The Complete Mother, Chapter 5
CHAP. V. In which are mentioned the Common Plea's for Nurſing Children abroad: Together with the Inſufficiency of them, and the true Cauſes thereof are repreſented.
§ 1. I Come now in the laſt place to remonſtrare, that the Cauſes for which the generality of thoſe Mothers, that are capable and able, refuſe to Nurſe, are ſo far from excuſing, that they more evidently demonſtrate and aggravate to their Fault in ſo doing. For whatever Plea's are framed for them, they may be reſolved into ſome of theſe three Sins, Luxury, Covetouſneſs or Pride.
§ 2. Firſt, Some of them proceed from and convince them of Luxury. For hitherto it is reaſonable to reduce the pretended Fears of diminiſhing their Beauty, and prejudicing their Health by the diſturbance of their Reſt, and other Toils incident to the Care of an helpleſs Infant. For I dare appeal to any one, who impartially conſiders it, whether any thing but Luxury dictates this Pretence. For firſt, There is neither Reaſon nor Experience on their ſide, who pretend Nurſing to be the Decay of a Womans Health or Beauty. The contrary is generally obſerved, That it helps the Appetite and Digeſtion, which is more likely to preſerve both, than deſtroy either.Morton Phthiſiol. l. 1. c. 7. I find it confirmed by the Experience of Learned Phyſicians, that oft Conſumptive Perſons have been cured by Nurſing their Children; and ſuch as at other times have looked Meagre and Pale, whilſt they have Nurſed have been Plump, Fleſhy, and of a vivid Complexion. Whereas on the other hand, in drying their Breaſts, Women very commonly run apparent Hazards of deſtroying not their Health only but their Lives. The unnatural ſtopping up of theſe Fountains, occaſions the corrupting of the Milk, and that corrupted Milk infecting the Blood, oft raiſes ſuch a Ferment as produces a Fevor, or ſome other Fatal Diſtemper. And none can think it Prudence to throw themſelves into immature Death to avoid Wrinkles.
§ 3. Again Secondly, Granting that the Nurſing of half a dozen Children ſhould decay the Glory of the Face a Year or two ſooner, How could Beauty be better beſtowed, than in ſuch a Work of Piety toward her own Family and Poſterity? Nor do I ſee how thoſe Ladies can juſtifie themſelves againſt the Charge of Vanity and Luxury, who prefer the colour of their own Face before the advancing of ſuch important Intereſts. Did you ever ſee a vain Fop ſo enſlaved to his neat Cloaths, that he declined Buſineſs moſt proper and neceſſary, for fear of ſome little ſpot falling on them, or any rude Motion to diſorder his Garniture? There is as much Vanity in being a Slave to a fair Skin, as to a gawdy Suit. The miraculous Beauty of Sarah in her old Age, and of the Bleſſed Virgin in Youth, were neither ſo overvalued, as to deter them from being Nurſes. So that thoſe may be concluded to value too highly the Smoothneſs and Superficial Glory of their Skin, who prefer it before the greateſt Good of their Poſterity.
§ 4. And Thirdly, For ſuch as decline Nurſing, For fear of having their Reſt diſturbed, or being other ways overloaded, there needs no other Argument than their own Apology, to convince them of Softneſs and Luxury. For what would any one judge of a Mother, whom he ſhould hear wiſhing that ſome one could undergo the Sickneſſes attending her Conception, the Toil of bearing her Child in the Womb, and the Throes of Travel in her ſtead? Would he not conclude, That ſuch an one had deeply imbibed the Counſel, which Epicurus is ſaid ſomewhere by Arrian to have given his Scholars, to enjoy the Pleaſures of Marriage, but by all means avoid the trouble of Children. Now if ſuch a Wiſh argue too much Senſuality, How can they avoid that Imputation, who by throwing off as much of the Pains of a Mother as they can, make it apparent, that it is only from the Neceſſity of Nature that they decline no more? One that turns off her Child to be Nurſed by a Stranger, for fear of taking Pains with it by Day, or being diſturbed by it in the Night, evidences thereby, that ſhe carried it in the Womb Forty Weeks, and underwent the Pangs of Child-birth, only becauſe Nature in thoſe caſes could not admit of a Subſtitute. There is no Vertue in enduring thoſe Pains for your Child which you cannot avoid: And there are ſome Pains God hath ſo contrived, that they may be avoided (theſe I mean that attend the Nurſing of it) that by a voluntary undertaking of them, you may make it appear how little you value your Eaſe, when it ſtands in Competition with your Duty. For doubtleſs ſhe loves her Eaſe too well, who will not undergo thoſe Labours for her own Child, which he expects another ſhould take for Wages. Our Holy Religion, as it requires the great eſt Charity in all its Profeſſors, ſo it preſcribes Labours of Love; and conſequently allows not of that over-great Tenderneſs to our ſelves, which is inconſiſtent with a Laborious Charity; eſpecially to the moſt natural and neareſt Objects of a Mothers Charity, her own Children.
