Solitude Improved by Divine Meditation, Chapter 4
CHAP. IV. For humbling thoſe that are totally yet to begin Conſideration for Converſion.
AH then in the next place, as it was for great ſhame univerſally to all perſons whatſoever, for ſo long neglecting conſideration, and meditating of their ſouls condition, and for converſion; ſo how far more ſhould it humble all, that never as yet ſo meditated to that great and principal end Converſion, ſo as Converſion followed Conſideration; never had the firſt corner ſtone laid of that conſideration, which bottoms and grounds converſion, that hitherto have had all their precious thoughts ſcatter'd in rovings and wandrings of ſpirit, acted and waſted upon vanities and follies, things that periſh, that cannot profit in the day of wrath, that will prove ſorrow, ſhame, and anguiſh of ſpirit in the latter end.
Ah how many are there who for improving that great talent of the thinking power, employing it for thoſe ſo high ends it was peculiarly deſign'd to and given for, for wiſdom to ſalvation, and glorifying God the giver, that have daily all their thoughts either vile or vain; that walk in the vanity of their minds, that is, in a conſtancy and prevalency of mind-vanity, vanity excluſive of good thoughts and all right ſeriouſneſs, and productive of nothing but the weeds of evil and vain thinkings! The way of their thoughts is a ſucceſſive taking ſtep after ſtep in vanity, one vain thought follows cloſe, treads on the heels of another for haſte; all the walking of that ſo working, active, buſie mind, is nothing but continued vanity. O how ſad a frame of ſpirit is this, how ſad a ſign and ſymptom, if not healed by a new frame of heart, ſymptom of deepeſt danger of ruine and deſtruction haſtening on apace!
Some-Diſeaſes in that ſo noble part the head, are moſt dangerous, the Cure is hard, the Killing quick; when vanity ſeizes the mind, when men from vain thoughts ariſing in them, come to allowing of them, and from allowing to a walking in the vanity of their minds, vanity of thoughts becomes an habit, and when it becomes habitual, then the danger is high: All habits, evil habits, are like old rooted Diſeaſes, hardly, if ever, cured; O when men walk in the vanity of their minds, God may be provoked to a giving them up to walk on, and ſo be at laſt ruin'd utterly for want of a timely returning from it.
O how ſhould this awaken ſuch, that have ſo this way ravel'd out their youth; it may be, laviſht and loſt their beſt days of riper years, yea peradventure are arrived at an old age, and are old withal in this way of vanity of thoughts! Old and vain is ſad to purpoſe: Ah when younger, when elder, yet never could allow or would find time to become ſerious: A young head, and a vain head, all wildneſs is a ſad beginning.
A grown man ripened in Reaſon, but not yet beginning, not ſo far as budding out in conſideration, not arrived at the wiſdom of minding ſoul-concerns, that's worſe, and a ſad ſign.
But for a man to have gray hairs here and there, and to be yet to begin wiſdom for ſelf, in ſelf-bethinkings, never to have laid the foundation of meditating on the higheſt ſoul-affairs, thereby to convert, O this is dreadful, ſad beyond all; ah to ravel out the moſt, the beſt, the all almoſt of thy time, and never, never to interpoſe one times, one hours, ſerious Meditation, or never to meditate to purpoſe, ſo as to convert to God truly, but be ſtill to begin to return to God, contenting thy ſelf with a juſt nothing done, of that greateſt, and which ſhould never be the laſt, but firſt diſpatcht, buſineſs of all others!
Ah, but what will all prove at laſt to all younger or elder, if there be a going on without conſideration, without converſion? young, and ſtrong, and old, are all liable to death, yea to a death that may be on thee ſuddenly; who can (all things conſidered) think in any wiſdom, he can be ſo ſecure, that he needs not yet be ready for dying? Ah, if that black Serjeant of death claps thee ſuddenly on the ſhoulder, ſerves an Arreſt upon thee, preſently to come away and give up thy account, in what woful caſe wilt thou then find thy ſelf, what terrour and confuſion will inſtantly ſeize thee?
