Letters in Two Parts, Part 1 · LETTER 45 – LETTER 46
To JOHN KENNEDY, Bailiffe of Ayr. (45)
GRace, mercy and peace be unto you: Your nor writing to me, cannot binde me up from remembring you now & then, that at least ye may be a witness & a third man, to behold in paper what is betwixt Christ & me. I was in his eyes like a young Orphan, wanting known parents, casten out in the open fields; either Christ behooved to take me up, & to bring me home to his house and fire-side, else I had dyed in the fields: & now, I am homly with Christ's love, so that I think the house mine own, & the master of the house mine also. Christ enquired not when he began to love me, whether I was fair, or black, & sun-burnt? love taketh what it may have. He loved me before this time I know, but now I have the flower of his love, his love is come to a fair bloom, like a young rose opened up out of the green leaves, & it casteth a strong & fragrant smell. I want nothing but wayes of expressing Christ's love: A full vessel would have a vent. O if I could smoke out & cast out coales to make a fire in many brests of this land! Oh it is a pity that there were not many imprisoned for Christ, for no other purpose, but to write books & love-songs of the love of Christ. This love would keep all created tongues of men & Angels in exercise, & busie, night & day to speak of it. Alas I can speak nothing of it, but wonder at three things in his love. First, Freedome. O that lumps of sin should get such love for nothing. Secondly. The Sweetness of his love, I give over either to speak or write of it, but these that feel it may better bear witness What it is: but it is so sweet that next to Christ himself nothing can match it: nay I think a soul could live eternally blessed onelyonly on Christ's love, & feed upon no other thing: yea when Christ in love giveth a blow, it doeth a soul good, & it is a kinde of comfort & joy to it, to get a cuff with the lovely, sweet, & soft hand of Jesus. And Thirdly, what power & strength is in his love? I am perswaded it can climb a…st…ep hill, & hell upon it's back, & swim through the water & not dro…n, & sing in the fire & finde no pain, & triumph in losles, prisons, sorrows, exile, disgrace, & laugh & rejoyce in death. Oh for a yeer's lease of the sense of his love without a cloud, to try what Christ is! Oh for the coming of the bridegroom! Oh when will I see the bridegroom & the bride meet in the clouds & kisse each other! Oh when will we get our day & our hearts full of that love! Oh is it were lawfull to complain of the f…mine, & want of that love of the immediat vision of God! O time, time, how doest thou torment the souls of these that would be swallowed up of Christ's love, because thou movest so slowly! Oh if he would pity a poor prisoner, & blow love upon me, & give a prisoner a taste, or draught of that surpassing sweetness (which is glory as it were begun) to be a confirmation, that Christ & I shall have our fill of other for ever! Come hither O love of Christ, that I may once kisse thee before I die, what would I not give to have time that lieth betwixt Christ & me taken out of the way that we might once meet? I cannot think but …t the first sight I shall see of that most lovely & fairest face, love shall come out of his two eyes & fill me with astonishment, I would but desire to stand at the utter side of the gates of the new Jerusalem, & look thorow a hole of the door & see Christ's face: a borrowed vision in this life would be my borrowed & begun heaven, while the long, long-looked for day dawn. It is not for nothing that it is said Colos. 1. 27. Christ in you the hope of glory. I will be content of no pawne of heaven but Christ himself; for Christ possessed by faith here is young heaven & glory in the bud: If I had that pawne I would bide horning & hell both ere I gave it again. All we have here, is scarce the picture of glory: Should not we young bairns long & look for the expiring of our minority. It were good to be daily begging propines & love-gifts, & the bridegroom's favours, & if we can doe no more seek Crumbs & hungry dinners of Christ's love, to keep the taste of heaven in our mouth while supper time. I know it is far afternoon and nigh the marriagesupper of the Lamb, the table is covered already. O welbeloved run, run fast! O fair day when wil't thou dawn! O shaddows flee away! I think hope & love woven thorow other, make our absence from Christ spirituall torment: It is a pain to wait on, but hope that maketh not a hamed swalloweth up that pain. It is not unkindness that keepeth Christ & us so long asunder. What can I say to Christ's love? I think more then I can say: To consider that when my Lord Jesus may take the air [if I may so speak) & goe abroad; yet he will be confined & keep the prison with me: but in all this sweet communion with him what am I to be thanked, for I am but a sufferer, whether I will or not he will be kind to me, as if he had defied my guiltiness to make him unkind, so he beareth in his love on me. Here I die with wondering, that justice