Advice to Children, Section 2 – Section 4
2. Duty, to obey their Parents, and to hearken to their Inſtructions.
Secondly, Children are to obey their Parents, to do what they bid them. See this in the Example of Joſeph, when Jacob ſent him to his Brethren, Gen. 37.13,14. And Iſrael ſaid unto Joſeph, Do not thy brethren feed the flock in Shechem? Come, and I will ſend thee unto them: And he ſaid to him, Here am I. And he ſaid to him, Go, I pray thee, ſee whether it be well with thy brethren, and well with the flocks, and bring me word again: ſo he ſent him out of the vale of Hebron, and he came to Shechem.
See likewiſe the Example of David, 1 Sam. 17.17, 18,20. Jeſſe ſaid unto David his Son, take now for thy Brethren an Ephah of this parched Corn, and theſe Ten Loaves, and run to the Camp to thy Brethren: And carry theſe Ten Cheeſes unto the Captain of their Thouſand, and look how thy Brethren fare, and take their pledge. And David aroſe early in the Morning, and left the Sheep with a Keeper, and took, and went as Jeſſe had Commanded him, &c.
The Commands of Parents are either about the ſame things which God hath commanded, or they are about things indifferent, or about things unlawful. Firſt, if they are about the ſame things which God hath commanded, they are ſo much the more to be obeyed; as being the will and pleaſure both of their Father in Heaven, and of their earthly Parents. In this caſe the obligation to obedience is double, Eph. 6.1. Children, ſaith the Apoſtle, Obey your Parents in the Lord, for this is right, that is, it is agreeable to all Law, to the Law of God, of Nature, and of Nations; 'Tis that which is due to the place of Parents; 'Tis their right to be obeyed by their Children.
Secondly, If their Parents Commands are about things indifferent, that is, which are neither commanded, nor forbidden by God, Children are likewiſe to obey them: God hath made it their Duty ſo to do, Col. 3.20. Children obey your Parents in all things; for this is well pleaſing unto the Lord. *Agreeable to this was the Senſe of wiſe Heathens. See A. Gell. l. 2. c. 7.This Obedience is very acceptable to him; he takes great pleaſure and delight in it, to ſee thoſe obeyed and ſubmitted to, whom he hath appointed to be, as it were, in his own ſtead; whom he hath cloathed with ſome beams of Divine Power; whom, with relation to their Children, he hath made, in ſome ſenſe, ſacred perſons; whoſe Will ought to be a Law unto them, tho' only in the Lord. For, Thirdly, if the thing commanded be plainly unlawful, they are to refuſe compliance therewith; becauſe they are bound to obey God rather than Man, rather than Father or Mother, rather than all the World: In this caſe they ought to hearken to what our Saviour ſaith, Luk. 14.26. If any Man come to me, and hate not his Father, and Mother, &c. he cannot be my Diſciple. In which Words, Our Saviour is far from encouraging Children to hate, or to diſobey their Parents; for we ſee how zealouſly he vindicates the Authority of Parents upon other occaſions. But his Deſign, is, to teach Children, when the Will of God and the Will of their Parents ſtand in Competition, that then they ought always to give the preference to the Divine Will, and to chuſe rather to incur the diſpleaſure of their Earthly Parents, than to offend and provoke their Heavenly Father. They ought to conſider, their Obligations to God are much greater than to their Parents; he is the Maker both of them, and of their Parents; They live by his Bounty; the Earth they tread on is his; the Air they breathe in, the Heavens that cover them, the Food they eat, the Water they drink, the Garments that Cloath them, and all other things which they enjoy for their benefit and comfort in the World, are the Lord's: He is their great Maſter, who appoints them their buſineſs in the World, and aſſures them of a reward; He alſo will reckon with them, and either reward, or puniſh them, according to their Works; and therefore his Commands are to be preferred to thoſe of all others.
But even in this caſe, Children are to expreſs, in their very denial and refuſal of obedience, all that Honour and Reſpect to their Parents, that's poſſible; that they may ſee it is not ſtubbornneſs, but the fear of God, which makes them diſobey. By this means Parents may perhaps be convinced, and made ſenſible of their Sin, and prevailed with to ſhun thoſe evil things, which they ſee their very Children do ſo much hate and abhor, and wherein they refuſe to obey.
