Considerations Concerning Marriage, Part 4
IV. The Troubles of Mariage.
4 The troubles of Mariage.MAriage hath it's croſſes as well as comforts: and ſorrowes as well as joyes. It is not all honey, but hath ſome gall and wormwood intermingled. Mariage is but a Bitter-ſweet.
Many are the cares, fears, ſorrowes, troubles that attend mariage, even the comforts of it, as,
1. The having of children. Many ſorrows accompany the wife conception, breeding, bearing and feeding of them; and many cares and troubles ariſe both to Husband and wite in the education and diſpoſal of them: and if their children prove not well, what a heart break is that to them? beſides, the death of children cauſeth great grief unto parents.
2. The building of a family; the ordering and governing of it, and making proviſion for the whole houſe. 1 Tim. 5 8.He is worſe then an infidel that doth not ſo, ſaith Paul. Many incumbrances accompany houſhold affairs. Martha had experience thereof. Luk 10.40, 41
3. foreignThe care incumbent upon both, how to pleaſe one another, 1 Cor. 7.33, 34. The word ſignifieth a care joyned with anxiety of mind, the word implies a dividing of the mind (as one ſaith) into diverſe thoughts, caſting this way, and that way, and every way, how to give beſt content.
4. There may be ſeveral events and Emergencies, that prove occaſions of Trouble and grief to them both, as, Loſſes and Croſſes in their Callings, eſtates and affairs; ſickneſſes upon both or either of them; and death at laſt.
5. Eſpecially when they are unequally yoked, in Religion or otherwiſe, and they draw diverſe or adverſe ways; the one forward and the other backward: or the one upward the other downward. Or when they are unſutably diſpoſed, and their ſpirits are croſs-grain'd, each to other; the one high the other low.
How many diſcontents and differences ariſe from hence?
The reaſon of it.The reaſon why Mariage hath its croſſes and troubles, is, becauſe it is a thing under the ſun, therefore it is ſubject to vanity and vexation of Spirit, as all other things. The Preacher affirms the ſame from his own experience. Beſides, Mariage is but for this preſent time. When we get above the ſun, and come to be happy in Heaven, we ſhall ſtand in no need of mariage, or of any of the benefits or comforts of it, which we enjoy here below, Math. 22.30.but we ſhall be as the Angels of God in Heaven.
Ʋſe. 1 Expect not too much from it.Ʋſe. 1. Then do not greaten your expectations too much, nor look for more from it then is in it, or can be had from it; as if it was all joy and no ſorrow; all ſweetneſs and no bitterneſs in it, all honey, and no ſting of trouble. To look for more comfort and delight in it, then you can finde; and to finde (or meet with) more trouble and ſorrow in it then you did look for or imagin, will greatly diſappoint your expectation; and that will beget, not onelyonly diſſatisfaction; and diſcontent, but vexation of ſpirit in you.
Ʋſe. 2 prepare for troubles.Ʋſe. 2. I counſel and exhort all maried perſons, to expect and prepare for Troubles, and Trials, yea for now ones, and it may be greater then ever ye experienced before.
Mariage croſſes are new things, to thoſe that have lived ſingle and ſolitary lives; you ſtand in need to beg of God wiſdom and patience, to bear them and improve them. Paul was a true Prophet herein. Such as mary, ſhall have trouble in the fleſh 1 Cor. 7.28.