hindereth not love; for there are none in hell nor out of hell, more unworthy of Christ's love. Shame may confound and scar me, once to hold up my black mouth, to receive one of Christ's undeserved kisses. If my inner-side were turned out, & all men saw my vileness, they would say to me, It is a shame for thee to stand still, while Christ kiss thee & embrace thee: It would seem to become me rather to run away from hi love, as ashamed at my own unworthiness. Nay I may think shame to take heaven, who have so higly provoked my Lord Jesus: But seeing Christ's love will shame me, I am content to be shamed. My desire is that my Lord would give me broader & deeper thoughts, to feed my self with wondering at his love: I would I could weigh it, but I have no ballance for it. When I have worn my tongue to the stump in praising of Christ, I have done nothing to him, I must let him alone, for my withered armes will not goe about his high, wide, long and broad love: What remaineth then, but that my debt to the love of Christ lie unpaid for all eternity. All that are in heaven are black sham'd with his love as well as I, we must all be Dyvours together, & the blessing of that house-full, or heaven-full of Dyvours, shall rest for ever upon him. Off this Land & Nation would come & stand beside his inconceivable & glorious perfections, & look in, & love, & wonder, & adore! would to God I could bring in many lovers to Christ's house! But this Nation hath forsaken the fountain of living waters. Lord cast not water on Scotland's coal. Woe, woe will be to this Land, because of the day of the Lord's fierce anger that is so fast coming. Grace be with you.
Aberd. Your affectionat Brother in our Lord Iesus, S. R.
To JOHN KENNEDY Bailiffe of Ayr. (46)
Worthy & Dear Brother.
GRace, mercy & peace be to you: I long to see you in this Northerne world in paper; I know it is not forgetfulness that ye write not: I am every way in good case both in soul & body, all honour & glory be to my Lord: I want nothing but a further revelation of the beauty of the unknown Son of God. Either I know not what Christianity is, or we have stinted a measure of so many ounce weights, & no more upon holiness, & there we are at a stay, drawing our breath all our life: a moderation in God's way, now, is much in request. I profess I have never taken pains to finde out him whom my soul loveth, there is a gate yet of finding out Christ, that I have never lighted upon. Oh if I could finde it out! Alas how soon are we pleased with our own shaddow in a glass! It were good to be beginning in sad earnest to finde out God, & to seek the right tread of Christ: time, custome, & a good opinion of our selves, our good meaning, & our lazie desires, our fair showes, & the world's glistering lustres, & these broad passements & buskings of religion, that bear bulk in the Kirk, is that wherewith most satisfie themselves: but a watered bed with tears a dry throat with praying, eyes a fountain of tears for the sins of the land is rare to be found among us. Oh if we could know the power of godliness! This is one part of my case, & an other is, that I like a fool once summoned Christ for unkindness, & complained of his sickelness & unconstaney, because he would have no more of my service nor preaching, & had casten me out of the inheritance of the Lord: And I confess now, this was but a bought plea, & I was a fool, yet he hath born with me: I gave him a fair advantage against me, but love & mercy would not let him take it: & the truth is, now he hath childed himself friends with me, & hath taken away the mask, & hath renewed his wounted favour in such a manner, that he hath paid me my hundred-fold in this life; & one to the hundred. This prison is my banqueting house, I am handled as softly & delicatly as a dâted childe: I am nothing behinde (I see) with Christ, he can in a monethmonth make up a yeers losses: & I write this to you, that I may entreat, nay, adjure & charge you, by the love of our welbeloved to help me to praise, & to tell all your Christian acquaintance to help me, for I am as deeply drowned in his debt, as any Dyvour can be: & yet in this fair sun-blenke I have something to keep me from startling, or being exalted above measure. His word is a fire shut up in my bowels, & I am weary with forbearing: the ministers in this town are saying they shall have my prison changed into less bounds, because they see God with me: my mother hath born me a man of contention, one that striveth with the whole earth. The late wrongs & oppressions done to my brother keep my sails low: yet I defie crosses to embarke me in such a plea against Christ, as I was troubled with of late: I hope to overhope & overbeleeve my troubles: I have cause now to trust Christ's promise, more then his gloom. Remember my hearty affection to your wife, My soul is grieved for the success of our brethrens journey to New-England, but God hath somewhat to reveal that we see not. Grace be with you. Pray for the prisoner.
Aberd. Jan. 1. 1637. Yours in his onelyonly L. Iesus. S. R.