It will moſt certainly come, that thou knoweſt; but when it will come, that thou canſt not know; ah think therefore of it before-hand; make it thy caſe as now come, and by the ſymptoms of it had really ſeized thee, that thou wert now drawing on, hadſt but a few hours or minutes to continue in this world, and then be caſt upon eternity, be caſt upon eternity, and before thou ever haſt come to any conſideration which iſſued in a real converſion, and thereby to make ſome ſure proviſion for thy eternal ſalvation: Ah put this caſe, this dying caſe, put it ſoon enough, and cloſe home to thy boſom, let it ſtay upon thy heart, let Death as it were lay his cold hand on thee, and conceive that thou feeleſt it touch thee, and take faſt hold of thee to carry thee inſtantly away, and ſo cut thee off from ever having one opportunity, the ſhorteſt ſpace imaginable, for conſideration, any poſſibility of converſion to God more; that time and means muſt now be no longer, becauſe thou muſt be no longer in the land of the living.
O but then think, O ſeriouſly think what immediately will follow after, ponder thy particular doom, thy ſouls ſentencing to an everlaſting ſtate. Think not only of thy ſouls leaving its old ruined Tabernacle, but of its launching forth into that Ocean of Eternity.
Think what an Eternity thine Eternity muſt now be, who waſted all thy time lent thee for Eternity, and that ſo precious talent of opportunity truſted with thee, to trade for Eternity, for a moſt happy Eternity, and making that ſure, 1 Tim. 6. 2 Pet. 1.
And to affect thee more abundantly, and work upon thy ſpirit to purpoſe, think, O think of, beſides thy own particular day, of that great day fixt & appointed by the great Governour of all the world, for judging of every perſon, every work of every perſon, the ſecrets of that perſons heart, yea every ſecret thing good or evil, Eccl. 12. Imagine then that great and terrible day of the Lord to be come, thou ſeeſt the Heavens departing as a ſcrowl, the Elements melting with fervent heat, the Earth with the works therein burnt up; imagine thou ſeeſt the Lord Jeſus deſcending from Heaven with his mighty Angels, coming with the voice of the Archangel and the trump of God, ſeeſt the dead ariſing, the living all changed in a moment, and all perſons whatſoever convented and brought before Jeſus Chriſt the Judge, ſuch a Judge as never any was, in any degree to be compared with, ſo unſpeakably excellent and glorious, ſitting on his high Throne, in higheſt and moſt tranſcendent majeſty and glory, as there cannot poſſibly be greater.
Among all that are to be judged, imagine thy ſelf there appearing at the Judgment ſeat to make thy perſonal anſwer, and take thy Eternal doom; that preſently thou art call'd, come thou ſinner, come, hold up thy hand at the Bar, anſwer for thy ſelf; that thou heareſt the Judge call, read the indictment, read it aloud, and anſwer thou ſinner to every part of thy charge.
1. Firſt thou that ſtandeſt here at this Bar to be tryed, thou haſt a noble faculty of reaſon, and underſtanding, and with it a power of thinking, and meditating given into thy ſoul, and that, above all others, to meditate of heavenly things; thou anſwereſt, it is true, Lord, I cannot deny it.
2. Thou alſo hadſt my Word, a perfect rule, to direct thee, my Miniſters to perſwade thee, my Spirit to draw thee, thine own conſcience to call upon thee, which alſo called loud, often, and earneſtly upon thee to conſider; yes, Lord, thou anſwereſt, it is moſt true.
3. Time alſo and opportunity thou hadſt, ſpace ſufficient allowed thee to meditate and conſider, if thou wouldſt have done it; a time of youth, and time enough then, alſo a time of, it may be, riper years, and old age; a time of many years, great patience, waitings on, and ſtrivings with: True, Lord, thou anſwereſt, I had many opportunities to conſider.
4. But when thou ſhould have remembred thy Creator in the days of thy youth, thou didſt forget him, wouldſt not think of him, of his Word, of his ways, thy own ſtate, and thy ſouls concerns.
Thy firſt freſh years were ſpent in walking in the ſight of thy eyes, and minding vanities; thou couldſt find time enough to think of thy pleaſures, thy play, ſports, and paſtimes, thy exceſſes, filthineſs, looſneſs, but not of thy God, or thy ſouls great affairs. At ſuch a place, in ſuch a year, ſuch a month, ſuch a day of that month, ſuch an hour, or ſuchhours of that day (is it not ſo ſinner?) there & then thou wert thinking, muſing, deviſing for ſuch a pleaſure, ſuch a ſport, ſuch a vanity, and ſuch a wickedneſs; and the following day, at ſuch a place, and ſuch an hour, doing the like; and ſo day after day thy thoughts were laviſht, loſt, let out on impertinencies and meer vanities, but purpoſely taken and turn'd from all religious ſeriouſneſs, all ſoul-matters: Was not this thy uſual way to ravel out that thy youths time in never minding thy God, and the things are holy; never to conſider any thing to any purpoſe indeed? What ſay'ſt thou, ſinner, to all this charge of embezling that precious time of tender and more pliable youth? Are not all particulars charged againſt thee true? Yes, Lord Jeſus, I was ſuch a one, as to every particular, and cannot deny any thing charged.