Againſt ſtubborn and diſobedient Children.If Children are thus bound by the Laws of Heaven, to obey their Parents; what ſhall be ſaid of thoſe, who make no account of their Parents Commands, but ſet at naught all their Admonitions and Counſels; who will not follow their Directions, and be governed by them for their own good; but do follow their own humour and fancy, and the Examples and Cuſtoms of others like themſelves? They think themſelves too wiſe to need Inſtruction, and are ready to ſay, That they ſhould do a great deal better, if their Parents would let them alone, let them take their own way in every thing, and never trouble their Heads about them. So little regard have ſome to what their Parents ſay to them, That they have not patience to hear them ſpeak, but run out of their preſence when they begin to talk ſeriouſly to them; or if they are in an humour to hear them a little while, yet they hear as if they heard not, they trample upon all they ſay, and never lay it to Heart. What a ſad mark is this of approaching ruine, and of heavy Judgments, which hang over the heads of ſuch ungodly Children, as you may ſee in the Sons of Ely, 1 Sam. 2.25. of whom it is ſaid, that they hearkened not unto the voice of their Father, becauſe the Lord would ſlay them.
By the Law of Moſes, the ſtubborn Son was to be put to death, Deut. 21.18,19,20,21. If a man have a ſtubborn and rebellious ſon, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that when they have chaſtened him, will not hearken unto them: Then ſhall his father and mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the Elders of his City, and unto the gate of his place: And they ſhall ſay unto the Elders of his City, This our ſon is ſtubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice: He is a glutton and a drunkard. And all the men of his City ſhall ſtone him with ſtones, that he die: ſo ſhalt thou put evil away from among you, and all Iſrael ſhall hear and fear.
In ancient times, in moſt Countries, Parents had an abſolute power over their Children, to puniſh them as they thought good, for their diſobedience and other faults: And when amongſt the Romans they leſſened this power, yet they did it at firſt only in part; The Father was enjoyned to preſent his diſobedient Child to the Judge, that he might be puniſhed; and the Judge was to pronounce ſuch a Sentence as the Father thought fit. This came ſomewhat near the Law of Moſes. By which it appears, what the ſenſe of Mankind was concerning the exceeding greatneſs of the crime of ſtubbornneſs and diſobedience in Children to Parents.
3. Duty of Children, to be Faithful to their Parents, and not to diſpoſe of their Goods without their Conſent.
3. Duty, to be Faithful to their Parents, and not to diſpoſe of their Goods without their conſent.3dly. They ought Faithfully to ſerve their Parents, to be careful to promote their Temporal Welfare and Happineſs, and to be as uſeful and helpful to them in their Worldly Concerns, as is poſſible. Not only Duty, but Intereſt ſhould excite Children to do this; for, their Happineſs and Proſperity does in great meaſure depend upon that of their Parents. 'Tis not often that Children thrive and flouriſh in the World, when their Parents are reduced to Miſery and Poverty. And therefore, a regard to their own Intereſt and Advantage, ought to make them careful to do their Parents the beſt Service that is in their power.
But beſides this, Gratitude ought to prevail with Children, faithfully to ſerve their Parents, and to be uſeful to them, ſo far as they can. Are Parents the Authors of their Life and Being? Have they nouriſhed and ſuſtained them for ſo many Years? Have they been at ſo much pains and coſt, and endured ſo much pain and travel to bring them up, and to make them capable to do ſome Service in the World? And ſhall not they reckon it their Happineſs and Honour, to have an opportunity to ſerve them, and to be helpful to them, and by their care and pains, and faithfulneſs towards them, to witneſs a due ſenſe of Gratitude, for all that they not only have done, but endured alſo for them, and that for a great many Years, when they could not do any thing for themſelves? The conſideration of theſe things, cannot but be of great force with all Ingenuous minds.
Againſt unfaithful and treacherous Children.But, alas! How far are a great many Children from doing this Duty to their Parents? Inſtead of doing them faithful Service, they prove falſe and treacherous to them; inſtead of being careful of thoſe things they entruſt them with, they cheat and deceive them; they rob them; they diſpoſe of their Goods without their knowledge and approbation; they make uſe of them to ſerve their Vanity and Folly, and to gratifie their Wild and Youthful Inclinations: Yea, and how apt are ſome, to glory in this, as if they had done a very brave and worthy action, when they have had the good Fortune, as they reckon it, to defraud their poor Parents?
