.