5. Ah, but beyond that time, thou livedſt up to riper years, and when the time of fond phanſie and folly wore off by the ripening of reaſon, on thy coming to mans eſtate, then had you more reaſon far, more to mind and meditate on the great concernments of God and your ſoul; I then lookt for ſeriouſneſs, when you now could be ſerious, and ſerious enough in things of lower concernment, as for your calling and buſineſs, for getting wealth, and growing rich, to be great and high, and have abundance; ah, how couldſt thou ſtuddy, muſe, beat thy Brains, in the day, and in the night appointed for reſt and ſleep, how did thy worldly mindedneſs act thee? thy mind running, thoughts intending, multiplying, with all poſſible earneſtneſs, and eagerneſs? Ah, friend, what have been the multitudes of thy muſings, day after day, in ſuch and ſuch caſes, buſineſs, bargains, purchaſes, and projects? What an engroſſer of thoughts hath Mammon been in thy covetous frame of heart, and what a moſt ſhameful excluder of good and heavenly thoughts continually? Yea, I have to charge thee farther, before men and Angels, with thy ſtudyings and contrivances, the deepeſt and moſt intenſe thoughts of heart thou haſt had, for credit, applauſe, and honour, from men like thy ſelf; for riſing, growing high, getting power, and being great in the world; O how this, this, friend, provokt and engag'd your thoughts, ſtudyings, plottings, all the ſoul-earneſtneſs that was in thee, to be accounted and applauded, to be great and high? but you never would be half ſo ſerious, ſpend any ſuch proportion of time to get Honour that comes from God, and to be one the Lord commends.
Sinner, is not all this alſo true? canſt thou deny any one part of this charge?
No, Lord, ſaith the Priſoner, it is all very true.
Over and above, thou haſt meditated and deviſed, and that many and divers ways, for ſatisfying thy luſts in every way thou likedſt, and wert pleaſed in: Meditated for miſchief, taking revenge, which was none of thine, but mine, as now appears; yea, for oppoſing good cauſes, perſecuting the godly, ſuch as would be upright in their Generation, and not be wrapt up in the wickedneſs of the times.
Ah what, of all others, what depths and heights of muſings and deviſings hath thy heart of hatred, thy keeneſt helliſh malice brooded and brought forth againſt my Saints, theſe Saints that lived with thee, here they are before thee, ſee them; there's ſuch a godly painful Miniſter, and there's another, and there are all the reſt you hated and oppoſed; here, friend, are ſuch Chriſtians you have plotted againſt, and perſecuted ſo often; there's ſuch that lived in ſuch places about you, there's ſuch who lived in the ſame Town with you, here's one that lived the very next door to you, here be thoſe who were in the ſame Family, of your familiarity, of your daily converſe with, and your ſpiteful oppoſition to; here's ſuch a fellow-ſervant, ſuch a Brother, or Siſter, ſuch a Child or Parent, ſuch a Husband or Wife, hated and ſcorned for godlineſs ſake: This, this hath been thy manner ſinner, from thy very firſt to the end of thy days, which have not been few; all the thoughts of thy heart evil, all but ſteps in the long walk of the vanity of thy mind.
Thoughts thou haſt enough, thy mind that meditated enough, was ever acting; buſie enough, but bad, thou wouldſt not meditate the right way, on the beſt things, on holy and ſpiritual things, not in all thy time, ſo as to convert and turn to God. What ſay'ſt thou, wretched ſinner, is not this charge, all this indictment, in every particular true, witneſſed and proved to thy face? Do not I, the heart-knowing Judge, know it is every tittle true? and doth not thy own heart, thy own boſom, the Book of thy conſcience, ſhew it to be true, cannot but yield it ſo? Ah true, true it is, Lord, all in every tittle moſt true, I cannot deny it, nor will contend to juſtifie or excuſe my ſelf in the leaſt.