Husband and wife have cauſe to expect variety and viciſſitude of turns and changes (from better to worſe, from joy to ſorrow, from pleaſure to pain) in wedlock as well as in any other condition under the ſun: and the time, or ſeveral ſeaſons thereof are determined by the appointment and limitation of Gods purpoſe and providence. This is conceived to be the Preachers ſence and Scope, in Eccleſ. 3.1. to 9. Eccleſiansj. 1 to 9.wherein he declares the Univerſal uncertainty of future events, as having their total dependance upon Gods predetermining purpoſe and overruling providence which man cannot by all his ſollicitude, anxious care or thoughts, poſſibly prevent or eſcape. Job had large experience hereof He injoyed the comforts of Subſtance and health, of wife and of many children (ſeven ſons and three daughters which were accounted as his greateſt mercies or bleſſings next to his graces, as his uprightneſs and fear of God, and eſchewing of evil: Job1, 2.though ſome reckon their children but as Troubles, … 1, 2.…nd bils of charges) and that many dayes, but afterwards his eſtate was all ſnatcht from him by violent hands, his children were all taken away by a ſudden blow or blaſt, as you may read Job. 1.19, 20. and his body was ſmitten with ſore boils from head to fo…t chap. 2.7. Then his wife ſaid unto him Dost thou ſtil retain thine integrity? Curſe God and die She that ſhould have been a help and comfort to him, ver 9.proved a great croſs and trial to him in his affliction, as appears by his ſharp reproof of her. verſ. 1….Thou ſpeakeſt as one of the fooliſh women ſpeaketh. What? ſhall we receive good at the hand of God and ſhall we not receive evil? Even thoſe that are maried muſt expect (in their conjugal condition) to receive ev…l at the hand of God as well as good; loſs of children as well as of goods, and diſeaſes of body, and croſſes in yoak-fellows, and in friends alſo, which were an addition to Jobs afflictions, Job. 16 2 They proved miſerable comforters to him, Phyſitians of no value, cha. 13.4 Some think that Satan by his commiſsion mi…ht have taken away his wife as well as his children, Job 1.12. but he kept her alive to be a vexation unto Job.
Mariage at firſt is a ſoft gentle pleaſant thing but, it proves to many afterwards hard, heavy, and uneaſy (through concomitant Troubles) more bone then fleſh, eſpecially if they want patience, which makes hard things ſoft, and heavy thing; light. Husband and wife that live comfortably and joyfully together for ſometime, may afterwards m…et with new afflictions and Additions to their afflictions, ſuch as they never looked for, nor imagined. Now that ye are forewarned of them, be ye forewarned againſt them, not to bear them out by the head and ſhoulders (as we ſay) in a ſelf hardning, Stoical ſtupid way; but as becometh Chriſtians, by the exerciſe of faith and patience, meekneſs and holyneſs in them, and of wiſdome to make a ſpiritual uſe and improvement thereof, that ye may gloryfie God in the fire of Wedlock afflictions; and that when God hath tryed you therein you may come forth as Gold (J…b 23.10.) leaving the droſs both of your perſonal Co…uptions and Conjugal miſcarriages behinde you therein. Socrates once ſaid to ſome that hit him in the teeth with his wives frowardneſs, that he did thereby learn even within his own doors to be conſtant & patient every where &c.
Ʋſe. 3. … wean … from it.Ʋſe 3. The Conſideration of mariage troubles may wean you from it, even at your entrance into it, and prevent your ſurſeition Mariage comforts & delights afterwards. Doth not Paul preſcribe and preſſe this upon you? Let them that have wives be as if they had none 1 Cor. 9.27. and let them that have husbands be as if they had none; for this Rule is a direction to them both.
Queſt. How may thoſe that have wives be as if they had none? or thoſe that are maried be as if they were not maried?
Anſ. Five wayes.
1. 1. Let not Mariage be a hinderance to ſerving God or ſaving our ſoules.Firſt by not ſuffering out mariage to be an Impediment or Diſcouragment to us either,
1. In ſerving of God.
2. Or in working out the Salvation of our ſouls.
When we will wait upon God in his publick Ordinances and ſeek God in private duties, both in our families and cloſets, and meet God in the communion of Saints;
1. Though our wives will not joyne with us therein, or others in our familie, refuſe Communion with us,
2. Yea though they ſhould reproach us for the ſame, as Michal mocked David for dancing before the Arke; 2 Sam 6.20, 21, 22.or though any of our Carnal kindred ſhould doe the like, we ſhould anſwer them reſolutely, as David did Michal; If going to hear Sermons, or performing holy duties in and with my family (as prayer, reading the ſcripture, repeating Sermons &c.) or in my cloſet alone, If theſe things make me vile, I will yet be more vile then thus. I will binde the reproaches I ſuffer for piety, purity, ſtrictneſs in duties, from my husband or wife, or from any of our friends to my forehead, and wear them as my crown; and they ſhall rather edge and ſpur me on thereto, then be any pull back or hindrance there from. Then a Husband hath a wife, as if he had none; and a wife hath a Husband as if ſhe had none.