§ 5. Laſtly, The Pretence of Inability to Nurſe, is oft reducible to this Head of Luxury. It is the common Plea of thoſe Mothers, who put their Children out to Nurſe, that either they want Nipples or Milk: And though this may be really the caſe of ſome few, yet I am perſuaded, not of all that pretend it. Such dry Breaſts, as one obſerves, are like the Gout, which is frequent among the Rich, but a ſtranger among the Poor. Few of thoſe Women who are too Poor to hire a Nurſe, but they are able to Nurſe themſelves; and I make no queſtion but many of our Rich and Honourable Dames, who pretend to want Suck or Nipples, would have had both if their Fortunes had been leſſ. Now in all ſuch, Luxury is the real Motive, though a Natural Inability be the Pretence.*I might here add one Particular more reducible to this Head, which though many are aſhamed to plead, hath yet a great Influence on them in declining their Duty: I mean the Reſtraints that the Diſcharge of it would bring on them. They cannot Dreſs exactly according to the Mode, if to give Suck they muſt be called ſo oft to open their Breaſt: Nor will this be conſiſtent with the Liberty they take to Revel and Game oft till after Midnight. But if the bare Propoſal of this Plea do not convince and ſhame them that uſe it, I muſt deſpair of prevailing with them. But ſince I am ſure there cannot be a better Argument to this Duty, than that it may be a means to reſtrain them from thoſe Faults, I will not Deſpair.
§ 6. But that thoſe Ladies, who have no better Plea's for the Neglect of this Duty, than theſe which ſo evidently convict them of Luxury, and too great a Fondneſs of their own Eaſe, will by a Serious Reflection upon this Conſideration, perſuade themſelves rather to diſcharge this Duty for the future toward their Children, than to expoſe themſelves to juſt Cenſure, by ſuch Apologies for their Neglect. For (to conclude this firſt Cauſe) what is the true difference between a Modeſt Wife and an Adultreſs? But that the firſt deſires to bring forth a Child to the World, to be a Servant of God, a Citizen to the Commonwealth, and an Object for her Charity and Diligence; whilſt the latter aims at no more than the gratifying of her lend Inclinations and baſe Luſts. And I need not to ſay, how near thoſe Mothers come to this latter Character, who after the Conſummation of Marriage, and the Birth of a Child (as if Luſt: were all they intended) decline the Labour and the Charity it gives them an opportunity to exerciſe towards it, and transfer them all upon another.
§ 7. Secondly, There is another Plea uſed for the declining of this Office which is the reſult of Avarice, as the former is of Luxuryr, and made uſe of by the Trading part of the Nation, as thoſe by the Gentry. The Nurſing of a Child is looked on as too great a Confinement to the Wife, who by her Inſpection over the Houſhold Affairs, or Attendance in the Shop, may ſave her Husband much more than the Hire of a Nurſe amounts to. But granting this, if (as hath been ſhewed) Nurſing be the Mothers Duty, no proſpect of gaining by the neglect can ſuperſede her Obligation to it. And if I underſtand the Nature of Covetouſneſs, it is ſuch a Love of Gain as this, that draws one to the neglect of any Obligation, which is not conſiſtent with his Profit. The Queſtion is not, Whether it may be as Conducive to your Temporal Intereſt, but whether it be as Conſiſtent with your Duty, to put out your Child to a Stranger, as to Nurſe it your ſelf. And if Avarice be excluded from the Conſult, you muſt conclude, that other buſineſs ought to give place to this, which is ſo properly the Buſineſs of a Mother. For unleſs you love your Child too little, and your Gain too nmch, you will be ſenſible, that if your Infant be ſpoiled, or ſuffer any Prejudice in Body or Mind, you can be no Gainers, though your Domeſtick Buſineſs, or your Shop ſhould be better attended.
§ 8. Laſtly, I humbly recommend it to the Conſideration of all Mothers, eſpecially Perſons of Quality, whether by adhering to this unnatural Cuſtom, they do not ſhew themſelves Guilty of a great deal of Pride. You think it below you to ſtoop to the Office of a meaner Mother, and therefore, as a piece of State, and Punctilio of Honour, turn off the Drudgery of Nurſing to another. For if this were not a very prevailing Motive, the Great and Honourable would not be ſo univerſally conformable to this unreaſonable Cuſtom. But may they not as reaſonably conclude it too great a Condeſcention to become a Mother as a Nurſe? For there is the ſame equality between the moſt Honourable Lady and her Child, as between the meaneſt Beggar and hers; and there is no more reaſon why the beſt ſhould think Scorn to Nurſe her own at her Breaſt, than to bear it in her Womb. Let then thoſe whom God hath advanced into a Superior Rank in the World, learn to have Modeſt Thoughts of themſelves, and they will be aſhamed to let ſuch vain Punctilio's of Honour and Greatneſs influence them▪ Let ſuch remember that the Laws of God and Nature equally oblige the Lady as the Beggar, the City as the Country Dame; and they will reſolve not to plead the Fantaſtick Privilege of their Quality, againſt the Good of their Children and their own Duty. God expects that the greateſt Lady, when ſhe becomes a Mother, ſhould do the Duties of a Mother; and ſhe certainly thinks of her ſelf more highly than ſhe ought to think, whoever is ſo Vain, as to fancy it below her to do her Duty. And if Luxury, Avarice and Pride, be the true Cauſes of this Cuſtoms univerſal Prevailence, whatever are the Pretences, it muſt needs be concluded inexcuſably Sinful: Which was the laſt thing I undertook to prove.