7. Then ſinner thou acknowledgeſt thy ſelf, by all that hath been ſhewn and proved to thy face, and by thy own confeſſion of all, that thou art guilty; what ſayſt thou therefore to the whole charge? Guilty, or not Guilty? Guilty, guilty, Lord, What haſt thou then to alleage, why ſentence of condemnation ſhould not paſs upon thee? Ah, Mercy, mercy, Lord, I beg mercy, I have only mercy to entreat; O pity, pity, mercy I moſt humbly crave. No, no, it is now no time for mercy, for any pity, time was when thou livedſt under the free ten-of it; but now time's paſt, now go thou curſed wretch, that wouldſt never conſider, never meditate; go thou fooliſh ſinner, thou lazy ſlothful ſinner, that wouldſt not take the pains, and diſ-eaſe thy ſelf ſo far, as to engage in a little thought-labour; go thou ſtubborn ſtout-hearted ſinner, that wouldſt not ſtoop to take up this eaſie yoke, this light burden, of being ſometimes rightly ſerious, of a now and then ſome few minutes time meditating and pondering matters ſpiritual and eternal; but only worldly, carnal, and periſhing matters, theſe, theſe were the things had all thy mindings, all thy ſeriouſneſs and earneſtneſs, and thy conſtancies of thoughts; go therefore thou fooliſh, lazy, ſtubborn ſinner into that place, which is prepared for all ſuch as thou art; Take him away, bind him hand and foot, caſt him into utter darkneſs.
Moſt juſt, juſt and righteous is it, Lord, cry all the Bench of Saints and Angels; full evidence, and his own confeſſion there is, that he would not obey this righteous Law, would not uſe his thinking power, to think of thee, Lord Jeſus, nor the things of thy Kingdom; nay he would not bethink himſelf, think of his immortal ſouls higheſt concerns, but minded wholly other things than the main: O 'tis moſt righteous, righteous Lord, that thou haſt judged thus.
When the ſentence is thus pronounced by the mouth of Jeſus Chriſt the Judge; when all that innumerable company of Saints and Angels have unanimouſly (not one diſſenting) approved the righteouſneſs of the whole proceeding, and juſt doom and ſentence; what then preſently follows, but driving away from the face of Chriſt, dragging and haling to the place of Execution, thruſting into the pit of darkneſs, a filling up with ſcalding wrath brim full, and a ſealing up, in that woful place and ſtate, for ever and for ever?
Ah, then thou that art and haſt never, never been ſerious in minding the main concerns of thy immortal ſoul, ſerious in every thing rather than therein: O look, look to it before it be too late.
Ah, never be quiet, till thy ſpirit comes to this happy attainment, comes to fix and ſetle in ſeriouſneſs of daily meditating, in walking this way with evenneſs and conſtancy, and ſo make it eaſie and ſweet. Ah never be content, till from mindleſneſs and diſuſe of thinking thy thoughts the right way, acting the ſeriouſneſs of them upon things that challenge it moſt, till thou comeſt to thy ſelf, as Luke 15.17. comeſt to humble thy ſelf greatly, to ſay with deepeſt ſorrow, ſelf-abhorring and ſhame, O what have I done? what have I been? how many years have I run out, void of all due conſideration? how many and many millions of ſteps have I taken in the great Road of vanity of thoughts? Ah how near am I come to the end of my days, or how near may my end, for ought I know, be, and ſo for want of thinking and meditating, I may periſh for ever? Ah at how low arate have I ſet my precious ſoul, ſet my body, my whole perſon, my hopes, my God, his Chriſt, his Spirit, his Grace, Heaven, happineſs, & all my high concerns, that never thought them worth a thought, or a few thoughts in this way, this holy way of Meditation? never weighed them ſo in the Ballance, unleſs to find them too light, outweighed by every worldly, every bodily and carnal concern? O unwiſe, ſilly wretch, that I have all this time been, that I ſhould deal thus by my ſelf, be ſo cruel and ſo heedleſs, the fooliſheſt adventurer, the moſt idle ſluggard, to live in a lothneſs to be at the pains of a ſometimes meditating and thinking, though the gains be, or might be, beyond all thoughts.
Ah, now therefore, now, now, if it be not too late, by the Lords help, I will begin to bethink my ſelf, now I will ſet my ſelf to do my utmoſt, now to make haſte, and uſe all the means I poſſibly can to repent and reform, that I may be recover'd from my vanity of mind and converſation, and at laſt be wiſe unto ſalvation.