When we endeavour to ſerve God freely and intirely, and as much as we can, without diſtraction, as if we were ſingle perſons, unrelated to any man or woman by Mariage; as if we had none but God to take care to ſerve, and pleaſe and approve our ſelves to: or as if we had none (related to us) to diſſwade or diſcourage us from the ſame. Or if we have relations and they ſhould attempt it, we are reſolved, that our God and our ſouls being dearer to us then they all, we will (by his grace) ſerve and pleaſe him, and tender the ſalvation of our ſouls, above them all, whether our husbands, or our wives, or kindred be pleaſed or diſpleaſed at it. Then we carry as if we did not mary.
When we look at theſe two, to wit, the worſhipping of our dear Lord God; and the ſaving of our precious immortal Soules, as the main and ſupream buſines we have to do; and at Mariage but as ſubordinate and ſubſervient thereunto: and but a ſecondary means of our good, when the deſire and purpoſe of our hearts is fixed upon three things.
1. That Mariage Croſſes, and family cares and troubles, Luke 10.42.ſhall not take us off from ſeeking the kingdom of God and the righteouſneſſe thereof, Iohn 6.27.in the firſt place; the one thing needful; from chuſing the good part, that ſhall never be taken from us: 2 not to our coming to Chriſt.from labouring more for the meat that endureth, then for periſhing meat.
2. That our relation ſhall not hinder us from coming unto Jeſus Chriſt in his ordinances (as Word, Sacraments &c.) when he invites us (and an opportunity is an Invitation thereunto) It was the excuſe of one, bidden to the great ſupper, in Luc. 14 20. I have maried a wife, therefore I cannot come. Such an one hath a wife, ſo, as if he had none but a wife; neither a God to ſerve, nor a ſoul to ſave; as if a wife was ſummum benum, the chief good. But he that hath a wife, as if he had none, will ſay, though I have maried a wife, that ſhall be no impediment to me, but I will come to Jeſus Chriſt in his Ordinances, and endeavour to bring my wife with me to Chriſt. However I will come, though ſhe hang back and will not come with me.
3. 3 That wee will go to heaven alone heaven-ward.That if our Mariage do not help us God-ward and Chriſt-ward, it ſhall not hinder us; and that we will goe to Heaven alone (if our yoak-fellowes will not goe along with us) rather then to Hell with company.
When theſe (and the like) are our reſolves and endeavours, then we have Husbands or wives as if we had none.
2. We that have wives may be as if we had none, by not ſuffering our Mariage to be a means of ſin unto us, either
Immediately or
Mediately
1. Inmediately in our ſelves, by breeding in our hearts
1 Either diſtruſt by reaſon, of the greatneſs of our charge, and ſmalneſs of our means.
2 Or diſcontent becauſe of the mani old troubles we meet with therein.
When we indeavour to overcome diſtruſt, and ſuppreſs diſcontent; and to …ruſt God for our families (to provide for them) as well, as for our ſingle ſelves, if we were alone: and to be as patient in bearing our mariage Croſſes as our own perſonal trials; when we are content to take the better with the worſe, together, therein, and both as from the hand of God, as Job anſwered his wife, Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and ſhal we not receive evil? then we that have wives are as if we had none.
2 Let not Mariage be a means of ſin to us.2. When we ſuffer not our mariage to be a means of ſin to us, Mediately by our yoak-fellowes being Inſtruments of Tentations to us unto ſin, to draw us from God and good.
1. To idolatry, ſuperſtition or will, 1 Of Idolatry 1 Kings 11.4. Deut. 13 6, 8, 9.worſhip, as Solomons wives turned away his heart after other Gods. Under the law an Enticer to Idolatry, though ſhe were the wiſe of their boſom, was to be put to death.
2. Apoſtacy Job 2.9.2 To Apoſtacy from God, or blaſphemy againſt God, to fall from integrity or ſted faſtneſs and, to think or ſpeak ill of God. Jobes wife tempted him thereunto, doeſt thou ſtill retain thy integrity? curſe God and die.
