Letters in Two Parts, Part 1 · LETTER 173
To the Lady CARLETON. (173)
MISTRESS.
GRace, mercy and peace be to you: My soul longeth once again to be amongst you, & to behold that beauty of the Lord that I would see in his house: But I know not if he in whose hands are all our waves seeth it expedient for his glory; I ow my Lord [I know] submission of spirit, suppose he should turn me into a stone or pillar o… salt. Oh that I were He, in whom my Lord could be glorified, suppose my little heaven were forfeited to buy glory to him before men and Angels, suppose my want of his presence, and separation from Christ were a pillar as high as ten heavens for Christ's glory to stand upon above all the world! What am I to him? How little am I [though my feathers stood out as broad as the morning ligh…] to such a high, to such a lofty, to such a never-enough admired & glorious Lord? My trials are heavy, b…cause of my sad sabbaths; but I know they are less then my high provocations: I seek no more but that Christ may be the gainer and I the loser, that he may be raised and hightned, and I cryed down, and my worth made dust before his glory. Oh that Scotland, all with one shout, would cry up Christ, and that his name were high in this land! I finde the very utmost borders of Christ's high excellency and deep swe…tness heaven and earth's wonder. O what is he, if I could win in to see his inner side! Oh I am run d…y of loving and wondering and adoring of that greatest & most admirable one! Woe, woe is me I have not half-love for him! Alas what can my drop doe to his great sea! What gain is it to Christ that I have casten my little sparkle in his great fire! What can I give to him? Oh that I had love to fill a thousand worlds, that I might emptie my soul of it all upon Christ! I think I have now just reason to quite my part of any hope or love that I have to this scum and the refuse of the dross of God's work-man…hip, this vain earth: I ow to this stormy world [whose kindness …. heart to me hath been made of iron, or of a piece of a wilde sea-Island, that never a creature of God yet lodged in] not a look: I ow it no love, no hope; & therefore Oh if my love were dead to it, & my soul dead to it! What am I obliged to this house of my pilgrimage? A straw for all that God hath made, to my soul's liking, except God & that lovely one Iesus Christ: Seeing I am not this world's debter, I desire I may be striped of all confidence in any thing but my Lord, that he may be for me, & I for my onelyonly, onelyonly, onelyonly Lord; that he may be the morning & evening-tide, the top & the root of my joyes, & the heart & flower & yolk of all my soul's delights. O let me never lodge any creature in my heart & confidence! Let the house be for him: I rejoyce that sad dayes cut off a piece of the lease of my short life, & that my shadow [even while I suffer] weareth long, & my evening hasteneth on: I have cause to love home with all my heart, & to take the opportunity of the day to hasten to the end of my journey, before the night come on wherein a man cannot see to walk or work; that once after my falls I may at, night fall in, weary and tired as I am, in Christ's bosom, & betwixt his breasts: Our prison cannot be our best countrey: This world looketh not like heaven & the happiness that our tired souls woul be at; & therefore it were good to seek about for the wind, & hoise up our sailes towards our new Jerusalem, for that is our best. Remember a prisoner to Christ. Grace, grace be with you.
Aberd. 1637. Yours in his onelyonly Lord & Master, S. R.