As Children, when they are diſpoſed to rob their Parents, are of all Thieves the moſt dangerous, being in their Parents Boſom, and thereby having opportunity to cheat them the more ſucceſsfully; ſo their crime is the moſt heinous in its kind, 'tis attended with very aggravating Circumſtances; 'tis ſo great, that there is no name bad enough to expreſs it by, and to repreſent it in all its deformity. How ſenſible was Jacob of this, when he was purſued by Laban his unrighteous Father-in-Law, and accuſed by him of having ſtoln his Idols? With whomſoever, ſays he to Laban, thou findeſt them, let him not live, Gen. 31.32. We ſee what a ſevere Cenſure the wiſe Man paſſeth on ſuch Perſons, Prov. 28.24. Whoſo robbeth his Father and his Mother, and ſaith, It is no Tranſgreſſion, the ſame is a Companion of a Deſtroyer; that is, he is to be look'd on, as no better than one of thoſe who rob and murder on the High-Way, as a Man deſperately wicked, who is diſpoſed to act any ſort of Villany and Impiety, who will ſtick at nothing in purſuit of his mad and wretched deſigns, that may gratifie his Luſts and Paſſions.
4. Duty of Children, to be determined by their Parents as to their Calling.
4thly. They are to be determined by them, as to their Calling and Employment, if it be an honeſt and lawful one. Their Parents are to be ſuppoſed ordinarily more wiſe and prudent to chuſe for them, than they are to chuſe a Trade for themſelves: They have more experience, and know the World better than their Children do; and no doubt, they have kindneſs enough for them to wiſh them well, and to deſign their advantage, and not to preſs them to any Trade or way of Life, which they believe is inconvenient, and like to be hurtful to them: But if Parents ſhould be miſtaken, as to the fitneſs of the Employment, to which they deſign their Children; and ſuppoſing the Children to be ſenſible of the great inconveniences thereof, which the Parents, through prejudices and partialities, do not ſee; in this caſe Children may, with all due modeſty, meekneſs, and humility, repreſent to their Parents what their thoughts are, and tell them what objections they have againſt ſuch a Calling; that their Parents may be prevailed upon, by their Reaſons, to alter their reſolutions: or if they be not ſo fit themſelves to diſcourſe their Parents upon ſuch a ſubject, they may do it by ſome wiſe and diſcreet Friends. And if, after all, Parents be wilful in their intention and deſign; Children are not, upon the account of uncertain, or probable inconveniences, to oppoſe themſelves to the Will of their Parents; they ought to ſubmit themſelves to their Judgment, if the Trade, or manner of Life, to which they deſign them, be not diſhoneſt and unlawful; for then there is no farther queſtion to be made; the caſe is clear: The Will of God is always to be preferred to the Will of Man. He that loveth Father or Mother more than me, ſaith Chriſt, is not worthy of me, Matth. 10.37. But if there be nothing of diſhoneſty or unlawfulneſs in ſuch an Employment, they are to enter upon it with all the chearfulneſs that's poſſible; leaving all events unto God. It will afford great peace and comfort to their minds, whatever afterwards falls out, when they conſider, that they did what was their Duty to do; they ſubmitted their own opinion to the Judgment of their Parents, whom God hath commanded them to obey. Whatever may be their temporal loſs, they are ſure of ſpiritual gain. God will plentifully reward their humble obedience, and ready compliance with the Will of their earthly Parents.
Againſt Children who neglect this Duty.From what hath been ſaid on this Head, we may ſee how much they are to be blamed, who are ſo far from being determined by their Parents, in the way and manner of their living in the World, that they either wholly give up themſelves to idleneſs, and waſte their time in vain and fooliſh Company; or they chuſe ſome way of living, that is either diſhoneſt, or very inconvenient for them in many regards; or if they comply with their Parents, ſo far as to enter upon ſome honeſt way of living, yet they do not keep at it, but leave it, and become Prodigals; they ſpend their ſubſtance in riotous living; they waſte and conſume what their Parents beſtow upon them, in drinking, gaming, and whoring, and ſuch like extravagancies, whereby as they occaſion a great deal of ſorrow and grief to their Parents, ſo they bring upon themſelves ſudden Deſtruction.