Such like are the deſignes ſome wives have upon their Hutbands, to draw them from the Truths, wayes and ordinances of God into errours, hereſies, by-wayes &c, or licentiouſneſs.
Or to diſcourage their hearts from pious duties and courſes, as Michal ſought by her mocking to do unto David, from dancing before the ark.
3. 3 InjuryTo Injury, to doe our neighbour wrong in taking (by unjuſt wayes) their houſe, land or goods from them, as Jezebel did Naboths vineyard from him, for her Husband Ahab; to chear him up when he was ſick with grief and indignation, upon Naboths denial of his vineyard to him. Ahab deſired it, upon a valuable conſideration, but Jezebel his wife took the vineyard violently from Naboth, 4 Any breach of Gods command.by taking away his life.
4. Or to a breach of any (even the leaſt) of Gods commandments. Eve tempted her husband Adam to eat forbidden fruit (which was the tranſgreſſing of a law of Trial) hereby ſhe brought ſin and death upon herſelf, and her Husband, and upon all their poſterity.
Let this (by the way) be a caution to women to beware Satan do not abuſe them in making them his inſtruments or Agents, to entice or tempt their Husbands to any ſin, as pride, malice, revenge, vanity, covetouſneſs, or the like. Now, when we are alway watchful and careful, leſt Satan ſhould ſurprize us by coming to tempt us unto ſin, in or by a conjugal Companion, Math. 16.22.23.one ſo dear and near to us (lying in our boſomes) as he thinks we will ſuſpect no evil from, nor ſerpent in: (as Satan came to tempt Chriſt, in Peter) therefore we ponder well what counſel, intreaties, our propoſals are made to us by our yoak-fellowes, as well as by ſtrangers, which both Ahab and Solomon neglected to do. Or when they do perſwade or intice us to any evil whatſoever, either of Omiſſion or Commiſſion, againſt God or man; we ſtrive, ſtrenuouſly to reſiſt all their ſuggeſtions, tentations, and ſolicitations; and ſet our ſelves as a wall of braſs to repel them all, that they cannot prevail, no nor enter or peirce us. As Job not onelyonly rejected his wifes perſwaſion, but gave her a ſharp reprehenſion for it. Thou ſpeakeſt as one of the fooliſh women, as David reſolutely replied his wife Michals diſcouraging ſcoff.
Then we that have wives are as if we had none, and ye that have husbands are as if ye had none.
3. 3 Honor chriſt for your Husband.We that have wives, or Husbands may be, as if we had none, by having Chriſt for the Husband of our ſouls, and by having holy fellowſhip with him, and by delighting our ſelves in him, in the embraces and ſolaces of his love; and in the cheriſhing comſorts of his preſence. When Chriſt is dear to ours ſouls above all our relations (yea above all the world) and we are willing to leave father and mother, wife and children, houſe and lands, and all for Chriſt, that is,
1. To follow Chriſt in the Regeneration, as his diſciples: to follow the Lamb whither-ſoever he goeth, Revelat. 14.4.
2. To be willing to ſuffer the loſſe of all for Chriſt, as Paul did.
3. Phil. 3.8.To learn them all, to go to Chriſt, as beſt of all for us; then we have wives as if we had none. This Chriſt requires of all that would be his Diſciples; or be accounted worthy of him, Luc. 14.26.even to hate father and mother, wife and children, that is to love them leſſe then him, and to be willing to leave them all for him. Hereto Chriſt makes a large promiſe of a hundred fold now in this time, and in the world to come eternal life, Mark, 10.29.30. Galeatius Caracciolus that Noble Marqueſs of Italy or rather the moſt Excelent Theophilus) did forſake parents and wife and children and all his friends and renounnced all his wealth and Dignitie becauſe (as he ſaid) he could not injoy both Chriſt and them. He was a rare example of leaving all (a very great all, of Relations, Poſſeſſions, Honours and pleaſures) for Chriſt, rather then to injoy all without Chriſt. Notwithſtanding the ſtrongeſt workings and wreſtlings of natural affections within him; and the powerfulleſt and moſt heart breaking Solicitations of his friends by prayer, Tears and Arguments to the Contrary; and the deep and ſore Agonies and Conflicts he had in himſelf about it; yet through the Grace of Chriſt, he overcame them all for Chriſt.
