Letters in Two Parts, Part 1 · LETTER 60
To WILLIAM RIGGE. Of Athernie. (60.)
Much honoured & worthy Sir.
YOur letter full of complaints bemoaning your guiltiness hath humbled me; but give me leave to say, ye seem to be too far upon the law's side, ye will not gain much to be the Law's Advocat, I thought ye had not been the law's but grace's man; Nevertheless I am sure ye desire to take God's part against your self: what ever your guiltiness be, yet when it falleth into the sea of God's mercy, it is but like a drop of blood fallen in the great Ocean: There is nothing here to be done, but let Christ's doom light upon the old man, & let him bear his condemnation, seeing in Christ he was condemned; for the Law hath but power over your worst half; let the blame therefore lie where the blame should be & let the new man be sure to say, I am comely as the tents of Kedar, how beit I be black & sun-burnt by sitting neighbour beside a body of sin: I seek no more here but room for Grace's defence & Christ's white throne wherto a sinner condemned by the law may appeal: But the use that I make of …t, is, I am sorry that I am not so tender & thin skin'd, though I am sure Christ may finde employment for his calling in me, if in any living, seeing from my youth upward I have been making up the blackest process that any minister in the world, or any other can answer to: & when I had done this, I painted a providence of my own, & wrote ease for my self & a peaceable ministery & the sun shining on me, till I should be in at heaven's gates: Such green & raw thoughts had I of God. I thought also of a sleeping Devil that would pass by the like of me, lying in moores & out-fields: So I bigged the gook's nest, & dreamed of dying at ease & living in a fools paradise; but since I came hither I am often so, as that they would have much Rhetorick that would perswade me, that Christ hath not written wrath on my dumb & silent Sabbaths [which is a persecution of the latest edition, being used against none in this land, that I can learn of besides me] & often I lie under a non-entry, & would gladly sell all my joyes to be confirmed King Jesus's free tennent, & to have sealed assurances; but I see often blank papers: & my greatest desires are these two. 1. That Christ would take me in hand to cure me, & undertake for a sick man, I know I should not die under his hand: & yet in this, while I still doubt, I beleeve through a cloud, that sorrow which hath no eyes; hath but put a vail on Christ's love. 2. It pleaseth him often since I came hither, to come with some short blenks of his sweet love, & then because I have none to help me to praise his love, & can doe him no service in my own person, [as I thought once I did in his temple] then I die with wishes & desires, to take up house & dwell at the well-side & to have him praised & set on high: But alas, what can the like of me doe to get a good name raised upon my welbeloved Lord Jesus, suppose I could desire to be suspended for ever of my part of heaven for his glory? I am sure, If I could get my will of Christ's love, & could be once over head & ears in the beleeved, apprehended, & seen love of the Son of God, it were the fulfilling of the desires of the onelyonly happiness I would be at; but the truth is, I hinder my communion with him, because of want of both faith & repentance, & because I will make an idol of Christ's kisses: I will neither lead nor drive, except I see Christ's love run in my channel & when I wait and look for him the upper way, I see his wisdom is pleased to play me a slip & come the lower way; so that I have not the right art of guiding Christ: for there is art & wisdom required in guiding of Christ's love aright, when we have gotten it. O how far are his wayes above mine! O how little of him doe I see! & when I am as dry as a burnt heath in a drouthy summer, & when my root is withered, howbeit I think then that I would drink a sea-full of Christ ere ever I would let the cup goe from my head; yet I get nothing but delayes, as if he would make hunger my daily food: I think my self also hungered of hunger; The rich Lord Jesus satisfie a famished man. Grace be with you.
Aberd. 10. Sept. 1637. Your own in his sweet Lord Iesus, S. R.