Select Observations of Roman Emperors, Life 5
Claudius Caesar.
AFter the death of Caligula, certain Soldiers in a hurry going to plunder the Pallace, one perceiving the feet of a man hidden in a hole, plucks him out by the heeles; this proves to be Claudius, who falling on his knees, and desiring his life might be spared, the Soldiers lift him on their shoulders, and proclaim him Emperor; This took so with the multitude, that the Senate for their own safety were fain to give way unto it.
In the fiftieth year of his Age he attained to the Empire,Primus Caesarum fidem militis praemio pignorarus. and he was the first of all the Caesars that obliged unto him the Soldiers fealty by a fee and reward.
His Mother Antonia was wont to call him,Sueton. Portentum hominis, The Monster, and fantasticall shape of a man,Nec absolutum à Natura, sed inchoatum. as if he had not been finished, but only begun by Nature; and if she reproved any one for his foolishness, she would say, He was more sottish than her Son Claudius.
Ante Imperium sine fama fuit, quia latuit,
In Imperio infamis, quia non latuit.
…larior erat, fi fuisset obscurior.
Emanuelis Thesauri Caesares.
Triump havit semel, pugnavit nunquam,
saith he also of him. And again, Omnia in imperio habuit praeter Imperium.
He was personable, and carried a presence not without Authority and Majesty. His countenance was lively, his gray hairs beautiful, which became him well, with a good fat and round neck under them; yet many things disgraced him, viz. undecent laughter, and unseemly anger, by reason that he would froth and slaver at the mouth, and had evermore his nose dropping, his head continually shaking, somewhat stammering in his speech.
He was inhumane towards strangers, & made an Edict forbidding all strangers, Romanorum gentilitia nomina ferre, to be called by the Roman names. Sueton.
He commanded all Jewes to depart from Rome, Act 18.2.
The Jewes (saith Suetonius) who by instigation of one *This some think is to be understood of Christians, whom we find in the Ecclesiastical writers to be misnamed by the Ethnick Infidels Christians, like as Christ himself Chrestus in scorn.Chrestus, were evermore tumultuous, he banished Rome.
Acts 11.28. there is mention made of a great Dearth throughout all the World, which came to pass in the dayes of Claudius Caesar, of which famine Eusebius, *Lib 20. Antiq. c. 2.Iosephus, *Lib. 12. of his Annals.Tacitus, & Suetonius likewise speak.
There was a woman that would not acknowledge her own son, and when by evidences and arguments alledged pro & contra on both sides, the question rested in equall ballance doubtful, he awarded that she should be wedded to the young man; and so forced her to confess the truth, and to take him for her child.
One cryed out upon a forger of writings, and required that both his hands might be cut off; he made no more ado, but forthwith called instantly to have the Hangman sent for,Sueton. with his chopping-knife and Butchers block to do the deed.
The Lawyers were wont to abuse his Patience so much, that as he was going down from the Judgement Seat, they would not only call upon him to come back again, but also take hold of his Gownlappet and skirt, yea and some while catch him by the foot, and so hold him still with them; one of the Graecian Lawyers pleading before him, in earnest altercation used these words, foreign, Et tu senex es & stultus. Thou art both old and fool besides.
Stultus prudentibus, prudens stultis visus,
Emanuelis Thesauri Caesares.
Claudius invisae privato in tempore vitae,
In regno specimen prodidit ingenii.Ausonius.
Libertina ferens nuptarum que improba facta,
Non faciendo nocens, sed patiendo fuit.
He gave this counsel to a libidinous young man Si non castè, tamen cautè. And his Symbol, was, Generis virtus nobilitas.
Idem planè accidit Herodi Magno, cum uxorem Mariamnem occidisset.He was very forgetful; when Messalina was (by his own commandment) killed, within a while after he asked, Cur Domina non veniret? Why his Lady came not to him? Many of those whom he had condemned,Josephus Orig. lib. 10. c. 11. Casaubonus. the very morrow immediately after he sent for, to bear him company at dice-play.
One of his Guests, who was thought to have closely stollen away a cup of Gold the day before,Sueton. he re-invited again the morrow, and then set before him a stone-pot to drink in.
It is reported that he meant to set forth an Edict,Sueton. Quo veniam daret flatum crepitumque ventris in convivio emittendi, wherein he would give folk leave to break wind downward, and let it go even with crack at the very board; having certain intelligence, that there was one who for manners and modesty sake, by holding it in endangered his life.
Hence the Epigram,
Edicto vetuit crepitus ructusque moveri
Claudius; o medici Principis Ingenium!
Suetonius.He played at Dice most earnestly, (concerning the Art and skill whereof he published also a little book) being wont to ply the Game even whiles he was carried up and down, having his Caroch and Diceboard so fitted, as there might be no confusion nor shufling at all in play.
He was very timorous and pusillanimous at his first coming to the Empire;Erat Natura performidolosus. Aurel. Vict. he durst not for certain dayes go to any feast, without Pensioners standing about him with their Spears and Javelins,Sueton. & his Soldiers waiting at the table; neither visited he any sick person, unless the Bed-chamber where the party lay was first searched: He would scarce suffer Attendants and Clarks to carry their Pen-sheaths, and Pen-knife-cases.
He concealed not his foolishness, but gave it out, and protested in certain short Orations, that he counterfeited himself a fool for the nonce during Caius dayes, because otherwise he would not have escaped, nor attained to the Imperial place which he aimed at, and was then entred upon.
He sailed beyond Britain, and subdued the Orcades, Claudius Caesar, tumultuantem Britanniam perdomuit; ab eo Claudio cestrium oppidum, quod nunc Glocestrium dicunt.added them to the Roman Empire, and called his Sons name, *Eutropius.Britannicus.
He was not uneloquent, nor unlearned, but was rather a great student in the Liberal Sciences. He wrote Histories, Livie being his Tutor. He had good skill in the Greek Tongue, professing as any occasion was offered, his affectionate love to it, and the excellency thereof. When a certain Barbarian discoursed in Greek and Latine; See you be skilfull (quoth he) in both our Languages.Vtroque sermone nostro sis peritus.
Extant & in ipsa imperii Claudiani administratione, quaedam Principis non mali documenta. Boeclerus.
It was generally thought that he was killed by poison; and it was a just Judgement of God upon him, for he was so gluttonous and insatiable in eating and drinking, that he thought no time or place sufficient thereto; & ever did eat so much, that most commonly surfeiting, he used Vomits to discharge his stomack,Others say, Agrippina his Wife tempered the poison in the meat which he most delighted in, viz. a Mushrome, Infusum delectabili cibo boletorum venenum Tacit. Annal. Boletum medicatum avidissimo ciborum talium obtulit. Sueton. Whence Martial. Boletum, qualem Claudius edit, edas. putting a feather into his throat; in which feather some Authors affirm that poison was given him.
The Virgin Mary dyed in his time, in the 59. year of her age, saith Nicephorus.
He lived 64 years, say some: 63 years, 2 months, and 13 dayes, saith Casaubon.
He reigned 13 years, 8 moneths, and 20 dayes,13 years, 9 moneths, and 7 dayes, saith Tertul. say Dio, and Iosephus. He reigned 14 years, according to Tacitus, Suetonius, Clem. Alexand. Eutrop. Orosius; 13 years 8 moneths, and 20 dayes after Eusebius. 14 years, 7 moneths, and 28 dayes after Beda. Doct. Willet.But the whole time of his reign was 13 years, 8 moneths, and 20 dayes. They which do give unto him 14 years, do count the odde moneths for a whole year.