A man may be ſaid to have a thing &c. (as an old houſe o… Garment) as if he had it not; when he hath ſomething of the ſame kind that is much better, as a new houſe to go unto or new cloathes to put on, when he pleaſeth. Now the ſoules Mariage with Chriſt is the moſt Excellent of all Relations, Conjunctions and Conſociations: it is the firſt and chiefeſt mariage in excellency, and thereof a Rule and pattern to humane mariage, to direct the due Carriage of the Parties each to other. To this purpoſe Paul propoſeth it in the fifth of the Epheſians. As a greater Light obſcures a leſs, ſo a greater delight weans us from a leſs. If our ſouls be maried unto Chriſt, and take pleaſure in communion with Chriſt, this will wean us from our Temporal Mariage, and the delights of it, as poor low things of an inferiour nature, reſpecting the body moſt which is the Earthly part of man. Senſual delights (wherein we partake with the beaſts) which cannot reach the ſublime part of man, the ſoul, to afford it divine refreſhments, which only Chriſt the Husband of it can do. This fellowſhip with Chriſt will abundantly compenſate or ſupply, the loſs or want o… the comfort of all other Relations; and take us off them, wean us from them, & raiſe up our hearts above them. Even whileſt we have them. As it is in other things, when we make Grace our cheif goods, then we have Gold and ſilver as it we had it not; or Gods favour our chei… honour; then we have the favour and honour of Men, as if we had it not. We have thing appretiatively and hold them tenaciouſly, when we have nothing better then they, or ſo good: as the covetous man hath his gold; the Ambitious man his Honor, the Voluptuous M…n his pleaſure, and the Uxorious man his wife on whom he dotes: Theſe know or have nothing that is better. A man cannot have an uſefull, delightfull Creature, as if he had it not, unleſs he have ſomething as good or better to injoye in the room thereof. When a man hath God to his portion, he may ſay, It is enough, though he hath nothing elſe. God without all, is a greater portion, then All without God. When Chriſt becomes all in all to us; then all the comforts we have are as nothing to us, Scil. in compariſon of Chriſt; then Mariage is nothing, wealth nothing, preferment nothing. When we have a better Husband for our ſouls (that is, Chriſt) then any Husband or wife is or can be for the body, 4 Be ſober in all the concernment, of Mariage. 1 Cor. 7.29.30.31.ſhould not we upon this Account, who have wives or Husbands be as if we had none?
4. We that are maried may be as if we were not maried, by being very fober and moderate in all the effects, concomitants and concernments of Mariage, which the Apoſtle particularizeth in and connecteth with Mariage in the text, and in the thing; as ſorrow, joy, poſſeſſions and wordly affairs and buſineſſes attending or circumſtantiating that condition.
To be ſober and moderate in all theſe, and to be weaned or ſit looſe from them in our hearts (both which are included in the Apoſtles foreign i. e, 1 in Mariage comfort.as if not) is the way to have wives as if we had none.
As 1. To be ſober and moderate in the uſe of all mariage comforts and delights; and in the fruits thereof, as the birth of children, or the like, and in our joy therein. This is to rejoyce as if we rejoyced not; not to overjoy our Mariage joyes.
Not to be exceſſive or immoderate in any Mariage injoyment (or in our joy or delight therein) for that is to have a wife or a Husband, as if we had nothing beſides. As a man may be exceſs be a drunkard with his own drink, and a Glutton with his own meat, ſo likewiſe one may be unclean in the immoderate uſe of the Mariage bed. Mr. Dod on 7. com: 2 In Mariage grief.What we are very moderate in, we uſe as if we uſed it not.
2. To be moderate in our grief for the troubles that accompany mariage, as for the loſs of wife or children. The Jewes conceive that Abraham wept but a little for Sarahs death, or that his mourning for her was at leaſt not exceſſive but with Moderation, Ainſworth. Pareus.becauſe in Gen. 23.2. where its ſaid Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her, the word weep in the Hebrew hath one little letter extraordinary.
