Advice to Children, Section 5
5. Duty, not to ſuffer themſelves to be beſtowed in Marriage againſt their Parents Will.
5thly. As to their Marriage, they are not to ſuffer themſelves to be beſtowed, without their Parents conſent, in whom there is a right inveſted to diſpoſe of their Children in Marriage in due time, as appears from Deut. 7.3. Neither ſhalt thou make Marriages with them: (to wit, with the ſeven Nations of Canaan) Thy Daughter thou ſhalt not give unto his Son; nor his Daughter …alt thou take unto thy Son. And, 1 Cor. 7.36,37,38. the Apoſtle Paul does very poſitively aſſert this power of Parents, to diſpoſe of their Children in Marriage, when they ſee it fit and needful ſo to do.
We ſee how dutifully Samſon carried himſelf towards his Parents in this matter, Judg. 14.1,2. And Samſon went down to Timnath, and ſaw a Woman in Timnath, and he came up and told his Father and his Mother, and ſaid, I have ſeen a Woman in Timnath of the Daughters of the Philiſtins, now therefore get her for me to Wife. We ſee what Iſaac gave his Son Jacob in charge, when he was to go to Haran, Gen. 28.1,2. Thou ſhalt not take a Wife of the Daughters of Canaan: Ariſe, go to Padan-Aram, to the Houſe of Bethuel thy Mother's Father, and take thee a Wife from thence of the Daughters of Laban, thy Mother's Brother. In like manner Abraham directs his Servant what Wife to chuſe for his Son Iſaac, Gen. 24.3,4. Thou ſhalt not take a Wife unto my Son of the Daughters of the Canaanites, but thou ſhalt go unto my Country, and unto my Kindred, and take a Wife unto my Son Iſaac. And of Iſhmael it is ſaid, Gen. 21.21. That his Mother, Hagar, took him a Wife.
How very juſt and reaſonable is it, that they who are under God, the cauſes of their life and being in the World, whoſe Goods and Poſſeſſion Children are, ſhould be acknowledged and adviſed with by them, and depended on in the ſettling of themſelves in the World, in ſuch a ſtate of Life, which will prove either the foundation of great happineſs or of great miſery? To give themſelves away, without their Parents Conſent, is a kind of theft; it is to invade the right of others; to rob them of that which God hath given them; for, Children are not their own, they are the Goods and Poſſeſſion of Parents, to whom God hath given them as an Inheritance, Pſal. 127.3. and therefore Children have no more power to diſpoſe of themſelves, than to diſpoſe of their Parents Goods without their conſent.
We ſee how great the Power of Parents was, by the Law of Moſes, Numb. 30.3,4,5. To diſanul the raſh Vows of their Children before Marriage. If a Woman alſo vow a Vow unto the Lord, and bind her ſelf by a Bond, being in her Father's Houſe, in her youth, and her Father hear her Vow and her Bond, wherewith ſhe hath bound her Soul, and her Father ſhall hold his peace at her: Then all her Vows ſhall ſtand, and every Bond wherewith ſhe hath bound her Soul, ſhall ſtand: But if her Father diſallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her Vows, or of her Bonds, wherewith ſhe hath bound her Soul, ſhall ſtand: And the Lord ſhall forgive her, becauſe her Father diſallowed her. Now if it be thus in a Father's power, to diſanul his Daughter's raſh Vow which ſhe made to God, how much more may we reckon it in his Power, to diſanul her raſh and indiſcreet promiſe made to Man, of beſtowing her ſelf without her Parents allowance? Can there be any thing more unjuſt, more unkind, more unthankful, and more unnatural, than for Children, who have been brought up, nouriſhed, and cheriſhed by their Parents, for whom all their care and pains have been beſtowed, to diſpoſe of themſelves in the moſt important affair of their lives, without their knowledge, or againſt their Will? What a grief and trouble of heart muſt this needs be to their poor Parents? As we ſee it was to Iſaac and Rebekah, Gen. 26.34,35. And Eſau was forty years old when he took to Wife Judith, the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Baſhemath, the daughter of Elon the Hittite, which were a grief of mind to Iſaac, and to Rebekah. As to ſuch undutiful Children, who do thus beſtow themſelves againſt their Parents will and conſent, it is very remarkable, that they ſeldom live happily and comfortably; they bring upon themſelves very often a great deal of ſorrow and trouble, laſting Miſery and Woe: They live to eat the fruit of their fooliſh doings; and wiſh, when it is to little purpoſe, that they had never done ſo mad and wicked a thing.