Letters in Two Parts, Part 1 · LETTER 172
To his Reverend & dear Brother Mr ROBERT BLAIR. (172).
Reverend & dear Brother.
THe reason ye gave for your not writing to me, affecteth me much & giveth me a dash, when such an one as ye conceive an opinion of me or any thing in me: The truth is, when I come home to my self, O what penury doe I finde, and how feckless is my supposed stock, & how little have I! He to whom I am as crystal & who seeth through me & perceiveth the least mote that is in me, knoweth that I speak what I think & am convinced of: But men cast me through a gross & wide sieve: my very dear Brother, the room of the least of all saints is too great for the like of me: But lest this should seem art to fetch home reputation I speak no more of it: It is my worth to be Christ's ransomed sinner & sick one: His relation to me, is, that I am sick & He is the physician of whom I stand in need: Alas, how often play I fast & loose with Christ: He bindeth I loose, he buildeth I cast down, he t…immeth up a salvation for me & I mar it, I cast out with Christ & he agreeth with me again twenty times a day, I forfeit my Kingdom & heritage, I lose what I had; but Christ is at my back, and following on to stoop & take up that falleth from me: Were I in heaven & had the crown on my head, if Freewill were my tutour I should lose heaven; seeing I lose my self, what wonder I should let goe & lose Jesus my Lord: O well to me for evermore that I have cracked my credit with Christ, & cannot by law at all borrow from him upon my feckless & worthless bond & faith! for my faith & reputation with Christ, is, that I am a creature that God will not put any trust into; I was, & am bewildered with temptations, & wanted a guide to heaven. O what have I to say of that excellent, surpassing & supereminent thing they call The Grace of God, the way of free redemption in Christ! And when poor poor I, dead in law, was sold, fettered & imprisoned in Justice's closest ward, which is hell & damnation; when I a wretched one lighted upon noble Iesus, eternally kinde Iesus, tender hearted Iesus, nay, when he lighted upon me first & knew me, I found that he scorned to take a price or any thing like hire of Angels, or Seraphims, or any of his creatures; and therefore I would praise him for this, that the whole armie of the redeemed ones sit rent-free in heaven: Our holding is better then Blench: We are all Free-holders, & seeing our eternall feuduty is but thanks, Oh woefull me that I have but spilt thanks & broken, lame & miscarried praises to give him, & so my silver is not good & current with Christ, were it not that free merites have stamped it & washen it & me both! And for my silence, I see somewhat better through it now: If my high & lofty one, my princely & Royall Master say, Hold, hold thy peace, I lay bonds on thee thou speak none, I would fain be content, & let my fire be smothered under ashes, without light or flame, I cannot help it, I take laws from my Lord, but I give none. As for your journey to F. ye doe well to follow it: The camp in Christ's ordinary bed: A carried bed is kindly to the Beloved down in this lower house: It may be, & who knoweth but our Lord hath some Centurions ye are sent to: Seeing your angry mother denieth you lodging & house-room with her, Christ's call to unknown faces must be your second wind, seeing ye cannot have a first. O that our Lord would water again with a new visite this piece withered & dry hill of our widow-mount Zion! my Dear Brother, I will think it comfort if ye speak my name to our welbeloved: wherever ye are I am mindefull of you. O that the Lord would yet make the light of the moon in Scotland like the light of the sun, and the light of the sun seven fold brighter. For my self, as yet I have received no answer whither to goe: I wait on: O that Jesus had my love! Let matters frame as they list, I have some more to doe with Christ; yet I would fain we were nearer. Now, the great shepherd of the sheep, the very God of peace, establish & confirm you till the day of his coming.
Aberd. Sept. 9, 1637. Yours in his lovely & sweet Lord Iesus. S. R.