David faſted and wept while his childe was yet alive; but when it died, why ſhould I weep any more ſaith David? when God took all Jobes children away at once with a ſtroke, he bleſſed the name of the Lord, Job. 1.21. This is to weep as if we wept not, not to overgrieve our mariage griefs:
3. To be moderate in, 3 in worldly Matters.and weaned from worldly Matters, which concerns mariage as,
1. In Buying as if we poſſeſſed not; minding earthly things as if we minded them not. As a Traveller that goeth on in his way, as in buying.and a labourer in his work, but both of them are in a deep ſtudy; and their mindes are intent upon other matters then either the journey of the one, or the work of the other. So ſhould our Mindes be Imployed about heavenly things (as much as may be) while we are going about wordly buſineſs. Things above ſhould have Our hearts, while our hands and feet are buſied about things below. We ſhould ſo deal in the world, as thoſe that are wholly taken off …rom the world. 1 Cor. 7.30.This is to buy as if we poſſeſſed not foreign as not to hold what we have bought or gotten too hard or cloſe to our ſelves or ours, as if we would keep all to our ſelves and part with nothing; for God hath many wayes to pluck our purchaſes and poſſeſſions from us. Prov 23.5.Riches make themſelves wings and can flee away from us, and our family and poſterity, as an Eagle. There is great uncertainty in them; this ſhould wean us from them.2. In uſing he world
2 Uſing the world and the things of it as if we uſed it not, as food rayment, habitation and outward accomodations, (all which are appurtenances to mariage) to be very Temperate ſober and moderate in them, and weaned from them; not ſetting our hearts upon them, nor being any way exceſſive or inordinate in the uſe of them, is to uſe the word as if we uſed it not.1 Cor 7.3.
A wiſe moderation in, and a holy Alienation from the matters of the world, may either procure or preſerve and promote in us a Weanedneſs or fitting looſe from Temporal Relations; that we that have wives may … as though we had none.
5. And laſtly, 5. Enjoy relations with ſubmiſſion to God.we that have wives or husbands may be as if we had none, by Enjoying our Relations with Submiſſion to the will of God, for time and meaſure, how far and how long God pleaſeth to Continue them to us: and by labouring to get our ſpirits into ſuch a frame or poſture of preparation and readineſs, as freely and ſubmiſsively to part with Husband, wife, children, and to reſigne them up to God, when he takes them from us, or us from them; Acts. 21.14.and to ſay obedientially, The will of the Lord be done. We have any thing as if we had it not, which we are willing to part with to God or for God: or elſe we oppoſe our wills to Gods will, as if we will have or keep perſons or things whether God will or no.
Objection. Parting with a dear yoke-fellow is a great and ſad Trial, how may we be prepared for it?
7 Preparatives for the death of a yoak-fellow.Anſ. By ſerious and frequent Preconſideration of theſe ſeven particulars; for when the the ſtroak is ſudden, it falls heavy; but when it is foreſeen, and we are forearmed and prepared, it may be more eaſily born.1. God hath a propriety in our Relations.
1. Let us conſider that God hath a ſpecial propriety in our Relations; my husband or my wife, and children are the Lords, by abſolute right, whilſt they are mine; yea more the Lords, then mine: God made and qualified them for me, and gave them to me, or rather lent them for a Time, reſerving to himſelf his Intereſt in them. As he doth in all other Mercies, as he did in Iſraels Corn, wool, wine and flax. If God take husband, Hoſ. 2.8.9.or wife, or children away by death, he doth us no wrong, Math. 20.15.for he requires no more but his own, Is it not lawful for God to doe what he will with his own? Job. 1.21.Did not Job bleſs God upon this account when he took from him, what he gave to him? God hath given us ſo much Comfort and benefit in our Relations, and continued them ſo many years unto us; we ſhould rather be thankful to God, that we have injoyed them ſo long, then murmure or mourn too much, becauſe we muſt have them no longer.
2. 2 Hope of their happinesConſider we our hope of their happineſs dying in the Lord, that they are releaſed wholly from all their pain ſorrow and miſery; and are gone home to their fathers houſe to inherit a kingdome prepared for them, and are now actually poſſeſſed of fulneſs of joy, and rivers of pleaſures, which ſhall endure for evermore. Therefore as Chriſt ſaid to his diſciples, John 14.28.If ye loved me ye would rejoyce, becauſe I go to the father. So if we love husband, wife or children, we will rather rejoyce for their Gain by death, then mourn for our loſs of them; becauſe the one is far greater then the other. Paul would not have Chriſtians to ſorrow for their deceaſed friends (to wit imoderately) even as others which have no hope, 1 Theſ. 4.13.to wit of their friends reſurrection and ſalvation.
