The True Interest of Families, Duty 3 – Duty 5
3. Duty of Children, to be determined by their Parents as to their Calling.
Thirdly, They are to be determined by them, as to their Calling and Employment, if it be an honeſt and lawful one. Their Parents are to be ſuppoſed ordinarily more wiſe and prudent to chuſe for them, than they are to chuſe a Trade for themſelves: They have more experience, and know the World better than their Children do; and no doubt, they have kindneſs enough for them to wiſh them well, and to deſign their advantage, and not to preſs them to any Trade or way of Life, which they believe is inconvenient, and like to be hurtful to them: But if Parents ſhould be miſtaken, as to the fitneſs of the Employment, to which they deſign their Children; and ſuppoſing the Children to be ſenſible of the great inconveniencies thereof, which the Parents, through prejudices and partialities, do not ſee; in this caſe Children may, with all due modeſty, meekneſs, and humility, repreſent to their Parents what their thoughts are, and tell them what objections they have againſt ſuch a Calling; that their Parents may be prevailed upon, by their Reaſons, to alter their reſolutions: or if they be not ſo fit themſelves to diſcourſe their Parents upon ſuch a ſubject, they may do it by ſome wiſe and diſcreet Friends. And if after all; Parents be wilful in their intention and deſign; Children are not upon the account of uncertain, or probable inconveniencies, to oppoſe themſelves to the Will of their Parents; they ought to ſubmit themſelves to their Judgment, if the Trade, or manner of Life, to which they deſign them, be not diſhoneſt and unlawful; for then there is no farther queſtion to be made; the caſe is clear: The Will of God is always to be preferred to the Will of Man. He that loveth father or mother more than me, ſaith Chriſt, is not worthy of me, Matth. 10.37. But if there be nothing of diſhoneſty or unlawfulneſs in ſuch an Employment, they are to enter upon it with all the chearfulneſs that's poſſible; leaving all events unto God. It will afford great peace and comfort to their minds, whatever afterwards falls out, when they conſider, that they did what was their Duty to do; they ſubmitted their own opinion to the Judgment of their Parents, whom God hath commanded them to obey. Whatever may be their temporal loſs, they are ſure of ſpiritual gain. God will plentifully reward their humble obedience, and ready compliance with the Will of their earthly Parents.
Againſt Children who neglect this Duty.From what hath been ſaid on this Head, we may ſee how much they are to be blamed, who are ſo far from being determined by their Parents, in the way and manner of their living in the World, that they either wholly give up themſelves to idleneſs, and waſte their time in vain and fooliſh Company, or they chuſe ſome way of living, that is either diſhoneſt, or very inconvenient for them in many regards; or if they comply with their Parents, ſo far as to enter upon ſome honeſt way of living, yet they do not keep at it, but leave it, and become Prodigals; they ſpend their ſubſtance in riotous living; they waſte and conſume what their Parents beſtow upon them, in drinking, gaming, and whoring, and ſuch like extravagancies, whereby they prove Robbers of their Parents; of whom, ſee what the Wiſe Man ſaith, Prov. 28.24. Who ſo robbeth his Father, and his Mother, and ſaith, It is no Tranſgreſſion, the ſame is a Companion of a Deſtroyer. That is, he is to be look'd on as one of thoſe who rob and murder on the High-way; as a man deſperately wicked, who is diſpoſed to act any ſort of Villany, and Impiety, who will ſtick at nothing in purſuit of his mad and wretched deſigns, that may gratifie his Luſts and Paſſions.