3. 3 Hope of our going to them.Conſider we, our hope of going to our dear Husbands, wives or children, who have got the ſtart of us, and are gone to Heaven before us: and of our fellowſhip with them there in that place of perfect joy, glory and felicity, where they and we ſhall meet one day, and never part more. This was Davids Comfort when his Childe died, 2 Sam. 12.23.I ſhall goe to him, but he ſhall not return to me. This was Jacobs comfort at his death, Gen. 49.29.I am to be gathered unto my people, that is to my holy fathers and friends, or Saints, who are gone hence to their everlaſting reſt and joy.
4. Let us conſider that the time is ſhort. 4 Shortneſs of Time. foreign 1 Cor. 7.29.It is a Metaphor from ſailes, which are wrapt up and contracted, when the ſhip draws neer harbours.
1. 1 Of life.The time of life is ſhort and uncertain, neither Husband nor wife knowes, how long, or rather how little a while they ſhall yet live together, or enjoy one another; or how ſoon death may ſtep between them and part them. The conſideration hereof
1. Should quicken us, both to diligence and expedition in all duties of our Vocation, general and particular, and of our Relations, becauſe we have much work to doe, and but a little time to do it in; and a loſſe of time may bring great grief and miſery upon us. Some that have lain a dying would have given a world for time to repent, believe and ſerve God in. I have heard (ſaith a reverend man) ſome crying day and night, call time again; but time paſt is irrevocable and irrecoverable.
This ſhould alſo quicken Husband and wife to preparation for parting one from another.
2. This conſideration may alſo comfort us, that if the one party be taken away by death, the other may follow ſoon after, or not ſtay long behind, and ſo both may meet in Heaven, they know, not how ſoon.
2. 2. Of Peace.The time of Peace may be ſhort. Troubleſome times may come (tribulations and perſecutions) all outward Comforts may be clouded in a day; and they may be violently pulled one from other. Will it not be a mercy either to husband or wife to be taken away from the evils to come? and may not the Surviver of them, when ſingle, perhaps ſhift better for him or her ſelf. This was Pauls reſolution of the Corithians Queſtion about mariage, In 1 Cor. 7.that for thoſe that were not maried, it were good and expedient to keep them ſo, conſidering The preſent distreſs, ver. 26. that is the perſecution of Chriſtians at that time; for they were compelled by the Roman Tyrants and Pagans to fly with their wives and children for preſervation of their lives; and to flie from place to place, as Aquila and Priſcilla did, to ſeek ſafety where they could find it. As for thoſe that were already maried, he gives them this counſel, Let them that have wives be as if they had none &c. Times of perſecution or of publick calamitie may make a ſeparation between husband and wife. It's their wiſdome to prepare before hand for parting the one with the other. For this is one part of their preparation againſt evil Times.
5. 5. Mixture of groſſes.Let us conſider the Mixture of Croſſes, Troubles and ſorrowes with comforts and refreſhments in our matrimonial ſtate; and many times the former weighs down the latter. God layes the ſame as wormewood upon the breſts of mariage, to wean us from it; and make us more willing (then otherwiſe we would be) to part with our yokefellow; as alſo to endear unto us, both our fellowſhip with Chriſt, which is altogether ſweet, and no bitterneſs in it; and Heaven, where there is all joy without any Sorrow at all.
6. 6. The inefficacy of ſorrow.Let us Conſider the inefficacy of immoderate ſorrow for the death of husband, wife, or children, for we can contribute nothing by our Tears to their felicity, if they die in the Lord; or if not, we cannot mitigate their pain or miſery thereby. All our Mourning for them, cannot revive or recover them. Upon this ground David ceaſed mourning when his child died. Why ſhould I weep any more? as if he had ſaid, It is to no purpoſe, Can I bring him back again? 2 Sam. 12.23.We may ſay of Immoderate grief in this Caſe what Solomon ſaid of Mirth, what doth it? It can doe our deceaſed friends no good: It may do us much hurt; by weakening our bodies and ſadning our ſpirits ſo much, as to deprive us of Comfort in our lives and livelyhoods, and diſable or indiſpoſe us for duties.