4. Duty, not to ſuffer themſelves to be beſtowed in Marriage againſt their Parents will.
Fourthly, As to their Marriage, they are not to ſuffer themſelves to be beſtowed, without their Parents conſent. Thus Samſon, Judg. 14.1, 2. And Samſon went down to Timnath, and ſaw a Woman in Timnath, and he came up and told his Father, and his Mother, and ſaid, I have ſeen a Woman in Timnath of the Daughters of the Philiſtins, now therefore get her for me to Wife. How great reaſon is there for this? that they who are under God, the cauſes of their life and being in the World, whoſe goods and poſſeſſion Children are, ſhould he acknowledged and adviſed with by them, and depended on in the ſettling of themſelves in the World, in ſuch a ſtate of Life, which will prove either the foundation of great happineſs or of great miſery. To give themſelves away, without their Parents Conſent, is a kind of theft; it is to invade the right of others; to rob them of that which God hath given them. We ſee how great the Power of Parents was, by the Law of Moſes, Numb. 30.3, 4, 5. To diſanul the raſh Vows of their Children before Marriage. If a Woman alſo vow a Vow unto the Lord, and bind her ſelf by a Bond, being in her Father's Houſe, in her youth, and her Father hear her Vow and her Bond, wherewith ſhe hath bound her Soul, and her Father ſhall hold his peace at her: Then all her Vows ſhall ſtand, and every Bond wherewith ſhe hath bound her Soul, ſhall ſtand: But if her Father diſallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her Vows, or of her Bonds, wherewith ſhe hath bound her Soul, ſhall ſtand: And the Lord ſhall forgive her, becauſe her Father diſallowed her. Now if it be thus in a Father's power to diſanul his Daughters raſh Vow which ſhe made to God, how much more may we reckon it in his Power, to diſanul her raſh and indiſcreet promiſe made to Man, of beſtowing her ſelf without her Parents allowance? Can there be any thing more unjuſt, more unkind, more unthankful, and more unnatural, than for Children, who have been brought up, nouriſhed, and cheriſhed by their Parents, for whom all their care and pains have been beſtowed, to diſpoſe of themſelves in the moſt important affair of their lives, without their knowledge, or againſt their Will? What a grief and trouble of heart muſt this needs be to their poor Parents? As we ſee it was to Iſaac and Rebekah, Gen. 26.34, 35. And Eſau was forty years old, when he took to Wife Judith, the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Baſhemath, the Daughter of Elon the Hittite, which were a grief of mind to Iſaac, and to Rebekah. As to ſuch undutiful Children, who do thus beſtow themſelves againſt their Parents will and conſent, it is very remarkable, that they ſeldom live happily and comfortably; they bring upon themſelves very often a great deal of ſorrow and trouble, laſting miſery and woe: They live to eat the fruit of their fooliſh doings; and wiſh, when it is to little purpoſe, that they had never done ſo mad and wicked a thing.
5. Duty, to ſubmit to their Parents Reproofs and Chaſtenings.
Fifthly, They are meekly and patiently to ſubmit to their Reproofs, to their Chaſtenings and Corrections. It is a Power that God hath given Parents over their Children, to correct and chaſten them for their Faults: This is neceſſary for Childrens good; and therefore, when Parents do correct them, they ought not to be angry with them, or grumble at their ſeverity which they uſe for reforming of them; much leſs are they to reſiſt and rebel againſt them. Heb. 12.9. We have had Fathers of our fleſh, which corrected us, and we gave them reverence. Yea, tho' Parents ſometimes exceed the bounds of prudence and diſcretion in chaſtiſing their Children, tho' they indulge a little to their own Paſſion; yet Children are bound patiently to bear and ſuffer their Corrections: They are not to fly out into indecent and irreverent words and actions, but with all the ſubmiſſion and reſpect that's poſſible, ought to endeavour to mitigate the wrath and paſſion of their angry Parents; and afterwards they are to ſtudy all that ever they can, to prevent their anger and diſpleaſure, by a moſt humble, reverend, and dutiful carriage.
How much may this ſerve to reprove thoſe,Againſt Rebellious Children. who are ſo far from taking in good part their Parents correcting and chaſtening of them, that they refuſe to ſubmit thereto? They reſiſt them, and rebel againſt them. Can there be any thing more unnatural and monſtrous, than to ſee thoſe who owe their being to their Parents; who have been brought up by them; who have met with ſo many teſtimonies of a tender care, and of great kindneſs; to riſe up againſt them? to fly into the faces of thoſe who are the Authors of their being? to lift up their hand againſt them? This is a ſin of ſo crying a nature, that he who was guilty thereof, was to be put to death by the Law of Moſes, Exod. 21.15. He that ſmiteth his Father or his Mother, ſhall be ſurely put to death. How greatly does it aggravate this ſin, when Children have met with no ſevere, nor unmerciful dealing from their Parents? But have been treated by them, with all that gentleneſs and kindneſs that was poſſible. And yet for ſuch Children to riſe up againſt their Parents, is a Crime of ſo black a nature, that it is no wonder if the hand of God appear againſt them for it, in a very ſignal manner; as it did in the caſe of Abſalom, for whom his Father David had ſo great a fondneſs: This unthankful and unnatural Son roſe up againſt him, and endeavoured by force and violence to pull him from the Throne, and to uſurp the Royal Dignity. See how the hand of God appeared againſt him. 2 Sam. 18.9. And Abſalom met the Servants of David; and Abſalom rode upon a Mule, and the Mule went under the thick Boughs of a great Oak, and his Head caught hold of the Oak, and he was taken up between the Heaven and the Earth, and the Mule that was under him went away. And, ver. 14. it is ſaid that Joab took three darts in his hand, and thruſt them through the heart of Abſalom, while he was yet alive in the midſt of the Oak. And ver. 15. Ten young Men that bare Joab's Armour, compaſſed about, and ſmote Abſalom, and ſlew him. And ver. 17. They took Abſalom and caſt him into a great Pit in the Wood, and laid a very great heap of ſtones upon him. This was done as a laſting Monument of Abſalom's ſin and ſhame, and of God's righteous Judgment upon him.