It is beſt for us to do in this as in other caſes, when God doth things croſſe or contrary to our deſires or expectations, even to reſolve our wills into Gods will, and ſubmit to it patiently and acquieſs in it.
7. God can ſupply the loſs.The ſeventh and laſt particular Conſiderable to prepare us for parting with a dear vokefellow is this, God can ſupply our loſs (by death) of a loving Husband, or of a helpful wi…e, or of hopeful children, either
1. 1 Mediately.Mediately, by giving us another husband or wife, fitted for us, and fitted with like gifts and graces, to equal if not exceed the former, or by rai…ing up ſome friends or others to be very helpful and comfortable to us in our Solitary condition, when God by death hath taken away our deareſt companion from us, and we are left alone.
2. 2. Or Immediately.Or Immediately by himſelf; He is the fountain of all goodneſs; and hath all that Love, kindneſs, delight, comfort, help in him ſelf; that is or can be in a husband or wife, or in any other Relation, yea and infinitely more; more then is in all the husbands, and wives in the world; more then they can poſſibly contain, becauſe God is Infinite, as in his eſſence ſo in all goodneſs; and they are finite and ſhallow veſſels, but of a ſmal quantity, and hold but little. When God takes away my wife or my husband or my childe from me, I may boldly ſeek to him, truſt in him, and expect from him, not onelyonly inward ſupport, but the Comfort and help of my yoke fellow or child that is dead. The Lord can, and I hope will, be better to me then ten Husbands or wifes; or then a hundred children The Lord is able out of his wiſdome and goodneſs, and by the comforts of his preſence, to make an abundant ſupply and reparation of the loſs we ſuſtain by the death of our dear yoke-fell wes or any friend, with this Addition, that the Lord liveth, and ſhall doe for ever, though Husband or wife or friends dye. What are our Relations but pitchers or Conduit-pipes to convey comfort and help from God unto us: when the Pitcher is broken we ſhould go to the fountain. Dulcius Ex ipſo fonte. Waters drink ſweeteſt there. God gave us all the comfort of our Relations at firſt, and if he take them from us, he is able abundantly to make a ſupply, either by other creatures or out of himſelf. Nihil dat quod non habet, When a Husband dies & leaves his poor wife and children to the wide world, and hath nothing in the world to leave them, then God ſaith to him, Leave thy fatherleſſe children, I will preſerve them alive, and Let thy widow truſt in me: q. d. I will take the charge and care of them. I will provide for them. I will be a Husband to the widow, and a father to the fatherleſs. God hath given many precepts and made many promiſes concerning widowes and, orphans, proviſional, protectional and conſolational.
Let me adde this by way of caution, we ſhould take heed our affections be not inordinately ſet upon any of our Relations, be it a wife or a husband or a childe, that we do not love them too well, or delight in them too much, or dote on them, or make Idols of them, for this may juſtly provoke God to take them from us, or to try us ſadly in them. Whereas the way to keep them, is to be willing to part with them, out of ſubmiſſion to God, who gave them to us, and whoſe they ſtill are, and who is worthy to be ſerved with his own. Becauſe Abraham was willing to part with his onelyonly Son Iſaac, in obedience to a difficult command of God, therefore he injoyed him with a ſpecial bleſſing, Gen. 22.16, 17. Mr. Burroughes in his expoſition on Hoſea 2.9. relates a remarkable ſtorie from his owne knowledge, that a Godly man deſiring his friends to meet to bleſſe God for his bleſſings in a plentiful harveſt; after dinner was done, a little Childe comes in, who was indeed very lovely, oh, ſaith the father, I am afraid I ſhall make a God of this Childe: by and by the Childe was miſſing, and preſently they went to look him, and he was found ſprawling drowned in a Pond. Conſider this ye Parents (ſaith Mr. Burroughes) who have your hearts inordinately ſet on your children.